Fortunately, when discharge day arrived, Taeon’s expression had brightened considerably. He seemed to be in a good mood.
However, when Taeon realized that the place Sunjeong was taking him wasn’t outside but to the underground parking lot, he asked in surprise.
“We’re driving?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought we’d take a taxi.”
Sunjeong had recently decided to inherit one of his parents’ cars. It seemed like he’d have a lot of use for it now.
“I even got intensive driving lessons. You can ride without worrying.”
“From who?”
“Yunjae, my friend.”
Taeon’s expression was strange.
It might have been because Sunjeong always said driving was scary, and had pestered Taeon to teach him how to drive.
Sunjeong lightly brushed past Taeon’s gaze and opened the passenger door.
“What are you doing, not getting in?”
“I never thought I’d live to see the day I’d ride in a car driven by Go Sunjeong.”
Taeon, who had somehow returned to his usual self, said with a grin.
As if it had become a habit since shaving his head, Taeon stroked his prickly scalp while looking out the window.
It took quite a while to get to Taeon’s neighborhood. Sunjeong’s car cut smoothly across the city.
Though his driving was clumsy, people who recognized the logo of the limited edition vehicle released by the foreign car brand considerately made way for him, so there weren’t many inconveniences.
When the car was passing over Hangang Bridge, Sunjeong asked Taeon quietly.
“What did they say about your outpatient treatment?”
“They said to come next week to remove the stitches and take another picture. After that, I just have to come whenever the doctor schedules it.”
“Then what are you going to do with your remaining time?”
“Start working at the cafe again, and look for other work.”
“Will your body be okay?”
“As you can see.”
Silence soon arrived.
Instead of continuing the conversation, Sunjeong turned on some music.
Soon, quiet lyrics echoed through the car.
Boyhood’s over, yeah, it’s officially done. We missed the exit and didn’t even know.
It was a song he’d occasionally heard in Sunjeong’s room. During his boyhood, Taeon had felt no emotion toward the lyrics about boyhood being over, but now he felt like he could understand them.
When the car arrived in front of Taeon’s house, Sunjeong said with a smile.
“See you next time.”
“…You’re not coming in?”
Taeon was the type to keep his house clean. Sure, there’d be some dust since he’d been away for weeks, but there was nothing to be embarrassed about if he let Sunjeong in right now. That’s why he wanted to feed him something at home.
Sunjeong showed a surprised expression at Taeon’s question.
“Why would I?”
“…”
“We can meet outside. I already came once to pack your things, so there’s no need.”
When did you say you’d come live with just a blanket?
There was nothing wrong with what Sunjeong said, so Taeon silently nodded his head.
“But, Yoon Taeon.”
Sunjeong’s mouth opened before Taeon could say thank you.
“Yeah?”
“Did the hospital give you suppressants? Looking at you, you don’t have a rut.”
At Sunjeong’s puzzled question, Taeon was silent for a moment. Taeon had been prescribed and taking suppressants since the time he couldn’t contact Sunjeong, and after his last checkup before discharge, he’d stopped by the pheromone department and gotten a separate six-month prescription.
“…Because I’m taking suppressants.”
“You’re taking suppressants?”
At Sunjeong’s slightly surprised question, Taeon just nodded with an awkward expression.
At that answer, Sunjeong made a strange expression and said.
“Wow, Yoon Taeon.”
“…”
“Taking suppressants and everything. Well, I guess you found someone you like.”
“…”
The conversation between Taeon, who had nothing to say, and Sunjeong, who was curious about many things, was disrupted by a honking horn aimed at the car occupying the narrow alley.
“I should go. Take care, Yoon Taeon. Close the car door quickly.”
At Sunjeong’s words, Taeon said “Thanks” and closed the car door, but he couldn’t know whether Sunjeong had heard him.
***
Just because you’d died and come back to life didn’t mean your life changed dramatically.
It was just a repetition of the same lifestyle as before, except he no longer commuted to the construction site.
If there was one other similarity, it was that Sunjeong, who had tried to spend as much time with Taeon as possible when Taeon was hospitalized like before, had stopped contacting him again like just before the accident.
However, Taeon thought the reason might not be “because they’re friends” like before. He was certain because he’d clearly seen with his own two eyes Sunjeong’s expression crumbling strangely when he realized that Taeon wasn’t taking suppressants.
Pointlessly stroking his now fairly grown-out, spiky hair with his own hand, Taeon let out a deep sigh.
During adolescence, it didn’t matter because the school mandatorily prescribed suppressants, but it became a problem once he turned twenty.
Taeon and Sunjeong were together at midnight on January 1st when they turned twenty.
It was because Sunjeong’s family had thrown a party bringing the two of them together.
“Sunjeong, Taeon, congratulations on turning twenty.”
They even had to blow out cake candles with words like this.
When Taeon ultimately refused the various costs for college enrollment and the chauffeur position offer, Sunjeong’s parents were disappointed but didn’t try to stop Taeon. Instead, they only spoke subtly to Taeon alone.
“Then I guess you won’t be able to see our Sunjeong much anymore. That’s a shame. I suppose you’re each going your own way.”
Each going their own way. Taeon often shrunk before their always kind smiles.
He hadn’t wanted to come to this gathering either, but Sunjeong had used the wish coupon he’d received instead of a birthday present, so he had no choice.
When the party ended, Taeon and Sunjeong went up to the second floor. Sunjeong’s mother had clearly hinted for Taeon to sleep in the guest room, and since Sunjeong had confessed to him once, sleeping under the same blanket felt a bit awkward.
Naturally, it was Sunjeong who stopped Taeon as he headed to the guest room.
“Let’s sleep separately.”
“No, I have something to show you.”
Taeon, who had briefly looked down at Sunjeong’s sparkling eyes, let out a deep sigh before following Sunjeong.
“What do you want to show me?”
“Yoon Taeon, you’re always so impatient.”
It seemed to be quite an unusual item. Sunjeong opened the very bottom drawer of his desk, which was locked, with a key.
Inside the drawer opened with the key was a small box also with a combination lock.
“I pre-ordered this online.”
What could it be?
The moment Taeon’s brow furrowed as he casually watched Sunjeong’s movements was instantaneous.
One small square plastic bag that Sunjeong pulled out. And identical plastic bags filling the small box.
“I don’t know your size, Yoon Taeon, so I ordered the biggest one for now.”
“Fuck, what is this?”
Taeon roughly snatched the condom Sunjeong was holding.
The white packet with the size “X-LARGE” written on it was a condom. It was cherry-flavored, of all things.
“You and I both have ruts and heats now. So we need a lot of condoms, right?”
Looking at Sunjeong’s shameless face, Taeon momentarily lost his words.
“You take suppressants, Go Sunjeong.”
Taeon’s heart ached because Sunjeong didn’t even seem to understand why Taeon was speaking in such a low voice.
“You said you probably wouldn’t be able to get suppressants, Yoon Taeon. And you said you didn’t want me to buy them for you.”
“…”
“Then don’t we need a lot of condoms?”
At Sunjeong’s absurd words, Taeon ended up laughing instead.
He rejected his confession, yet he thinks they’ll be in a relationship where they spend ruts and heats together. Is he naive, or is he pretending to be naive?
“So, Go Sunjeong, is this condom mine?”
“Yeah.”
An excessively quick and nonchalant voice. He must believe everything goes his way.
“Why would I spend my rut with you? Who spends their rut with a friend?”
“…Then what are we supposed to do? Just masturbation won’t be enough.”
“There are tons of people in my neighborhood who can’t buy suppressants. I’ll handle it myself. You don’t need to worry about it.”
Taeon still vividly remembered how Sunjeong’s face crumpled in that moment. Everything—the bewilderment rippling in his large eyes and the curve of his cheeks puffing up as he held something back.
Perhaps he had felt a strange thrill at that time.
The fact that he was the one thing that Sunjeong, who had everything in the world, couldn’t have.
That night, the night they turned twenty that Sunjeong had been so happy about, Sunjeong cried so hard that Taeon couldn’t even stop him.
As if knowing Taeon’s words were sincere, the crying didn’t stop no matter how much Taeon tried to stop it.
Even after that, Taeon had to face Sunjeong’s reddened eyes and nose several times.
At the end of his thoughts, Taeon hit his head hard once.
There was no use dwelling on what had already passed. He couldn’t do anything about the regret swelling in his heart. There were things where saying sorry was of no use.
Still, seeing how Sunjeong ultimately didn’t get himself collared by him, it seemed like it wasn’t entirely the wrong thing to do.
Thinking this way, Taeon stared blankly out the bus window.
Juseong, the owner of Cafe Sentence, had visited Taeon twice for hospital visits.
The first time, he came to visit Taeon in a real panic, but after learning that his condition was okay, his second visit was filled with ulterior motives.
