Even after that day, nothing changed between us.
We still only knew each other, and no matter how busy we were, we didn’t neglect each other. Even while at school, we constantly exchanged messages and studied together every day.
However, there was a change in Kang Sehyun.
Drr-rring-. Drr-rring-.
It was Sunday, the day before the exam, when I was at Kang Sehyun’s officetel. During dinner, Kang Sehyun’s cell phone, placed on the dining table, rang busily.
“The phone, hasn’t it been ringing constantly since earlier?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
But I am worried. If that’s the case, he could just turn it off—there was clearly a reason Kang Sehyun wasn’t doing that.
“Don’t be like that and just answer it.”
“It’s fine.”
“Is it because of me? Actually, this is making me more uncomfortable, so just answer it?”
“……If I answer, it’ll take a while.”
“It’s okay, so answer it even if it takes long. I’ll eat slowly.”
“It might not end by the time you finish eating.”
“I don’t mind eating alone.”
I really meant it when I said I didn’t mind, but Kang Sehyun’s expression remained consistently displeased.
“Or should I wait instead?”
“……I’ll finish as quickly as possible and come back. Eat slowly.”
Kang Sehyun picked up his phone and went into the study. Even until the moment he entered, his furrowed brow didn’t smooth out.
Is he okay?
Kang Sehyun has been busy these days. So, precisely one week ago, from the day his noona left, calls from Korea have been coming in several times a day or messages arrive. They were all contacts from the company. The exam is right around the corner, yet because of the constantly incoming contacts, he’s had to leave his seat several times even while studying. If it’s this much just when he’s with me, I think it’s probably actually much more.
When you think about it, it was extremely strange. It didn’t make sense to entrust part of company work to someone who’s still only a college student. But after catching on to Kang Sehyun’s background, it rather felt natural.
‘What are we lacking? Even now, if you want, we can easily set up meetings with other families.’
If it was comparable to Sejin Group, it was hard to think of it as just an ordinary large corporation. Among large corporations, it would be one with dozens of subsidiaries. I thought that to inherit such a company, one would need to learn the work much earlier than others. So I could understand why Kang Sehyun went to work every vacation.
The pasta that took 30 minutes to complete was really lackluster because I didn’t properly demonstrate my usual skills. I just ate some of the button mushrooms inside and eventually put down my fork.
I pretended I was okay, but actually I wasn’t. Every time a call came, I kept feeling a sense of distance and the facts I’d tried to forget came to mind one by one.
Life in Korea after graduation. A lifestyle where I’d have to be conscious of people’s eyes. And our future thrown into society. Imagining Kang Sehyun in a suit going on business trips was becoming painful.
Could we really be together?
The hope I’d barely been holding onto was somehow heading toward the bottom.
As he said, Kang Sehyun didn’t return even after quite some time passed. In the meantime, the pasta with all the seasoning dried on the surface didn’t seem edible at all, so I threw it in the sink. And I was cleaning up the plate I’d eaten from when Kang Sehyun, who had finally finished his call, came out.
“Did you finish eating?”
“Yeah. Ah, I’ll make the pasta again. I threw out the one from earlier because it didn’t seem edible.”
His frowning face let out a sigh. It was Kang Sehyun’s habit that, no matter how many times I asked him to fix it, was the only one that wouldn’t be fixed.
“I’ll just take out a sandwich and eat it. Don’t bother since it’s troublesome.”
Somehow I expected that, so I said okay and sat at the dining table. I sat across from him to keep him company while Kang Sehyun ate his sandwich, but for a while there was no conversation.
“You’re coming straight here tomorrow too, right?”
“Yeah.”
“What should we do for dinner?”
To think that after all this time, what I brought up was about food. Talking about tomorrow’s dinner while eating dinner felt like a conversation between lovers facing ennui, but I was rather happy because it seemed to show our relationship as it was.
Perhaps this was one scene of the future I was drawing with Kang Sehyun. After one year passes, two years pass, even about ten years pass, I wanted us to be able to share trivial everyday stories like this. Even if we end up living completely different lives in places without each other, at least when we’re together, like ordinary people, like ordinary lovers.
I thought I wanted to be at least one resting place in Kang Sehyun’s daily life, which would be more extraordinary than mine. Not complicated stories, but someone who could exchange trivial words like “what should we eat tomorrow?”
“Mm, want to eat that after a long time?”
“What?”
“Hot dogs.”
The cheap hot dogs sold next to the dorm just had sausage and stir-fried onions, but that salty and sweet taste would sometimes come to mind. After all the hyungs graduated, there was no reason to go to the dorm, so I hadn’t eaten them for already half a year. Actually, I could go anytime I wanted, but I couldn’t bring myself to go buy them because moving that distance that didn’t even take a few minutes was bothersome.
“Good. But,”
Kang Sehyun readily agreed but added more words. It wasn’t something worth putting conditions on, yet “instead—” followed.
“If it’s bothersome, don’t go. We can eat something else.”
I couldn’t find any warmth in his blunt tone, yet a corner of my heart hearing those words felt ticklish.
I felt it anew. There couldn’t be anyone who could give up this Kang Sehyun.
Kang Sehyun said he was afraid I might dump him, but what worried me more was what if someday this love didn’t face toward me.
Is that why? I thought Kang Sehyun’s ex-girlfriend, who would say let’s break up at the drop of a hat, was impressive. If it were me, no matter how angry I was, I couldn’t say that. No, I couldn’t even think it.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Huh?”
“You keep spacing out these days.”
It’s not spacing out, it’s thinking about you, you fool.
I was about to say that but found his blank face annoying, so I just smiled. Then Kang Sehyun put down the sandwich he was eating and stared at me intently.
“I’m already worried……”
“About what?”
“How we’ll be apart during vacation.”
“We did it last year too anyway.”
“The situation’s different from then.”
Of course, back then it was before we were dating, but still, I’d said Kang Sehyun might like me.
“Ah, but there’s something I want to ask.”
“What?”
“Back then, there was a time when I couldn’t reach you for a few days. You ignored the messages I sent too.”
“Ah—ah.”
“Was that also because of work?”
At my words about having something to ask, Kang Sehyun’s face, which had shown some color, changed oddly in an instant. His slightly creased eyebrows went down then smoothed out again. It wasn’t completely frowning, but a troubled expression.
“No.”
“Then?”
“Back then, I just,”
“……Just?”
“Tried not to think about it.”
At my question of whether he did it on purpose, Kang Sehyun nodded. And said with a laugh as if it was absurd.
“But I couldn’t.”
At those words, I got so emotional I swallowed what I was going to say.
Well, I couldn’t either.
* * *
After finishing the exam, I took the bus to the dorm for the first time in a while.
It would be faster to just go by car and then go straight to the officetel from there, but unfortunately there was no proper place to park. There were several people around who got tickets just for stopping briefly.
Seeing the familiar face of the bus driver, old memories came back. It should be normal for the first time I went to the dorm to come to mind, but more than when Kihyun hyung came out to meet me, I thought more of that other day when Kang Sehyun was standing there. Even though Kang Sehyun wouldn’t be standing there the same way if I went now, my heart pounded.
With one stop remaining, as I prepared to get off, I got a message from Kang Sehyun.
Kang Sehyun: [I’ll be a bit late]
No explanation meant the reason for being late was really nothing much or he’d only be late by a little, not much different from the appointment time. So I thought maybe he was stopping by the library or research building for a bit, and deliberately didn’t ask.
After sending a message saying I understood, I got off at the dorm stop. After that, as planned, buying the hot dog and going back to school took quite a while. Since I left when it had already gotten dusky, by the time I arrived at the officetel, darkness had completely settled.
I felt strangely good. Very much so. Just carrying one hot dog felt as satisfying as if I were doing something grand for Kang Sehyun. It was because of the thought, following yesterday, that I hoped the future that suddenly came to mind would be like this. Even waiting for Kang Sehyun who would arrive soon was happiness.
That was the case even when I took the elevator and sent a message, and walked down the hallway.
Me: [I arrived]
Kang Sehyun: [I’ll arrive soon too]
I laughed for no reason at the short message. I immediately sent a reply again and only looked at the phone screen, not knowing someone was in front of the door that was always empty. I thought something was strange when the sound of heels clicking echoed in the hallway.
A familiar face was looking at me. I’d only seen her twice at most, but the silhouette I’d already become familiar with was standing facing me.
It wasn’t just me who was momentarily surprised—the other person’s already large eyes were wide open.
The last time I saw her, she was very excited, angry, and in such an emotional state that I couldn’t even look her in the eyes properly, but today we just quietly looked at each other for several seconds. One second, two seconds, as time passed, the distance of not even 2 meters wouldn’t easily shrink.
“Hello.”
The other person greeted first. It was a completely different appearance from before. Her face smiling gently was filled with leisure and confidence that couldn’t be found that day.
What kind of situation is this?
Since I hadn’t heard anything different from Kang Sehyun, it was certain she’d come without an appointment like that time. But today, instead of cursing while pressing the changed password, she was waiting for the owner of the house, holding a green box with gold trim neatly with both hands. The box had the logo of a bakery very famous in New York stamped on it.
It was a place where one tiny macaron, less than a bite’s worth, was more expensive than a hamburger. That bakery run by a chef who received three Michelin stars was rumored to be so delicious that you couldn’t easily buy from it even after standing in line.
In front of that, my hand holding the hot dog became extremely shabby.
