How ticklish a person could become from the breath settling on their lips, the hand that had been gripping his thigh rose to grasp somewhere around his waist in an ambiguous position, and how terribly conscious he became of it.
Bernard kept pressing his body backward even though there was nowhere left to retreat. When Rhino lowered his head deeper and finally swallowed his lips, Bernard’s right hand flinched. Even though this wasn’t his first kiss, he still didn’t know where to hold and only clutched at innocent fabric.
The tongue filled his mouth completely, seeking his breath. As if that wasn’t enough, it kept stealing away even his remaining breath, making his lungs ache dully. The wet smacking sounds of saliva and Rhino’s actions rubbing against the roof of his mouth made his thighs instinctively clench together. His heart seemed to flutter rapidly, and the back of his knees felt numb. A ticklish shiver ran up to his waist.
A moan-like breath escaped from the action of biting his tongue then gently licking it as if to soothe. At Bernard’s reaction, Rhino’s eyes took on a more moistly lustful desire. It felt like the top of his head would completely spin. Truly… his insides boiled because he couldn’t handle the overflowing emotions.
Bernard obediently kept his eyes closed while surrendering his lips. He was someone who didn’t even know to wrap his arms around the neck. That rather ignited Rhino’s emotions. It made him want to act like a ruffian who knew nothing.
“Rh-Rhino…?”
The car seat reclined backward smoothly without a sound. Bernard, who had suddenly ended up half-lying down, vaguely called out to Rhino, but he didn’t answer.
Bernard realized anew that Rhino’s build was large. As he quietly looked up while trapped between his arms, he met eyes and a gaze shrouded in shadow. However, even in this situation, no anxiety seeped in. It was just that the downward gaze was too naked, so he kept becoming embarrassed and only turned his head away.
“I want to act like a beast.”
“What…”
“You know.”
Rhino’s voice sank low. The hoarsely cracking voice reminded him of another man. However, the temperature contained within was different. Bernard’s saliva-wet lips trembled. Only breath that couldn’t become words quietly scattered.
“Would you think I’m dirty… if I told you I masturbated thinking of you?”
Though it was a question, it was no different from a confession. Rhino thought that even if he swallowed fire, his insides wouldn’t be as hot as this while watching those dark green eyes waver at his words. His insides were burning. It felt like everything had boiled away leaving only ashes. So perhaps that’s why he was spewing these impossible words recklessly without filter.
“I’m sorry. But, I just… couldn’t hold back.”
Rhino’s apology fell hastily. Bernard was always defenseless before Rhino. When he dozed off while studying, when he sprawled on the sofa without being particularly uncomfortable even though it was someone else’s house, the face that smiled without any doubt, or the innermost feelings close to rock bottom that he showed because he trusted—he had moments like that when he suddenly drove Rhino crazy.
“I like you so much.”
At those words, Bernard felt pain enough to make his chest ache. Could there be another person who occupied the position above yet was so unthreatening? Even gripping the reclined car seat, he didn’t do anything more. Even if Bernard had absolutely no romantic experience, he wasn’t foolish enough not to know what kind of atmosphere this was.
Perhaps they could have sex here. If Rhino had pushed forward, Bernard might have given in while thinking this shouldn’t happen. Because Bernard was someone starved for all affection. But Rhino didn’t do that.
Resting his head lightly against Bernard’s thin chest, he said nothing more. It didn’t seem like he was crying. Only stifled breathing could be heard. Bernard carefully raised his hand and swept through his wheat-colored hair. The soft hair texture wound smoothly between his fingers. Bernard murmured as if enchanted.
“I just… find all of you precious.”
Bernard knew too. That loving him would be better for himself, that there would be no one who would love him as much. That’s why Bernard found it difficult when Rhino spoke of love. Someone too good for him always made him hesitate. That he never even expected Rubens’s love might have been for that reason.
“So… sometimes I’m scared.”
Inadequate sincerity stumbled out of his mouth. But even while saying such things, Bernard felt he was empty somewhere. It felt like telling a lie. The assumption of ‘if I were to love him’ always predicted a sweet ending. But when he asked himself whether he could be free from anyone’s criticism at that ending, it became difficult to decide again.
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
The gaze of Rhino looking up after raising his head slightly felt unfamiliar. The man who always looked down from above was now looking up from below as if it were nothing, giving an awkwardly ticklish feeling. Rhino didn’t blame Bernard.
Bernard also had many things he wanted to say. In a relationship where they couldn’t be equal to each other, if they built a relationship, it felt like that scale would keep tilting. He couldn’t possibly say things like how he had already devoted too much heart to another person so nothing remained intact, so whatever he did would be a loss for Rhino.
“Then, worry to your heart’s content while you can.”
Rhino raised his body as if noticing the dark atmosphere. Kissing his cheek without reserve, he whispered in a somewhat meaningful voice. When Bernard questioned it, he smiled with an ambiguous expression.
“Because you’re going to get so flustered. Only someone who’s tried can put up an iron wall. You know?”
At Rhino’s words, all kinds of thoughts tangled and untangled repeatedly in his head. Bernard just looked at Rhino with a troubled face. But his situation wasn’t very refreshing either, as veins stood out on the back of his hand gripping the steering wheel. It was a face enduring something. Yet he tried to smile deliberately.
“Soon you’ll want to ask how many fox tails I have.”
In truth, he couldn’t say he wanted to ask that even now.
***
When the two returned to Bernard’s house, it was an ambiguous time. Lunch had definitely passed long ago, and it was too early to eat dinner. As if it were natural, Rhino lifted up the shopping bags, and a pointless argument went back and forth about handing over half.
However, it was beyond his power to stop his actions of striding ahead carrying the bags without even pretending to listen. Bernard had no choice but to follow behind holding a bag with light ingredients. While carrying the bags to the front door exchanging trivial conversation about what kind of sandwich he would make and whether he had bought all the ingredients for sandwiches, a horn blared loudly from somewhere.
“What is it?”
In the spot where Rhino turned around with an irritated expression, an unfamiliar car of unknown ownership was parked. Bernard tilted his head then spoke.
“I think they’re calling someone else. Let’s go in. You said you’d finish off all the cola.”
“Let’s make sandwiches with lots of cheese.”
“Now that you’ve graduated from the rugby club, you’re not going to control your diet, is that it.”
“Didn’t you already know from when I bought the cola?”
Thanks to Rhino deliberately groaning in a light voice, a smile like a gentle breeze crossed Bernard’s face. The ambiguous atmosphere from a moment ago had already disappeared long ago. Rhino was always like that. He never left Bernard feeling uncomfortable.
As he turned his back to fit the key into the keyhole, the sharp horn sound was heard once more from behind. The only people visible outside now were the two of them. That meant…
“Is there someone you’re waiting for?”
“…No.”
Rhino asked, but Bernard could only shake his head with a puzzled face. Elliot had gone shopping with Sarah, and Liam hadn’t even come home yet. He had never received any particular contact, nor was there any reason to. But who could be looking for him?
“Are you Bernard Weil?”
The question was quickly resolved. An unfamiliar man in a neat suit approached them. Bernard thought he seemed to have seen that man’s face somewhere, but the memory didn’t easily come to mind.
“I’m Dale Roman. I think we briefly met at Mr. Hurt’s residence before.”
Only then was the faded memory pulled up at once. Bernard’s face paled slightly. It was the man he had briefly met in front of the entrance when he stopped by Rubens’s house. If memory served, he was…
“I’m Mr. Hurt’s secretary.”
Unlike the previous day, he held out a business card. Awkwardly receiving the card with his name neatly written on it, Bernard looked at him with an unstable gaze.
“I have my business card upstairs.”
“That’s fine. I gave it to you in case you need to contact me. I already have your contact information, Mr. Weil.”
He wasn’t foolish enough to ask why he had contact information he had never given. It was undoubtedly that man, Rubens, who had handed it over.
“What brings someone like that all the way here?”
Rhino, who had been listening, joined the conversation between the two without difficulty. Dale’s eyes narrowed slightly, having been ignoring him as if he weren’t there until now.
“Mr. Hurt instructed me to confirm.”
“There was nothing that needed confirming.”
“Why didn’t you come?”
The question that fell abruptly was unfriendly, but not to the extent that he couldn’t guess the content. Dale had an expressionless face, but somewhere in his voice was a tinge of reproach.
“Did Elliot perhaps… not go?”
It was a cautious guess. After all, that was all he could piece together from the context. Rhino looked at Dale with a sharp expression. Just as he seemed about to snap, Bernard poked his side as if to tell him to restrain himself, and he groaned and stuck out his tongue. Even in the serious atmosphere, laughter burst out without him realizing it, and Bernard belatedly covered his mouth and read the room, but Dale was still maintaining the same expression.
“Elliot attended. May I ask the reason you didn’t come?”
“I was sleeping.”
It was a plain answer, but it was also the truth. Bernard had actually been asleep for a long time, so he hadn’t heard his family members leaving.
“Really. I took medicine and slept for a long time, so I didn’t know. When I woke up, Mother and Elliot had gone shopping, and I was just buying ingredients to eat a meal.”
Bernard didn’t know why he had to make excuses, but his words flowed out in an apologetic tone. Dale’s eyes narrowed as he carefully examined Bernard’s expression showing resentment.
“I’ll relay that.”
There was an edge to his voice. At his tone as if giving a warning, Rhino’s expression crumpled. However, Bernard asked while patting his forearm as if to stop him.
“Was he curious about me?”
“Yes. He wanted to know what you were doing.”
It was a clean confirmation kill. However, in Bernard’s head, only the question of ‘why’ floated hazily. Rubens had never been curious about Bernard. He wasn’t a man who would ask about his daily life or surrounding relationships. Such embarrassing things couldn’t possibly happen between the two of them. So why.
“And he told me to tell you not to forget to attend Horden’s birthday party.”
“Ah, that’s—”
“I’ll take it that you’ll definitely attend.”
Dale ended the conversation as if there was nothing more to discuss. At his forceful attitude, Rhino’s eyebrows shot up.
“What are you talking about? I’m planning to attend that birthday party with him.”
“I heard that Bernard said he would accompany him.”
“What nonsense bullshit.”
It seemed like sparks would fly between Dale and Rhino. Bernard moistened his dry lips with saliva and tried to mediate between the two, but neither knew how to back down.
“Bernard. Is it me, or that guy?”
And at the direct question that followed, Bernard’s mouth shut tight. He even felt like he had heard a ‘Is it mommy or daddy?’ question he had never heard once in his life.
