Hongdan neither tried to open the door again nor took off his shoes to come into the house. He just stood blankly in the narrow entryway.
Seonha reached out first.
“Come in.”
He seemed to be making concessions in his own way. Judging by how he just held out his hand quietly without immediately yanking Hongdan’s wrist. Of course, it was unknown what violent method he might try if this was refused. Hongdan just quietly lowered his gaze.
“Hongdan.”
Then Seonha brought out the tone that had become familiar once again. If only the memory of the previous 30 minutes didn’t exist, that voice would be soft enough to mistake for an ordinary everyday moment.
“…Really.”
But unfortunately, Hongdan’s memory was intact.
“In the midst of all this, you’re acting again.”
And his intelligence hadn’t fallen to the point of being fooled by momentary kindness. The fabricated mask only stoked his anger further.
Seonha bit down on his lips tightly. It looked like he’d swallowed a sigh that was about to flow out.
But what would change just from holding that one thing back? Hongdan wanted to tell him to just rage as his nature dictated. Rather, watching Seonha struggle to suppress his true nature was more disgusting.
But if he moved as desired, that truly wouldn’t be the Yeon Seonha he knew. Seonha bobbed his head a couple times and flicked the palm he’d extended once.
“…I know. But come in anyway.”
What did he claim to know? The meaning of what he’d just said? Or his own wrongdoing? His resentment?
Either way, it just sounded pathetic. Hongdan glared at Seonha without saying anything.
“Hongdan… please.”
That voice again.
Even though everything had already been exposed, Seonha was calling him the same way he had when acting affectionate. Only the face, no longer able to smile and painfully contorted, told him that this was a continuation of the earlier reality.
But that was merely an object reflected on the retina. It absolutely didn’t mean Seonha’s face looked sincere to Hongdan.
“Bullshit.”
Hongdan didn’t hold back the curses that rose up moment by moment. Whether bruises increased on his wrist or not, he left it as Seonha held it. He’d rather be dragged than accommodate him like a fool anymore—that was absolutely rejected.
“…”
Whether that resolve was visible to the other, Seonha withdrew his arm while clenching his fist tight. This time he couldn’t swallow his sigh either. A long sigh flowed out through his completely dried lips.
“Haah… what should I do for you?”
And slowly his posture changed. The hand that had been extended so desperately was now resting on his waist, and his head also tilted crookedly.
“Hm? Choi Hongdan. What should I do for you to acknowledge me?”
He was truly the perfect Yeon Seonha. Hongdan felt unpleasant goosebumps rise all over his body for a moment.
Right, this was him. A twisted person who had to have everything his way.
How he’d endured nearly a month doing that ridiculous fool act was beyond comprehension. Both his willpower and his irrational attachment to him were simply amazing.
Hongdan leaned crookedly against the shoe cabinet, following his lead. He crossed his arms to block any possibility of force intervening.
“Nothing. Don’t do anything. If I say I’m leaving, just say yes, and if I tell you to fuck off, just fuck off. What acknowledgment are you talking about? I’m already being plenty generous by holding back from slapping you across the face right now. You’re not hoping for forgiveness at this point, are you?”
At the sharp rebuke, Seonha’s eyebrows twitched greatly. Though he probably tried to hide it as best he could, irritation was clear between the words he spat out.
“You must not know, but you were already forgiving me. Up until just 30 minutes ago. I’m just asking you to keep doing what you were doing, so why can’t you? I’ll sincerely repent now.”
“Repent? Hey, if you have eyes, look at yourself right now. Is this the attitude of someone who’s going to repent?”
“Ahh, an attitude is needed?”
As soon as Seonha finished speaking, he seemed to chuckle briefly before suddenly collapsing forward. Hongdan’s startled eyes widened. But they sank into a much darker light at the words that followed.
“Well, should I kneel like this?”
“…”
“Or should I bash my head until my forehead bleeds? Just say it. I said I’ll do anything.”
Hongdan was at a loss for words. He was ashamed of himself for having placed even a thread of possibility on him, however briefly.
Right. This bastard still thinks apologies are some kind of service concept, so what was I expecting?
He’d thought the affection that had been detached once and reattached would come off more cleanly the second time, but instead, only more ugly marks that were unpleasant to see had increased. He didn’t know how much more time would be needed to erase all of this. It was questionable whether this shabby heart could return to its original state even if forcibly patched together.
Really… he was fed up.
Hongdan slowly straightened his body that had been leaning. Immediately, Seonha’s gaze followed. Seeing his faintly rippling gray eyes, he seemed worried that Hongdan might just leave.
But Hongdan’s face, meeting that agitation, showed no ripples whatsoever. If he was going to be restless over just this one gesture, he shouldn’t have made such lies in the first place. Unless it was another branch of hatred, there was no room for sympathy or anything like that to arise in Hongdan toward Seonha.
Hongdan raked Seonha with a gaze cold enough to freeze the air.
“Then die.”
“…”
“If you want to do something for me that badly, use those two hands to cut off your own breath. That would probably be the greatest gift to me.”
Then after holding his gaze for a while longer, he soon took off the shoes he’d roughly crumpled on and came into the house.
It was because seeing his carrier, broken beyond repair, made him think he couldn’t leave today. Honestly speaking, he didn’t have the stamina to wrangle with him anymore either.
In other words, it was a provisional declaration of giving up on running away.
But Seonha, who should be most delighted at this decision of his, was actually sitting blankly in that spot without saying anything. He seemed to have taken quite a blow from what he’d just said.
Whatever, fuck.
As if that could be as big as the disappointment I’m feeling toward you right now.
Hongdan passed Seonha just like that and entered the room. Seonha didn’t follow him in.
He sat blankly there until the tilting sun was completely buried in the ground.
Thanks to that, Hongdan, who’d also ended up trapped in the room, roughly tousled his hair.
“Hah… should I call that repentance or surveillance?”
Of course, he had no intention of acknowledging it even if it was repentance, but having illegally occupied the middle of the living room for four hours straight, he couldn’t help but be bothered. Worried that he might react to any sound, Hongdan also couldn’t do anything and just lay stupidly on the bed. His lower back was starting to ache a bit.
“Fucking bastard, really.”
His insides were boiling.
In truth, he’d considered taking advantage of the gap while Seonha was briefly docile to leave the house again, but that would be the perfect signal to end that ice statue act. He’d be fortunate if he didn’t rush at him in an even crazier state than before. No, since he was such a cunning bastard, he might not stop him right away but later gloomily attach a surveillance tail.
Anyway.
“I need something different…”
The only clear fact was that he needed a way to safely escape from that bastard.
“A very different method…”
Something he’d never shown Seonha before, something Choi Hongdan wouldn’t do even if he died and came back to life.
…Rather, something that would suit a bastard like Yeon Seonha.
“An act.”
Having made up his mind, Hongdan finally rose from the bed.
Creak—
Then he pulled the wrist of the one who’d become a waiting stone.
“You stop doing that there and come in for now. The floor’s cold.”
***
It wasn’t that Seonha didn’t have doubts about Hongdan’s changed attitude. He harbored even greater suspicion than Hongdan had anticipated.
‘What?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Why are you… no. Why aren’t you angry… Don’t tell me it’s already all resolved?’
‘You seem to know too that this isn’t something that can be resolved overnight.’
‘…Then what did you mean just now? You were the one telling me to die just moments ago. But your attitude changed like this in less than a day? What are you thinking? I’d rather you hurl curses and hexes at me like before.’
‘It’s proof that my feelings toward you are that contradictory.’
‘What?’
‘I’m tired of constantly detaching and reattaching affection too. Each time I detach it, it requires the energy of carving out my own arm, and each time I decide to reattach it, it requires the resolve to point a gun at my own head. I’m the one who wants to maintain this state most, not you. I really… don’t have the confidence to endure anymore.’
‘…Then what should I do?’
‘You said you’d do anything. Do anything, until I tell you to stop.’
But persuasion was easy. He just had to confirm that Choi Hongdan still liked Yeon Seonha like a fool. Seonha was grateful for everything just from being given another chance. Hongdan intended to use that.
Knock knock.
Then, a quiet knock sounded. It was tapped so carefully that it was hard to imagine the person standing outside the door was Seonha. Hongdan forcibly put strength into his brow that instinctively wanted to narrow and responded curtly.
“What?”
“…It’s time to sleep.”
“So?”
“Can’t we keep sleeping here?”
What the hell. Fuck. Disgusting.
In the end, Hongdan’s face contorted. At least it was fortunate that Seonha hadn’t opened the door yet. His current expression would be hard to see as one given to someone with feelings remaining.
Ah, do we have to sleep together too? I really hate this.
Though he desperately wanted to refuse, the important thing for now was to reassure him as much as possible until the day of the plan. That way it would take longer to find him too. But even so, his steps wouldn’t come easily. Hongdan just sat on the bed and glared at the innocent door for a while.
“Hongdan.”
As the silence lengthened, Seonha called Hongdan once more. Next, he’d probably come in directly and check his expression.
Hongdan eventually stood up from his seat. And gave the answer he’d been waiting for.
“Okay. Let’s sleep together.”
