“I’m fine. We can go on a date next time.”
“……”
“But it’s a shame we can’t go to my house. My parents are traveling, so the house is empty right now…… You’d be more comfortable if we went when my mom isn’t there.”
At Hakyoung’s words, Yumyeong, who had been quietly embraced for a while, suddenly gripped his shoulders tightly. One last time, he pulled him into an embrace with such strong force that he could feel each knuckle, then instantly pulled away.
“That’s enough now.”
Yumyeong muttered quietly. When their embracing bodies separated, it felt indescribably futile.
Still, Hakyoung didn’t show it. He thought Yumyeong was in a harder situation than himself.
Standing with a slight distance between them, Yumyeong’s face looked somewhat relieved. Though his eyes were still tinged red, seeing that face smile slightly somehow gave him reassurance. Thanks to that, Hakyoung smiled back at him too.
“Then, go first.”
“Yeah.”
“Text me when you arrive.”
“Yeah.”
Hakyoung reluctantly moved his unwilling feet one step back.
“All you know is ‘yeah’. Is that all you have to say to me?”
Yumyeong grumbled quietly. Seeing that made him smile naturally, as if he’d returned to his original self. Adjusting his bag, Hakyoung said,
“……Then, come back quickly.”
“……”
“I think I’ll miss you.”
When he bashfully let out those words, Yumyeong just stared straight at him without saying anything. Somehow those black eyes seemed to contain various emotions.
“Goodbye.”
With that short farewell as the last, the door closed before his eyes.
Letting out a low sigh, Hakyoung stood there for a long while, unable to shake off his lingering attachment. Yumyeong, who had been standing behind the opposite door, also couldn’t leave the entryway for some time, but there was no way for them to confirm that with each other.
***
Before returning to the dormitory, Hakyoung stopped by his family home in Yeonhui-dong. The taxi driver grumbled that traffic was jammed because of the heavy rain.
“It’s around here, right?”
“Yes, please stop right after that corner.”
“Looks like you don’t have an umbrella? I’ll pull up close.”
The moment he paid the taxi fare and got out, rain pattered down. He quickly ran under the eaves, but the splashing raindrops soaked his feet thoroughly.
Standing in front of the gate, he pressed the doorbell, but there was no particular sign from inside, perhaps because today wasn’t a day when the cleaning helper ladies visited.
Hakyoung pressed the password to the empty house himself and went inside. The well-maintained small lawn yard was filled with the smell of grass soaked in rain, and water had pooled here and there on the stone slabs.
The mansion where he’d spent his childhood was wrapped in silence. After roughly shaking off the rain and going inside, he passed through the living room and headed straight to his room. The room was neatly organized in its unchanging state as always. Unlike his half-siblings who had left home after becoming adults and becoming completely independent, his parents always preserved Hakyoung’s room without clearing it out.
Looking around the room, he put his bag down on the floor and approached the desk. Finding a small key hidden between specific books, he opened the topmost of the three drawers. Inside where he kept only things important to him, the letters he’d received from Yumyeong long ago were gathered intact.
Hakyoung picked them up without hesitation.
Before leaving the house, he went down to the kitchen to find something to wrap the precious bundle of letters so they wouldn’t get wet. Only after rummaging through the unfamiliar kitchen cabinets for a while could he find an appropriately sized zipper bag. After putting all the letters in the plastic zipper bag, Hakyoung grabbed just an umbrella and left that house without lingering attachment. Perhaps because it was a place he could return to anytime, he didn’t look back. It was quite a different attitude from looking back several times at the officetel where he’d left Yumyeong.
If they’d come here together, the two of them would have spent time reminiscing about past memories without being disturbed by anyone. It was only regrettable that they couldn’t do that.
Hakyoung returned to Seoul Station again. Even while retracing alone the path they’d taken together on the way here, his thoughts were only of Yumyeong the entire time.
Would he sleep alone in that house tonight? Thinking that suddenly made him worried.
‘He said there was something at home, so he must have gone to his family house…… There’s no way he’d be there alone.’
Recalling Yumyeong who used to whine that he got sleep paralysis when sleeping alone made him chuckle. Even if just to avoid that, that guy would definitely want to return to the dormitory quickly.
And after returning, he might smile brightly and say something like this.
‘The rain poured like crazy and the thunder was no joke, so it must have been hard sleeping alone, right? I know everything.’
He could picture him sneaking into bed and clinging to him, making him out to be a coward. Then he’d pretend not to know while grumbling ‘Yeah, I couldn’t sleep without you’ and whining, and tightly embrace that body…….
Even though Yumyeong wasn’t before his eyes, just imagining it immersed him in happiness. Throughout the train ride, Hakyoung rested his chin and gazed at the black window while thinking of Yumyeong.
In Gangwon Province, even heavier rain than Seoul was pouring down. Arriving at the dormitory, Hakyoung stood in the lobby and shook off his umbrella before going inside. The dorm supervisor, who had noticed the presence, poked his head out through the narrow window gap.
“Oh, you’re back. Where’s Shin Yumyeong?”
“Teacher, there’s something I need to tell you……”
Hakyoung explained Yumyeong’s situation on his behalf. However, the supervisor frowned with a displeased expression.
“Yeah, I get it, but I need to know if that’s really true. Anyway, the overnight permission was only until yesterday. There’s been more than one or two guys caught sneaking out to play like this. If you stay out overnight without saying in advance, it’s penalty points. Can’t help that.”
“Yes……”
The supervisor who clicked his tongue continued speaking.
“Tell Shin Yumyeong to have his parents contact the supervisor’s office again. Then I’ll issue the overnight permission again.”
“Understood.”
As soon as Hakyoung returned to his room, he called Yumyeong. It was to notify him of his return. The ringtone continued for a long time, but Yumyeong didn’t answer. Feeling disappointed, he sent a message instead.
[I arrived]
For not answering the phone, the reply came right away.
[Yeah, you went fast?]
Though puzzled, Hakyoung smiled at the fact that a reply came.
[Dorm supervisor says overnight tonight isn’t allowed. Says we should’ve said something before going out..]
[Have your parents call]
Then a very brief answer came.
[okay]
When the conversation didn’t particularly continue, Hakyoung just rubbed the innocent screen with his thumb. Then he tried sending a few more messages.
[Still at the studio apartment?]
[What are you doing?]
[Are you alone by any chance?]
[Can I call?]
However, there was no answer from Yumyeong.
After waiting for a reply for a while, Hakyoung eventually put down his phone and headed to the bathroom. After washing his body that had gotten wet from the rain and coming out, only then was there a reply.
[No parents house]
[Phone probably won’t work]
Thinking he must have been late in replying because he was with his family, Hakyoung was relieved by the fact that Yumyeong wasn’t alone. From what he’d observed before, there seemed to be unspeakable conflict with his parents, but still, it would be better than falling asleep alone in that empty house.
Thinking he shouldn’t disturb him further, Hakyoung bit his lip hard and sent another message.
[Okay have a good evening]
At the same time.
―Currently a typhoon is moving north from the southeastern sea of Japan. The possibility of the typhoon landing on the Korean Peninsula in the future is…….
In the dark and empty room, Yumyeong was looking at his phone screen with an expressionless face.
After Hakyoung left, the only thing Yumyeong could do in that house was unpack all the moving boxes as slowly as possible and then organize them again. While confirming his own existence that his parents had abandoned, he gradually fell into deep depression. The impulse to run out even into the typhoon raging outside and relieve his frustration arose, but he couldn’t go out recklessly in order to fill up the home camera’s accumulated recording time as quickly as possible.
In the empty house, now all he could do was just sit there.
Yumyeong thought about Hakyoung, who last night here had told him he liked him with his whole body blushing red.
The quiet voice that said he wanted to stay by his side without prying into anything despite suddenly being told to leave.
The warm and firm embrace that, when he pulled him tightly just one last time, he didn’t want to let go of ever again.
The feeling of confirming he was being loved, even if briefly, felt shiveringly good. Though he’d never tried alcohol or cigarettes, he thought if one got addicted to something, it might feel like that. It was a euphoria that paralyzed reason. Enough that for a moment, that desolate urban center looked like a space where countless stars had descended.
“No…… I don’t like men. I was just mistaken for a moment.”
But could that emotion be a mistake?
He lay down alone on the bare floor where he’d lain together with Hakyoung yesterday and looked outside the pitch-black window. His two eyes that had captured the city’s night view were sunken heavily.
The next day, the home camera safely filled and recorded 24 hours. Whether unfortunately or fortunately, the scene containing the two people’s happy moments before that was overwritten without a trace.
A call came from his mother who had confirmed that the problematic screen had completely disappeared. Yumyeong answered the phone with a subdued voice.
“Yes, is it all deleted?”
―Yeah, I checked everything.
“Father is……”
―Yeah, your father still doesn’t know. It’s really fortunate.
“I…… then I can go now, right?”
―Where?
“The dormitory.”
However, his mother was silently noncommittal.
After the silence, she hesitantly spoke.
―Yumyeong, Mom’s been thinking. It’d be better if you just came home.
“Why?”
―Being with that friend, it seems like a bad thing for you.
At those words, his heart sank with a thud.
―Yumyeong…… Mom doesn’t want to give up on you.
