The weekend after my cold got better, I went on a second date with Seo Nakil.
I stood in front of the closet and wasted time for a long while. This one seems too delinquent-looking, and this one seems too boring… Each time I repeated putting on and taking off clothes one by one, the pile of shed layers at my feet grew by one outfit.
Only after making a mess of my room uncharacteristically did I realize I was struggling because I wanted to look good to Seo Nakil. It was a different feeling from being mindful of others.
‘…I’m doing something that doesn’t suit me.’
My appearance in the mirror, with cheeks flushed red from unfamiliar emotions, didn’t seem like me at all.
Despite dressing as brightly as possible, the day was overcast. Then, just as we arrived at the hospital and started the examination, raindrops began to fall from the heavily settled sky.
Did he read disappointment in my profile looking at the water droplets clinging to the window? Seo Nakil, who had been sitting in the guardian’s chair, carefully reached out his hand to me.
“Did you wish for clear weather?”
The hand cupping my cheek was warm, so I unconsciously tilted my head toward him.
“I wanted to take a walk together. Because they said the lilacs bloomed at a nearby park.”
“Do you like looking at flowers?”
I laughed emptily while leaning against his large hand.
“I was going to try liking them from now on.”
Seo Nakil answered soothingly.
“When it rains, the flower scent becomes thicker. It won’t be bad to see it that way. The rain isn’t falling that heavily yet anyway.”
After thinking for a moment at his added words that there would be an umbrella in the trunk, I slowly shook my head.
“Later, when the rain stops.”
“Because using an umbrella is bothersome?”
“That too, but if we both use umbrellas, the distance between us increases.”
“I have a big umbrella too.”
“Because I think you’d tilt it to cover me completely and not even notice your shoulder getting wet.”
“You know me well.”
Seo Nakil’s laughter settled pleasantly by my ear.
“It seems Bae-u-nim isn’t very disappointed even with the rain.”
“After all, variables like weather are trivial.”
I asked in a voice tinged with laughter.
“Did you have a schedule in mind that doesn’t matter if it rains? Like the movie theater we went to last time?”
“Not a movie theater. Using the same card twice lacks impact.”
Soon the doctor came in and handed over the test results. He said the numbers had improved overall compared to last time. An explanation followed that I should visit one more time later to confirm, and that there would be no problem living daily life.
We both let out sighs of relief without anyone going first. It felt like we’d cleanly solved one homework assignment.
Seo Nakil, looking as relieved as I was, stood up.
“How about it? We postpone the lilac viewing to later, and today you follow my guidance. It’ll actually be better because it’s raining.”
I felt a small sense of anticipation welling up inside me as I took the hand he offered.
“Gladly.”
The place Seo Nakil took me was a listening room. Unlike typical listening rooms, it was an independently prepared space, with one wall made of glass windows that fully revealed the city’s scenery.
Thanks to the slightly dim lighting, it had a unique yet exotic atmosphere, and on the opposite wall’s bookshelf, record albums that looked older than me were lined up in rows.
It was a place I’d wanted to visit at least once. I opened my eyes wide and eagerly looked around.
“What kind of music do you like?”
“British rock. I like alternative rock too.”
“Music that spreads in water seems to be your taste.”
He shrugged and picked up a record. It was a first edition limited album by a four-member band that debuted in the 90s and was called Britain’s national band.
I hummed along to the familiar melody while looking around the wall. I burst into laughter looking at faded old photos, fiddled with the worn corners of the wrapping paper with my fingertips, and looked up at him standing beside me.
“I understand what you meant by it being better because it’s raining.”
If the weather had been clear, it wouldn’t have felt this cozy. But now, thanks to the heavily overcast sky, this place where I was with him felt like a romantic secret fortress prepared just for us.
“Do you have a genre you particularly like, Bae-u-nim?”
“I usually listen to music without human voices.”
“Like classical or movie soundtracks?”
“Something like that. But if someone’s voice or lyrics must be included, I’d say jazz.”
“Please recommend just one song you like. I don’t know much about jazz.”
At those words, Seo Nakil began to ponder while looking at the jazz records on the bookshelf. His appearance, going beyond serious to looking quite grave, somehow kept making me laugh.
‘I just said it casually.’
Soon the turntable’s sharp pin carefully settled on a new record, and an elegant voice flowed out strand by strand, moistening the space.
The voice contained in the old record said. To send me to the moon. That they wanted to play among those stars, and receive the gift of spring on Jupiter and Mars. The words asking to fill their heart with music so they could sing forever sounded like cute whining, and also felt like lovely permission asking to be courted like this to win their heart.
“Don’t you think they’re asking for too much?”
I asked, sitting side by side with him on the sofa, wiggling my toes.
“I mean the part about asking for the moon and stars, Jupiter and Mars. Did they deliberately say something grand? Maybe meaning that love should be at least this much…”
“It could be that.”
Seo Nakil said in a leisurely voice.
“Or they might have wanted to tell you. That the love I feel from you is this big. That your love is amazing, like crossing the stars to reach the moon, like feeling the spring breeze of Jupiter and Mars.”
He spoke like someone who wanted to take me to the moon. As if we could hold hands and walk among the stars together if only I wanted to. So he seemed like someone who wanted to feel wistful about magnolias setting on Jupiter and look forward to lilacs blooming on Mars.
“Then that would mean… they love you that much…”
The moment I said that, like magic, a line flowed from the LP.
—In other words, I love you.
It was a song twice as old as me. It was also a famous song enough that even I, who said I didn’t know much about jazz, could sing along.
But in this moment sitting side by side listening to it, that common song felt as new as if I were hearing it for the first time in my life. My heart murmured pleasantly as if discovering small notes hidden between the five-line staff.
So, this moment with him felt more special than anything.
“What’s the next schedule?”
“I didn’t plan anything specific, so I was thinking we’d go back and rest. Did you think of something you want to do?”
“Hmm. You brought me to a nice place, so I’d like to reciprocate a bit.”
“I’m curious. What does Ijae-ssi want to give me?”
“It’s nothing grand, but could I use the kitchen in the penthouse?”
Since he was materially wealthy, it wasn’t easy to think of what to give as reciprocation. This was my own answer after long deliberation.
“I want to make something simple and treat you. I’m not great at cooking, but these days meal kits and such come out well…”
Since an answer didn’t come right away, I wondered if it was not good and sneaked a glance.
‘Ah.’
Clear joy was transmitted from Seo Nakil’s appearance, covering his mouth with one hand and turning his head slightly. Looking at his reddened ear tips, the inside of my palm felt ticklish for no reason.
“Will you make me anything?”
“There might be some limitations, but… I’ll try. Do you have a favorite food?”
“I’m not particularly picky.”
He answered more carefully than when choosing jazz to play for me.
“But if I had to say, Korean food. Rice is better than noodles.”
“What about ingredients you can’t eat?”
“Not really. I eat pretty much everything.”
“Should I just make something simple like stew? Just something humble. Like home-cooked meals you can commonly prepare and eat.”
“You know how to make such things?”
“If I have the ingredients, I do. I think we can shop on the way. Since I’m sleeping over today… I should buy generously enough to prepare breakfast tomorrow too.”
I stood up and held out my hand to him.
“Shall we head back now?”
“Yes. Let’s go back together.”
The body heat transmitted from our touching palms was hot as if feverish.
