The man slowly fiddled with Kang Ikwon’s interlaced fingers. It was an absent, unconscious touch like stroking a doll or puppy’s fur. It seemed like he didn’t even know he was holding hands.
“Still, while we’re together, I won’t look elsewhere.”
“……”
“But there’s nobody like me except me, damn it….”
“……”
“You don’t even know what I’m saying, right? I’m speaking informally now.”
Even while talking, the man didn’t take his eyes off the window. In contrast to the dark taxi, the flashing neon signs threw fiercely tangled light over his delicate face.
Like the hand habitually fiddling, it didn’t seem like he particularly expected an answer. Kang Ikwon silently observed the man. The taxi stopped in front of a U-turn sign. In the taxi dark enough to submerge contours, the man looked at the lights on the road and muttered.
“It’s actually better that you can’t understand.”
And the man kept silent until the taxi stopped at the shoulder. Even after realizing he’d been holding Kang Ikwon’s hand the whole time, without any sign of awkwardness, he squeezed and shook his hand once more like a handshake with honest pronunciation saying “So kind,” then let go. As the dry warmth that had been touching left, conversely, his palm felt dampened. Looking at the meter showing the basic fare while rummaging through his pocket, he pulled out a crumpled ten-thousand-won bill.
“Here.”
Without taking it, the man pulled Kang Ikwon’s wrist as he stared blankly.
“Taxi money. The rest, take it.”
“……”
“Driver. Don’t rip off this person because he can’t speak Korean.”
“I don’t do that kind of thing.”
“Right?”
The man who placed the bill on Kang Ikwon’s palm and personally folded his fingers to make him hold it tightly asked the driver and got out. Treating Kang Ikwon, who was a head taller than him, as a lost child till the end. When the man bent at the waist, the robe opened and his nipples protruded like lips. He was about to tell him to wear that robe properly but just closed his mouth.
“Bye-bye.”
The man turned without hesitation. Following the hem of the robe, Kang Ikwon’s gaze moved slowly. He saw someone standing in a dark corner. That person glared at the taxi intently, then pointed at Kang Ikwon’s silhouette and confronted the man accusingly. Revealed in the streetlight was hair braided in cornrows on the sides. The pair surrounded by a somewhat hostile atmosphere was soon pushed out of the car window and disappeared. The taxi moved, carrying the ten-thousand-won bill and Kang Ikwon.
“Uh… Um. Where going. You going?”
The taxi driver spoke with a tense face. Kang Ikwon answered without even turning his head fixed toward the man—but now toward the car window where no one was.
“Please go to Gwanghwamun.”
“…What?”
You speak Korean well. The driver muttered with a dumbfounded and slightly relieved face.
Kang Ikwon didn’t open his clenched hand until arrival. The bill’s blunt edges pricked his palm the whole way.
***
The sweat beaded on his forehead cooled quickly. It was the season when his wet back felt chillingly cold. Kang Ikwon caught his breath and looked at the long, slender building before his eyes.
Had it become a hell sexy as hell as Moon Jaeyoung said? It was a hotel radiating bright light in a tidy appearance, unimaginable from the chaos of that time. Kang Ikwon, who stood for a moment looking at the entrance, turned direction instead of going back with a light run like when he came. Unlike his hesitating head, his legs were unhesitating as if running toward a clear destination from the start. The place he arrived at after circling the building had become a modest but neat back entrance. He stared intently into the darkness with no guard or cars coming and going, unlike the main entrance, then Kang Ikwon slowly entered inside. His legs that had been firm even after running for over 40 minutes without rest gradually slowed and completely stopped by the time music could be heard.
Why… am I.
Kang Ikwon stood still and tapped his sneaker toes. He rubbed his heels and wiped his chin where no sweat had formed. Even after that, he stood blankly for a long time with his empty hands on his waist.
Why.
Korea, which he’d returned to after about nine months, was the so-called golden holiday when the unique New Year called Lunar New Year coincided with the weekend. The airport was crowded and the roads were quiet. Half a day to arrive, splitting a day to conduct two meetings and a tight schedule of returning the next morning. The time to go back and forth from Gangnam to Gangbuk was too precious, so he booked a room at the hotel that was the meeting place and finished his report too. Because of his habit of not skipping exercise the more tired he was, up until he went out jogging to the Han River, he swore, he had no such intention.
He’d just briefly recalled Moon Jaeyoung’s useless words blabbering about the hotel reopening party when he started running. That was really all, but….
Kang Ikwon looked at the air with difficulty.
When he came to his senses, instead of returning to the hotel, he was crossing Banpo Bridge. Without any thought of what he’d do, vaguely, he just ran with a somehow numb head as if iron filings were drawn to a magnet. The road he’d only traveled twice by taxi was easily found. Music louder than before rang from quite a close distance. Even at the back entrance where there had been no people, several people went up and down the sloping path, throwing curious glances at Kang Ikwon. Though it was midwinter, they were dressed like that man had been, wearing only robes or coats over swimsuits.
Kang Ikwon slowly rubbed his sneaker heels as if starting an engine.
If he was going to turn back, now was the time.
Damn it.
It was a scene of carnage worse than hell. In the sea of people surging like waves and colliding, Kang Ikwon’s nerves were on edge. The outdoor area colorfully filled with various pools and cabanas of such bad taste it was dizzying was so crowded there was no room to step. Getting pushed and swept away, when he came to his senses, he was trapped in the middle of the crowd. The wall of people had a solid yet capricious elasticity and absolutely wouldn’t disperse, so Kang Ikwon had to feel the helplessness of endlessly bouncing off after lunging at a giant gym ball.
“J! J! J!”
From afar, the chanting of a nightmarishly familiar name was heard. Using the men’s resounding cheers as a stepping stone, he could see J, completely naked, diving while hugging a champagne bottle. Wooow… a loud, vivid cheer followed. Wigs, furs, and half-naked bodies swayed as if applauding. For a moment, reason returned that this place he stood wasn’t the middle of hell but the middle of another world, and one side of his head became cold. Kang Ikwon pulled his cap down further and turned to quicken his steps.
Unlike the music that had been flowing as background the whole time, a dull, loud sound rang like a drum. As DJs climbed onto the set stage, the crowd surged and an even more hellish scene unfolded.
Move.
Kang Ikwon ground his teeth and wielded the corner of his phone like a weapon to clear a path.
Damn it, move!
Kang Ikwon mercilessly struck down everything blocking his way. In that place where the most modest outfit was a leopard-print triangle swimsuit, Kang Ikwon in black sportswear alone drew attention in many ways. While pushing through the crowd, countless hands playfully brushed past him and someone groped him pretending to be pushed. After dropping a man who leaned on him giggling as if high on marijuana, he bumped into someone screaming. Take off one and another sticks on. Pushing away, shoving, sometimes kicking, when the crowd had noticeably thinned, once again someone boldly bumped their whole body into him. Kang Ikwon reached his arm behind and twisted the annoying wrist.
Get lost while I’m being nice.
“Ah.”
The body that had leaned on Kang Ikwon staggered and was pulled in. It was a blank face not knowing what was happening. Startled by the large shadow standing tall and looking down at him, the man slowly removed the cigarette he was holding in his mouth. Hair wet with a sticky-textured liquid clung to his cheeks and forehead. As if wanting to say something, his lips moved slightly, then he tilted his head.
“Excuse me…? There are too many people….”
The man apologized in not very confident English but plainly. As strength left Kang Ikwon’s hand, he rubbed the caught wrist and slowly moved forward again, mixing among the minority of people going against the flow. It was the edge of the crowd where the now-quiet poolside was visible. He could see people watching from one step away from the blinding lights and crowd, or soaking their bodies in the hot tub. The air surrounding them loosened, but Kang Ikwon couldn’t breathe as if blocked up.
“…Ah.”
What leaked from his blank mouth was a short cry from which nothing could be read.
Sparse mercury lamps threw light entangled like a veil over the man’s shoulders. His round back of the head moved, revealing his profile diagonally. Like that time, he had a cigarette in his mouth below his plump upper lip.
A sharp ringing sounded in his deafened ears. Kiiiii! Only when a terrible rupture sound scratched his ears and bang, all the lights around went out at once with a bursting sound did Kang Ikwon know that it wasn’t his imagination but reality.
The building that had been bright as day turned to darkness, and vicious screams burst out like a baseball stadium with a timely error.
The LED lights embedded along the poolside all went out at once. In the atmosphere that became tranquil in an instant, the murmuring gradually grew louder. The scattered crowd surged to the poolside that had been quiet. Even while bumping and being pushed like before, Kang Ikwon moved forward as if enchanted, only forward, toward his only calm situated in the middle of the disturbance.
The tightly gripped phone was calm, but a vibration that started from his fingertips spread throughout his whole body.
In the murky scenery, only the man walking ahead was clear as if focused.
As soon as he opened the door, lukewarm moisture wrapped around his body.
In the faint light, the outlines of tiles and sinks were revealed. Kang Ikwon stood and looked around at the darkness wrapped in tropical dampness. The sound of water was heard. The sound of a large amount of water scattering and dispersing onto the floor.
When he closed the door, the interior became dark as pitch again. All around was quiet. Aside from the man’s presence covered by the water sound, only his own breathing that felt louder than usual.
A moving shadow could be seen on one side of the translucent partitions lined up inside. In the completely dark interior, only the legs extending from under the partition stood out in contrasting milky white. That pale outline suddenly felt absurdly obscene, and Kang Ikwon unconsciously stepped back like someone who had been peeping. Something soft caught on the hand gripping the sink and fell. Following the sign of a heavy weight settling down, tak, the sound of something small and hard hitting the floor rang loudly. Flustered, Kang Ikwon quickly lowered his body and picked it up. Under the scattered puffy padding, a fluorescent-colored lighter that stood out even in the darkness was visible.
Squeak. Along with the noise of pulling the lever, the water sound stopped. Kang Ikwon froze his movement and held his breath. Splash, splash. The sound of feet stepping on shallow water like before approached. The moment he thought it was too unhesitating, a defenseless body came and bumped into him.
“Surprise.”
Unlike the content, an indifferent voice rang out. A faint smell of alcohol that he hadn’t noticed before wafted from the man walking past Kang Ikwon to the sink. When the man stretched his body fully, a complete nude body unfolded like a snowy landscape on a black-and-white screen. He pulled on his swimsuit over his body without wiping the moisture and put on the robe thrown on the sink. The man rummaging through the padding pocket muttered. Ah, the lighter.
