Thwack—!
“Ah, why are you grabbing my hand and making a fuss!”
Only then did Hongdan realize what he had been about to do. Startled, he hurriedly yanked his captured hand away. He quickly averted his gaze as well.
“Jeez…… Shit. An unemployed bastard with low intelligence sure has a lot of important things. Just let it slide.”
He didn’t bother to check Seonha’s expression. No, he deliberately turned away because he felt like he wouldn’t be able to meet the guy’s eyes anymore. He’d rather see that foolishly grinning face again. He’d thought the unfamiliarity would be hard, but surprisingly, the familiarity that kept popping up unexpectedly was even more suffocating.
Hongdan walked past Seonha entirely, striding far ahead.
Thump—thump— thump thump—thump.
His heart began to beat faster and faster.
This is strange.
It was too rough to be called fluttering from old emotions, and though it should have been rejection of a past he didn’t want to return to, it strangely felt willing.
His head was spinning.
Even so, one thing was certain.
“Hongdaaan— What am I supposed to do if you keep leaving me behind? I don’t even know my way around here.”
This abnormal pounding was triggered solely by Yeon Seonha.
“……”
Even though he’d resolved not to look at the guy anymore today, Hongdan turned around at the sound of his name being called. Was this, too, an old habit he couldn’t quite erase?
That characteristic black straight hair swayed in the late autumn breeze as he approached. Seonha’s hair was a deep black that swallowed even the red sunset. The moment his gaze was stolen by that pitch darkness, Hongdan realized one more thing.
It was unfamiliarity wearing the mask of familiarity. The violently ringing heartbeat gradually subsided.
It’s not there, now that I think about it.
I’ve never seen Yeon Seonha running toward me while looking at me, never seen him running to me without even noticing his bangs fluttering like that.
Though Seonha was the one who approached first, it was always Hongdan who ran to him.
Hongdan had always believed that Seonha had been the one chasing after him first.
So when married life became unbearably hard, he’d sometimes resented Seonha for approaching him out of all those omegas. But what he saw in Seonha’s current appearance wasn’t the past him—it was Hongdan himself.
Perhaps it wasn’t after marriage, but much earlier that he’d been pining for Seonha.
Those feelings had only become visible after ending their ten-year connection.
“Were you waiting for me?”
While Hongdan was lost in thought, Seonha, who had drawn close, showed a picture-perfect smile as if he’d never worn a cold expression. Hongdan didn’t answer, just looked up at him. The lust that had deeply colored those gray eyes had vanished without a trace.
“Hm? Hongdan. Were you waiting for me?”
Hongdan met his gaze for a moment longer. But soon, without giving any answer, he turned away. Seeing his earlobes faintly reddened, it seemed he hadn’t failed to reach a conclusion.
“……It’s loud.”
He just didn’t want to tell him.
“You’re so loud. You’re fucking annoying.”
Because it resembled too closely the answer Seonha was hoping for.
“So annoying……”
The heart he’d thought was completely broken was budding again.
Were his current feelings just a scar that hadn’t healed properly, or were they a festering wound of affection he hadn’t discovered?
Hongdan pressed his fists firmly against his cheeks as if they were heating up, agonizing over the answer. In truth, he hoped neither applied. But that was the most absurd fantasy.
In reality, once his heart had reacted, the answer was already as good as decided.
Heh, heh, self-mockery kept leaking from his mouth.
Idiot Choi Hongdan.
“……Hongdan?”
Perhaps finding it strange that Hongdan was only silently twitching his lips, Seonha tilted his head and leaned in. Hongdan only rolled his eyes once before erasing his expression. Then he calmly changed the subject.
“Let’s just go around once and leave. We agreed on only 30 minutes anyway.”
“Huh? No, you didn’t even give it a proper chance!”
As expected, Seonha immediately started hopping up and down. If he were the type to gain weight from eating, he probably could’ve crushed the blocks on the ground. Watching this guy well over 190cm tall acting his age and constantly doing jumping jacks made it feel like the world was shaking.
Right. No matter how pathetic I am, am I as bad as this bastard?
Though Seonha probably hadn’t shown such an unseemly sight deliberately, thanks to this childlike behavior, Hongdan was able to stop mocking himself.
“I’m naturally heartless. You used to say that all the time, but I guess you don’t remember that.”
“……I remember up until the summer of the year we became classmates. When we were going to the library together all the time. Taking tutoring together too.”
“Ahh, summer.”
“That was really fun, right?”
When had he been on the verge of tears about going home right away? As the flow of conversation naturally shifted to the time they’d spent together, Seonha’s lips began to curve upward again. Truly, even the average adolescent girl wouldn’t have mood swings as severe as Yeon Seonha’s right now.
Hongdan didn’t respond and shifted his gaze to the pansy bed at his feet. Most of them were fairly uncommon white pansies lightly tinged pink only in the center, so there was some enjoyment in viewing them.
“I originally really hated summer, you know. Just hot and humid, and I didn’t think beaches or forests or anything were pretty.”
Using Seonha’s voice, which had started chattering away regardless of his indifference, as background radio, Hongdan looked for double pansies among the plain pansies.
When he’d first learned of Seonha’s affair, he remembered seeing them once at a flower garden he’d visited aimlessly with a heavy heart. They bloomed elegantly and abundantly like roses, and with no thorns on the stems, they looked easy to secretly pluck. That vulnerable appearance had caught Hongdan’s eye at the time.
‘You seem to like this one. It’s the most popular here. As you can see, it’s easy to steal. I’ll just turn a blind eye if you secretly pluck it.’
The face of the gardener who’d spoken so good-naturedly came to mind. Rather, that warm smile had pricked his conscience so much that he couldn’t bring himself to actually do it. In any case, even two years later, the image of that double pansy remained vivid in his mind.
“But after spending that first summer vacation with you, summer became my favorite. Not just because everything I did with you was fun, but because I felt like we got closer after that. That was around when you started calling me by my name instead of calling me ‘hey.'”
Didn’t they say double pansies rarely occur naturally…… Still, he wanted to see one at least once more.
Hongdan’s head tilted to the side as he examined the flower bed more closely. At this point, it was blatant ignoring. Nevertheless, Seonha’s voice showed no sign of stopping. It almost seemed deliberate, as if trying to engrave it.
“And you have pale skin, so somehow the bright summer sun suits you better than spring sunlight. That sky-blue shirt you used to wear often around that time was really pretty too.”
As if to make that effort futile, Hongdan’s steps were slowing more and more as he viewed the flowers. He’d been showing Seonha his back for a while now. Seonha’s presence was gradually being erased from his ears as well.
“So when I turned twenty, I resolved to definitely take you to Jeju Island again that first summer, but I don’t know if we really went.”
“Yeah, we went. Don’t worry.”
“Then did we go to Greece too? You said you wanted to go. I was planning to take you there the summer after that.”
“We went, we went. You’re the kind of bastard who’s fucking good at keeping promises.”
“Heh…… That’s a relief.”
Ah, is there really none?
Hongdan let out a deep sigh of disappointment. Though he’d been forced out here because of Seonha, since he’d come out to get some air anyway, he’d wanted to capture what he wanted to see with his eyes.
Eventually, Hongdan’s steps stopped completely. He crouched down as he was and began examining the petals one by one. He needed to search diligently because if it got any darker, he wouldn’t be able to find it even if he wanted to. Even if Yeon Seonha was whining about whether he was listening, the thought that it didn’t really matter anymore came first.
“This one…… isn’t either, and that one’s just five petals too.”
“What are you looking for? Should I help you find it?”
But unexpectedly, Seonha promptly shut his mouth and chose to crouch down next to Hongdan. Thinking the guy would complain noisily, when he obediently complied, Hongdan’s response became docile as well.
“Double pansies—flowers that bloom with layered petals rather than regular pansies. They look like roses.”
“Ahh. But did you originally like flowers?”
“Mm, no. Not like them exactly, just notice them a bit if they’re pretty. I only saw them by chance a few years ago too.”
“When you were married to me?”
“……Yeah, well. Around then.”
He could have brought up the affair in more detail, but Hongdan trailed off, thinking what was the point of adding useless words. He was the type who preferred to moderately cover things up and look away rather than actively digging into problems in a relationship. Honestly, he didn’t even have the energy to dig into anything anymore.
“Then did you ever tell me? That you like double pansies.”
Seonha seemed fixated on this meaningless question again. Hongdan had to fabricate words again. He had no talent for lying, so the best he could do was deflect without harming the truth.
“No? I didn’t feel like it.”
“What’s with ‘didn’t feel like it’ between a married couple?”
Though he didn’t look to the side, from the slightly lowered voice, it seemed the smile had been erased from Seonha’s lips again. Like when he’d grabbed his hand earlier.
Disliking that uncomfortable atmosphere, Hongdan deliberately acted more flippant.
“You don’t understand, man. The closer family you are, the more useless conversations decrease.”
“I don’t like that.”
But Seonha’s voice dropped low once more. For a moment, it almost sounded like a declaration.
Hongdan didn’t hold back his scoff and responded indifferently.
“What’s the point of saying that to me when we’re divorced? Tell your wife when you remarry. ‘I like talking about everything in detail even between spouses.'”
“That’s…!”
Seonha’s voice jumped sharply. For a moment, it was a face where words had slipped out unintentionally, but he immediately clamped his mouth shut, so the words weren’t finished. Hongdan’s head, which had been facing the flowers all along, finally turned toward Seonha.
“Hm? What?”
This time, Seonha wasn’t looking at Hongdan. This was the first time he’d so blatantly refused eye contact, even counting all the Yeon Seonha in Hongdan’s memories.
Seonha kept his gaze fixed on the flower bed in front, only slowly shaking his head.
“Never mind. Let’s just find the flower. The wind’s getting cold too.”
“Mm-hm.”
With that as their last exchange, the two suppressed even their breathing and truly searched for double pansies among hundreds, no, thousands of pansies. Before they knew it, the sun that had been peeking over had almost completely crossed the ridge, and the white pansies, unable to receive light, gradually turned ashen.
Hongdan’s Achilles tendon, which had been stretched out from crouching for so long, began to ache more and more. His knees were also gradually losing sensation. At this rate, forget double pansies or whatever—he’d need to apply pliers to his knees tomorrow.
In the end, though it was disappointing not to find them, it had been a fairly substantial walk for an evening stroll in a while. Hongdan thought, ‘Now I should take that expensive lump home,’ and slowly turned his body.
That’s when.
“……What?”
As if someone had nailed him in place, Seonha, who had been glaring at the pansies stuck in his original spot, suddenly stood up. Hongdan’s eyes widened as he looked up at Seonha.
“Why? Do your legs hurt?”
Seonha shook his head wordlessly. After helping the awkwardly crouched Hongdan to his feet, he extended his right hand.
“Give me your hand.”
“……Hand?”
“Yeah. I won’t do anything weird.”
Because it was the calmest tone he’d heard recently, Hongdan handed over his left hand, which was on the side closer to Seonha. He had enough reflexes to throw a punch the moment anything weird happened anyway.
The moment their hands touched, a light wind sound briefly brushed past.
Then.
“What is this……”
He should have pulled away then.
When he heard that laugh, Hongdan should have pulled his captured hand away.
“I found it, Hongdan.”
Hongdan regretted it over and over.
“And in case you drop it while walking around, I made it like this.”
Before Yeon Seonha could bind himself again to his left ring finger where the flesh carved for three years had now filled in, he shouldn’t have given him anything.
“A flower ring. Pretty, isn’t it?”
‘But you said it’s good to have one anyway.’
‘That’s your motto, isn’t it? Things that are fine without end up being better to have.’
‘What…… should I kneel or something for the mood?’
‘Marry me, Choi Hongdan. I can’t say I’ll treat you well, but I’ll at least make you live better than now.’
‘Why aren’t you giving me your hand already? My knees hurt.’
“Ah, should I say something like this for the mood?”
“……”
“Will you marry me?”
