“Who—ever it is?”
The person who opened the door was Jed.
[What brings you here… Don’t tell me you’re actually interested in my proposal?]
Oh my. Jed’s smile as he leaned against the door frame and giggled soon faded. Rarely at a loss for words, Jed stared up at Kang Ikwon.
[Eden. Why do you have that expression?]
[Your proposal….]
Breaking the frozen silence, Kang Ikwon opened his mouth.
[That trashy proposal about doing it with three people?]
[E—]
[Where’s your partner?]
The voice that came out slowly sounded distant to Kang Ikwon’s ears, as if through a layer, and squeezed out to Jed’s ears. Kang Ikwon, who’d slowly removed his fist embedded in the door, stretched out his arm.
[If I just say the word, can I meet him in bed?]
The large hand that could cover Jed’s throat in one span covered his collarbone. Just as it slowly curved again and was about to tighten like a claw—
Click.
Kang Ikwon’s movement stopped. The sound of a door opening. The sound of a closed space opening up. The presence of another person being added. The everyday commotion that changed the stagnant air in an instant arose from beyond Jed’s back. The sound of water that had been briefly audible stopped, and something fell—thud. And then.
“Where are we going to eat?”
A voice.
“Jed?”
“Don’t come.”
Jed said without taking his eyes off Kang Ikwon.
“Don’t come out, Jin.”
From the briefly quiet other side, the sound of slippers being dragged slowly approached, defying Jed’s words. BANG! Just before the owner of the voice could reveal himself outside the bedroom, the door closed with a sound that seemed about to shatter. A painful silence flowed for a moment as if shot, and soon irregular footsteps disappeared along the corridor.
***
When I meet him this time, definitely.
He woke with a start, gasping. His chest heaved like someone just pulled from water. His back and forehead were damp with cold sweat. After lying with his hand on his eyes for a moment, he slowly sat up, and heavy clothes clung clammily to him. He hadn’t even put his legs on the bed, leaving them dangling. He must have collapsed in his sitting position and fallen into a brief sleep.
Tonight in his dream, it was him who was sinking. Black workout clothes soaked with water pulled him down heavily like armor. From the surface where faint light rippled, someone swam down gently. It was a man wearing a black swimsuit with a robe over it.
Ah.
Kang Ikwon muttered in the water—no, in the dream.
It’s you.
When the man spread both arms, the robe spread out like wings. Each time he smiled, vivid color spread like ink diffusing through water. That color became particles of light that clung to Kang Ikwon.
What have you done to me?
Kang Ikwon glared at him. Instead of answering, the man smiled and wrapped his legs around Kang Ikwon’s legs, his arms around his waist. Even in the water, warm skin clung slipperily.
Happy New Year.
The man whispered and kissed him.
Think of it as getting rid of bad luck for the new year. Do you understand what I’m saying?
[Damn it.]
Kang Ikwon sat up then slumped back down. Pressing his forehead, he suppressed the surging shame. It wasn’t just his back and the sheets that were wet. A sticky, familiar, unpleasant sensation had soaked below. It was a wet dream for the first time in so long he couldn’t even remember.
Kang Ikwon sat there for a long while with his forehead pressed down in the darkness. The deep winter dawn mixed with a blue tinge, growing bleaker. It had been exactly this time last year, coincidentally. In that dawn locked in a deep blue-black like the night air the man had worn that day, Kang Ikwon rubbed his exhausted face.
Just when was that moment? Each time he looked back, the memory changed. When their eyes first met, when the man smiled, when he jumped into the water. The moment the laughter rippling deep in his pupils surged up like a tidal wave and crashed into Kang Ikwon’s chest constantly shifted. It was such a fleeting squall that it calmed quickly. But the sensation of the capsized boat was so vivid that Kang Ikwon could neither forget nor grow accustomed to it.
This was his first.
***
At the face revealed through the open door, Teo drew in a breath. Moon Jaeyoung, who checked Kang Ikwon’s complexion right after, became equally serious.
[Did you get fired? Did you fuck up? Is my stock safe?]
[How long have you not been sleeping?]
Though their mouths opened simultaneously, their concerns diverged. Moon Jaeyoung’s chest was shoved with a coat as Kang Ikwon equally ignored both—Moon Jaeyoung worrying about his trust account and Teo worrying about the dark circles under his eyes.
[Delivery. You left this that day. Who’s the idiot who forgets their coat in the middle of winter?]
Sneaking in his barbs, Moon Jaeyoung pushed past him and invaded the room. Unlike usual, Kang Ikwon was pushed aside weakly like a defeated soldier. Unlike his normally neat self, the room visible over his shoulder was a mess. It made a mockery of the ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign hanging on the door.
[Haven’t unpacked yet?]
Teo asked, looking at the open trunk.
[Or are you in the middle of packing? Is your departure tomorrow?]
The way things were tangled and abandoned without context made it look like he’d either packed haphazardly in anger or unpacked and thrown things aside. Instead of answering, Kang Ikwon moved his chin up and down almost imperceptibly. It was an ambiguous answer as impossible to grasp as the disheveled luggage.
[Let’s go out and talk.]
Kang Ikwon said in a voice sunken as roughly as his face. Kang Ikwon, who dealt with wealthy clients and funds, was consistently neat and confident no matter what heavy workload he faced. But now he was crumpled miserably like discarded paper.
[Why go out when we have a perfectly fine room? Well, I guess it’s not perfectly fine.]
Moon Jaeyoung tossed the coat and plopped down heavily in a chair.
[Why? Is something really wrong? What the hell is with your appearance? You look exactly like someone who got dumped.]
[……]
[Puhaha.]
It was the moment Moon Jaeyoung’s shoulders shook as he burst into laughter, finding his own words funny. BANG! With a loud crash, the chair Moon Jaeyoung was sitting in toppled backward. Moon Jaeyoung, who’d quickly braced his hands on the table, looked at him with an astounded expression. The table trembled finely from the rebound of the chair pushed by strong force.
Kang Ikwon, glaring at Moon Jaeyoung with a terrifying face, left the room just like that. Left behind with the overturned chair and carpet with a dent in it, Moon Jaeyoung turned to look at Teo.
[Did I really lose my money…?]
Geez.
Teo shook his head and chased after Kang Ikwon.
The hotel restaurant during mealtime was crowded. Even though they’d deliberately avoided the 10th floor lounge, popular as a brunch spot, and chosen the 3rd floor, it was still like that. No matter how much this hotel was a gay mecca, it was swarming with excessively more men than usual.
“I’m sorry, but right now other than the balcony seats.”
The staff said with a troubled face. Kang Ikwon nodded expressionlessly.
“The balcony.”
On the chilly February balcony, even with the sun out, there was only one other group besides him. Thanks to that, Kang Ikwon could choose a seat with no one around and sink into thought. The large, lush Hong Kong palm planter placed at the balcony entrance blocked him from people’s gazes.
Being dumped, he says.
His anger at the absurd comparison flared for only a brief instant. The realization—ah, so this is being dumped—also passed emptily. Only after recognizing that what he’d experienced was being dumped did Kang Ikwon finally realize he’d never been in a relationship before.
So in the end, what I wanted to do with him was date.
[So, what did you want to say?]
Moon Jaeyoung, who’d appeared leisurely belatedly, asked. Teo, who’d followed first, shook his head at him like a warning. Because Kang Ikwon, who’d bristled at the word “dumped,” looked hurt rather than angry.
[You call people saying you have something to say and treat them like this?]
Regardless, the man who didn’t lack awareness but rather didn’t care about it—Moon Jaeyoung—said everything he had to say in the end. And Kang Ikwon, who likewise didn’t particularly care about his my-pace attitude, opened his mouth.
[Park Jiho.]
Jed’s stiff Korean full name, rarely used, dropped onto the table with a thud. Kang Ikwon gazed at the pool, which had gotten much closer than in the room, and fell silent for a moment. What came out after the heavy silence was words no one expected.
[About Park Jiho’s steady… tell me everything you know.]
Moon Jaeyoung, sitting on the balcony ledge, made a puzzled expression.
[What, Cha Gyujin?]
Instead of answering, Kang Ikwon lowered his eyes. He still didn’t even know the man’s name. Jin—only the name used to call the man circled in his ruminating memory. Cha Gyujin. Kang Ikwon rolled that name on the tip of his tongue without voicing it. So that’s his name. When he melted and swallowed it like candy, it became a quiet heat that burned his throat and descended to his chest.
[What do you want me to say about him?]
[…Everything.]
Kang Ikwon muttered.
[What kind of person he is and how the two met.]
[What’s with you all of a sudden? If you’re curious, meet him. He’ll be coming here soon.]
[—He’s coming now?]
Kang Ikwon lifted his head.
[The party’s tomorrow. While checking in together… Ah.]
Moon Jaeyoung leaned out over the balcony.
[They’re here.]
In an instant, strength entered so tightly that the knuckles of his clasped hands bulged white. The weight of the base expectation still remaining pressed down.
