The next day. Just as he arrived at work at the cafe and entered the staff room, the phone in his pocket vibrated. Eunha, who checked the caller, indifferently answered the phone. It was a call from Yeonjun.
As soon as the call connected, a heavily ailing voice was heard lowly from the other side.
– Hyung-…
Hyuuung, it was a dragging tone. As if extremely troubled. While his attention stayed there for a moment, a voice cracked with self-reproach continued intermittently.
– Ah, really… yesterday I…
Eunha leaned his body against a pile of boxes stacked in one corner of the staff room and took a posture of quietly listening. It was confessional content. Sorry for making him get that contact in the middle of the night, sorry for making him take care of someone who must have been heavy, he honestly didn’t remember well what happened but sorry for not remembering. Anyway, everything from last night was sorry.
– And, also…
“……”
He, who had been extending his apologies well, trailed off at some point. A pitch-black silence continued as is. It didn’t feel like he’d run out of things to say, but rather a hesitation closer to being unable to vocalize the remaining words.
From that conscious stillness, last night naturally came to mind. Crying, being comforted, and then leading to a somewhat unseemly situation.
What was eventually heard was a faint sigh. A sigh, and then another sigh. Only at the end did an apology without an object finally reach him.
– …I’m really sorry.
Eunha exhaled a soundless breath through his nose and answered indifferently.
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t bothered at all.”
There was no need to be this sorry. It wasn’t a big deal. It was true that it was awkward, but he wasn’t particularly upset or anything, and conclusively, nothing happened. Eunha actually found that part much more impressive. It remained as a memory that bothered him more. The point that that series of situations from yesterday was broken off by none other than Yeonjun’s refusal.
Even thinking about it again now, it was still a bit strange. It was also the first time being kicked out by someone who was aroused.
He naturally thought he’d pounce on him saying let’s do it. Because a person whose reason was blurred by drinking had even gotten hard. Every time he mentioned needing sex to sleep well, he was a kid who spouted reckless nonsense worthy of a punch, like he didn’t care, it was fine.
So he’d made up his mind to push him away, and also anticipated that perhaps a bit of tussling might occur in the process. Because it was an extremely familiar situation to Eunha, he wasn’t particularly moved. He thought it would work out somehow. They say nothing is more uncontrollable than a drunk person, but still, that kid was exceptionally kind. He thought he’d be able to push him away somehow.
But when he came to his senses, it was the building hallway, and Eunha belatedly had to blink his eyes, bewildered by that. Bewildered, and also strange.
Strange, and unfamiliar. Because he didn’t quite understand.
It was still an incomprehensible point. Especially since he was a kid who liked him so much. Honestly, he’d shown signs of wanting to do it a few times. But why, of all times, yesterday… Such questions.
– …You weren’t bothered at all?
At that moment, at the slightly sunken voice heard, Eunha hesitated. Soon, putting aside his thoughts, he opened his mouth.
“Well… I meant you don’t have to worry about it this much.”
– …I see…
It was an unsatisfactory answer. Like someone in whom something had momentarily occurred inside.
After exchanging a few more words, they ended the call, and that process was also unsatisfactory. On the surface there was no problem, but somehow a feeling as if strangely drifting apart. The kind where it seemed faintly felt even over the phone line that the other person had become lost in thought.
Eunha, who ended the call with a formulaic greeting, looked down at his phone with a somehow uncomfortable feeling.
“……”
Geez, he’s really making me concerned.
He roughly knew why his mood had suddenly twisted. It had meaning to him, but when told that this side wasn’t bothered at all, his insides must have torn a bit.
It was just true so he couldn’t do anything about it, but it was also true that it weighed on his mind.
Eunha, who had been fiddling with his phone, eventually shook his head lightly and left the staff room. He was concerned, but he didn’t want to be concerned. They were a relationship where that was appropriate. Because that’s right…
‘Why do you keep being good to me…’
The wavering voice came to mind. The eyelashes that had been dampened too.
Eunha stuffed his phone deep into his pocket. Right. This is right.
It was not many minutes later that a message arrived from Yeonjun.
Content saying he probably couldn’t see him until the end of the semester because of exams. At the unexpected declaration, Eunha, who raised one eyebrow, sent a reply.
You thought really well
Baek Yeonjun
Really…
Really
It was a message with a bit of resentment seeping through, but Eunha pretended not to notice and sent a reply.
Okay
Good luck
It was exactly ten days until the end of semester date he’d heard about.
* * *
Four days since not meeting Yeonjun like that.
Eunha looked beyond the counter with empty eyes. Boredom was heavily laden on his face staring at the noisy cluster of seats.
Why is it so empty?
He was so bored and tedious that he even thought he’d prefer an unreasonable customer to burst in. He wished something would make him a bit more interested.
So, to a somewhat bewildering degree.
What had brought the emptiness was self-evident.
‘…Did I become too used to it during that time?’
They chatted while seeing each other every day, went on dates, and also called or texted whenever there was time. And all of that was done under Yeonjun’s initiative. When he said let’s meet, they met, he came to the cafe and chatted. Contact was always him first too.
Then even if it was cut off in one moment, that wouldn’t be a problem for Eunha at all. That was natural.
But.
“……”
Eunha habitually scanned the messenger chat room with Yeonjun. For the past few days, exchanging about two words a day was all. Sleep well, eat. Just about that much talk.
Eunha, who was reading the conversation records that had been exchanged repetitively like a duty, meaninglessly moved his index finger over the keypad. What are you doing? I’m bored. Are you doing exam assignments? Is it going well? Didn’t you say something wasn’t working out last time… Eunha, who had been listing things he wanted to say without realizing it, at some point became very dissatisfied with himself.
What would contacting him first accomplish?
He flipped the phone face down on the desk with a thud. He forcefully pushed the thoughts away. His nerves became sensitively heated. For unknown reasons.
As always, after an early off-work, he stopped at a fork in the road that went straight home. After standing in place for a while as if pondering, at one moment he sharply turned direction and began walking. Toward the road heading to the university.
It was quite an impulsive walk. Even to himself, incomprehensible.
Then he rationalized it appropriately. So this is, just like a walk. Without special meaning. Because the weather is sunny today. Because walking around sunbathing on a day like this makes you feel good.
Then if they met, he’d just exchange light greetings briefly, and even if they didn’t meet, it didn’t matter at all. That’s all.
He headed recklessly into the university like that. He moved his steps while tracing only the memory of having gone once before. He didn’t bother looking at the map app. Because that would be too deliberate.
Eunha, who was walking leisurely and idly as if really on a walk, coincidentally ran into Yeonjun on a gentle hill road. As he was climbing along the sloped path heading to the College of Fine Arts, a group approaching from the opposite side far away caught his eye. Yeonjun, among four or five peers of both genders, was immediately noticeable. He, who was expressionless, showed a bit of a smile at someone’s whisper, then returned to expressionless.
Because they were approaching in directions facing each other, it was quick for their gazes to interlock. Eunha gradually stopped walking, and Yeonjun showed no particular reaction. The group he belonged to gradually approached while noisily playing around saying something among themselves. Were they classmates? Eunha, who quickly scanned them once, placed his gaze on Yeonjun again.
Since they’d met, he was going to greet him when they got appropriately close. Just simply since he was with other companions. He thought he’d exchange brief words like that and pass by.
While thinking and watching, Yeonjun’s face was thoroughly expressionless. No emotion contained, seeming to have no thoughts either, and therefore cool.
It was the moment they finally approached right up close.
For an instant their eyes met precisely, and he was about to open his lips when, without even that chance, Yeonjun passed right by him. As if he were a stranger.
The sound of his companions conversing about something behind him dug into his eardrums. It rang dully and soon gradually faded. Eunha stiffened rigidly.
What? He even felt his heart freeze. When he, submerged in an indescribably chilly sensation, was looking ahead numbly.
Suddenly, as if running, the sound of footsteps ascending at narrow intervals was heard.
Swoosh, it was in one moment that Yeonjun appeared before his eyes again.
A familiar face, with a flustered expression.
“No, it’s not a dream.”
“……”
“I thought I saw wrong, hyung…”
Eunha, who had been stiffly frozen until then, asked back a bit dazedly.
“Saw wrong…?”
“I thought I saw a hallucination or something.”
“……”
“From missing you.”
At that explanation, the same as usual and completely without substance, the energy drained out in an instant. An unknowable sense of relief spread and his shoulders relaxed. Because that feeling was somehow unwelcome, it was while Eunha was ambiguously releasing his expression. Yeonjun, who had been observing him with a face containing a bit of complexity, soon clearly raised a bright light in both eyes.
“How did you come here?”
