Premonition
The day was exceptionally cold.
The fourth winter with Kang Sehyun had arrived.
The first and second we were friends, we became lovers in the third winter, so the fourth winter was the second winter we were spending together as lovers.
I was blankly smoking a cigarette on the balcony wearing pajamas with padding over them when a message came from Kang Sehyun. It was asking what time I’d come today.
Is he already awake?
It bothered me that he sent this at such an early hour when he didn’t even need to ask now.
Me: [I’ll be late after the meeting ends]
Me: [Around 8?]
Kang Sehyun: [Got it]
Me: [You got up early]
Kang Sehyun: [They said it might snow]
To wake up two whole hours early just for that reason.
For me, who had to leave 30 minutes early when it snowed, Kang Sehyun checked the weather forecast every night, and if it happened to snow in the morning, he deliberately set an alarm and woke up early to let me know. Most people, even if they liked someone, probably wouldn’t do such a bothersome thing, but Kang Sehyun was more than capable of that.
Fortunately, it didn’t snow. So when I happily sent a message, a reply came right away.
Kang Sehyun: [Even if it doesn’t snow it’s cold today]
Kang Sehyun: [Dress warmly]
Once this month passed, next month would already be a year. A year since Kang Sehyun and I became lovers.
Perhaps because there were only happy memories enough to cover the memories of when we were friends, time had passed so quickly that I couldn’t believe it had already been that long. Now the appearance of each other as lovers rather than friends had become quite familiar.
Unlike when we were friends, I thought that once we became lovers, we’d get used to each other and the size of our efforts would decrease regardless of the size of our hearts. Because it’s natural that familiarity leads to boredom and boredom calls forth laziness.
But on the contrary, Kang Sehyun, who seemed like he couldn’t be any more affectionate, was working harder day by day. To the point where I wondered if he was learning this from somewhere, if he was really studying it—Kang Sehyun was more affectionate than before.
*’Aren’t you annoyed every time?’*
*’By what.’*
*’Just this and that… the things you do for me?’*
*’Why would I be annoyed when I’m doing it because I like it. You said it before. That there’s no one as diligent as me. If I do it like this, you won’t break up with me even if it’s just because you’d feel bad about it.’*
Even if you didn’t do all that, I have no intention of breaking up with you.
Kang Sehyun always made ordinary me into an amazing person.
When I finished preparing and went down to the parking lot, white ice particles fell from the sky. The snow that was supposed to fall from early dawn was just now starting to fall.
My good mood sank in an instant. I sighed imagining the roads that would be more congested than usual.
Me: [It’s coming after all]
Me: [It just started falling]
Deureureurk-.
The reply arrived quickly.
Kang Sehyun: [Leave quickly before it piles up]
Me: [I’m leaving now]
Kang Sehyun: [If you get sleepy while driving call me]
I thought that was the end, but another message arrived.
Kang Sehyun: [Call me even if you’re not sleepy]
What does this mean.
In the instant I was thinking, another message arrived.
Kang Sehyun: [I want to hear your voice]
I’d forgotten, but it wasn’t just his affection that had been upgraded. His honesty had also gotten worse than before. Thanks to that, several times a day, my mood went up and down like a roller coaster.
***
I stopped by the cafe I always went to and bought coffee and a piece of scone. I sat alone at a table for two, took out a heavy book, spread it open, and ate a modest lunch.
The lunch mates who had been decreasing one by one had all disappeared and now I was truly alone. The hyungs had all graduated, and I was a senior.
Definitely, after becoming a senior, there was more to do. Until then, it was mostly in the form of attending lectures and taking tests or doing presentations, but now there were many project executions or thesis assignments based on practical work. The remaining subjects were all major courses where grades were important, so I couldn’t just brush them off.
It wasn’t just me—it was the same for Kang Sehyun too. Not only did lectures not end early like before, but even on days when they ended early, he spent time on research and such, so coming to our campus to match my schedule was completely impossible.
Even though it was natural for Kang Sehyun, who wasn’t a student at our school, not to come to our campus, somehow it felt empty.
Perhaps because there wasn’t much time left until exams, there were many students in the cafe who, like me, sat alone looking at books. Because I felt self-conscious about sitting for a long time, I was hurriedly putting the half-remaining scone into my mouth when the phone on the table rang. A welcome name appeared on the screen.
“Aren’t you in class?”
– It ended a bit early today. Is it okay to talk?
“Yeah. Go ahead.”
Sora, who contacted me after two days, had a much calmer voice than a few days ago. Since she’d started dating recently, I deliberately hadn’t contacted her first, and when she contacted me two days ago, I heard about ten times that she felt disappointed.
– Hey, are you in contact with that hyung bastard?
“No. Why?”
– Hmm… I just heard something annoying.
“What is it. It’s fine so tell me.”
Sora, who had been expressing irritation with harsh words, carefully brought it up.
– A little while ago, this oppa named Taehwan who graduated from our school came and went. That oppa’s older sister knows a lot of people, so that oppa also knows this person and that person, and he knows that bastard too. I’ve heard about it a few times before but I kept ignoring it because I didn’t want to hear it.
Actually, if you thought about it, Sora also knew a lot of people, but she cut off people related to him like a knife, saying she didn’t even want to be acquainted with my stepbrother through others.
– But this oppa went to Korea two months ago and came back last week, and he brought it up again today.
“What did he say?”
– He met that bastard in Korea and he was bragging about his father’s company, saying he’d be coming to America on a business trip soon. Something about seeming to succeed with one big thing, and he was totally excited? He boasted loudly to that oppa that he’d get him a job as soon as he came out to Korea.
Naturally, I had no interaction with hyung at all, so I didn’t know about the business trip, but I’d heard through Mom a few months ago that he’d been expanding the business. It seemed that work was going quite well.
– Just imagining that bastard properly working at a company makes me so angry I could go crazy. Does it make sense for that punk to even go on business trips?
“Still, it seems the company is doing better than expected.”
That was because he was a person who couldn’t give up his greed for what his stepfather had. He’d think that company would become his eventually too, so of course he had no choice but to work hard.
– Fuck, why doesn’t that company go bankrupt.
I let out a chuckle.
“If it goes bankrupt, who’ll pay my tuition.”
– …Ah shit, I don’t know. Still, I really wish that rich guy would go bankrupt. What is God doing, seriously.
Even at times like this, I had to worry about tuition first. No matter what, I first thought that he was the person who was making it possible for me to attend college now, so I could only feel sorry that I couldn’t respond to Sora who was getting angry on my behalf.
– Anyway, Sungha. What are you going to do?
“About what?”
– After graduation. I was wondering if you’d also enter that company.
“Well.”
– Even if you don’t want to go… you have no choice because of your mom, right?
I couldn’t answer easily to those words.
Naturally, if I could, I’d want to go to a different company, but if I did that, Mom would definitely be disappointed. Even now, Mom was excitedly anticipating that I’d work at my stepfather’s company after graduation. I realized too late that I should have chosen a completely different major or profession.
It would be nice if my stepfather opposed it instead, but if it were that person, even if he found me distasteful, he wouldn’t do something to disappoint Mom, so I didn’t have high expectations. It would be nice if at times like this, even my stepbrother would step forward and oppose it.
Honestly, I had no idea at all. There were only six months left until graduation, but I still hadn’t made any plans about my schedule after graduation.
– It’s not right away so think about it slowly. I always say it, you’ll do well wherever you go.
Sora spoke as if she’d read my mind. And she threw in a joke asking me to definitely remember her if I succeeded. If Kang Sehyun knew, he’d definitely be jealous, but indeed, my greatest blessing in people was Sora.
After deliberately talking a few words about her new boyfriend to change the atmosphere, Sora hung up with her last words that she’d pray tonight for that detestable rich person to go bankrupt.
After graduation…
Thinking about the time that had passed in the blink of an eye, the remaining six months were too short, even if they were short. It was time to really seriously think about the future.
What would Kang Sehyun do? Even now he was already helping with the family business every vacation, so he’d go to Korea after graduation too.
Thinking that far, I realized I also needed to think about our relationship. If we met in Korea, there would be more eyes watching, and with more things to be careful about, I thought we wouldn’t be able to meet as freely as now.
Thinking about the future made my heart more complicated and unsettled.
Before standing up, I put the remaining scone in my mouth. My mouth felt dry like my heart. Like swallowing something I shouldn’t have swallowed, one side of my chest felt stuffed and frustrating.
That evening, I arrived at Kang Sehyun’s officetel an hour earlier than the promised time.
I left my car with the valet and was going inside when I saw a familiar figure standing far away in front of the elevator. Even though he was wearing a cap pressed down with a large hoodie, I knew who it was at once.
Ha.
A hollow laugh came out. Just from seeing the back, the blocked airway suddenly opened.
Even though I hadn’t called him, Kang Sehyun turned around as if it were a lie. He raised his eyes as if quite surprised, then soon smiled broadly.
“I was thinking of you.”
My chest pounded. This damn heart was the only one still not adapted.
