Dry saliva naturally went down my throat at his face that had taken over my vision in an instant.
‘This is a bit…’
Isn’t there too little distance?
It was close enough that our lips might brush at any moment. I could see every single neatly lowered eyelash, even each faint point of light reflected in his eyes.
Could the first wish Seo Nakil was requesting possibly be a kiss? Seeing the clear longing in his gaze, I felt that suspicion swell a bit more.
100 million for one kiss. While I thought it was an absurd calculation, I even felt it was fortunate. Even if I couldn’t guarantee great skill, I could at least not refuse.
After hesitating for a moment, I squeezed my eyes shut. It meant I’d do as he wished.
“…”
But what I’d braced for didn’t happen. Instead, a soft laugh came from right in front of me.
In my narrowly opened view, Seo Nakil’s smile was captured. His eyes curved gently into crescent shapes, and his pure white, even teeth showed slightly.
“You thought I was going to kiss you.”
Apparently not. My face burned with embarrassment.
“If I tried to do anything with you using debt as an excuse, that would be wounding you twice when you said you hated sponsors.”
Thinking about it, that was true. I nodded my head slowly.
“At least I won’t use these five wish vouchers to try to kiss or have sex with you.”
I was flustered to feel subtle disappointment at Seo Nakil’s firm declaration.
I must be crazy. What exactly was I expecting?
‘Get a grip, Han Ijae.’
Before I could regain my composure, a voice with strong resonance whispered.
“Your name.”
That was Seo Nakil’s first wish.
“Call my name, Ijae.”
“…Didn’t you say you’d make an expensive wish?”
“It is an expensive wish. More than anything.”
“…”
“And serious too.”
I stared at Seo Nakil’s handsome face as if entranced. It was an appearance that seemed woven strand by strand selecting only wonderful and beautiful things. To think that the wish made by a face that seemed like it wouldn’t even look at anything that wasn’t valuable and precious was merely to have his name called. It felt so modest it was almost futile.
“It’s even better if you call it as affectionately as you think 100 million weighs.”
“Just like this now?”
“Just like this now.”
My cheeks stung from the gaze pouring down without room to escape.
Why am I so nervous over these three syllables of a name? Even if I put something into it, it couldn’t be that significant, so why are you looking at me with such an earnest gaze?
“…Nakil.”
“…”
“Seo Nakil.”
In my life where misfortune and bad luck were common and easy, that name seemed to be one of the few fortunate things. Even now that I’d come back in time, even in the past when it ended coldly.
“Seo Nakil…”
If I said that because your kindness allowed me to breathe, I arbitrarily feel longing and tenderness for that name.
Would you still smile gladly like now even hearing those words?
Warm fingertips gently caressed my lips. They slid down from the slightly raised peak of my lips, touched the slightly lowered corners of my mouth, then came down to my lower lip and fiddled with the hollow part below it.
“A little more.”
“…”
“Hmm?”
I did as he wished. His fingers traced his own name atop my lips. He was like someone receiving a name for the first time since birth.
“There was a time I thought it was a gloomy name.”
Seo Nakil quietly told me his secret.
“Because when the sun sets, the world becomes dark. I wondered what hope there could be in that time when light disappears.”
“Do you still think that way?”
“No.”
The hand that had been caressing my lips now carefully stroked around my eyes.
“I heard these words. That the sunset is beautiful to praise the hard days. Though it’s a very brief moment, that’s what makes it more beautiful.”
Was it my imagination? They were words that somehow felt familiar.
“Since then, I’ve come to like it.”
Me too. I swallowed the words I couldn’t bring myself to say and smiled back.
I like your name too. Because the elegant light of sunset resembles you so much. Even though you brushing past my life was very brief…
Still, some moments are remembered longer than a lifetime.
***
We had dinner at a nearby soup restaurant.
It was noisy with a mix of people finishing their meals appropriately and those getting pleasantly drunk. Staff with blank expressions busily went between tables, and hot steam rose from the earthenware pots set down carelessly.
“Is this also a recommended place?”
He smiled while pushing side dish plates toward me.
“It’s a place CEO Seon likes. At first I hated it because it was too chaotic, but after being dragged here several times, I grew attached.”
He rested his elbows on the table and leaned his upper body forward slightly, gesturing with his eyes over my shoulder.
“My autograph is over there too. The owner once discovered my identity.”
“Wow.”
I want to see it. When I kept glancing back, Seo Nakil laughed softly.
“Why? Want to have one?”
“…No. It’s okay.”
As I blew on what I scooped with a spoon and ate, my stomach quickly filled. I could feel him watching me with a satisfied expression.
“It’s unfortunate I can’t look after you like this after you move into the dorm.”
“I won’t starve at the dorm…”
It was rather the opposite. Few members strictly managed their diet, and the rest didn’t control it much unless it was for pictorials or music video shoots.
Especially Kwon Seonho had a vigorous appetite, so with delivery food ordered every other day, the refrigerator was piled mountain-high with food. The problem was that it was all salty, spicy, and greasy food that was burdensome to both mouth and stomach.
“If it were up to me, I’d want to tell you not to return.”
Instead of answering, I just smiled slightly. Opinions had converged on doing well until the solo concert, and he too must know it couldn’t be changed now.
Yet saying that was probably just because he felt regretful. Because this time together was peaceful and comfortable. I was grateful and glad that he felt similar emotions to mine.
“It won’t be easy.”
“It’s okay. My life has never really been easy, so I should be used to this much…”
After hesitating for a moment, I added.
“…Though lying will be a bit difficult.”
“Because of saying you lost your memory?”
“Yes.”
“You said you lied because you got tired and wanted to rest.”
He put down his utensils and crossed his arms. His attitude was quite serious.
“Even though you can’t do that anymore, you don’t want to tell the members you’ve regained your memory.”
“…”
“May I ask why?”
Should I answer honestly? I glanced at Seo Nakil’s expression and answered quietly.
“This might sound cowardly, but… I wished I had no relationship with the members at all.”
“Was the relationship bad?”
“If anything, it’s good now.”
I pressed the back of my hand firmly with my nails.
“…It’s just that I want to let go while it’s still relatively okay.”
“Kwon Seonho too?”
“Seonho hyung especially.”
I’d even thought it would be better if this lukewarm lie was real. If I hadn’t truly liked him, hadn’t trusted him, hadn’t been so desperate, then the shock I felt when learning I was abandoned wouldn’t have been so great.
No, actually.
“It would have been better if I hadn’t liked him at all.”
Seo Nakil shrugged.
“This might be cruel to say about someone you once liked, but he didn’t seem like a very good person.”
“I know. Just…”
There were no words to refute. Because his words were right.
“…When people become too desperate, they get mistaken.”
The me of that time was like a moth. I was just captivated and rushing toward something that sparkled brightly. Completely unaware that it was the path to ruining myself. The kindness given like a whim was especially sweet, and I ruined myself by mistakenly thinking I was lucky to somehow stay by such a person’s side.
“I know now. That wasn’t my best option.”
“Did you find a different best option?”
“I did.”
Following Seo Nakil outside the shop, a cool spring breeze flew gently by. The scent of early-blooming flowers permeated the air and tickled my nose.
“You said you’d be my only right answer, didn’t you?”
“…You believe those words?”
I looked up at the man resembling the setting sun and answered.
“I believe you.”
