It could be said he had spent a fairly happy night.
Because he had been on the phone with Haesung until just before falling asleep.
When he opened his eyes in the morning, his messages remained in the chat window.
Jung Haesung
I hung up after confirming you were sleeping, hoping you wouldn’t wake up
Cheer up for today’s filming too
I want to see you soon. Kim Dohyeong
It tickled.
Even though he blinked his heavy eyes, still not fully awake, a grin kept appearing.
He wondered if Jung Haesung was someone who knew how to say such things.
Was he originally this kind of person but just hadn’t shown it to him?
Or was he gradually changing for his sake?
After thinking for a while, he got up from his spot.
“…It’s warm.”
Dohyeong, who smoothly stroked the electric heating pad once, smiled with satisfaction and tidied the bed.
See you later, he muttered and turned off the power to the electric heating pad as well.
Until the moment he took the filming costume he had deliberately said he would take care of and went to meet Wootae to eat breakfast, Dohyeong was happy.
“You look like you’re dying of happiness.”
Enough to grin even while looking at the smirking Wootae.
Right, until entering filming, Dohyeong had been determined to finish everything well and return to Korea quickly.
He thought he could do that.
“Cut! You two, why are you doing this after coming all the way here?”
How many NGs already?
And continuously at the same part, he couldn’t draw out Director Na’s positive reaction.
It wasn’t even a difficult scene.
It was just a scene of looking at the snowy scenery while revealing his inner thoughts and swallowing his bitter feelings.
“I’m sorry. I’ll try it once more.”
“Let’s take 10 minutes, just 10 minutes and try again.”
Director Na also seemed very tired.
He got up from his spot without even answering Dohyeong’s words that he’d try once more.
Following that, Wootae approached and covered Dohyeong’s body with a thick electric blanket.
“Let’s sit for a bit. Have some hot coffee.”
At the calm voice, the back of his throat ached even more.
The moment Dohyeong, who had been nodding his head, was about to turn around.
Yuchan grabbed his hand.
“Dohyeong.”
It was a somehow urgent-looking gaze.
Following that, the staff’s gazes became subtle. Probably because of the articles that had spectacularly decorated the internet last time.
As if realizing “oops,” Yuchan let go of Dohyeong’s hand.
“Let’s talk for a moment.”
At Yuchan pointing to a corner spot with his fingertip, Dohyeong looked back at Wootae.
It meant, is it okay?
“Go ahead. It’s fine.”
Wootae nodded and patted Dohyeong’s back.
No matter how strangely people looked at them, it would be fine as long as they were upright.
Dohyeong followed Yuchan toward a corner of the filming site.
People busily moving and preparing for filming entered his view.
After fixing his gaze on them for a while, Dohyeong faced Yuchan.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“I know the reason you’re having a hard time.”
It felt like his heart dropped.
After hesitating for a moment and sparing his words, Dohyeong looked down at the floor.
But Yuchan continued speaking. It was a calmer tone than expected.
“…I also know that you’re glimpsing us through Yehyun and Onyoung.”
He put strength into his stiffly hardened fingertips.
What should he say to him who was seeing through him so accurately?
The story related to his feelings toward Hyea felt just like his feelings for Haesung.
And listening to that story only seemed like Yuchan, not Onyoung.
Therefore, it kept making him hesitate as if he was confiding his sincerity toward Haesung to Yuchan.
“You’re right.”
Right, because it seemed to overlap with himself when rejecting Yuchan.
“…You’re, right.”
At Dohyeong’s appearance slowly nodding his head, Yuchan bit his lower lip.
Everyone was feeling it, and even though it was a story he had brought up first, hearing it directly made his heart feel stuffy.
“You don’t think you can do it?”
“Still, I have to try. There’s nothing that can’t be done. I have to do it.”
“…Right, it’s something that has to be done.”
Anyway, the time they could film here was limited.
And the scenes they had to shoot weren’t just this one.
Yuchan slowly gathered his mind. And he tried hard to smile.
“There’s the most accurate method, want to try it once?”
“…An accurate method?”
At Dohyeong’s gaze that seemed to carefully ask about the method, Yuchan nodded his head.
“What is it?”
“Me.”
He couldn’t continue his words.
Because his throat choked up, because he couldn’t grasp whether it was right to say this.
After hesitating for numerous reasons, he slowly opened his mouth.
“…Think of me as Jung Haesung.”
Dohyeong’s eyes widened.
What had Yuchan just said to him?
How should he accept these words, was it right to agree?
Yuchan’s hand gently landed on his shoulder as he pondered for a while.
“It’s okay. Dohyeong.”
It wouldn’t be okay though.
“If you think of me as Jung Haesung, won’t it be a bit easier?”
That’s really something that shouldn’t be done.
“We have to end this well. Triumphantly.”
Right? At Yuchan’s appearance smiling and asking once more, Dohyeong couldn’t spit out the words he had swallowed down his throat.
Whether this was right, whether it was really okay.
He only kept repeating thoughts that complicated his mind.
***
It was quite funny.
Things that hadn’t worked no matter how much he gathered his emotions felt like they were clearly being organized when he did as Yuchan said.
He recalled that night when he had poured out his story to Haesung.
That night when he dreamed of the thundering day and fully faced Haesung.
Those fleeting emotions when he poured out his whole heart but in the end only spat out words he had chewed and held onto.
Yehyun was the same. Emotions he couldn’t pull out and confess, but if he chewed and swallowed them, they all festered and burst.
When he reflected on that fleeting self and melted it into his acting, it was much easier than before.
“Cut! See, you can do it if you try! If you try!”
In the end, he received an okay sign along with Director Na’s hearty laughter.
At the words to move to the next filming location, the staff moved busily.
And Dohyeong approached Yuchan.
“See, I told you it would work if you did it that way, right?”
He was at a loss for words at his appearance smiling as if nothing happened. It felt like his throat was choking up.
“…Yeah, it works when I do it like this.”
At Dohyeong’s appearance smiling awkwardly, Yuchan opened and closed his mouth.
He had to say it. He felt like he had to pour out everything here, bury it and go.
Anyway, it was something only he needed to organize.
He just needed to bring back the emotions that started alone and went far ahead to their proper place.
However, the beginning had to be like this.
Like a resolution or like a confession.
Yuchan led Dohyeong, avoiding the staff and gradually moving spots, standing tall again in the corner spot from before.
“Dohyeong.”
At the voice calling him softly, Dohyeong nodded his head.
How strange. Yuchan’s eyes, which had been confused with all kinds of emotions tangled, felt like they had settled somewhat coldly.
No, rather than coldly, should it be called stabilized?
“I really like you a lot.”
At his first words, he was about to part his lips, but decided to wait obediently since there seemed to be more words to follow.
He nodded his head and caught his breath.
“But now… I’m going to try to make it ‘I liked you.’ Not for your sake, but for my sake.”
No matter how many times he thought about it, the cause of all these actions shouldn’t be Dohyeong.
He wasn’t concluding things for Dohyeong’s sake.
He had to send off Choi Yuchan from the moment when he liked him in a sparkling, shining state.
Moreover, so he wouldn’t blame himself for doing his best in liking Dohyeong.
Also, so he wouldn’t close the door to newly accepting someone he could call love.
Yuchan, who had been recalling numerous reasons, smiled faintly.
“I’m saying I’m going to organize things. I can’t say I won’t like you right away. You know too that a person’s heart isn’t that easy.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“Just, I want you to know that I liked you a lot. I think that’s enough. Don’t leave me as Choi Yuchan who whined too much, but as Choi Yuchan who thought a lot about you, Kim Dohyeong. A good friend is obvious, but a wonderful person who wanted to stand by your side someday. That too, together…”
At Yuchan’s appearance speaking calmly, Dohyeong stretched out both arms and hugged his neck tightly.
And he patted his broad back firmly. He messed up his hair, then patted his back again.
“You’re a good enough friend. And a wonderful person.”
Dohyeong’s words that followed were an answer he had heard before at some point.
He tried hard to hold back the tears that welled up.
Makeup could be redone, but he didn’t want to remain like this to Dohyeong even until this moment.
“It’s that I wasn’t ready, so I couldn’t hold your hand. It’s not that I didn’t hold your hand because you were lacking. And you, Choi Yuchan, you…”
One thing he always thought.
Even if he had never met Haesung.
“You’re too good a person for me as a lover.”
Yuchan’s affection was too big and warm to be poured onto his narrow self.
Could he return the same to him? No, he wouldn’t be able to.
Because there were so many things Yuchan had that he didn’t.
“So I hope you won’t blame yourself too much.”
“I won’t. Because it’s not my fault or your fault.”
“Right, then that’s enough.”
Dohyeong pulled away. At Yuchan’s appearance choking up, the tip of his nose tingled too, but he hid even that by smiling brightly.
“Thank you. Still, for telling me you’d remain as my friend.”
“You don’t have any friends besides me anyway.”
At Yuchan’s words spoken playfully, Dohyeong rolled his eyes.
Are you going to be like this? At the reproach written in his eyes, Yuchan ended up bursting out in laughter.
“Just wait and see.”
At the words that followed, Dohyeong smiled and linked arms with him.
“What should I wait and see?”
“I’m going to become a cooler man than Jung Haesung. A man so cool you’ll think, ah, I should have caught Choi Yuchan.”
He spoke confidently, but seeing Dohyeong still responding with a bright smile, he felt completely deflated.
Because it really seemed like an encouraging gaze.
And one more thing, no matter what he did, there would be a wall he couldn’t overcome.
“Still, in your eyes, it won’t be more than Jung Haesung.”
Right. That existence that will never leave Dohyeong. Jung Haesung.
Now that he had confessed like this, his heart felt at ease.
Just as he had spoken, if he organized things step by step, it seemed like he could feel unburdened someday.
He inhaled deeply and shrugged his shoulders.
And he firmly patted Dohyeong’s back hard, bang bang!
“Anyway. Let’s finish filming well!”
At the powerful words, Dohyeong could also smile brightly.
Right, let’s finish well. Along with a brief answer, he let the emotions piled up layer upon layer inside flow away long.
May Yuchan become unburdened, may he no longer suffer because of him.
May the two of them both now finally reach the conclusion of becoming happy.
His earnest wishes were tangled with the cold wind and flying far away.
Jung Haesung
Kim Dohyeong
Call me when you see this
Haesung’s message appeared on the screen, but Dohyeong couldn’t check it.
Because he hurriedly moved at the staff’s words that they had to relocate.
Dohyeong’s phone that went into his pocket blinked once more.
Jung Haesung
Photos of you are being uploaded in real-time
Your agency will respond, but
First…
First, call me. Please.
