I’d heard somewhere that smell, too, is a kind of memory. A corner of my pounding heart ached at the nostalgic sensation. Aside from the one foot that had been planted on the ground from the start, nothing else of mine was touching the floor. I’d simply been draped—my waist, my arm, against something solid.
Only then did I slowly lift my eyelids. A pair of sharp eyes were looking right at me. It seemed Choi Seol had caught me.
“…Thanks.”
“Are you insane? Why’d you try to grab the door while you were falling and stop halfway?”
He saw all that. This guy really did have sharp observation skills. But if I told him the truth, he’d get even angrier. Then again, staying silent wasn’t an option either, given the look in his eyes like he was ready to devour me. In the end, I cautiously tested the waters, watching his reaction.
“That thing’s incredibly expensive.”
“…What?”
“I heard from my uncle—that single door panel holds a hundred years of craftsmanship in it. He said if even one gets broken, I’d have to live as a servant in this house for the rest of my life.”
My body, thoroughly conditioned by this damn capitalist society, cared about money above all else. Realistically, would I actually end up as a servant? Probably not, but having to pay for the damage was a hundred percent true. It would probably get reported straight to my mom first. Compared to that outcome, getting thrown onto the wooden floor once was a hundred times better.
“You really…”
Choi Seol let out a deep sigh, his expression somewhere between baffled and exasperated. He looked like he wanted to be angry, but his face wasn’t quite managing it.
“Turn your head around and look back.”
“Back?”
I turned around just as Choi Seol said. Not far away sat a white porcelain jar. Also clearly something expensive, also clearly steeped in craftsmanship.
“Isn’t that from the display cabinet?”
“I set it down earlier while dusting it off. Do you get now what just almost happened?”
“Yeah. The situation where I almost became this household’s slave again.”
“…What?”
“That thing’s incredibly expensive too, you know. That one’s easily over a hundred years old and terrifyingly steeped in craftsmanship.”
“Han Yeoreum.”
Choi Seol’s voice, not to mention his eyes, turned downright menacing. Slightly cowed, I mumbled.
“I know, I know.”
“Know what?”
“That I was just in a situation where I could’ve become the second Choi Seol.”
If Choi Seol hadn’t caught me and I’d fallen as I was, my head would’ve definitely smashed straight into that jar. It was certainly a situation chilling enough to send shivers down anyone’s spine.
“Worst case, it’s a situation where not just my memory, but my actual brain could’ve gone flying too.”
“What a horrifying thing to say… wait a second.”
I stopped mid-sentence and looked at Choi Seol.
“Why are we so close right now, though?”
Close enough that, despite him roaming around in the summer sun morning and evening, I could see his smooth skin in fine detail, only lightly tanned. But seriously, did this guy not have a single blemish or visible pore? Did he get facials or something?
A sudden impulse rose in me. I want to touch it, just once. Or even just poke it once…
“Han Yeoreum. What are you doing?”
“Hm?”
Coming back to my senses, I found Choi Seol’s eyes right in front of me again. I’d thought he was angry again, but his gaze looked oddly strange. It seemed serious yet somehow confused at the same time, carrying a heat like warmth mixed into the wind. I felt like I knew what that was, but precisely because it was Choi Seol, I couldn’t be sure.
Instead, one thing was certain. My hand—more precisely, my finger—was poking Choi Seol’s cheek. Frozen mid-reach, as if I’d meant to touch but hadn’t quite gotten there.
“S-sorry.”
“Hey! Don’t move!”
I yanked my hand back in a fluster. At the same time, my body swayed again. Only then did I realize my body had been entirely supported by just one of Choi Seol’s arms, but it was already too late. Gripped by fear, my human instincts kicked in and I flailed, grasping for anything like a drowning man for a straw. The problem was that the “straw” happened to be Choi Seol’s collar.
The strength drawn out by human survival instinct was something else. Choi Seol’s body, which had seemed like it wouldn’t budge no matter what, swayed forward and collapsed under my grip. Our combined weight, as if pulled by gravity, sent us both crashing to the floor. I thought I heard Choi Seol call my name, but I couldn’t answer. Strangely dizzy, I couldn’t open my eyes. The distant sound of cicadas rang out. The smell of deep summer greenery drifted by too. I found myself, out of nowhere, longing for winter.
*
The morning after I’d met Choi Seol in the shade of that tree, I went to school and found five books with a little wizard on the cover stacked neatly on my desk. They were books I’d happily devoured the night before, and yet for a moment I just stood there, confused, thinking, what is this? Then it suddenly hit me who must have put them there.
Is he really lending them to me for real?
I glanced over at Choi Seol’s desk. Maybe he’d gone to the bathroom—only his book bag sat there alone. It was my bag, the one he’d taken yesterday. Did he wear that here?
I looked down at the large paper bag in my hands. Having hidden it carefully so no one would notice and leaving the house thirty minutes earlier than usual suddenly felt a little ridiculous.
Still, thanks to coming early, the classroom was nearly empty just as planned. Even the few kids who were there were either studying or trying to nap face-down on their desks, too uninterested in whatever I did to care.
Should I just swap the bags now? There was no telling when Choi Seol would come back. As more classmates trickled in one by one, there’d naturally be more eyes around, and I had no interest in putting on a public show of my little exchange with Choi Seol. Drawing attention was the last thing I wanted. The fact that Choi Seol hadn’t handed it to me directly either, leaving it on my desk like this instead, probably meant he felt the same way.
I picked up the paper bag and headed toward Choi Seol’s seat. But I quickly gave up on the idea. The books sitting neatly on his desk kept catching my eye. I’d have to thank him properly at some point anyway. Having multiple excuses ready would make it less awkward.
Hoping Choi Seol would come back quickly before more eyes gathered, I hung the paper bag on the side hook of his desk and sat back down. Just to be sure, I counted again, and sure enough, every volume through to the final book in the series was there. I’d wondered if I’d even manage to finish the whole series within the year, and now that dream had come true—it felt almost overwhelming.
I thought he was just saying it, but bringing it over this fast—maybe he really is a decent guy after all. Helping me out yesterday, and now thinking of me even down to the last detail.
Doesn’t seem like you have a fever.
Smack!
“Ow, damn it!”
The sudden memory from yesterday surfacing made me smack my own forehead before I even realized it. I hit it hard enough that I think I briefly saw stars. What was I doing, acting like some kind of self-harm scam artist. Feeling eyes on me, I looked up to find a few kids, who hadn’t bothered paying attention to anyone walking in until now, looking my way. Rubbing my forehead, I sheepishly dropped my gaze back to the book.
My forehead stung, and my face burned with embarrassment on top of it. Whenever yesterday’s memory surfaced, my body just couldn’t stay still. Inexplicably embarrassed, and not even knowing why I was embarrassed, which embarrassed me even more.
Getting hotter the more I thought about it, I kept fanning myself with my hand. Looked like it was another scorcher of a day. It’s summer, that’s just how it is, I told myself, forcing down other thoughts, as I picked up one of the books.
“Hm?”
The cover of the book in my hand felt unusually clean and stiff. When I lifted the pages slightly, I became certain this book had never once been opened—it was brand new.
Don’t tell me he lent it to me before even reading it himself? That felt like a lot of pressure. This was, after all, something Choi Seol had lent me. If it got even a little dirty while I read it, something terrifying felt like it might happen. I set the book back down and folded my hands neatly beneath the desk.
Choi Seol still hadn’t come in yet. When he did, I figured I should first check whether it was really okay for me to read this book first. Before that, I needed to thank him for lending it to me. And I also still had to swap our bags back.
Either way, it seemed like today I’d have to be the one to speak to Choi Seol first. The pressure weighing on me was enough to make the breakfast I’d eaten early feel like it was sitting heavy in my stomach now.
First, let me put the books away before anyone asks. Reluctantly, I pulled out the book bag I’d used back in middle school and carefully tucked the books in one by one.
Is it really a brand new book?
It certainly looked that way, but when I caught a faint whiff of it, I wasn’t so sure anymore.
Glancing around pointlessly, I pulled one of the books back out of the bag. Kids were gradually arriving for school, but it wasn’t quite at the point where I needed to worry yet. After hesitating for a moment, I brought the book in my hand close to my nose.
“Han Yeoreum! You little punk, how dare you ditch your own hyung and go off by yourself like that?”
“…….”
“Wait, why are you kissing the book?”
I’m going to kill him. Not satisfied with sneaking up to put me in a headlock, this friend of mine had now smashed the book and my face together, and I was solemnly vowing to absolutely murder him for it when another voice rang out.
“What are you two doing?”
My heart dropped. The force squeezing the book and my face loosened at the same time, and my obstructed vision suddenly cleared. My nose and lips, which had been jammed into the pages, throbbed, but there was no time to check on them. Right in front of me stood Choi Seol, holding the very book that had just been headbutting my face. The voice I’d just heard was, indeed, Choi Seol’s.
“His nose went red because of you.”
“Huh? Oh, oh, sorry.”
Gyeong-ho seemed pretty startled too. Apologizing in a daze, he shot me a frantic look, silently asking what on earth was going on. I was just as bewildered myself—why Choi Seol was standing there, why he was staring at me so intently.
In the midst of the confusion, all I could do was renew my vow to absolutely murder this friend of mine for creating such a perfectly awful moment. While I sat there outwardly looking dumb, Choi Seol, who’d been studying me relentlessly, gave a short click of his tongue and leaned down.
“This part’s red too.”
His fingers, slipping through my bangs, touched my forehead, then touched my lips. It all happened so fast that neither Gyeong-ho nor I could manage any reaction at all. In that brief window, Choi Seol placed the book back into my empty hands.
“Keep the horsing around within reason.”
With that warning, more or less, tossed at Gyeong-ho, Choi Seol returned to his own seat. The classroom buzzed with murmurs around him.
“What’s going on?”
“Why’s Han Yeoreum’s face so red?”
“Mind your own business.”
With that last line thrown at the curious kids, my mind only half came back to me. The classroom had, by now, filled up with classmates who’d arrived for school. I hadn’t noticed it sooner because everyone had been holding their breath until Choi Seol made his move. By the time I realized that, the moment was already over.
As luck would have it, the teacher walked in right as Choi Seol sat down in his chair. All eyes immediately scattered. Gyeong-ho, looking like he had plenty to say, went back to his own seat too. But my mind alone never quite found its way back to where it belonged. As usual today, instead of air conditioning, the cicadas’ cries drifted in through the wide-open window, carrying in the heat.
