# Chapter 108
They both knew these words were just a facade. Death wasn’t something one could control.
But instead of giving Kay a contradictory answer, Haylen formed a gentle smile.
At this affectionate smile, Kay stared blankly at Haylen.
“Please don’t push yourself too hard.”
Haylen’s red eyes rippled like reflections on water. They were eyes filled with the sincere feeling that he didn’t want to let Kay go. Kay read his true feelings but simply nodded without saying anything.
“…Yes.”
It was because he knew that no words could alleviate Haylen’s anxiety.
Though he had received his permission, somehow his heart only grew heavier.
* * *
After deciding to rescue Alice, I went to Fenil’s room in the headquarters. She already knew the situation, having received contact from Boss.
Seeing me, Fenil smiled as if relieved.
“You’re back…”
“It’s been a while, Fenil.”
Since our last meeting wasn’t a particularly good memory, it was difficult to face her. I gave an awkward smile, not knowing what expression to make. It seemed to be the same for Fenil, as she carefully asked while gauging my reaction.
“…Are you feeling better now?”
“Yes.”
“Nothing troubling you?”
I unconsciously avoided Fenil’s eyes. How could there be nothing troubling me? Even when I try to convince myself that I’m fine, sometimes just breathing becomes burdensome. I was afraid of the pitch-black darkness.
“I’m trying not to think about that for now.”
But I also knew I couldn’t stay like this forever. I also knew that this was a problem no one else could help with, so I had to overcome it alone. That’s why I was currently suppressing my fear as much as possible.
“Well, you said you wanted to rescue Alice, right?”
Though Fenil must have sensed my hesitation, she smoothly moved on as if she hadn’t noticed anything. Her consideration made me feel a little more at ease.
“Yes, I’d like to borrow your ability.”
“You don’t even need to ask, it’s something I should obviously help with.”
“Will… we not fail this time?”
I had already experienced one failure. I died there and was miraculously able to come back to life. It was inevitable that I’d be more nervous than before.
Fenil’s plan had included my death. The operation itself might have been created for my death.
But now there’s no need for me to die, so as long as we don’t make mistakes, we should be able to succeed without any issues. However, I couldn’t eliminate the possibility of unforeseen dangers. Anxiety began to creep in, followed by numerous hypothetical scenarios.
And with that, my expectations for success gradually diminished. All that remained was an uncertain question: would this really end safely?
“Of course. We’ll definitely succeed.”
“…”
But Fenil spoke with a resolute voice, as if she had never entertained such thoughts. Her straight shoulders seemed to represent her confidence.
Seeing her like that, all my worries seemed pointless.
“…I suppose so.”
Since getting out of prison, feelings of fear had constantly filled me at all times, but Fenil’s words made me feel considerably lighter.
“You’ve… softened a lot.”
Fenil murmured as I smiled calmly. Seeming surprised by this side of me, I nodded lightly.
“It’s hard to change my speech pattern again. Besides, there’s no need for me to be stiff right now.”
When I was Kane, I had to change my way of speaking. And that speech pattern became familiar. But now there was no need to return to my original way of speaking.
It never really suited me anyway. The reason I insisted on that speech pattern was because of my position as an executive. Having become an executive at such a young age shortly after joining, I was afraid it would be a flaw to be by Haylen’s side. So I thought that at least my way of speaking should be adult-like.
As a result, this stiff speech pattern stuck with me. But now I don’t intend to become an executive again, so I don’t need to deliberately affect it.
Rather, this more comfortable way of speaking suited me better. Though occasionally, I still revert to my original speech pattern.
“It would be nice if you spoke casually to me too.”
“…Maybe next time.”
I had spoken casually to Haylen before, but that was because my childhood memories were strong. In my current stable state, I didn’t even dare try speaking casually.
Perhaps Melia would be the only possibility. Fenil was definitely out of the question.
Though I said “next time,” my firm attitude that I would absolutely never speak casually made Fenil laugh, saying she had expected as much.
“Oh, we might run into Zenon when rescuing Alice. Is that okay?”
Though Fenil spoke as if she had just remembered, somehow it felt intentional. I couldn’t answer right away and just moved my lips.
“Zenon…”
Zenon was keeping watch over Alice. If that’s still the case, we would definitely encounter him when going to rescue Alice.
Unlike Fenil’s concern, I didn’t harbor any hatred towards him since I had heard his true feelings while I was Kane. But confronting him as an enemy meant we would have to fight.
“Are you going to kill him?”
“I can’t kill him.”
“Then what do you want to do?”
Her sharp gaze softened, as if her words were merely intended to prompt my answer. I belatedly realized I’d been led on, but I had no intention of hiding anything anyway.
“I want to save him.”
I had already seen Zenon suffering several times. He must still be in agony over my death and despising himself for being captured by Peace.
So if I could save him, I wanted to.
“But—”
“Hmm, then we should save him.”
“Is that… really okay?”
Zenon wanted to escape but was bound to Peace. That meant there was a reason he couldn’t leave. So helping him escape wouldn’t be an easy task either.
That’s why I expected even someone like Fenil to hesitate this time.
“Why wouldn’t it be? We just need to save him.”
But she answered clearly, as if there wasn’t any problem at all. At this point, I was curious about what she was thinking to be able to speak so simply.
“…Will Boss allow it?”
Moreover, Haylen still doesn’t know about Zenon’s circumstances. He was someone who would immediately kill anyone confirmed to be a spy. He might not kill him now, but he probably wouldn’t want to save Zenon.
Fenil, who had been staring at me as I hesitated, suddenly raised the corners of her mouth. With a gleam in her eyes, she raised her hand.
“He’s right there, why don’t you go ask him?”
Fenil’s finger was pointing behind me. I hurriedly turned toward the direction she was indicating.
“Ah…”
My mouth opened involuntarily when I spotted Haylen with an awkward smile. Had he come to meet Fenil? Our eyes met.
Haylen, who had been glancing at Fenil, strode over to me. Standing before me, he smiled quietly.
“Do you want Zenon to come back?”
As if confirming that he had heard everything, Haylen spoke in a gentle voice. There was no displeasure or anger in it. He just wanted to know my true intention.
After considering briefly, I opened my mouth.
“…Yes.”
I don’t want to create regrets. If I had given a false answer, I would surely regret it in the future. It would remain as lingering attachment even after death.
So regardless of Haylen’s response, this was the best answer I could give right now.
As I waited for his words, slightly stiffened, Haylen carefully stroked my head.
“I feel the same. So, you can do as you wish.”
It was something Alex used to do often. But it felt so different from back then. An unbearable embarrassment came over me, along with a ticklish feeling.
“Understood…”
With my attention stolen by his hand rather than his words, I barely managed to speak while rolling my eyes toward the floor. Haylen continued stroking my head several more times.
Only when his hand moved away could I finally come to my senses. Though I was getting used to his kind words, Haylen’s touch still felt awkward.
He rarely approached me. Whether out of consideration for me, Haylen always kept his distance. What just happened was unusual. Why did he stroke my head today?
I carefully touched the hair that Haylen had stroked. Somehow, I felt a faint warmth.
“Good, then we’ll save them both.”
“But how can we find Alice’s location when I can’t even disguise as Hans now?”
Fenil’s voice flashed through my buzzing mind. Having regained my composure, I hastily opened my mouth. I could feel the heat draining from my previously burning cheeks. I almost kept standing there stupidly.
“We can ask Zenon.”
“What if… he refuses?”
“That won’t happen, so don’t worry.”
Does Fenil know something about Zenon? It wasn’t something she could say without knowing anything. Fenil waved her hand, saying it was needless worry, and stood up from the chair she had been sitting on.
As I watched her heading toward the door, I saw Fenil’s hand briefly hesitate on the doorknob. After standing stiffly and considering for a moment, Fenil slightly turned her head.
With a troubled expression, she scratched her cheek and hesitantly opened her mouth.
“Oh, and… um, did I ever tell you that I was Hans?”
“What?”
“When I took that long vacation, I actually changed my identity to Hans and infiltrated Peace.”
Fenil let out an awkward laugh as I stiffened. I was too busy gaping in disbelief at this unexpected revelation.
I had wondered what she was trying to say with such consideration… Fenil was Hans?
