A whispering like a whine. Eunha let out a short snort. How does this kid like me this much? Why did it happen to turn out that way of all things? It was a hollow laugh stemming from that question that still didn’t quite sink in.
Thinking that he doesn’t know much, that it’s an emotion he can have because he doesn’t know anything, he’d also sometimes become immersed in the counter-question of whether there was really a need to desperately correct that fantasy and expectation.
It was purely because the present was fun. Because ordinary meetings spent with a new person weren’t too bad.
If you knew me, you wouldn’t be able to show emotions that are only goodwill and affection like this.
Most of those who remained around Eunha were like that. There were turbid emotional impurities cast over them to only talk about good things and continue only light topics. His mother loved Eunha as much as she denied his nature while being obsessed with him, and his friends became relationships where unspoken resentment piled up after they first distanced themselves because they didn’t have the face to laugh comfortably while looking at him. A relationship where the desire to resolve it someday and the desire not to resolve it and keep this distance as is coexist.
Gu Haebin, who knew everything, was the most comfortable person, but paradoxically, he was also the most uncomfortable person. In the sense that he’d shown everything down to the shameful bottom. In the sense that he’d one-sidedly accumulated only debt. In the sense that a sense of indebtedness that wouldn’t be enough even if carried for a lifetime was attached.
“If you like someone, you can touch them at all times like this?”
“You gave me permission, hyung. To this extent.”
“Well… It seems too frequent.”
“If you don’t like it, I won’t do it.”
“…”
“You’re saying you don’t dislike it. Got it.”
“This is absurd, really…”
He chuckled. Just how long has it been since such an ordinary everyday life with another person? How long has it been since sharing only superficial conversations and being absorbed in light emotions?
Eunha decided not to refuse the quite fresh and peaceful feeling he’d found in a temporary relationship. Really, because it didn’t feel bad. Furthermore, because it was, as the saying goes, a temporary relationship.
Around the time people started entering one by one, he withdrew his hand and created distance. Yeonjun showed a slightly regretful look but didn’t add any words. They briefly discussed what to eat for dinner. Then, to Yeonjun who asked in passing whether he’d eaten lunch, Eunha answered that he had. It was entirely a lie. Eunha had skipped lunch.
It was a frequent occurrence. When fatigue was extreme, his appetite would drop and he often wouldn’t take care of meals. Today, all he’d done was gulp down a glass of juice for breakfast. Then he went to work in the morning and drank a cup of coffee… left work later than usual, briefly stopped by the bank, then came straight here.
Was that the reason? Drowsiness kept pouring out. The chair enveloping his body was excessively cozy, and the hand that occasionally fiddled with his fingers as if it were nothing possessed warmth. As if influenced by it, his eyes closed, and a feeling of weakness consistently stirred through his body. Somehow it also seemed like his chest was strangely stuffy.
Eunha inflated his chest greatly so the air could reach his lungs refreshingly. His condition wasn’t good at all, but there was no need to reveal it. Whatever the reason, he’d come out on a date. There was no need to act in a way that would ruin the atmosphere in a properly arranged setting. It wasn’t to a degree that was difficult to endure either.
After some advertising time, darkness descended. A few minutes after the movie started screening, Yeonjun once again slowly leaned his entire body toward Eunha. From shoulder to elbow touched completely and deeply, and his temple came to rest on the end of his shoulder. At the softly leaning gesture, Eunha chuckled again. Then Yeonjun let out a wind-like laugh from the side, as if acknowledging that even he could see it was a bit obvious.
Right. I told you you’re scheming…
But the feeling still wasn’t bad. Rather, it was nice because it was warm. Even though he’d taken care to wear a long-sleeved tee and even a cardigan, a chill had been gradually setting in from the air conditioning. The warmth of another person overlapping one side of his body was cozy.
And because it was too warm.
For a moment, even the remaining tension released and sleep poured out madly. Somehow it felt like he couldn’t breathe well. Unable to resist the fatigue any longer, Eunha couldn’t pull himself together and rapidly blinked his eyes.
I shouldn’t fall asleep.
That awareness quickly changed direction under the dizziness where his vision turned pitch black. Maybe it would be okay to fall asleep a little.
Following his vision, even his head was dyed pitch black in an instant. Whoosh, it was a moment to fall into sleep as if letting go of consciousness.
Right. As if losing consciousness in a flash, like that.
And when he opened his eyes again, what entered Eunha’s hazy vision was a white ceiling and a thin curtain hanging like a partition.
* * *
It’s comfortable.
It was the first thought that settled when consciousness returned. Indescribably comfortable and refreshed. As if he’d emerged from being deeply immersed in a deep sleep.
So Eunha lay there drowsily with his eyes closed for a moment. It seemed like it would be okay to fall asleep again like this. It seemed like he could fall asleep. He wanted to do that.
‘I’m lying down…?’
Eunha, who detected that something was strange, hesitantly lifted his eyelids. What he saw immediately was a white ceiling with a regular pattern drawn on it. Next was an IV drip. Next was a partition curtain.
With a few clues, he could quickly figure out it was a hospital. Especially this sharp, fresh air. It was unmistakably the hospital’s. It was a smell he didn’t particularly like since he had no good memories. A terribly detestable smell.
Outside the curtain was noisy. Was it about the emergency room? An objective judgment was made, but separately, nothing made sense. No, there were no memories in his head. Like when he slept and woke up after taking sleeping pills. It was when he was just drowsily rolling his eyes fumblingly.
With a clatter, movement arose from his hand. Only then did Eunha realize that one of his hands was warmly overlapped by two hands. Also that a person was sitting beside the bed.
“Hyung…!”
The moment he discovered Yeonjun who sprang up from his seat and leaned his body over, information finally came to mind. Date. Movie. Right. That’s right.
The perplexity deepened further. Then what was this situation? I was clearly at the movie theater.
Before he could usefully work his brain, the area under both his shoulders was carefully grabbed. An anxiously trembling gaze quickly swept over every corner of Eunha. It was when he was blankly staring at those reddish eye areas. A barrage of questions began pouring out frantically.
“Hyung. Are you okay? Are you okay? What about painful places? Or anywhere uncomfortable…”
I think my head’s going to hurt thanks to you…
He roughly nodded toward Yeonjun who was concentrating all his nerves. When he pressed on the bed to get up and see, Yeonjun, as if it were natural, put his arm behind his back and supported his body. It was a firm yet gentle strength. At that support as if treating an extremely frail patient, Eunha briefly furrowed and relaxed his eyebrows.
“What… what happened?”
When he sat up in place and asked while pressing his slightly throbbing forehead, Yeonjun, who had stepped back half a step, moved his gaze to various parts of Eunha. He, who had been examining closely, slowly sat down on the chair.
As if letting out held breath, he exhaled a deep sigh and muttered as if in relief.
“No matter how much I called, you wouldn’t open your eyes…”
