“Kids fall down sometimes. If she gets hurt, I’ll make sure there’s no scarring. I know a good plastic surgery clinic too.”
“No, that’s not the problem.”
“Right. The biggest problem right now is that she’s playing near the fire.”
Hae-won shrugged nonchalantly and began placing meat on the grill.
At the mention that she shouldn’t even come near the fire, Ji-yu pouted her lips slightly, but it was only for a moment. The child’s mood improved quickly, and she started happily playing in a corner, rolling pebbles around.
Since she was sitting flat on the ground, her clothes might get dirty, but at least she wouldn’t get hurt, which seemed better.
Finally able to breathe easy, Seo-an began grilling meat with Hae-won. As they both held tongs and placed a piece of meat on the grill with a plop, the sizzling sound immediately made their mouths water.
As he watched this quietly, he heard a low laugh right in front of him.
“Why are you laughing?”
“Hyung, did you grow up without getting hurt as a kid? Just how preciously were you raised? Why are you so anxious?”
“Me getting hurt and a child getting hurt are different things.”
Seo-an spoke as if to say, ‘Are you really asking that?’
“You’ve been hurt too, Hyung.”
Hae-won responded as if to say, ‘What’s the difference?’ While saying this, he chattered on about his childhood.
When he was in elementary school, a driver would take him around, and once while waiting for the driver’s car at a crosswalk, a friend he was close with pushed him hard and he got hit by a car. The driver was shocked and came running, and although his memory was hazy, the driver had held him in his arms, completely distressed.
The Hae-won who spoke like this reeked strongly of being a rich family’s son.
He’d heard in words that he was well-off, very well-off.
To be precise, even back in college, he’d acted as if he lacked nothing, so Seo-an had sensed it implicitly.
When his hyung’s circumstances changed and they suddenly had to sell the house and move, when he was left floating with nowhere to go, Hae-won had invited him to his place and let him stay for a few days—the memory of that officetel, which was far too luxurious for a college student’s temporary stay, came to mind.
Seo-an just laughed and replied, “I see.” So rich kids have drivers next to them even when they get into accidents, he thought. He didn’t feel self-pity comparing himself to that. He was just accepting it as it was when Hae-won’s eyes widened as he asked.
“What about you, Hyung? When did you get hurt the worst?”
“Well… I guess when I was little, I fell wrong from a slide?”
“Fell wrong? How?”
As they conversed like this, the subtle awkwardness that had been between them disappeared before they knew it. Seo-an became aware that he’d been the only one bothered about Hae-won and continued the conversation more comfortably.
Instead of sliding down the slide properly, he’d jumped off with the reckless curiosity of childhood and landed head-first so hard that his hyung came running in shock. Back then, he was so startled by his hyung’s yelling that he didn’t even realize he was hurt, but later he saw that his face was covered in serious injuries.
Still, as he recalled being so happy that his hyung had held him, grinning foolishly, the meat started cooking one by one. While flipping it at the right time and cooking both sides properly, Hae-won asked various questions about this and that.
He wasn’t this persistently curious even when we were close in college. At Hae-won’s appearance—eyes sparkling as if encountering a new world, showing such interest—laughter escaped him helplessly.
“Why are you so curious about me?”
When he honestly conveyed what he was feeling, Hae-won tilted his head prettily and blinked.
“Why can’t I be curious?”
“What’s there to be curious about? We all lived the same way. I went to elementary school like you, went through puberty briefly in middle school. Studied hard in high school and went to the same college as you.”
“Exactly. So why can’t I be curious about that daily life? You have a tendency not to answer questions, you know. You know that?”
“When did I not answer questions?”
Seo-an laughed as if dumbfounded and pushed Hae-won’s face away. It was because he suddenly felt his own face burning from the face that had gotten so close. He didn’t bother distinguishing whether this was heat boiling from inside or if it was hot from standing in front of the grill.
“You didn’t just now either. I asked if you’d take responsibility if you were serious.”
“Don’t you start too, it’s hard enough watching the kid.”
Seo-an deliberately changed the subject and looked at Ji-yu. The child was still sitting, touching stones until her hands were black. On one side was a stone tower she’d probably painstakingly built, and on the other side were stones arranged in the shape of a person—she seemed to be playing house in her own way.
“Who’s asking you to watch? I’m just saying I’ll be by your side.”
“Sure, be there. When were you not, anyway?”
“I wasn’t.”
The word fell decisively and sharply pierced his ears, but Seo-an didn’t bother to dwell on it one by one.
He understood the stubbornness to some extent. Although it was a misunderstanding, Hae-won thought he was married anyway. If he’d done everything they did and then suddenly heard news of a marriage, he would’ve been upset too.
Hadn’t he himself been flustered when Hae-won suddenly cut off contact? Now he knew the reason and thought that was understandable, but he still had no intention of properly explaining the misunderstanding Hae-won was having.
If it’s truly necessary to say, won’t the day come eventually? It was all in the past anyway, so why bring up that story now?
Of course, even if he corrected it now, they might face a different phase, but it wasn’t good content, so wouldn’t the silence that followed after bringing it up be suffocating?
…More than anything, he also wondered if he’d be revealing too much misfortune to Yeon Hae-won for no reason. So wouldn’t it be okay to just maintain this level of relationship as is?
So he was keeping his mouth firmly shut when Hae-won continued.
“But I’m okay now. I heard everything.”
“Heard what?”
“That you’re not the kid’s dad, right?”
Hae-won asked, lowering his voice sharply.
“…Huh?”
No, I just resolved not to explain it unnecessarily just now.
Seo-an first checked on the child. First he worried if she might have heard, and then he worried if the kid already knew and had told him.
The child lost her parents before she could even speak, and grew up calling him dad just like that. Of course, there was no way she’d have memories, but just in case—at the thought that she might have memories but was hiding them, the color drained from his face.
Hae-won handed water to such a Seo-an and said.
“I didn’t hear it from the kid, so calm down.”
After hearing the whole story that followed, Seo-an closed his eyes tightly. Just in case, I told the daycare to ‘refer to me as dad in front of the children,’ which was fortunate—otherwise, the child might already know everything, he thought belatedly.
He should probably emphasize it once more. Thinking this, Seo-an looked at Hae-won again.
“…I didn’t tell you on purpose either. I just wanted to focus on the kid, and she’s no different from my own child anyway, so I wondered if there was a need to explain.”
“Yes, do that.”
“……”
Seo-an looked at him with puzzled eyes. He agreed so easily that it made him wonder if he really understood properly.
“Do as you please, Hyung. But I’m going to do as I please.”
What is this, some kind of declaration of war?
He recalled Hae-won mentioning something about opportunities and such when they first met again. When Seo-an looked at him with uneasy eyes, Hae-won instead smiled brightly and said.
“There’s nothing holding me back now, really.”
The connection was severed, so I’d already given up on struggling to return to how things were before.
“Wrong timing exists to be made up for. That’s why we met again.”
At the added words, he had nothing to say.
It was another moment of becoming aware of how dull he was when it came to Hae-won.
“Yeah, I like that too!”
At the brazen voice of the child who’d approached at some point, he just bit his lower lip. It wasn’t like she knew what she was saying, it was just a voice butting in, but Seo-an found all of this utterly troublesome.
“See? The kid says it’s good too.”
From now on, it’ll be harder to avoid him. Sensing this was perhaps only natural.
4.
“Ji-yu-ya, when it’s cold, you have to keep this wrapped around you.”
“Mok-dol-i-.”
“That’s right. Muffler.”
Seo-an looked down worriedly at Ji-yu, who was wearing a bag as big as her body and excitedly shaking her arms and legs with a flushed expression.
Today was the day the daycare was going to the sledding area for 2 nights and 3 days. And Ji-yu had only told him two days ago, so he’d had to prepare in a hurry, but fortunately, the preparations seemed to be quite thorough.
The only worry was…
“Ji-yu-ya, what did Dad tell you to do if your nose runs?”
“Ask teacher to wipe my nose! And ask her to give me this, this!”
“Right. You have to say, ‘Please give me this.’ Dad will tell the teacher.”
“Yeah! Dad’s the best!”
Ji-yu was in such a good mood that she acted unusually affectionate and hugged Seo-an’s thigh tightly. The child was so excited about going on a trip that she couldn’t contain herself.
