Though he’d given them quite a bit of time, since no one was leaving the conference room, Evan tapped the table rhythmically with his fingertips. In the space where heavy silence had settled, the noise Evan made echoed louder.
“I don’t have much time right now… So for today, I’ll assume there’s nothing to discuss and take my leave. There will always be opportunities to sort things out, so please make sure no nonsense reaches my ears. Including talk about some green kid with barely dried blood on his head throwing money around or abusing his power. Of course, if any strange talk about Siwoo’s and my relationship is heard from outside, I’ll hold you all accountable for that as well. When an agency can’t properly manage its artists, that’s the agency’s problem, right? Well then.”
Walking to the window and looking down at the street through the blinds, he noticed the reporters camping out had increased noticeably. At first it would have been just a light scandal like gossip, but from now on, it would unfold like a power struggle between giant agencies.
And Evan planned to use this opportunity to crush MBX’s agency. Or else cleanly devour it and tear it to pieces.
“Lend me any employee car.”
Having left the conference room, Evan took out his phone while Daehwan, who had been hovering outside the conference room, went to borrow someone’s car.
On his phone, set to silent and no vibration, countless messages and missed calls had piled up in the meantime.
“Here.”
Receiving the car keys along with an iced Americano with an extra shot, Evan’s expression had darkened heavily. There were too many things he couldn’t pay attention to because he was so busy.
He should have comforted Siwoo more as he said things he didn’t mean, should have dried his wet hair more. He should have given the wavering Siwoo reassurance and made him eat something. He could have moved after doing all that.
He’d arbitrarily put Siwoo to sleep when Siwoo was trying to find a solution and overcome this situation. He should have embraced him more. That upset heart more…
“I did give those empty-headed higher-ups a hint, but there won’t be any interviews without my permission, and there won’t be any additional articles. If it seems like they might do something useless like that, contact me right away. For now, I’ll meet with the members and talk, and I’ll take care of Siwoo.”
Having drunk the cold, strong coffee, Evan let out a deep sigh and urged Daehwan.
Finding a small domestic car in the underground parking lot, Evan moved alone.
Meeting Yechan and Chan at the dorm, Evan immediately headed to Sangjun’s studio. Though he’d revealed the fact that there was no connection to MBX’s Hwanhee, people who loved to make connections no matter what would certainly nitpick at everything for a while.
Getting their stories straight with the members wasn’t even work. There wasn’t really anything to get straight either. They just needed to create an alibi that Siwoo was with the members on that day when he was supposedly with MBX’s Hwanhee. And it couldn’t even be called an alibi because Siwoo had always been with the members.
“Where’s Siwoo?”
At Sangjun’s words looking for Siwoo first as soon as he entered the studio, a bit of comfort came to Evan’s face that had been stiff until now.
Yechan and Chan also looked after Siwoo first…
“He’s at the officetel.”
Burying himself in the sofa as he sat, Evan received the water bottle Sangjun handed him.
“I saw the new article that came out.”
“Since I know better than anyone how much of trash that bastard is, I need to pull it out from the roots from the start.”
“The malicious commenters too?”
“They said they’d handle it on their own so I trusted them, but they just said that and didn’t properly proceed with anything, so this time I’m going to bundle them together and properly deal with them.”
Leaning back on the sofa with his eyes closed, answering Sangjun’s words, Evan slowly opened his closed eyes at an unfamiliar melody. It was quite sweet, perfect for a love song, he thought with a chuckle. When he’d asked to hear the songs being worked on, this seemed to be a recently made track.
It seems too soft to go on the mini album though…
“It’s spring, spring. It doesn’t quite fit our album, does it?”
Even knowing he had to go to Siwoo right away, Evan couldn’t easily get up. His head was heavy. Siwoo’s voice speaking of separation floated through his mind.
He never knew that bargaining condition—where Siwoo once asked him to definitely listen to what he had to say just once—would be used like this now. Just as Siwoo said, he never demanded anything from him.
Since when had he been thinking about separation?
From the beginning, Siwoo might have had separation in mind. They’d talked about the present, but he always kept his mouth shut about the future.
What did our future look like to Siwoo?
‘Later matters are for later. Right now is what’s important.’
Glancing at Sangjun who kept playing the same song for some reason, Evan closed his eyes again. Should he read those feelings that came through in the pheromones and respond accordingly? Or should he move according to those harsh words spit out while hurting himself?
If he went home and woke Siwoo, he’d probably turn on his phone and check the article first. He’d feel relieved at the article content denying the relationship as he wanted, but he’d probably bring up the same words again.
He’d say to sort things out and return to being members of the same group.
To persuade Siwoo, he’d have to say they can’t do without each other. He’d also have to add that without him who only reacts to Siwoo and his pheromones, Siwoo would instinctively build a nest like that day back then.
All of this would hurt Siwoo. Even if he barely persuaded Siwoo like that and maintained this relationship, would they be happy? Siwoo would always live holding the card of separation in one side of his heart, and he himself would live with an anxiety even greater than what Siwoo imagined.
Without even forming an imprint now, separating as Siwoo wanted might be the most ideal. Before it got deeper, suppressing the urges that kept boiling up had reached its limit. Whenever he saw Siwoo elated with euphoria in his arms, or when he saw that white, slender neckline exposed, he wanted to immediately form an imprint with him.
If Siwoo were a regressor like himself.
At the thought that came to mind again, Evan laughed emptily.
There were many parts that bothered him precariously. But it was just speculation; he wasn’t certain.
If Siwoo were a regressor, if like himself he knew everything about the past timeline.
If their relationship wasn’t that good according to what people around them said, it would have been difficult to mix so easily.
What was Siwoo like when they met again at the airport after regression?
What did he say while going to Goseong where his parents were. Siwoo was looking out the window.
“There are all kinds of ways to go crazy.”
Feeling pathetic at himself trying to fit all situations into that premise that Siwoo was a regressor like himself, Evan sighed and straightened up. He didn’t have time to hesitate here.
“You leaving?”
“I have to. I left him alone. He’s probably sleeping though.”
About to get up from the sofa, Evan picked up a few sheets of paper scattered on the floor. They were things that had been half or more under the sofa.
“Clean up a bit. You still haven’t fixed this even though Chan hyung nags you every day to clean up?”
Handing the collected papers to Sangjun, Evan brought up words he didn’t need to say.
“Hey, why are you doing this too. This is my space, not the dorm. Do I have to hear nagging about not cleaning up properly here too?”
“I should tell Chan hyung to stop by here once. When Chan hyung comes by, everything gets cleaned up at once.”
Evan kicked a box piled in the corner with his foot.
“That’s not mine. Siwoo probably dropped it yesterday while hurrying when you dragged him off. Take it to him.”
“What is it?”
As Sangjun, who had been looking at the papers just handed to him, gave them back to him again, Evan neatly organized the papers to make them easier to carry.
“Lyrics Siwoo wrote. For this song playing now. This one.”
“Ah… So this was the song you gave to Siwoo? It’s so soft and fluffy, it suits Coco well. Should we put it on the mini album as Coco’s single?”
“Let’s see it completed first. I don’t know how many times he’s already scrapped it. I thought it was all fine, but he’s a worse perfectionist than me.”
“Play the song again. Let me try matching it.”
Unfolding the papers he’d organized, Evan couldn’t match the lyrics with the song that started again. Evan’s hand holding the papers trembled, and as he hurriedly turned the pages, deep wrinkles formed between his brows.
The lyrics written in that round handwriting just like his couldn’t be connected easily.
There were lines crossed out in the middle, and traces everywhere of text being added here and there and then removed.
“Ha…”
Evan, who had been standing holding the papers, flopped down on the sofa.
Moving between the three sheets of paper and following the lyric content, Evan’s eyes shook violently.
I remember the airplane where I first met you.
Meeting a star was like that.
You who smiled brightly looking at me.
You who approached without hesitation.
We’re so different.
I cried because of onions
And laughed because of pasta.
It’s my mystery.
Only my story.
In my repeating life,
At twenty-three years old when I wanted to let go of everything,
It was you who protected me.
I remember the photo of me you took.
I remember the yellow bird I couldn’t deliver to you.
I laughed because of coffee
And cried because of plums.
It’s my secret.
Only my love story.
To you who said you’d give me the world,
What I prepared was separation.
The parting I couldn’t tell you in the end.
To me running on a Möbius strip,
Living in the gap of endlessly tangled time, my everything
Is now you.
I’ll remember forever.
Both you from back then and you from now.
Our memories will let me live.
It’s my destiny.
Only my sad story.
In my repeating life,
At twenty-one years old wanting to start everything over again,
Being with me is you right now.
Even though the song had ended, seeing Evan only staring holes through the papers, Sangjun shook his head and pressed the play button again. Well, these weren’t lyrics that could be easily understood.
When he’d asked what he wanted to convey with these lyrics,
Siwoo just smiled innocently and said,
‘A cursed fate.’
