“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Of course it’s a joke. There’s no way that could happen. Or no, if it’s Mr. Rubens, maybe it’s possible. He’s a great handsome man, isn’t he?”
Bernard’s voice trembled slightly, but it was at a level that someone flustered by sudden rudeness would show. He felt like the whispering voices around him were amplifying. Unable to even respond to the jesting Horden, Bernard tried to relax his stiff face. But it was hard to be confident he was doing well. People’s gazes pressed down heavily on him.
“He has no immunity to this sort of thing, Horden.”
“Ah! Oh! Right, that could be. I’m sorry. I made a bit of a nasty joke, didn’t I?”
“…A nasty joke, you say.”
At Rubens’s words cutting through the atmosphere, Horden made a fuss and shook Bernard’s hand once more. Only Bernard, who couldn’t grasp what exactly was a nasty joke, stood there blankly. Even though he was standing firmly planted, he felt like his feet were churning beneath him. As he withdrew his handshaking hand and mulled over the words with a pale face, Horden smiled broadly regardless, and it didn’t even look like an emotion that could be classified as malicious. A face closer to truly nasty curiosity.
“Ah, really, these days all sorts of gossip is worth money. Anyway, it’s fun. Fun, right. Everyone likes that sort of thing on talk shows.”
“…”
“Your expression isn’t great. Looks like you really have no experience with this. Smile. Didn’t you come to celebrate my birthday? This kind of gossip is the fate of celebrities.”
Horden, grinning broadly, shrugged his shoulders. The people around burst into laughter, but only Bernard and Rubens didn’t laugh and held their ground. When Rubens didn’t laugh, the laughter erupting here and there gradually subsided.
Bernard stood there blankly, all of this feeling unreal. Under the flashy lights, people laughed well at unfunny stories. Dressed neatly, every time they clinked glasses the diffusely reflected light was so dazzling it hurt his eyes. The provided catering added to the splendid atmosphere, but Bernard couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d become a spectacle.
“How did you end up with that cast?”
“I got a bit hurt.”
“You weren’t caught up with Elliot’s stalker, were you?”
“…I see you’ve met Elliot before.”
“Ah, of course. Rubens introduced us once.”
Looking at the grinning Horden, Bernard raised the corners of his mouth minutely. It must have been a pathetic smile. It was clear from the subtle mockery mixed into the surrounding gazes. Perhaps he was lucky to be holding a well-set champagne glass in his hand. Because he was holding something that shouldn’t be dropped, he could gather his wits even a little.
Rubens didn’t help him. Just standing there as if watching to see what he would do, people gradually gathered around. Perhaps the birthday boy Horden grabbing Bernard and swinging him around looked quite amusing to their eyes. Since Horden’s night show was famous for being an honest and mind-blowing talk show, they might be watching this occasion with similar sentiments.
“Elliot is meeting Orland and coming, right? What a shame. He appeared on my talk show once too. Did you see it? Still, when you talk to him afterward, he’ll tell you if there was anything fun, so that’ll be good. Will he tell us about a new work?”
“You knew he had a prior engagement. He won’t be too late. He really wanted to attend.”
Bernard struggled to take the words, but Horden mercilessly trampled on that effort.
“Oh, that aside… Weil. Just because your twin brother is away, is it okay to just swoop in and take someone else’s lover’s seat like that? You’re just pouring oil on pointless gossip.”
It was blatant sarcasm. Laughter that couldn’t be held back burst out here and there again. Bernard felt his blood run cold, but still stood his ground. If this was Rubens’s intention in bringing him here, he had to endure it.
“…I came to celebrate the birthday.”
“Right, of course. Thank you for being here. I’ll gratefully accept the congratulations.”
Shrugging his shoulders, Horden raised his glass. Without even knowing what it was for, people chorused “Cheers” and clinked glasses noisily. Low-proof alcohol went down and everyone raised their voices due to the ticklish esophagus. Those who had fled from Bernard earlier now approached closely as if drunk, striking up conversation.
Questions asking if it hurt a lot, inquiries about whether the rumors going around were true, words trying to confirm if he and Elliot got along well. And evaluations that he was more shabby than expected, unlike Elliot.
In the base excitement, Bernard tried to nod or shake his head and smile. Rubens stood not far away watching the entire scene. When he didn’t stop it, Horden manipulated Bernard like someone who’d been given permission. Casually driving him into evaluations, then apologizing saying he got excited, then throwing him into cold water again.
Since Horden had never acted so basely before, the attendees seemed even more interested. As if realizing that acting that way wouldn’t be a problem at all.
Bernard managed to stay put with a face drained white. Rubens had said he should attend occasions like this too. Wasn’t that for networking? Was it just for mockery?
Rubens was reading the atmosphere while refusing those who approached to talk. Bernard, who didn’t budge an inch, looked like someone accustomed to insults. Unable to shake off the hands that casually pretended familiarity and embraced his shoulders, he looked at Rubens with dark green eyes that were uneasy, as if asking how far he needed to endure for his anger to be appeased. Seeing such a sight, he thought he’d simply feel pleased, but it was a more uncomfortable feeling than expected.
“Torment him moderately.”
Rubens snatched Bernard’s shoulder. Someone who had been gripping Bernard’s shoulder made an “ah” sound and withdrew their hand. The people who had crowded around stepped back. Rubens, who had pushed between them, willingly became a spectacle.
‘Another line will be added to the cheap gossip rags.’
He smiled faintly and tilted his head slightly.
“The initiation is getting long, Horden’s not like he used to be.”
“To protect him like this, no way?”
“My lover will be quite hurt that I didn’t properly look after his younger brother.”
At the sweet answer, jeers burst out here and there. At the atmosphere that changed like flipping a palm, Bernard looked around quickly, but there was no one to explain. Horden raised both hands as if he understood, showing a surrender.
From then on, people didn’t try to torment Bernard anymore as if they’d made a pact. As if there was a set line, they talked business, babbled about the winds blowing through the stock market this time. There were also those who bragged loudly that they’d try a new business soon.
Rubens didn’t remove the hand holding his shoulder. Bernard had to try to nod and pretend to listen attentively to the pouring words at an awkward distance, neither embraced in his arms nor separated from him. Since there was no gap to add words, he had no choice but to continuously sip champagne. The champagne placed near Bernard quickly diminished.
“Your face has turned red.”
“Ah, I’m not that weak though.”
“I don’t really trust that.”
Rubens snatched the champagne glass he was about to grab and put it back down, then pushed through the people and proceeded. Leaving the party hall, appropriately shaking off those who followed saying he’d step away for a moment. Outside the party hall was quiet. It was a building placed alone in the suburbs, so it was a place where people had no reason to come and go. Even though it was summer, nights without sunlight were chilly. Trying somehow to shake off the awkwardness, Bernard spoke.
“I thought Mr. Gusto would come.”
“He’ll probably be late. He’s always that kind of person.”
“Do you know him well?”
“A little.”
Rubens dismissed it briefly and fiddled with his cigarette pack. He seemed to want to smoke one but seemed to be holding back since he might carry the cigarette smell back.
“Why didn’t you leave me alone?”
“Did you want me to leave you alone?”
“…Since you dislike me, I thought there’d be no reason for you to help.”
It was an honest answer. Bernard found Rubens difficult but knew how to pour out words when asked questions. However, as if his tension had reached its limit, he had a face drained white and fiddled with the end of his necktie.
“It bothered me.”
Rubens put a cigarette in his mouth but didn’t light it. Beyond the closed window, people’s boisterous laughter could be heard. The lighting spread long on the floor.
His answer was difficult to interpret. Bernard belatedly felt the sharp intoxication and touched his lips. Rubens didn’t look back at him. He was just looking at the distant road as if someone was waiting.
At that sight, he newly realized that this person was in a relationship with his brother. He recalled Horden’s voice saying there was a rumor that the brothers both liked the same person. It was an accurate story enough to make his heart feel cold. Perhaps Bernard’s own attitude was the problem. When occasions arose to go around with him, naturally talk would circulate, and he might have shown a face that couldn’t hide his emotions by his side.
“I’ve never taken an interest in shabby, wretched things. But leaving them rolling on the floor bothers me.”
The cigarette was crushed between his lips. Bernard, who saw the diagonal muscle near his jaw, briefly tasted a feeling of dismay. It felt as if, as if he had even an iota of interest in him. Even though that couldn’t be, even though such a thing was impossible.
Rubens grabbed Bernard’s face with his large hand. Covering both cheeks with one hand, he just quietly looked at him. His blue eyes scanned every inch of his face. The glasses hung on his ears and rattled.
“Why is that?”
It didn’t seem like a question wanting an answer. After asking that, he was silent for a long while, then lowered his head and pressed his lips against the back of his own hand. To others watching, it looked like a kiss. The light beyond the party hall window created long shadows. Three of them, not two.
