Why are you just lying there?
It was exactly like an interrogating tone. As if I should be doing something.
“I’m tired but can’t sleep, so I was just lying down looking at my phone. Are you outside?”
– I’m outside, so I’m smoking.
Quite noisy sounds could be heard around Kang Sehyun as he answered.
“……Wait, aren’t you home?”
– Yeah. I have plans.
He has good stamina too. It’s only been a few hours since we arrived in Korea, and he has plans at this hour.
“Where did you leave your companion to smoke alone?”
– Hanging out.
“Ah…….”
– So keep me company for a bit until I finish smoking.
Kang Sehyun said exactly what I had said when I was smoking alone on the balcony last time.
– Did you think about what you’ll do while you’re in Korea?
“No. Not yet.”
Even though I’d come to Korea after a long time, there was nothing I wanted to do. Other people decide on food they want to eat, places they want to go, even things they want to buy, but for several years I hadn’t had such thoughts. This time was the same. I had absolutely no plans for what to do while in Korea.
“What about you?”
I was like that, and so was Kang Sehyun.
I, who ended up taking first class side by side with Kang Sehyun, asked Kang Sehyun, who fell asleep before the plane even took off and woke up after two hours.
‘What are you going to do when you get to Korea?’
‘I wonder.’
‘Don’t you have anything you want to do? You went briefly in the summer too.’
‘Not really. It’s not like I’m going because I want to.’
‘If you don’t want to go, why are you going? Because of your visa?’
‘No. Because my father told me to come.’
I thought I’d been surprised every time, but there was still more to be surprised about. That he listens to his father’s words like they’re law.
‘What are you going to do?’
‘Me? Hmm…… I’m not sure either.’
‘Why don’t you know?’
‘Right. Now that you ask, I can’t think of anything either.’
‘Then why are you going? When you don’t even have anything you want to do.’
‘Me too, because my father told me to come.’
We connected in such a strange way. Of course, if we dug deeper, the circumstances would be completely different, but either way, the fact that we both had nothing we had to do or wanted to do while spending expensive money to leave Korea was the same.
– I haven’t thought about it, but something I have to do did come up.
“Something you have to do? What is it?”
– Work.
“Work? What work? You’re working in Korea?”
– Just something like a part-time job.
Not even a part-time job but something like a part-time job. Come to think of it, I’d forgotten. That Kang Sehyun is a crazy bastard who works out of boredom.
“Work hard.”
– Aren’t you curious?
“About what?”
– Usually people ask what it is.
They would. Normally they would have asked. I didn’t ask because it’s you.
“Why, do I seem uninterested again?”
– I already know that.
“……Ha.”
When I clicked my tongue as if dumbfounded, Kang Sehyun laughed.
“So, what kind of part-time job is it?”
– Just my father’s company work.
“……If you’re going to answer so half-heartedly, why did you want me to ask?”
Another low laugh was heard.
Surprisingly, we, who had only been apart for a few hours, found topics to talk about and had a long phone call, making it seem pointless that we’d been together just hours ago.
Kang Sehyun used a cigarette that could be finished in just 5 minutes as an excuse to keep me from hanging up for a full 20 minutes. And I also continued the conversation even knowing he’d finished smoking long ago. Before I knew it, the discomfort with this house, the fear of my stepfather, and the inexplicable confusion had all disappeared.
– Aren’t you coming in?
We were talking about an independent film that had recently been released when a blunt voice was heard through the receiver. Despite being a voice full of discontent, it somehow had a tinge of cuteness. It was a voice I’d heard before.
– I’ll be right there.
– Tsk, you said you’d be right there earlier too. You can smoke inside though.
Kang Sehyun’s tone answering that he understood was blunt as usual, but very subtly different. The person I’d half-suspected was definitely his girlfriend. I wondered what kind of plans he had at this hour, and it was a date?
“The person you’re meeting is your girlfriend?”
– Yeah.
“Then you should be with her. What are you doing staying out here so long?”
– There are other people too, so it’s uncomfortable.
“Then shouldn’t you be with them even more?”
– Is that so.
Is that so? Does he know how to say sweet words to his lover but not know such basic things?
“Even if it’s uncomfortable, you have to endure it.”
– Why.
“What do you mean why…… You’re with your girlfriend. You endure it for the person next to you.”
– That’ll be difficult.
Well, if that were possible, the hyungs wouldn’t have suffered so much. The Kang Sehyun I’d seen so far, even briefly, wasn’t the personality to endure things for the person next to him. I couldn’t even imagine it well.
“Anyway, go in quickly.”
– Yeah. I’ll contact you.
Just a few minutes after hanging up, a message came from Kang Sehyun, who said he’d contact me later. It was about the independent film we’d been talking about earlier.
Was this what he meant by contacting me? Whether it’s a call or text, not being able to focus on the person next to you is the same.
When I wrote and sent a message with the content we hadn’t finished earlier, the reply I thought would take time arrived very quickly. When I sent it again, the reply came immediately like clockwork.
As we kept exchanging messages with no real content like that, quite a bit of time had passed.
Me: [Now really go and have fun.]
Kang Sehyun: [Okay]
Kang Sehyun: [You said you’re tired. You go to sleep soon too]
Always telling me to sleep early. I said I can’t sleep.
But strangely, after sending the last greeting message, drowsiness suddenly came over me. Was it because my complicated head had emptied out? Somehow it felt like I could sleep deeply without even dreaming. Before closing my eyes, barely lifting my heavy eyelids, the numbers on the screen looked blurry.
It was eleven o’clock.
An early hour when I normally wouldn’t even be lying in bed. I really fell asleep.
* * *
“Hey, Kwon Sungha.”
The hostility felt from the voice itself.
The person I was seeing after almost half a year hadn’t changed at all. From the flashy hair color that stood out from afar to the luxury brands wrapped around his entire body. His eyes looking down on me were still the same.
“Have you been well?”
It wasn’t a tone asking because he was really curious if I’d been well. Rather, it was a tone that seemed like he’d suddenly get angry if he knew I’d been well. No matter how I thought about it, we weren’t close enough to exchange pleasantries about how we’ve been.
“Yes.”
I wasn’t even curious about the well-being of someone unwelcome, so I answered briefly and sat down right away. In an instant, the corners of his lips that had risen obliquely fell down at once.
“This bastard sees his hyung after months and doesn’t even greet him. How rude.”
Hyung? Since when were you my hyung? You treated me worse than a stranger, calling me a beggar bastard, and now you’re hyung? When were we ever close enough to use such words when even asking how we’ve been is awkward?
Just as I was regretting that I should have come a little later if I’d known I’d run into him first like this, fortunately Mom and my stepfather, dressed in a nice two-piece, came in.
“My goodness, it’s really been so long.”
The person who had been glaring at me fiercely turned around upon hearing Mom’s voice arriving late. And as if nothing had happened, he smiled looking at my stepfather and Mom.
“Hello. You’ve been well, right?”
“Yes. You’ve become even more handsome since I last saw you. Gijun really looks just like you.”
“Haha, if you’re going to compliment him, just say he’s handsome and stop there. He might think it’s an insult.”
“Oh my, is that so?”
“No. I often hear I’m the spitting image of my father.”
His attitude was so different from what he showed me that I wondered if he was the same person. They say blood can’t be fooled—both hating me and hiding it in front of Mom, the two of them really resembled each other.
It was a strange scene. The fact that the four of us had gathered like this was a somewhat incomprehensible situation to begin with. Having dinner with my father’s remarriage partner and that remarriage partner’s son. I couldn’t understand accepting a dinner invitation that I would absolutely never accept if it were me.
No, it was Mom who created this gathering in the first place.
After divorcing his ex-wife, my stepfather who gave up custody rights lost custody to his ex-wife, but his love for his son was terrible. Mom had known this fact from when she remarried and understood it more than anyone. So a few years ago, after his ex-wife died in an accident, she deliberately tried to take better care of my step-brother.
It was from that time that Kang Gijun started coming to me. He, who received Mom’s request to look after me well, came to torment me at all hours. Mom’s wish was for the two of us to become close like real brothers, but in reality, far from becoming close, we became worse than strangers.
Kang Gijun was indeed smart, befitting that person’s son. If it were me, I don’t think I could be this favorable toward Mom, but he caught on early that the way to be seen well by his father was ultimately to be good to Mom, and he showed a different face in front of Mom.
“Since you came to Korea after a long time, I thought Korean food would be better so I chose this place, is it okay? I asked your dad what you like and he said anything is fine.”
“Of course. Korean food is the best.”
“Really? I thought it might be too adult-oriented.”
“Not at all. I can’t come to a Korean traditional restaurant like this except at times like these. I like it.”
“See, I told you it would be fine.”
The food ordered in advance filled the entire table. For a table for four, there were too many types and too much quantity. Pancakes, braised dishes, steamed dishes, hot pot—nothing was missing and everything was excellent, but just like when I ate at home on the day I first arrived, I felt like I’d get indigestion even eating just a little. Mom, not knowing my feelings, kept putting abalone from the braised short ribs on my rice.
