Even if you talk nonsense, there should be a limit.
How could our Jadu be a beta? Even now I can feel the pheromones.
But at Evan’s serious expression, Siwoo was at a loss for words.
No, it’s not. This isn’t right.
He’d thought the god’s trick-like traits and the regression that drove people crazy were things limited to himself and Evan. But Jadu too has a cursed fate? At the fact that he was the only one here feeling Jadu’s pheromones right now, thick teardrops soon dripped from Siwoo’s eyes as he looked at Jadu again.
“It’ll be okay. Please let me hold Jadu.”
Though it wasn’t proper pronunciation because he was choking back tears, muttering quietly, Siwoo reached his hand toward the incubator where Jadu was. Even this small movement hurt his lower belly that had been opened, but it didn’t matter. It seemed better not to bring up anything about Jadu’s pheromones or whatever here for no reason.
“Coco.”
“Please. Just let me hold Jadu.”
Siwoo showed no reaction to the large hand cupping his cheek and his thumb wiping his continuously flowing tears. He just moved his large eyes to meet the gaze of Evan looking at him once, then looked at Jadu again.
At Evan’s small nod, the hospital room became busy. It wasn’t even doing much, just holding Jadu. To perform that simple action of holding his own child required many preparatory steps.
Only after putting on sterile clothes, wearing a hat, and even putting on gloves could he hold Jadu. Siwoo, holding the small child who seemed like he’d get hurt with just a little force, bit down hard on his lower lip.
I shouldn’t cry. Along with the joy of meeting Jadu, a heavy emotion pressed down on his chest.
“Hello.”
Siwoo, who carefully held Jadu’s very small hand, had a lump in his throat and couldn’t speak properly. Until he was taken out of the incubator by the medical staff’s hands and held in his arms, Jadu was still sleeping soundly.
“Nice to meet you.”
Only after feeling Jadu’s anxious and nervous emotions that had been there until just now subside did Siwoo let out a sigh of relief. As soon as he felt his pheromones, he was this relieved, and clearly Jadu was feeling and responding to his pheromones, but he couldn’t quite understand how Jadu could be a beta.
“I think Jadu resembles you. The way everything’s so delicate.”
Siwoo, who had barely managed a greeting and had been only looking at Jadu, smiled slightly at Evan’s words. Jadu resembles me? That can’t be. Can’t you see the high nose bridge on this tiny face? It was amazing that eyes, nose, and mouth all fit on this small face, and the features were as assertive as Evan’s.
Plus…
The moment Jadu, who had been smacking his small lips, opened his eyes, Siwoo couldn’t breathe. Brilliant green eyes exactly like Evan’s were directed at him.
“Where exactly does he resemble me? He’s totally Evan 2.0.”
Looking at the large green eyes that had completely captivated him, Siwoo muttered to himself. Although Jadu would have to live in the incubator until he grew a bit more, he was relieved that compared to the major accident there were no injuries, but seeing Jadu who was too small, anger surged up from deep within again.
He wanted to hold Jadu more and see that pretty face more, but due to the medical staff’s suggestion that both Jadu and Siwoo needed to rest and because of Evan, Siwoo, who eventually let Jadu out of his arms, stared blankly at Jadu going back into the incubator.
He couldn’t argue with the medical staff’s words saying they’d let them be together several times a day since they couldn’t keep Jadu with him continuously like this. Late at night when the hospital room that had been bustling with people briefly became quiet and darkness deepened. Siwoo looked at Evan sitting in the chair beside the bed, constantly stroking his head.
Whether the IV included a sedative, drowsiness came over him languidly. It was Evan who must have been more surprised and more frantic than himself. Falling asleep at that exact moment. What must Evan’s feelings have been when signing his emergency surgery consent form? They said both he and Jadu were in danger. Then what must this foolish guy have thought?
Siwoo quietly stared into Evan’s eyes.
Self-blame. There was no need to even read the emotion hidden in Evan’s pheromones. He couldn’t even smell them because Evan was hiding his pheromones tightly, not knowing what he was thinking. But in his darkened eyes, self-blame, guilt, and self-loathing. Complex and heavy emotions were swirling.
“It’s not your fault.”
“…”
“It’s because I suddenly wanted to meet you and go shopping. Anyway, those paparazzi bastards…”
He tried to gently comfort each other’s emotions, but when the paparazzi came to mind again, Siwoo clenched his fist and swallowed the words that were about to burst out. They said emotional ups and downs could be severe during pregnancy due to hormonal influence, and that had been enough. He wasn’t even pregnant now, so why couldn’t he control his emotions like this? Siwoo, who had clenched his fist, tried to take a deep breath and let it out, but due to the sharp pain spreading from his lower belly, he couldn’t even sigh properly.
“Korea…”
“We should go. Sasaengs and reporters will attach themselves, but there aren’t paparazzi that rush at you like crazy like that. For us too, but also for Jadu.”
Siwoo, who had been suppressing his runaway emotions for a moment, cut off Evan’s words as soon as he brought up the word Korea. It’s not that he hated England. He thought it didn’t matter where in the world they were as long as they were together with Evan, but looking at the long term, Korea seemed like it would be more comfortable.
“I’m always sorry for being late.”
“Come here.”
He didn’t like any of the words coming from Evan’s mouth, who was so confident and rather seemed to have the problem of being too full of conceit. Since he did nothing wrong at all, Siwoo slightly lifted the sheet covering him.
“…”
“You’re a patient too. You’re injured too. You need to rest.”
“…”
“Hurry up and hug me.”
At the sight of him still hesitating, Siwoo clicked his tongue and urged the still-hesitating Evan, pulling him onto his bed.
“Which side?”
“…”
“Which shoulder did you hurt? Why are you like a mute who ate honey today? Where’s the Evanie I like? Can you call the always confident and self-assured Evanie? And since the left collarbone is cracked, I can use the right shoulder as a pillow, right?”
Still avoiding Evan’s eyes full of darkness, Siwoo laid Evan on the bed as he pleased and lay down using his right shoulder as a pillow. Every time he moved, his lower belly pulled and hurt, but right now this physical pain was nothing.
“Pheromones.”
As soon as his words ended, when Evan’s pheromones filled the air, Siwoo closed his eyes tightly.
“I’ll prepare so we can go to Korea right away if you and Jadu are okay. My thinking was short, and I…”
“It’s fine. You did what you could. Even if you knew, you couldn’t have stopped it. It rained too, right? More than that, Jadu’s a beta? Were pheromone levels not detected in the test?”
With his eyes closed, he raised his hand and placed it on Evan’s left chest. Feeling Evan’s heart beating steadily, Siwoo asked what he was most curious about.
“Yeah. Both yours and Jadu’s pheromones were cut off for a while. But Jadu’s didn’t come back. They said he could have late manifestation since he’s still too young and unstable, but that’s not important.”
“…You can’t feel it either?”
“No.”
“I can feel it. Our Jadu’s coffee scent, those pheromones. Even now he says he doesn’t want to be alone.”
“…”
“Whether Jadu’s an alpha, omega, or beta, like you said, that’s not important. He might be hidden like me. More than that, I just hope our Jadu doesn’t regress.”
Though Siwoo’s voice, overcome by sleep, was small and slow, each word Siwoo spoke stabbed into Evan’s chest.
“If Jadu’s hidden, we just need to find it for him. We just need to help Jadu become as happy as us, so don’t worry too much.”
“Yeah. Let’s keep this just between us. Don’t let even Fayden know.”
Before falling asleep, Siwoo murmured very quietly. It was like words to himself.
‘Normally. Normally… I’ll let him do everything he wants like other people.’
* * *
“Evana~”
At Siwoo’s voice heard from afar, Evan started rapidly shaking the small bottle in his hand.
“Hurry!”
Before he could even say he was coming, following Siwoo’s urging words, when a resonant crying sound was heard, a small sigh burst from Evan’s mouth. In baggy training pants with no top on, his hair sticking up in all directions looked like goblin horns in the dim moonlight.
“I’m go… *yawn*… ing.”
Unable to hide the yawn that burst out, Evan entered the bedroom and headed straight for the baby crib. And skillfully picked up the baby held in Siwoo’s arms, dripping thick tears and crying, and sat in the armchair next to them.
All the actions of holding stably and giving the bottle had no excess, and flowed smoothly like performing a well-practiced choreography from his prime days.
Instead of the baby’s crying that had been ringing loudly through the room, at the sound of hastily sucking on the bottle, Evan laughed quietly as if defeated. He couldn’t even distinguish whether this current situation was really a dream or reality.
“Ah. It’s hard.”
At Evan’s laughter, Siwoo flopped onto the bed and muttered.
“That’s why I said if we have a nanny, we don’t have to do this.”
3 AM.
Jadu’s crying sound, who had been sleeping soundly, was enough to make the novice mom and dad flustered. Siwoo’s eyelids, who had been checking the diaper while Evan hastily made formula, descended heavily.
Siwoo, who didn’t want to be involved in complicated matters, was distancing himself from the media first before Evan could even say anything. To put it coldly, it wasn’t that he deliberately distanced himself from the media—he didn’t even have time to care about such things in the childcare he was experiencing for the first time.
“How could we leave our Jadu to someone else…”
Following the muttering sound, seeing Siwoo soon breathing softly and falling asleep, Evan also leaned back comfortably in the chair and closed his eyes.
Before long, the room was filled only with the sound of the baby satisfyingly sucking on the bottle.
