# Chapter 96
My submerged consciousness slowly rose to the surface. Blinking my heavy eyelids, I faced the light flowing in. As I kept my eyes open, the dazzling light gradually became familiar. As my senses slowly awakened, I felt someone’s presence beside me.
For some reason, my whole body was stiff and difficult to move. I managed to turn myself. My blurry vision cleared, showing me clearly the person sitting in front of me.
His black hair, which he hadn’t cut for a while, had grown a bit longer. His red eyes, which seemed to pierce through one’s inner thoughts, were gently closed. Boss was dozing on a chair without a backrest, in an uncomfortable position.
I briefly glanced around at the overall tired atmosphere. Only then could I realize that this wasn’t his house. There was an IV attached to my bandaged hand, and the bed smelled of a sharp yet refreshing scent. This was the hospital in the headquarters.
I must have been asleep. Could it be that “I” had done something? I was unknowingly being drawn to Boss, so from “my” perspective, it would be unpleasant. I couldn’t ignore the possibility that I had done something without realizing it.
“Kay… is that you?”
As I was trying to assess the situation, Boss, who seemed to have awakened, carefully called my name. Not asking if I was awake, but a question whose meaning I couldn’t understand, making me furrow my brows involuntarily.
But soon, I could understand why he had said such a thing. My gaze fixed again on my hand wrapped in bandages, which I hadn’t noticed earlier. I thought I had injured my hand because of “me.” After all, I hadn’t been normal, to the point of trying to take my own life.
But that wasn’t the case.
“…This is my body.”
Repeatedly clenching and unclenching my fist, I couldn’t hide my bewilderment. This body was currently my original body. I had returned to my body from before I died.
The tanned skin, the sturdy frame, the superpower energy surrounding my entire body. As I felt my face, I could feel the familiar sensation. Everything was proving that I had returned to normal.
I stared at the tail swaying gently under the blanket. I had it when I was in Kane’s body too, but now it was moving like it was my body without any sense of discomfort.
What had happened? Had Kane used his ability? Even though I had returned to my original body, I couldn’t be purely happy.
That was because, even though I had thought the day would come when I’d return to my body, on the other hand, it had felt like a distant dream. I had died that day, and after that, I had been living as Kane.
Returning to a body that should have been dead was impossible even as a miracle. That’s why, even though I knew my body existed, I couldn’t accept it deep in my heart. But facing this situation, I felt a strange and wondrous feeling that my body was really alive.
Looking around, nothing had changed from my body before death. Everything was my body from the facility when I was Kay.
Boss looked at me tensely as I examined my entire body without saying a word.
Leaving him behind, I slowly infused superpower into both hands. My hands, surrounded by the ability, began to swell gradually. The bandage made a snapping sound as it expanded, and eventually tore.
My hands, now noticeably thicker and longer, caught my eye. Long, sharp nails reflected the light.
“So my ability has returned too.”
Without a doubt, it was my werewolf ability. In Kane’s body, I could only become a werewolf during the full moon, but couldn’t control it. But now, as if proving it was completely mine, I could handle it freely. Though my wolf ears and tail still hadn’t retracted.
“Is there anywhere you feel uncomfortable?”
With his words, Boss’s gaze turned to my hand. My hand, freed from the bandage, was covered in wounds. Before they could heal, more wounds kept forming on top. With scars, scabs, and fresh wounds combined, my hand was a mess.
“I’ll call Reina right away.”
Seeing my hand that felt stinging pain, he urgently got up. Had Boss forgotten? I tilted my head at his incomprehensible behavior and gently opened my mouth.
“It doesn’t matter since I regenerate.”
As soon as I finished speaking, the wounds that had settled in a hideous form began to fade. It seemed that returning to my original body naturally allowed regeneration. Regeneration wasn’t an ability I could control. It just happened naturally whenever I got hurt.
I stared at my hand where new flesh was sprouting. As long as the regeneration ability existed, even if I had been revived, I wouldn’t live long. Especially as Kay, an executive of ‘Alice.’ How many years could I live this time? Was there any meaning in living like this?
“…That ability exchanges your lifespan, doesn’t it?”
“You knew?”
His words were clearly heard amid the quiet ripples in my mind. I shifted my gaze from my regenerated hand to face the distorted Boss. I had certainly never told him. “I” had loved Boss to the point of being foolish. That’s why I hadn’t wanted to burden him with such knowledge.
Looking at me, who he naturally thought wouldn’t know, he smiled a precarious smile that seemed like it would crumble.
“I asked Nelaim. So it’s better not to use the regeneration ability as much as possible.”
The more I used the regeneration ability, the more my lifespan was cut. A dangerous price different from others. That’s why Boss was worried. Afraid that I would die again if I continued to use regeneration.
“…I’ve died once, could dying a second time be that bad?”
“Kay.”
Though the words were light as if they would fly away, the meaning they held was by no means light. When I spoke with a slight smile, he called my name in a low voice. But I didn’t feel like I had misspoken. It was the truth.
Before dying, I was afraid of death. After all, it meant encountering an unknown world that living people had never experienced.
If someone asked if I wasn’t afraid after experiencing death, the answer would still be “afraid.” If I died, there was too much to lose.
But honestly, I’m not sure now. When the full moon came and I opened my eyes, there was nothing left to lose. It felt like a corner of my heart was empty, as if my very existence had been broken. In that empty heart, even the emotion of “fear” faded.
It would have continued that way if Boss hadn’t treated me kindly. But once he realized I was Kay, he changed. Boss’s touch changed carefully, as if handling a precious treasure.
His changed demeanor was so kind. And I gradually became addicted to that kindness. I wanted to keep receiving the affection coming to me. And in doing so, something precious grew deep in my heart. The empty space began to be filled with something warm.
I knew I shouldn’t. Something precious? I shouldn’t create such things anymore. If I fell any deeper, I would repeat the past again. And this time, I would surely collapse completely.
That’s why I casually blurted out words about death. I comforted myself, saying it was okay, wrapping my heart in lies. Because “I” wouldn’t get hurt anymore if there was nothing to lose.
I know this isn’t truly for “my” benefit. It’s just like covering my eyes with a black cloth. But I wanted “me” to stop suffering like this. So I could easily suppress my true feelings. I had to.
Because the current me exists only for “me.”
“What does it matter to you if I die?”
So what I had to do was push him away like this. But even though I tried to speak casually, my throat kept getting blocked. My mouth felt rough as if I had swallowed sand. Finding it hard to look at Boss’s expression, I just stared at the innocent blanket.
“…Kay, do you really want to die?”
“Why are you asking that?”
But despite my cold words, he was endlessly warm. I could feel a trembling like anxiety in his gentleness. I’m glad I didn’t look at Boss. I almost told him everything in front of him.
“I’ve been thinking. Whether reviving you was really the right decision.”
“…Do you regret it?”
A subtle trembling emerged without time to hide it. The blanket I was gripping wrinkled limply. My heart, which had been pounding as if about to burst, was growing infinitely cold. If he regretted it, it would be good for me. If he had wanted me to die, I wouldn’t have to give my heart to Boss anymore.
But why am I wavering like this? As if I were hurt by his words.
That trembling must have been felt by Boss too. He quickly spoke as if making an excuse.
“I was scared. Afraid that you would despair at being revived.”
It was completely different from what I had expected. The blanket that had been crumpled in my hand slowly straightened out. As my head slowly rose, I could see his slightly trembling hand.
I didn’t know Boss would worry about such things. I thought he would just make decisions rationally. I couldn’t doubt it. He was always someone who acted that way. But now he was thinking about me.
“Why?”
I felt a sense of incongruity with him. He didn’t seem like the Boss I knew.
That wasn’t to say it was bad. Rather, this change was so welcome that joy was about to overflow unconsciously. Fortunately, I suppressed it as soon as I realized, or I would have been swept away by Boss again.
“Because you looked exhausted before you died. So I thought you wouldn’t welcome being brought back to life.”
But with his continuing answer, the emotion that had risen to the point where it was hard to suppress could only fall.
