I mulled over Seo Nakil’s words for a moment.
Was he serious? Why go this far? We weren’t on terms to live together, and in truth, even facing each other like this was excessive.
As my silence lengthened, Seo Nakil’s brow furrowed slightly.
“Are you going to live under the same roof as Kwon Seonho-ssi?”
“…”
“He didn’t seem like a very good person.”
It was an accurate judgment with no room for rebuttal.
How would I have answered before? Would I have defended him saying he still treated me well, or that he was someone I liked?
Now I couldn’t even provide such flimsy packaging. Because I came from a future where I knew Kwon Seonho’s true face and rock bottom.
So the relationship that hadn’t even started yet wasn’t a very important issue. The only reason that made me hesitate and doubt was Seo Nakil.
“You said you would be my only correct answer. I don’t know how I should believe those words.”
“…”
“Unfortunately, I have no memories of being with you, so it feels like words without any basis.”
Then Seo Nakil answered in a low tone.
“I didn’t know you were the type to demand such basis when trusting someone.”
Strangely, those words sounded like a reproach asking what basis and conviction I had to trust Kwon Seonho.
“I won’t harm Han Ijae-ssi. Whether it’s your body, heart, career, or reputation. Rather, I’ll try hard not to damage anything that makes you up. Except for things so damaged they must be cut out.”
“…”
“It means I don’t want to torment you, and I can’t. Though it’s a bit difficult to explain… such a premise can’t even be established for me in the first place.”
He asked me in a serious voice.
“Does it sound like a lie?”
It doesn’t sound like a lie. That’s why it’s puzzling. Because he seemed more sincere and earnest to me than anyone I’d met in life.
But even so, Seo Nakil wasn’t a truthful person. He was hiding behind my improvised excuse that no one remembered and fabricating the relationship itself as a lie.
‘But I can’t say that.’
The reason was simple. Because his lie and my lie were in the same boat.
“My opinion remains the same. I will be Han Ijae-ssi’s best option.”
It was a very strange thing. Because I wanted to believe these words that had no basis.
Even though I’d been deceived by people like that. Even though I’d been pushed around by the whole world, ruined everything, and let it all go.
Yet I was still hopeless, wanting to be fooled and fall for his words.
Seo Nakil, who had been quietly gazing at me as I conflicted, whispered.
“If you can’t trust me, use me appropriately.”
“…”
“I’m capable enough for that. Getting away from Kwon Seonho-ssi, taking a break from group activities, or even switching to another field. With appropriate help and support, it won’t be very difficult.”
It was a proposal that was unsettling beyond tempting.
He really would accomplish anything I wanted. Because Seo Nakil had more than enough money, status, honor, and even opportunities to share with goodwill.
“…Why are you going this far?”
I asked quietly.
“Whatever we promised, I, the person involved, don’t remember anything. Then it’s as good as if it never happened… Is there a need to be so faithful to such a blurred promise?”
“Well. I don’t agree with that. Even if you forget, I remember.”
“…”
“It’s not a weight that changes just because no one acknowledges it. That’s what duty means to me.”
He got up and picked up the coat he’d left beside him.
“Anyway, prepare yourself. Rest well.”
“…Prepare for what?”
“Full preparations for you to use me.”
Living in his house after discharge wasn’t something that would happen immediately just because I wanted it. Currently, I was staying in a shared dorm because of Starium activities.
Perhaps the “full preparations” Seo Nakil spoke of included handling such matters.
He slipped something he took from his coat’s inner pocket under my pillow. The thin, stiff rectangular paper probably had contact information or an address written on it.
“You already gave me a business card last time…”
“That was my secretary’s card.”
His fingertips lightly brushed my cheek.
“This is mine. My personal number.”
“…”
“It means it’s okay to contact me even when there’s nothing wrong.”
The lifeline that suddenly came down to me had a shape I’d never seen in my life.
* * *
“Where are you going?”
After finishing various tests, as I was about to leave the hospital room, a security guard in a suit blocked me.
“The test results will be out soon. Your guardian is also on the way.”
“I’d like to get some air…”
A dry gaze swept over my entire body once. My appearance, with just a patient gown wrapped around, seemed disagreeable.
“In that outfit?”
It couldn’t be helped. The clothes I was wearing when I collapsed were sponsored items, so it was difficult to take them out for personal use. Plus, they weren’t much different from the patient gown in terms of thinness.
“If you need to go out, I was told to tell you to put on the coat in the closet.”
It was obvious who had left such instructions without even looking.
“If I wear that, can I go out?”
“Within an hour would be fine. More than that is difficult. There was a medical opinion that you shouldn’t overdo it because your current nutrition levels and immunity levels are poor.”
I brought out the large coat from the closet and smiled slightly as I draped the comfortable, subtly fragrant garment over my shoulders.
“I’ll keep track of time well. I heard someone just arrived.”
Gripping the handrail that ran along the wall, I slowly walked toward the rooftop garden.
“Han Ijae.”
It seemed he’d come early and was waiting. A cigarette filter was in Kwon Seonho’s mouth as he stood crookedly. He hadn’t lit it, probably because he couldn’t smoke since this entire hospital was a no-smoking zone.
I had nagged him so much not to smoke for the idol’s image, but he never managed to break that habit in the end.
So it was all my responsibility to frantically worry whether his appearance that I couldn’t dare change would leak out badly to the outside.
“You didn’t seem very happy to see me, but you suddenly contacted me… So, what did you want to say?”
“I thought about it. During the two days you said you went to the event. You said we were lovers.”
“Yeah. Do you remember something?”
As always, the answer he wanted was predetermined. And very unfortunately, I had no intention of giving it to him.
“Seonho hyung. Let’s break up.”
“Han Ijae.”
His face hardened coldly. As always when he was angry, his eyes became taut and his lips thinned, but seeing that expression that used to terrify me, I now felt no emotion at all.
“It’ll take time for my memory to return. Until then, I’ll only disappoint you, hyung. I don’t see what meaning such a process would have.”
Stay calm. These are the words you prepared. Just take them out one by one as you thought, in the order you kept inside.
“I thought about it hard, and this still seems right. I want to settle our relationship and focus on recovery and activities.”
I raised my coldly cooled hands and fiddled with the sleeves of the black coat. Strangely, my rustling emotions settled down a bit.
“…Are you crazy?”
Kwon Seonho muttered.
“What did I mean to you for us to break up?”
That’s exactly why we should break up. To me, you were the one and only Kwon Seonho, but to you, I was just another Han Ijae.
“We can’t break up. You’ll regret it.”
That’s why I thought those words were ridiculous. In fact, even calling it dating was meaningless. You probably never really thought we were lovers. But now that I’m giving up on clinging, are you finally aching for what you can’t have?
“I won’t.”
The only thing I had to regret was loving you.
“How do you know? When you don’t even have memories.”
“You don’t need memories to know.”
“Even if your memory comes back, I won’t back down.”
“That’s fortunate. At least we agree on that one thing.”
“Hey, Han Ijae!”
Kwon Seonho shouted and raised his hand, and at that sight I froze stiff. Even knowing he wouldn’t hit me in such an open place, I couldn’t help my body’s reflexive reaction.
My heart pounded madly. Just as I belatedly came to my senses and was about to step back hesitantly.
Thud. The moment I felt something touch my back, a hand that reached out from behind gripped my shoulder.
“Kwon Seonho-ssi.”
The elegant, cool fragrance that I could only feel by burying my face in the coat had approached right up close.
“May I ask what this situation is?”
