“I didn’t fuck him.”
At Yeon Dogyeong’s nonchalant answer, Joo Seonghan felt relieved. He was grateful that he denied it. However, at the overly natural lie, on one hand he wondered if he really forgot. If not that, was he saying it wasn’t sex because he didn’t put it all the way in properly? As his head became complicated, it became uncomfortable to keep his eyes closed. He gauged the timing to open his eyes while wondering whether he should yawn as if he just woke up.
“Then you’re going to fuck him from now on, right?”
Joo Seonghan decided to keep pretending to sleep until the car stopped. Whether he knew Joo Seonghan’s plan or not, Yeon Dogyeong rubbed Joo Seonghan’s hand deeply with their interlaced hands. It felt like his hands would sweat.
“Do you want me to have fucked Joo Seonghan-ssi?”
“Can I watch from the side?”
“There’s no pervert like you.”
“Who’s the one who stuck together with that pervert?”
His body flinched. Haha, Yeon Dogyeong, who laughed out loud, separated their interlaced hands a little. His fingertips tickled his palm.
“Why are you laughing so disgustingly? Didn’t you like doing it with me?”
“It was good.”
“Ah, look. How insincere.”
Beep—! Woo Yoomin, who raised her chin, spoke coldly and pressed the middle of the steering wheel long once more. The car that was trying to cut in honked its horn one beat late in protest. At the noise rising from all around, Joo Seonghan opened his eyes without realizing it.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Hey, you bastard! What did you do well that you’re honking!”
While Woo Yoomin was eagerly fighting with the driver of the next car, Joo Seonghan stealthily raised his body and moved away from Yeon Dogyeong. He returned to his original seat and rubbed one cheek that had been pressed.
“Shit, I’m going to kill that fucking bastard and come back.”
Woo Yoomin, who unfastened her seatbelt without hesitation, went outside and bam! closed the door. Joo Seonghan’s body, which was stuck tightly to the car body, shook. Yeon Dogyeong looked at Joo Seonghan with a crooked smile then opened his mouth.
“What’s wrong? Still not fully awake?”
“…I, I didn’t know my sleeping habits were bad.”
He confessed the reason why he couldn’t even raise his head properly. Even if he had simply gone to the side and just slept on his shoulder it would have been embarrassing, but Joo Seonghan not only hugged Yeon Dogyeong’s arm but was even holding his hand. He was sorry, embarrassed, and wanted to hide again. Joo Seonghan waited for Yeon Dogyeong’s words with his mouth tightly shut like a sinner who committed a bad deed. However, what came out first across his lips was a deflating laugh. Joo Seonghan raised his head and looked at Yeon Dogyeong. Yeon Dogyeong, who leaned his arm on the window frame to support his head, was curving up one corner of his lips.
“Your sleeping habits aren’t bad. You were as good and obedient as when you’re awake.”
‘You really listen well. Why are you so good?’
The words he heard on the day he first took his penis in his mouth suddenly touched his ear. Joo Seonghan hardened his face while feeling one side of his chest become heavy without realizing it.
“…Team Leader Yeon-nim, here you shouldn’t say such….”
Slam. The driver’s door opened roughly. Joo Seonghan’s words—that he hoped he wouldn’t say such things here—couldn’t all come out.
“Ugh! Making people angry from the morning breeze. Oh, you’re awake.”
Woo Yoomin said while looking at Joo Seonghan through the rearview mirror. Joo Seonghan answered “Ah, yes” awkwardly and looked down at his own hands placed carelessly on his thighs. Sunlight that entered through Yeon Dogyeong’s side window was touching his protruding wrist bone. Joo Seonghan swept and touched the fragmented sunlight with his opposite hand, then looked out the window. The sky embracing the summer sun was dyed red like a sunset.
“Aren’t you hungry? Team Leader Yeon, do you want to eat something on the way? I’m craving gukbap.”
The car that had been stopped started moving forward again. The clouds moved.
“The research lab cafeteria food is delicious.”
“I know that too. Hmm. Now that I think about it, I want to eat it. I’ll go straight to the research lab as planned.”
“Yes.”
Joo Seonghan, who let their conversation go in one ear and out the other, couldn’t take his eyes off the window until they arrived at the research lab. The sky that changed moment by moment was, anew, wondrous.
* * *
The research institute was located in the metropolitan area but in a remote place, and it was larger in scale than Joo Seonghan had expected. Within one site, there were three buildings of different heights, and the horizontally wide three-story building placed in the center seemed to be the main research institute. There were no particular signs visible outside the building or in the parking lot, so he couldn’t know for certain. The “Life Sciences Research Institute” written at the entrance of the research institute that he’d seen on the way was the last text Joo Seonghan had read. There were as few people visible as there were signs. It seemed there weren’t many people working there compared to its scale. Joo Seonghan looked around various parts of the research institute as far as his eyes could reach from inside the car crossing the completely empty parking lot.
“There’s someone out front to greet us over there. Is it because of the civilian?”
Woo Yoomin pointed with her finger at a man standing in front of the main research institute and spoke. The man in a white coat who had been looking down at his wristwatch approached the car almost running. Woo Yoomin stepped on the brake and opened the passenger window.
“Hello. You can park anywhere.”
“Really?”
Woo Yoomin, who answered indifferently as if they didn’t know each other, turned off the engine right there and unbuckled her seatbelt. The man showed a momentarily flustered face but soon stepped back a couple of steps and waited for the car door to open. Woo Yoomin got out first, holding a cigarette in her mouth, and then Joo Seonghan opened the back door.
“Joo Seonghan-ssi?”
The man called out Joo Seonghan’s name without delay as if confirming it. Joo Seonghan answered “yes” and got out of the car.
“Hello. I’m the person in charge of Joo Seonghan-ssi’s memory removal.”
“Ah… Hello.”
At Joo Seonghan’s awkward greeting, the person in charge smiled. And he spoke rapidly.
“I’ve prepared everything well, so you don’t need to worry. Shall we go for now?”
“I’m hungry, can we eat first?”
Yeon Dogyeong, who had approached silently, asked while standing next to Joo Seonghan. Yeon Dogyeong and the person in charge also seemed not to know each other.
“Uh… you can, but…”
The person in charge looked at Joo Seonghan anxiously and trailed off. He had been frequently checking his wristwatch like someone being chased by something since earlier and kept glancing at the sun beyond the distant mountains. It seemed like he had an important appointment afterward.
“I’m fine. I’ll go right away.”
“Ah, will you?”
The relieved person in charge smiled brightly. The reason Joo Seonghan said he would go right away wasn’t only because of the person in charge who seemed to be in a hurry. It was because it seemed like it would become troublesome if he stayed attached to Yeon Dogyeong any longer. If he unconsciously approached him enough to get close to him while sleeping, his feelings might have grown larger without him knowing. There’s no more meaning to it. With the end already decided, there was nothing good about delaying time.
“Then I’ll take you right away. Let’s go, Joo Seonghan-ssi.”
“Yes.”
“Eat before you go.”
Yeon Dogyeong spoke to Joo Seonghan who was about to climb the stairs following the person in charge. Joo Seonghan, who had placed his remaining foot on the first step, hesitated and turned around to look at Yeon Dogyeong. Their heights roughly matched. The feeling was different seeing him from the front.
“I’m fine.”
There wasn’t even a hint of movement in his frozen smile. He could see the end in his face making that fake smile. Joo Seonghan bowed his head slightly in greeting.
“…Team Leader Yeon, thank you for everything. Stay healthy.”
“Alright. You worked hard.”
He looked at Yeon Dogyeong’s calm eyes and then turned his steps. The person in charge, who had stopped about halfway up the stairs and was checking the time again, quickened his pace. Joo Seonghan widened his stride and entered the building.
“You got played, you got played.”
Woo Yoomin, who approached the now-alone Yeon Dogyeong with the smell of cigarettes, clicked her tongue and spoke. Yeon Dogyeong deepened his smile.
“I didn’t get played.”
“Want to get played by me after eating?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Woo Yoomin asked while lighting a new cigarette. Yeon Dogyeong didn’t answer right away and looked up at the swaying glass door at the top of the stairs. In a few minutes, Yeon Dogyeong would disappear from Joo Seonghan’s memory. The personal matters he had unusually brought up would become Yeon Dogyeong’s secret again, and the curiosity he had unknowingly revealed openly would now become as if it never happened.
Somehow it felt both refreshing and a bit wasteful. It wasn’t for some sentimental reason like suddenly feeling lonely. It seemed closer to something physical. Seeing how his unexpectedly thin waist and round buttocks suddenly came to mind.
“I have to eat and then go meet Chief Lee.”
“So meet that person and come sleep with me. I just need to go back by nighttime.”
Woo Yoomin poked Yeon Dogyeong’s waist repeatedly while blowing out smoke. Yeon Dogyeong smiled appropriately, patted her back, and climbed the stairs.
