It started with Siwoo, but it ended with Evan.
Having slept all night—no, only after watching the sun rise—Siwoo blankly stared at Evan’s face as he held him in his arms, deep in sleep.
Without any intention to move, he just gazed at that face that disappeared and appeared before him each time he blinked.
He’s really handsome. Kind and has a good personality too. He was someone who adjusted to Siwoo, who changed dozens of times a day.
He’d never had such severe mood swings before, but lately his personality was becoming even stranger. At least when he was with Evan, he could manage to get by smoothly, but the moment they were apart even briefly, the peculiar emotions he’d hidden deep inside would boil up.
Anxiety and nervousness came first. At some point, he was always looking for Evan. If he couldn’t see him, he’d try to find even his pheromones faintly remaining in the air. More and more, he was relying on Evan for many things.
He thought he was okay, but he wasn’t.
Since returning to Korea, he hadn’t shared such a deep relationship with Evan. Even knowing it was Evan’s consideration and due to their respective schedules, he grew impatient. Siwoo, who had briefly sobered up from the alcohol, eventually reached out to Evan sleeping beside him.
He wanted to confirm, even in that way, that Evan wanted him just as much as he did, that he still cherished and loved him.
“Instead of just looking like that, I told you to ask me to kiss you.”
At Evan’s sleepy voice, Siwoo burrowed deeper into his embrace. Then without hesitation, he brought his lips to Evan’s.
* * *
Drinking warm coffee, Siwoo stared intensely at one spot.
There was a person inside a large water tank. Along with the cut signal, Evan, who swam flexibly through the water, came up above the surface.
Siwoo’s eyes were calmly settled as he watched everything—the staff gathering near the water tank exchanging opinions with him.
The staff returned to their positions and Evan, having filled his lungs with air, went back into the water. Broadcasting work—nothing about it was easy. Even if they kept adding warm water, in this weather the water cooled quickly.
Officially it was a break period, but Evan had individual activities steadily coming in. Individual interviews, CF offers, pictorial shoots, even movies and dramas—it was an opportunity to truly take off. Yet Siwoo couldn’t understand Evan refusing all of that and saying he’d just focus on Ocean activities.
It was Siwoo who had pushed Evan’s back when he said that if he had time for individual activities, he’d spend that time with Siwoo instead. He wanted to continue maintaining a good relationship with him. But he didn’t want to be in that position while ruining his career.
Evan was someone who had been in a higher place than anyone else. Not only domestically but also overseas, there was no one who didn’t know him. It was a very common thing for him to decorate the finale of fashion shows and for his face to plaster the covers of famous magazines. Siwoo was the one anxious to know how far he could go.
They’d had countless deep conversations about the same agenda. Evan attached the condition that if Siwoo didn’t have urgent schedules, he wanted him to accompany his individual activities.
If going together from the start was a situation that could cause others’ misunderstanding, Siwoo would also visit his filming locations like a supporter.
Siwoo and Evan, who couldn’t find their footing, were gradually finding balance between work and romance. When they had time, they enjoyed leisure at Evan’s officetel. Sometimes they also raised their glasses at the hotel lounge that had once helped them open their hearts to each other.
“It’s cold, so they should just finish moderately. The last one was good too…”
Watching the staff drain the water and add hot water, Siwoo grumbled sulkily.
How long do they have to soak him in water to be satisfied? Nothing was harder than underwater filming.
Drinking coffee while standing at a distance so as not to interfere with filming, Siwoo saw someone standing next to him and soon lowered his gaze to his hands.
“Should I bring you coffee?”
The person accompanying them today was Daehwan hyung, but next to him right now was Myunghun hyung.
“No. The weather is pretty cold, right?”
“Evan is colder than me.”
With Siwoo’s words, silence settled between the two.
Soon both were looking at Evan in the water tank.
This situation, it’s familiar.
Quite amusingly, in this time period, there were truly many things that overlapped with the previous time period.
At that thought, Siwoo shook his head slightly and chuckled, then slowly turned his head to look at Myunghun.
Was it because their first relationship formed twisted? Siwoo wasn’t very comfortable with Myunghun. Though he was the main manager, he was the type who liked to control the members. So that’s why he could say such things to him so nonchalantly.
There was a reason why Siwoo accompanied Evan’s schedule today.
It was the day Siwoo was taking his driver’s license test. Siwoo had made his own plans for today. Getting a driver’s license was a piece of cake. He would naturally pass and planned to go buy the car he’d been eyeing right after.
‘Let’s go together.’
‘You have filming today. Daehwan hyung said he’d accompany you, right? Then I’ll go with Myunghun hyung.’
‘I don’t want to. Move with me.’
It was because Evan stubbornly insisted he had to watch him take the test. If filming ended within the next two hours, he could move with him. If filming took longer, he’d have to go first, but Siwoo didn’t bother telling Evan even that much.
“Evan…”
“I’m not interfering.”
At the same time Myunghun opened his mouth, Siwoo, whose expression hardened, also spoke up.
That’s what intuition was. He’d clearly moved with Daehwan, but the fact that he’d sent him back and Myunghun was here meant there was some reason, and it wasn’t very difficult to realize that reason was himself.
He didn’t want to hear facts he already knew through someone else’s mouth. Knowing all too well what he was going to say, Siwoo cut off Myunghun’s words without hesitation.
He thought he only needed to hide his own heart. He thought he only needed to avoid it. He thought he only needed to push away the one approaching him.
So what would remain for him then?
He was only now learning how to love and how to be loved. How to coordinate opinions with each other, what he disliked and what he liked—he felt like he was only now starting to understand a little.
It was a relationship with a predetermined end, even without others saying so. So he wanted to be happy even within that predetermined time, but when he encountered things like this, even that felt like a luxury to him.
Since the members and managers hadn’t said anything until now, he thought it was tacit consent.
But that was only because his head was in a flower garden. Reality was cold and harsh.
So it was himself this time too? It was content he could tell Evan, but the reason for bringing it up to him first was all too clear.
Because it would be easier to make him give up than Evan. They wouldn’t want to offend the one who was doing best right now and had a lot of involvement with the agency. They might be waiting for him to fall away on his own or for Evan to lose interest in this relationship. Rather than Myunghun’s personal thoughts, what he was saying now was probably the agency’s position.
“I’m being careful, aren’t I? I get what you want to say, but can’t you just leave it like this for a little while? I don’t want to ruin Evan. If it seems like even a little damage will go to Evan, I’ll sort it out myself, so don’t say such things. And not to Evan either.”
Myunghun didn’t make any gesture at Siwoo’s firm words. He was looking at Evan filming with his arms crossed.
“Kim Siwoo, you guys are young so maybe you don’t know yet…”
Myunghun, who had been looking only at Evan, now slowly spoke while touching his phone. At the familiar situation and familiar treatment, Siwoo’s lips curved crookedly upward. That action, clearly showing disrespect for the other person, definitely demonstrated who held the upper hand in this situation.
Myunghun was clearly trying to break Siwoo’s spirit with this intentional behavior. Siwoo had lived too long and experienced too much to be taken down helplessly.
“Myunghun hyung, stop it. If you continue that story, Evan will get angry. Do you want to see him stop filming?”
When he coldly cut off his words again, Myunghun slowly turned his head. Their eyes met, but Siwoo didn’t avoid his gaze. Right, only twenty-one now. To him, it would look like a greenhorn brat talking back insolently. But that wasn’t important.
It was an emotion he’d thrown away. He’d turned away from it, discarded it, trampled on it, but even while miserably neglected, it had stubbornly grown. It was a heart that even if he couldn’t embrace it, hold it, acknowledge its hardship and comfort it—even if he slammed it down and oppressed it—ultimately grew anyway.
He didn’t want this heart, which had been so hard for even himself to accept, to be mistreated by others too.
It’s my heart. It’s my love. It was now a precious, precious emotion that would become the strength for him to live.
Bang-.
It was Evan who ended the tense tug-of-war between Myunghun and Siwoo.
“See? Evan is angry.”
As Siwoo shrugged his shoulders toward Myunghun and turned his head toward Evan still in the water tank, their eyes met—Evan looking at him without the slightest deviation. Still trapped in the water, Evan had struck the water tank hard with his large hand.
He wanted to prevent his wavering emotions from dissolving into his pheromones, but Siwoo still hadn’t mastered that. And just as he felt Evan’s pheromones faintly permeating everywhere, it was certain Evan felt his pheromones too.
As if nothing had happened, Siwoo smiled brightly and waved his hand slightly.
“Finish filming quickly. I have to go take my driver’s license test.”
There was no need to speak loudly. Siwoo just moved his lips to convey his meaning.
“What did you talk about with Myunghun hyung?”
After filming ended and he changed into casual clothes, Evan immediately asked that. Seeing his hair not yet completely dry, Siwoo clicked his tongue and reached out toward him.
“He asked if I prepared well for the driver’s license test.”
Siwoo’s hand, giving a rough excuse, did reach Evan’s shoulder, but since he didn’t lower his body, he added a request to bend his head down a bit.
“Lie.”
“Why would I lie to you? It’s cold, so don’t take off your hood until we get in the car.”
Only after asking him to bend down did Evan lower his body, and Siwoo pulled up and placed the hood of the hoodie he was wearing over his head.
“I’m asking what you talked about.”
“The obvious stuff. Getting a driver’s license is good, but drive carefully. Be careful of accidents. Absolutely no drunk driving. Nothing for the social news section. That kind of talk.”
“I’ll pretend to believe you.”
Siwoo didn’t avoid Evan’s arm putting his arm around his shoulders.
“When I buy a car, I’ll give you a ride first.”
Even knowing Myunghun’s gaze was on himself and Evan, Siwoo acted calmly.
“…Can’t I just do the driving?”
Siwoo lightly ignored Evan’s sincere words. He drove well, so he couldn’t understand why Evan so disliked him driving.
