He was at a loss for words. Not only could he not understand why he was suddenly asking such a question, but the fact that he had no friends had never once been embarrassing, yet he didn’t know why it was humiliating now. Joo Seonghan mindlessly stuck out his tongue to moisten his dry lips. It touched Yeon Dogyeong’s hand and he hurriedly closed his lips. Without realizing it, he had tasted and kissed it. Flustered, he froze while holding onto his arm, and he felt Yeon Dogyeong’s breath.
“How did you manage to date a girlfriend?”
Speaking with a laugh mixed in, he pushed his finger into Joo Seonghan’s mouth. He lowered his head. As if it were natural, his tongue entered. Yeon Dogyeong slowly withdrew his finger and licked inside Joo Seonghan’s mouth. He pressed his cheek firmly as if telling him to suck. Joo Seonghan, who had been awkwardly moving his tongue, closed his eyes and sucked on the plump flesh.
It was this easy. So very easy. No matter how much reason and emotion fought in his head, in front of Yeon Dogyeong, emotion always won. Joo Seonghan raised his head and responded to his kiss, tightening and releasing his lips. Yeon Dogyeong, who had changed the direction of his head, grasped Joo Seonghan’s face with both hands. He held him immobile and thrust his tongue in deep. Hot saliva went down his open throat. His eyes twitched involuntarily. Just then, there was the sound of a door. Joo Seonghan roughly extended his arm and pushed Yeon Dogyeong away.
Hearing unfamiliar footsteps, his chest heaved. He looked up at Yeon Dogyeong blankly. Like someone who had seen something funny, he made a “kkeuk kkeuk” sound and wiped his wet lips.
“You want to keep it secret, right?”
“……”
“You have to answer.”
Yeon Dogyeong quickly swept Joo Seonghan’s lips with the back of his hand. There was no time to push him away.
“…Please, keep it secret.”
“Okay.”
As soon as Yeon Dogyeong answered, the half-open door swung wide open. A large man wearing a white gown stared intently at Joo Seonghan. A dark atmosphere emanated from his expressionless face with a scar. Without realizing it, intimidated, Joo Seonghan slightly averted his gaze. The man walked over with big strides and stopped in front of Joo Seonghan.
“This is Doctor Choi.”
He extended his hand. With a tense face, Joo Seonghan clasped Doctor Choi’s hand.
“…I’m Joo Seonghan.”
“Pleased to meet you.”
Contrary to his words, his voice didn’t sound pleased at all, but Joo Seonghan didn’t show it and shook hands as he shook them. Just when he thought it was enough and tried to let go, Doctor Choi kept shaking his hand. His small black eyes seemed to pierce through Joo Seonghan’s face.
“……”
He was about to ask why he was doing this, but closed his mouth again. Doctor Choi, having confirmed Joo Seonghan’s fidgeting lips, nodded his head briefly as if telling him to state his business. Joo Seonghan shook his head to indicate it was nothing. Even during this, Joo Seonghan’s hand was shaking up and down. Was this how it was originally done? Joo Seonghan’s common sense wavered at his seemingly intense yet not intense welcoming greeting that was so natural.
“I drew his blood. I’m going to send him home now.”
While he was hiding his bewilderment, Yeon Dogyeong broke the damp atmosphere. Doctor Choi quickly turned his head to look at Yeon Dogyeong. Dissatisfaction flashed in his eyes. Yeon Dogyeong, who alone noticed it, laughed through his nose and got up from where he had been sitting on the edge of the table. He pulled Joo Seonghan’s wrist. Doctor Choi’s hand, which had been holding Joo Seonghan’s hand achingly, fell away.
“I’ll take you home.”
Joo Seonghan was led by Yeon Dogyeong and stood up. Regardless of his intention, he was heading toward the door when he heard a low, monotonous voice from behind.
“If I had known you were coming together, I would have prepared.”
“Let’s take it slow. We have plenty of time.”
Yeon Dogyeong turned his head and answered with his usual smiling face. Joo Seonghan took the opportunity of stopping to carefully remove Yeon Dogyeong’s hand that was gripping his wrist.
“…Do you have plenty of time?”
Doctor Choi asked in a lower and slower voice. Yeon Dogyeong, who had only been smiling with his mouth, closed his eyes into crescents.
“Yes. So please, slowly and thoroughly.”
Doctor Choi was quiet. Yeon Dogyeong, who didn’t require an answer from him—whether he was originally a man of few words or not—grabbed Joo Seonghan’s wrist again and started walking. Joo Seonghan was forcibly moved a few steps, then suddenly thought he hadn’t said goodbye and looked back.
He bowed his head while looking at Doctor Choi’s expressionless face. Doctor Choi’s hand, which seemed like it wouldn’t move, rose. He spread his palm in the air and waved it left and right. Joo Seonghan felt as if an expression had crossed his face. With a strange feeling, Joo Seonghan turned his head and looked up at Yeon Dogyeong. Yeon Dogyeong lowered his eyes just in time and smiled at Joo Seonghan. Facing his well-crafted smile, the words Kang Hyeonjoo had said beyond the Guimun brushed past his ear.
‘There’s one common opinion. You can’t tell what he’s thinking. But everyone close to Team Leader Yeon knows. Befitting the leader of the accident-free team, Team Leader Yeon just doesn’t think about anything at all. He’s an idiot, that’s all.’
Joo Seonghan could say for certain. Yeon Dogyeong wasn’t an idiot but was pretending to be one, and the people’s common opinion that they couldn’t tell what he was thinking was true. But whether the rumors about him were true or false, it had no meaning to Joo Seonghan. Joo Seonghan couldn’t distance himself from Yeon Dogyeong. No, he couldn’t. What could it be? What about him made Joo Seonghan’s heart flutter so much? Joo Seonghan turned his gaze away from him.
-END-
* * *
[“Mr. A lost contact after a text message saying he was on his way home at around 3 a.m. on the 22nd. His last confirmed whereabouts were captured on the external CCTV of a convenience store near his home at around 2:30 a.m. on the same day, where he was seen talking on the phone.]
“End times, end times.”
Thud. The server who set down a bowl of seolleongtang in front of Joo Seonghan clicked her tongue while watching the TV, “Tsk tsk.” It was news about a 22-year-old man who had gone missing near his home.
“This is already the fifth time this year, isn’t it… They were all type O, they say. You be careful too, young man.”
The server who spoke while looking at Joo Seonghan walked into the kitchen with a waddle. Joo Seonghan looked down at the seolleongtang bubbling in the earthenware pot, then picked up his phone. Click. He took a photo and added salt. He stirred it a few times with the spoon he had already taken out and tasted it. Whether he was lucky to have added just the right amount of salt, it was delicious.
On the way back after having his blood drawn, Yeon Dogyeong asked Joo Seonghan what he’d been doing lately. Joo Seonghan answered that he wasn’t doing anything. Hearing that answer, Yeon Dogyeong accurately grasped Joo Seonghan’s situation.
‘You don’t know how to rest.’
He hadn’t known, but his words were right. Joo Seonghan didn’t know how to rest properly, so he was just staying at home. Yeon Dogyeong told Joo Seonghan to do things he liked or had always wanted to do. Joo Seonghan answered that there were none.
Not only did he have no special skills, he didn’t even have hobbies. From his school days until graduating from university, he had only studied, and after graduation, he obtained certifications that everyone else got and prepared for employment. After getting a job, he learned his work duties and lived a repetitive life.
It was the same even with a different starting point. At the orphanage, Joo Seonghan was a docile child who wanted nothing. A child without greed who never caused trouble and was always alone, present yet absent. He had been that way from the beginning. He didn’t know how to mix in, didn’t know how to demand, and there was no one who approached Joo Seonghan either. Whatever it was, he just accepted it.
His turn with toys that everyone played with together never came to Joo Seonghan, and he had never properly held even a single short colored pencil. He had no opportunity to know what he liked or disliked. So when he came to live with his current parents who had chosen him, when they went to the department store together, Joo Seonghan couldn’t choose anything. They said they’d buy him one thing he wanted, but not knowing what to choose, he stood still with his hands clasped together. Then he eventually burst into tears. His mother, with surprised eyes, chose a toy together with Joo Seonghan. He didn’t know if it was fun, but he seemed to have played with it earnestly.
‘Do you like eating? How about going around to restaurants or cafes that are famous for being delicious?’
Yeon Dogyeong suggested this to such a Joo Seonghan. Joo Seonghan, whose body had only grown, thought about whether going around eating things could really be called resting, but answered that it seemed okay. When Joo Seonghan showed interest, Yeon Dogyeong added more.
‘People take photos too, I hear.’
‘…Photos of food?’
‘Yes. They say when you look at them later when you’re depressed, you remember that taste and it makes you feel good.’
His tone was dubious, as if it didn’t apply to him. In any case, Joo Seonghan said he’d try it. Whether he looked determined, Yeon Dogyeong laughed and asked him to tell him how it went. Joo Seonghan asked him something he had wanted to ask him someday.
‘What’s your favorite food?’
He looked at Joo Seonghan. His eyes, wearing a fake smile, weren’t smiling. Yeon Dogyeong raised his lips and answered “sweets” as if he were saying a food he disliked. He couldn’t bring himself to ask if there were any other foods he didn’t like besides cranberries. For some reason, he was afraid that his fake smile would only deepen.
He sniffled. Even though he hadn’t eaten anything spicy, his nose was running. Joo Seonghan looked down at the earthenware pot he had completely emptied in one bowl and pulled out a tissue to wipe his mouth. He took out his notebook from the bag he had brought and wrote down how the taste was next to where the name of the seolleongtang restaurant was written. Ending with the words “It seems good to come again,” he closed the notebook and prepared to leave.
Today was the seventh day since Yeon Dogyeong had drawn Joo Seonghan’s blood. During that time, Joo Seonghan had been to four restaurants and drank coffee at six cafes. While doing so, he rode a roller coaster alone. Joo Seonghan didn’t know Yeon Dogyeong’s phone number. Since there was no way to contact him, he just thought he must be very busy. However, as the days passed one by one, various unpredictable thoughts stormed through.
