Silence sank heavily like an anchor. Breaths crumpling like fins.
“…….”
Woonghee looked into the man’s eyes. They were terribly black. So much so that he couldn’t gauge their depths at all.
They were eyes exactly like the deep sea.
A world of complete darkness where even sunlight doesn’t reach. There, disgustingly twisted deep-sea fish crawl about. Fish with large mouths and bizarre teeth, their eyes degenerated due to the near absence of light.
Perhaps this man’s emotions had already become a mess like that deep sea? Perhaps he had collapsed, unable to handle the world within himself?
“…You don’t want it to be a lie, do you?”
That’s why his ankle was caught. He couldn’t leave behind this man who had been wounded at a young age, still living while clutching that wound.
Right, he could no longer deny it. That this man had taken root in his heart. His bottomless darkness was now taking root inside Woonghee as well.
“You want me to be a lie to you.”
The man’s eyes sank even deeper. As if he would rip open Woonghee’s innermost thoughts at any moment, Woonghee defensively hunched his chest.
He felt like a fucking idiot. A moron, a fool, a defective bastard….
He was a timid and weak person. Not strong at all. He was afraid of being abandoned by people, so he cowardly pretended not to want anything. That way he could protect his heart. If he couldn’t have it anyway, he didn’t want it from the start. To not lose anything, he just had to not covet it. He wanted to carve out all the pieces of the man embedded in him. Cruelly, decisively.
“I….”
The man’s lips, which had been pressed together, parted. He opened his lips to say something, but Woonghee raised both hands first and quickly blocked that mouth. No, not any further. If they went further like that, this relationship would truly become uncontrollable.
“Of course I want it to be sincere.”
So he embraced his nape. In the end, Woonghee, who decided to pretend not to know his own heart again this time, spoke as if reciting lines from a play.
“It means Gi Junhyuk-ssi loves me that much.”
The solid body of the man held in his arms stiffened. He too had realized it. That Woonghee was pretending not to understand his sincerity, cutting off his tail and trying to run away.
While embracing him, Woonghee quietly thought. That the only cheap things attached to this man were Woonghee and that lighter.
It was a picture that didn’t suit them anyway. This man had to return to his place, and he had to return to his own place.
***
Beep beep, it felt like warning sounds were ringing in his head. Time passed like a time bomb.
Especially when facing the man, an even more precarious tension hung in the air.
He had noticeably become strange. It was as if he went back and forth between hot and cold baths dozens of times a day.
“…….”
Look at him now—he was a man who always kept what he said with his own mouth even if it killed him. When had he said they’d dock for just a few days? The cruise ship was still stuck at the island.
The man drank more than before. These days he always seemed drunk. Each time, he would wrap his arms around Woonghee’s waist, seat him on his thighs, and open expensive wine.
“I’ve never been interested in cheap or vulgar things since I was young. Everything had to be refined. The car I ride, the chauffeur who drives that car, even the socks I wear.”
Like that, he would whisper about his tastes like appetizers, or tell him about his mother. That she had been extremely beautiful, kind, and that her skin color and eyes resembled Woonghee’s.
‘What nonsense….’
Of course, to Woonghee it was all bullshit. She was praised as the greatest actress of her time—how could he compare that beauty to himself? Had his head really gone completely insane…. He should hurry back to land and receive psychiatric treatment. He thought that in passing as well.
“…There’s a bike I want Woonghee-ssi to ride. I think it would suit this skin color very well.”
His fingertips slowly traced Woonghee’s thigh. A white sheen flowed over the smooth skin revealed through the gap in the robe.
“Mm….”
He let out a low moan as if savoring the soft flesh. Then he smiled splendidly, saying the body was red and very sleek and sexy, so it would suit him perfectly as if drawn.
“Something that expensive wouldn’t suit me.”
Haha, the man let out a slow laugh. It was a laugh like richly fragrant wine.
“Woonghee-ssi has a pretty face but is quite stupid.”
Saying there really seemed to be nothing in his head, he ridiculed him mercilessly with a smiling face, calling him a blockhead.
“What did I just say?”
“…That I have a pretty face but am quite stupid.”
“No, before that.”
He whispered softly with his nose buried in Woonghee’s nape.
“I said there’s not a single thing among my tastes that isn’t high-class.”
Even Woonghee, who struggled with emotions like a child clumsy with chopsticks, noticed those words.
He was saying he loved him.
Woonghee quietly stayed silent.
“…….”
Before long, the subject shifted to talk about F1. He confessed that he had even imagined Woonghee becoming a driver.
He said he had harbored the fantasy of falling for Woonghee at first sight as he raced roughly and dynamically, and becoming his sponsor. If such a thing had happened, it would have become a very sexual and tension-filled relationship, he said.
As befitting a famous businessman, his speech was refined, and the stories he told were diverse as well.
But there was always one thing in common. Woonghee was at the center of everything.
Realizing that, his head became eerie. His lower abdomen pounded heavily—thump thump. The vibration spread like waves, tightening his chest and throat all at once.
***
Then came a certain late night.
Woonghee couldn’t sleep. He was just being held in his embrace, staring at the darkness.
Then the thick arm that had been holding him slipped out smoothly. Creak creak, the mattress screamed. He had gotten up. Soon he heard the sound of him leaving the room.
“…….”
How much time had passed after that? The space beside Woonghee remained empty. The sheets had cooled to the point of being cold.
Where did he go? Had he started that damn hide-and-seek again?
Woonghee carefully got up. His naked body was densely covered with bright red bruises from being chewed on. It was natural since he had persistently, obsessively bitten, sucked, and licked his skin.
Woonghee, wearing a silk robe over his body, tied the ribbon and went out into the corridor.
He thought they were playing hide-and-seek, but it wasn’t that. Because he was sitting brazenly in the dining room. Dawn light seeping in from the large window enveloped his entire body.
Deep shadows pooled in his spine, carved out with muscles.
Empty bottles were piled up on the table. Without a single snack, he was drinking strong liquor alone.
He gripped a crystal glass in his hand tightly and sharply threw his head back. Gulp gulp, the sound of him fiercely swallowing alcohol echoed through the dawn.
And as soon as he emptied the glass, he tilted the bottle to fill it up again.
…What kind of state was that?
Woonghee groaned inwardly.
On moonlit nights, he would hold him and whisper love, and at dawn he would empty bottles alone like that, consoling his solitude.
Woonghee wiggled his fingers. As if stirring through the air. Then it felt as if his emotions could be touched at his fingertips.
Heavy, sticky emotions that seemed about to flow down his palm at any moment.
…His insides must be rotting away.
He looked exactly like someone who had been heartbroken.
“…….”
Woonghee gripped the wall tightly. As if he might run over and embrace his back at any moment. Because he wouldn’t be able to handle what would happen after that, Woonghee desperately blocked himself.
His large hand grabbed the bottle again. Then he tilted it with the bottle mouth shoved into the crystal glass. But what flowed out was drip drip, only a few drops at best.
It had already been emptied to the bottom. Ha, the man let out a hollow breath and put down the empty bottle.
“…If only I had.”
It happened suddenly. The words that flowed from him shook the wall. Woonghee flinched and stiffened his calves. He held his breath tightly, killing his breathing.
…As expected, he knew I came.
“Would it have been a little better if I had begged you for love?”
He said that no matter how much he thought, endlessly pondered, and chewed it over, he couldn’t find a way.
“Why don’t you just tell me instead.”
He asked what exactly he should do for Woonghee to feel love too. It was a terribly melancholic and lonely question.
It seemed like surrender, and also like a plea thrown while crushing his last remaining pride.
“Come here.”
He spoke and held out his hand. Woonghee just stared at that palm.
