Elliot, who had returned from going out, seemed unusually in a bad mood. Even at the dinner table, he was poking at his grilled white fish with a sulky face.
“Is something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“You really don’t look good.”
Even to Sarah’s worried question, Elliot couldn’t smooth out his expression. Then, with a gloomy face, he confessed the truth, saying, “I’m sorry for being angry.”
“On Saturday… I have to attend a party, and I think I need to buy new clothes.”
Sarah looked rather relieved knowing the cause. The meal continued quietly, and occasionally questions about Rubens and Elliot’s romance came up as a topic.
“…And I asked him to take care of all the newspapers writing malicious articles about Bernard.”
“I thought so, there hasn’t been much talk lately. You did well.”
“Not really. It’s because Rubens put in the effort.”
While listening to Liam and Elliot’s cheerful conversation, Bernard was lost in other thoughts. So that’s why the miscellaneous contacts had decreased lately. On various internet communities, stories tearing into Bernard still came up frequently, but it wasn’t anything new to Bernard. If the community’s reaction had shifted to public opinion feeling sorry for Bernard, he might have been deeply anxious instead.
“Aren’t you going to thank Elliot?”
“Ah. I was thinking about something else a bit… Thank you, Elliot.”
“Really, he’s so scatterbrained.”
Even at Liam’s sharp words, Bernard only nodded. As the lengthy scolding continued after that, he quietly put down his fork. After washing and clearing the dishes after the meal, when he tiptoed up to his room, Elliot was already sitting on the bed waiting for Bernard.
“Sit down. I have something to talk about.”
“Uh… yeah. What is it?”
“I feel like we haven’t been talking much lately.”
Elliot’s face became desolate. Elliot, who began by saying he was sorry, poured out his story for a while. As Bernard listened to stories about what parties he had attended with Rubens recently, who he had met, and thus how a publishing contract had been made or how he had a meeting with Liam, he was secretly relieved. It was because he had expected stories about Rubens to come first. However, one should never let one’s guard down.
“…I’m sorry I didn’t pass along the opportunity Rubens proposed.”
“Hm?”
“I’ll be honest. I was jealous because he seemed to be looking after you too much.”
“…Ah, yeah.”
“He told me to always ask for your opinion when attending parties, but you two have actually met many times without me. You don’t even tell me what you talked about, and Rubens didn’t really talk about that interview either. So you understand my feelings—I couldn’t help but be jealous, right?”
Elliot’s face flushed bright red. He must have felt ashamed that he had such petty jealousy. Bernard felt uncomfortable and wanted to jump up from his seat right away. The interview with Rubens? Of course it was a situation he couldn’t speak honestly about. What he had exchanged with him all this time wasn’t the time of interviewee and interviewer, but merely a place where they thoroughly mixed their bodies, cried out, and clung to each other.
“It suits you.”
“You’re lying…”
“No, truly.”
When he was in a good mood, he would kiss the ring on Bernard’s finger. Because of his downcast gaze, his long eyelashes swayed gracefully beneath the eyelids that covered more than half his eyes. Bernard liked the face where the man’s blue eyes curved with satisfied contentment.
“Um… there’s nothing I can say. Mr. Hurt asked me to keep the interview contents secret.”
“Yeah, he said that too. Anyway, he told me to definitely bring you to Horden’s birthday party. He said most of the people who attended Horden’s talk show would come, and it would be a big help to Father’s company. First of all, Mr. Gusto’s next work… it’s important.”
“Isn’t that something you should talk about?”
“I didn’t read the last publication.”
“Well, it wasn’t a subject you like…”
Bernard nodded with a dazed face. Elliot still had a sulky face, clearly thinking things weren’t going his way.
“Bernard, where did you go during the graduation party?”
“Me? All of a sudden?”
“I said I’d introduce you to my friends then.”
“Um… I got sleepy after drinking a bit, so I went to sleep early.”
“Where?”
“Rhino’s place?”
It was a blatant lie. But he couldn’t tell Elliot honestly. How could he say that Elliot’s friends had forced him to drink, and there seemed to be sleeping pill ingredients in that alcohol…
“Really? So you weren’t at the party hall, right?”
“Yeah… well, that’s right.”
“Then that’s fine.”
Elliot seemed somewhat relieved. Only then did Bernard think he understood why Elliot had been uncomfortable lately. Elliot seemed to have been mulling over what happened at the graduation party. Did he feel uncomfortable because his memories and Rubens’ words didn’t match while spending time with him? Bernard swallowed dryly at the awkwardness.
“And I have something to ask.”
“Yeah, ask away.”
“Bernard, why didn’t you tell me you met Rubens at the event you attended in my place?”
Thud—the expression disappeared from Bernard’s face. Looking straight at his pale face, Elliot showed a displeased expression.
“If Father hadn’t told me, I would have completely forgotten about it.”
“Ah, that’s…”
“Is there anything else you’re hiding from me?”
His face was innocent. As if he was displeased that there had been secrets between twin brothers, he questioned at an appropriately cute level and stuck out his lips, no different from usual. However, Bernard’s fingertips trembled so much that he had no choice but to clasp his hands tightly together.
The fact that he had met Rubens at the party he attended in Elliot’s place was something he never wanted to reveal. The fact that he had saved him, the fact that he had pretended to be Elliot in front of him, and thus when they met again at the graduation party, the fact that he had recognized him—all of it. He had kept silent wanting to keep it as a fact only he knew, but it seemed Liam had told him everything about that night.
“I’ll feel hurt if you do this.”
“…Ah, that’s… no…”
“You attended that party in my place. So I should know everything, Bernard.”
“…You’re right.”
A strangled sound came out. Elliot placed his hand over Bernard’s pale hand. The ring on his fourth finger shone beautifully. The color had completely drained from Bernard’s face, and in contrast, Elliot’s green eyes took on an affectionate look. With a gentle face, he sat close beside his brother.
“What happened then?”
“…”
“Won’t you tell me?”
“No, nothing much… happened.”
“You were with Rubens, right?”
Bernard squeezed his eyes shut. He felt like his pathetic desire to avoid had been caught. He tried to choose his words while gripping both hands tightly, but his mind was tangled up in a mess. He even felt the illusion of the ring in his pants pocket, with a design similar to Elliot’s, pressing painfully against his thigh. The guilt he had momentarily forgotten pressed uncomfortably against his chest.
“Chris came drunk. So Mr. Hurt helped me. That’s all.”
“What did he say?”
“He was going to help with the police statement, but I… if it was discovered that I attended the party as your stand-in, it would be trou-blesome… so I refused, saying it was okay.”
“And?”
“…That’s all.”
He finished speaking haltingly, but Elliot didn’t let him go. At the persistent questioning, Bernard’s head drooped lower and lower. Elliot watched him silently, then lightly tapped his hand. It was an attitude as if granting forgiveness for his sins.
“What, why did Chris come there?”
“He said he came after hearing you would be there…”
“Ugh, he must have misunderstood my words again on his own.”
Elliot frowned as if disgusted. Bernard repeatedly moved his lips and closed them at the feeling of his mouth going dry.
“Don’t keep things like this secret from now on.”
“…Okay, I’m sorry.”
“What if Rubens had asked?”
“Yeah… it’s my fault.”
Bernard obediently agreed it was his fault. Elliot seemed to be in a better mood. The gloomy atmosphere throughout dinner completely disappeared, and Elliot sprawled out on Bernard’s bed.
“Want to go shopping for clothes with me on Thursday?”
“No, it’s okay. I can just wear a suit I already have.”
“Those clothes aren’t good. Should Rubens buy you new clothes?”
“…It feels burdensome.”
“Hmm, well. If that’s what you want, I can’t help it. I’ll tell Rubens that too.”
Elliot, who smiled brightly and rolled over, raised his head while using Bernard’s thigh as a pillow. The evening glow reflected in the window made Elliot’s face reddish. Bernard gently caressed his brother’s face. He hoped he would remain peaceful, knowing nothing. Guilt pressed heavily against his lungs.
“…Don’t scold Bernard.”
“Oh, dear Elliot!”
“Bernard did nothing wrong. I… said I wanted to go alone. So don’t scold him. Bernard is the same twelve years old as me…”
“Don’t talk too long. The doctor said you need rest.”
“I’m sorry… Bernard… You were scared because of me, weren’t you?”
It was from childhood. Elliot, who had woken up in the hospital room, looked at Bernard and said that, and young Bernard stood frozen stiff with fear. Though Liam and Sarah were crying out in worry for Elliot, Elliot was only looking at Bernard. Without any resentment, he just kept saying he was sorry, and only after tightly gripping Bernard’s hand did he fall asleep peacefully.
That day, Bernard slept side by side in Elliot’s hospital bed and didn’t have nightmares. Bernard lived based on that memory. Elliot, who looked straight at him and said he was sorry, had a powerful impact on him. No one had done that to Bernard, nor did they think they should.
“Bernard, you’re always on my side, right?”
“Of course…”
“I’m on your side too. You have to tell me if you need help with anything.”
“Nothing’s wrong with me.”
“You won’t lie to me from now on, right? I… always trust you. You’re my pride.”
Elliot’s words sounded meaningful. Not even knowing Bernard’s expression had hardened, Elliot smiled gently with his cheek resting against his thigh. Even knowing the outline of the ring pressed against his cheek.
