Of course, he knew well that Yumyeong wanted to be a “good son, a flawless son” to his parents through various things. But there’s also the sense of responsibility parents feel when raising a child, and the basic burden of child-rearing. Yumyeong seemed to want to eliminate even that burden.
It was an abnormal relationship. At least as long as he was still a student, Yumyeong didn’t need to try to become a “child worth raising.”
“Is that really all?”
Hakyoung asked.
Yumyeong didn’t open his mouth easily.
Hakyoung, who had been staring at him silently, quietly spoke up.
“When we were young, I remember the expression Mom used to make when she occasionally saw you.”
“……”
“She’d look at you thinking, how could there be a kid like that—who speaks well, is nice to adults, and accomplishes whatever he’s told to do……”
“So?”
A curt voice burst from Yumyeong’s mouth.
“Are you saying you were jealous of me or what?”
“Never once.”
When he answered firmly, Yumyeong raised his eyes and looked at him quietly.
“What I mean is, you’re a son worth being proud of. So you don’t need to try so hard.”
The two’s eyes met for a long time. After a moment, Yumyeong chuckled and withdrew his gaze. The signal sent by that faint smile somehow felt positive, so Hakyoung’s heart beat unnecessarily.
“Then. Is that all for you?”
“What do you……”
“That you don’t need to go because you’ve lived in America.”
Hakyoung briefly conflicted between wanting to be honest and the burden Yumyeong would feel when he revealed his heart as it was. But thinking about it carefully, after meeting again, nothing had gone well when he hid something and calculated. Yumyeong was quick-witted and easily hurt by lies, so he didn’t want to lie.
“No. You can’t sleep alone.”
“……”
“I’m going to sleep with you.”
It felt like showing all his cards completely. However, he didn’t care even if he ended up playing an emotionally losing game for the rest of his life.
After finishing his words embarrassedly and looking beside him, Yumyeong was scribbling something on paper with his head down for no reason. At a glance, it looked like he was playing dumb, but his ears were ripely red.
Hakyoung quickly reached out and snatched that paper away.
“Hey, wait!”
“What were you writing? Crazy… Is he crazy? He must really be crazy, why is he acting so crazy… What’s this? Yumyeong, how many times did you write that I’m crazy? I’m really hurt.”
Hakyoung choked up while reading aloud the messily scribbled memo Yumyeong had written. Yumyeong snatched the paper away with rough hands.
“If you got it, stop now.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop hitting on me.”
“What? Now I’m getting pissed off hearing this? When did I do that?”
“Whatever, just shut up now.”
“Shut up? Why do you keep talking so crudely?”
“I said whatever, stop arguing!”
Roaring “Ahhh!” Yumyeong sprang up, kicked the chair, and left the classroom. Hakyoung, who had been staring blankly at the door that closed with a bang!, soon became dejected.
However, that was only for a moment. As he was listlessly picking up the paper Yumyeong had dropped, crash! the classroom door opened with noise again. Startled, he looked back to see Yumyeong with a neat face entering the classroom again.
“Yumyeong!”
“Hey, let’s hurry and make a plan.”
Water droplets were beaded at the ends of Yumyeong’s hair as he pulled the chair with his foot and plopped down in his seat. It seemed he’d washed his face with cold water. As soon as he noticed that, the corners of Hakyoung’s mouth slyly rose.
He said he keeps wavering when he sees me, so I guess that much is true. Every time he catches that thread of emotion, his heart inevitably loosens.
“Got it. Let’s each organize what we want to do.”
“First, I……”
Now Yumyeong’s cold side profile just looked cute.
“Wow, are you guys in your right minds? Did you seriously write this?”
Looking at the independent study schedule the two had created, the supervising teacher stuck out his tongue. He even sent a glance suspecting whether they were crazy somewhere. Yumyeong asked with a bewildered face, “Why?”
“Isn’t it normal to want to slack off even a little when you can’t even go on the field trip? You’ve filled everything except eating and sleeping time with studying. Who would believe such a fake schedule?”
“Teacher, you must not know, but when I study, I do it viciously?”
At Yumyeong’s words, the supervising teacher frowned.
“Really. It was even worse than this at home… If you can’t believe it, why don’t you ask my parents?”
“Forget it. I’ve never seen guys like you before.”
Clicking his tongue, the teacher also spoke to Hakyoung, who was one step behind.
“Are you really okay? This guy didn’t threaten you, did he?”
“I’m fine.”
Hakyoung answered briefly. Because it was the best schedule that would let him stick with Yumyeong for 24 hours, he had no complaints at all.
“Still, include some outdoor activity plan for at least one day. I need that to save face too.”
“Outdoor activity? Hmm……”
Yumyeong, who had fallen into thought for a moment, glanced back at Hakyoung standing behind him.
“Go see the stars. You like stars.”
Suddenly pointed at, Hakyoung was startled.
“Me?”
“Yeah, you. Teacher. He’s the astronomy club president. That kind of thing is okay too, right?”
The teacher nodded while stroking his chin.
In the end, the two added exactly one day of free time before submitting it to their homeroom teacher. After finally getting parental consent that they didn’t have to go on the field trip, the two remained at school.
On the day of the field trip, as dawn approached, chartered buses arrived one after another in the foggy parking lot. Children who couldn’t sleep well from excitement and were packing their luggage began leaving their rooms one by one after hearing the dormitory announcement. The hallway, which would normally be dark and quiet, was noisy with excited footsteps and the sound of dragging suitcases.
Yumyeong and Hakyoung followed them out for no reason and waved their hands toward friends boarding the buses. The buses began to depart, illuminating the pitch-black darkness before dawn with their headlights.
***
Even very ordinary spaces can suddenly look unfamiliar when placed in a specific situation. Like an empty classroom with only silence flowing even in broad daylight, or a cool hallway without a single person. Places like the dawn playground with the white moon illuminating the track and the bicycle parking lot where you can hear insects crying.
Once people properly left for the field trip, the emptied second-year dormitory and classrooms gave off a feeling like a school of ghosts. Because the first-year and third-year classrooms had the usual atmosphere, the contrast made it even more so. The dormitory with an entire floor empty gave not just a feeling of desolation but of being crushed by silence.
He pretended he could endure it, but he absolutely couldn’t have slept alone.
On the first night left alone, Yumyeong, who had been tossing and turning for a long while, finally got up and opened the door to room 310 across the way. Hakyoung, who had only one crimson stand light on in the dark room, welcomed Yumyeong as if he knew he’d come, but without asking anything. When he silently went inside and lay on the bed, Hakyoung soon turned off the light as if he’d been waiting.
When they fell asleep together like that, they didn’t say anything to each other as if by promise.
Because it reminded them of the confession only the two had shared on some night when everything was asleep and quiet.
The situation of lying in separate beds just listening to each other’s breathing was unbearably awkward. Yumyeong rather wanted to be exhausted and pass out. There might have been a problem with the plan to fill the schedule only with studying all day. Rather, if they’d filled the schedule with various sports like basketball, soccer, kickball, tennis, and so on, claiming to build physical strength.
So the next day, Yumyeong visited the gym around evening.
When he got up from his stiff body after being stuck in the study room all day, naturally Hakyoung followed him too.
“Where are you going?”
“Let’s loosen up a bit.”
“Roll call isn’t far off……”
“That’s why we should play before then.”
Naturally, the gym was empty. Because it had an open structure at a high place, moonlight could be glimpsed shining in the gym. That sight somehow gave a sense of liberation, so Yumyeong suddenly ran to that end. He could hear the sound of startled Hakyoung unconsciously running after him.
Soon Yumyeong found a basketball from the equipment room and started bouncing it on the floor. He ran lightly on the court and handled the ball skillfully according to the sense in his hands.
“Do you know how to play basketball?”
“I can’t……”
Hakyoung said dejectedly.
“No fun.”
Yumyeong set up a bunch of virtual players in his imagination and unfolded his own play. What was subtly concerning was that every time he moved as he pleased, Hakyoung kept following. If he went this way, Hakyoung followed, if he went that way, he followed again. It felt like being escorted by a silent shadow.
Wondering how long he’d do that, he deliberately suddenly sprinted and ran to the end of the court, stopping with a screech of sneaker friction, and Hakyoung did the same.
Yumyeong ran in the opposite direction again. The truth was, he also had the feeling of let’s see how long he’ll imitate.
“Huk, huheok……”
However, he eventually started to run out of breath. It seemed the same for Hakyoung too, as the sound of gasping for breath could be heard from behind.
At the same time irritation rose to tickle his chest……
When he recalled that that was Yeong who couldn’t speak when they were young, his chest felt like it would burst.
If it were when they were young, he absolutely wouldn’t have let him just follow him around like this.
