“Why are you really like this?”
“Like what?”
“Why do you keep doing useless things?”
“Is this just a day or two?”
Answering nonchalantly, Gu Haebin put an electronic cigarette in his mouth. Eunha raised his eyebrows.
“I’ll do anything.”
He hesitated saying that. It was a statement that, when interpreted, contained a rather affectionate implication—what wouldn’t he do, however troublesome, if it were for you? And to Eunha, it was still a statement that sounded like “I’m scared of you.”
That day that acted as the catalyst for Gu Haebin becoming this extreme.
Because if he didn’t watch over him even for a moment, it felt like he’d return to that ghastly state at any time, so he was actually scared.
Even Eunha himself evaluated his own condition that way, but it seemed that in his eyes too, his current self didn’t look quite whole.
When he fell silent, unable to find words to say, Gu Haebin brought up his business.
“Try dating properly for once. At this opportunity.”
“……”
“After talking with him a bit, his thinking isn’t exactly that immature either.”
That was a fact Eunha knew all too well. It was something he realized almost every moment they were together. To the point where he sometimes thought there were things to learn from him, Yeonjun’s thoughts ran deep. It wasn’t that he didn’t show any childish signs at all. But at least he was a much better person than himself.
That’s why it’s even more impossible, Eunha thought. What is this kid lacking? Eunha wasn’t in a mental state to meet anyone, nor did he have confidence to meet anyone. That’s why he didn’t want to date. What he should do, what he could do, was only hope that Yeonjun would be able to sort out his feelings well during the time they spent together going forward.
“At my age, meeting this kid isn’t normal.”
“I don’t think those words should come from your mouth when you were trailing after a department teaching assistant at the same age as him?”
“Hey. Gu Haebin.”
“Look at you getting angry because I hit the nail on the head.”
“……”
Gu Haebin sneered listlessly at Eunha, who was raising his voice. Eunha glared at him fiercely. Anyway, he was a guy with expertise in making people angry. Regardless, Gu Haebin just blew out smoke with a face that didn’t have even a bit of hesitation.
“You’re concerned about it because of that in the first place anyway.”
“Concerned about what?”
“Because he’s fucking like you.”
“……”
“That’s what it looked like at a glance.”
Isn’t it? He couldn’t answer the question. He couldn’t answer. Like you. Lee Eunha. Because it seems like seeing the past you.
Eunha stood still with a stiff face for a moment. When the silence lengthened, Gu Haebin glanced at Eunha and snickered.
“That’s a face that’s been hit right on the mark.”
“…If you’re going to talk nonsense, I’m leaving.”
“Yeah, hurry and go. Take good care of your kid?”
Eunha responded to his friend by showing him his middle finger. After threatening him never to call Yeonjun out like this again, he got into the driver’s seat. At that noise, Yeonjun made a sound of “mm” and shifted his body slightly. Looking at him, his face was completely drunk with sleep.
Eunha, whose gaze softened for a moment toward him, stared to the side for a while, then quietly started the engine and drove the car. Arriving at the officetel, he got out of the car, opened the passenger seat door, and stood there blankly for a moment. He’d parked, but he wondered how to take this big thing with him.
He tried pulling him out while using various tricks, but it was futile. As expected, he didn’t have the courage to move him alone. In the end, Eunha bent down and shook Yeonjun’s shoulder not too strongly.
“Yeonjun-ah.”
He tapped under his shoulder, even tried lightly touching his cheek, and called him for quite a while. A dry laugh came out a bit at how he grumbled incomprehensible words as if it was bothersome.
How long did he try to wake him? Finally his eyelids twitched. Eventually, Yeonjun, who opened his eyes thinly, cast a hazy gaze toward Eunha.
“Are you coming to your senses?”
He showed no reaction and just stared blankly. His eyes were completely out of it, but he thought even this was something. It was when he was about to reach out his arm to support him. Suddenly Eunha drew in a breath in dismay. He opened his mouth and looked down at the passenger seat. It was because Yeonjun, who had been looking at him loosely, showed tears while still in a daze.
There was no change in expression at all. While his hazy gaze was fixed on Eunha, the sight of only his eyelashes glistening as they got wet was even more unbelievable for that reason.
“Yeonjun-ah… are you crying?”
When he asked in belated surprise, focus briefly settled in the pupils that had only been hazy, then quickly blurred again.
“I’m not crying…”
It was a completely wavering voice. While saying that, he lowered his head as if he didn’t want to show it. With that recoil, a single tear that had been pooling dropped, and Eunha became even more flustered. No, you really are crying…
“Why… why are you crying?”
“I’m not crying.”
“If this isn’t crying, then.”
“So this is… because I’m frustrated…”
“……”
“Of course it’s not that hyung is frustrating… just, too much…”
The voice muttering with unclear pronunciation was also choked with tears. Even while drunk to the point of being unable to think clearly, a helpless smile flowed out at the disposition that denied to the end that it wasn’t because of hyung. This kid… how can he be so consistent? Because such a softening sentiment arose.
“…Let’s go home first, Yeonjun-ah.”
After being troubled for a while, Eunha finally spoke. After supporting Yeonjun so he could get out of the car, he wrapped his arm around his shoulders. While heading to the apartment, he staggered and leaned his weight on Eunha. He clung to him like a clingy person, and his lips and cheeks occasionally brushed against his nape, making him feel troubled, but there was nothing he could do. What can I do about drunken behavior… He couldn’t just abandon him here. Eunha focused only on supporting him while enduring the occasionally seeping awkward sensation.
He groaned as he opened the front door and entered the living room. Toward the end, he almost dragged him and sat Yeonjun on the sofa. While trying to center his swaying body, the arm that had been draped around him like a shoulder hug came down and wrapped around Eunha’s waist. Without even a chance to respond, he was instantly pulled and tightly trapped in his embrace. Because he was sitting almost facing sideways to look at Yeonjun, both legs were completely dragged up onto his thighs.
“…Yeonjun-ah.”
Eunha, who hesitated, called out awkwardly, but Yeonjun, as if he couldn’t hear, rested his head below Eunha’s shoulder. His eyelashes, rubbing his cheek as if acting spoiled, were still soaked with tears. It wasn’t enough to flow, but it didn’t look like it would dry either.
And he didn’t look like he had any intention of releasing the body he was hugging tightly with the momentum to lose it the moment he let go. It was troublesome drunken behavior, but there was no other way to deal with it. When he’s crying like this, what can I do…
It was pitiful. Because there were no words to say, and nothing he could do. Eunha, who had been looking at the endlessly damp eyelashes with sympathy, finally reached out his hand. In order to stop the tears, he stroked his head. Though he was stopped soon after.
“Don’t do that.”
It was a voice muffled with moisture.
“I’m just a junior you know.”
“……”
“When you don’t even like me…”
He was briefly surprised. Because it was a type of resentment he would never bring up normally.
“Why do you keep being good to me…”
