“This is extremely strong. If someone unfamiliar drinks it, I mean, Cha Gyujin would probably be knocked out in one shot without even being able to talk to us.”
He said like an excuse. Is that alcohol so precious you can’t let me have it? Feeling somewhat pitiful and taken aback, I roughly nodded and looked away from Park Seoyun. Either way, neither the attitude toward me nor the attitude toward Kang Ikwon made him likable. Actually, all of Kang Ikwon’s friends were like that. What particularly bothered me was that unlike Kang Ikwon who was always honest and consistent, I couldn’t read their insides.
Givenchy joined in with a friendly face.
“Then should I order something other than alcohol for you?”
“They have and can make pretty much anything here, so just say the word.”
“Let’s lightly have champagne. I want to toast to you two today.”
Fortunately, Moon Jaeyoung’s proposal to raise a toast was ignored by everyone. I could see Kang Ikwon just smiling quietly, happy that his friends were taking care of me, even though he was being excluded. But the more they all competed to please me, the more my mood actually sank. Moreover, they all looked at me with pitying, even benevolent expressions like looking at a lost child who took the wrong path. Feeling absurd, I stubbornly shook my head at whatever they offered.
“Was it hard to find this place?”
When I resolutely refused food and drink like a martyr, Givenchy pushed a fruit plate toward me and asked friendly.
“Ah, I’m Teo. My Korean name is Taeo too, Theo in English. Call me comfortably.”
“…I guess.”
You’re just forever Givenchy to me.
“The location here is ambiguous—was it okay finding your way? It would have been good if you two came together…”
In many ways, Givenchy added muttering. I shook my head half-heartedly.
“I’ve been here once before… so.”
“Ah, you’ve come together before.”
“You said you greeted Seoyun before?”
“We met at Gisong.”
Regardless of my stiff attitude or uncomfortable air, the conversation proceeded smoothly. Occasionally I noticed cautious circling as if trying to dig something out, but they didn’t directly touch on it.
“What do you two mainly do when you meet? Ooh. That sounded dirty just now.”
Only Moon Jaeyoung was excited by himself.
“…Kang Ikwon.”
I looked straight ahead and said half-heartedly.
“Just… I only came to bring the wallet… I’ll leave first.”
“Let’s get up together.”
Following me as my fighting spirit disappeared, Kang Ikwon promptly stood up. He seemed to be hurrying as if he’d been waiting for just those words.
“I’ll go with you.”
“It’s fine, you stay longer.”
“I only stopped by briefly because I had something to say anyway, I wasn’t planning to stay long.”
Well, I can’t leave Kang Ikwon alone on this bed of nails. I nodded and held his hand.
“You’re leaving already? Why?”
However, Moon Jaeyoung ignored Kang Ikwon saying he was leaving and grabbed me like a water ghost.
“Let’s talk. I have so many things I want to ask.”
“Moon Jaeyoung.”
Park Seoyun stopped him in a reproachful tone. Undeterred, Moon Jaeyoung leisurely shook my arm.
“How old are you?”
“Old enough.”
“Your skin is really good though?”
“I have dry skin.”
“What did you like about him?”
“That he’s handsome.”
“So you were smitten just by his looks?”
I answered the persistent, pointless questions roughly while pulling my arm free, then stopped short.
“So, how did you two end up like that?”
Moon Jaeyoung propped his chin and looked up at me, smiling. How did, like that, end up.
It wasn’t my imagination. There were definitely thorns in his words.
“…What do you mean?”
“You know this is absolutely not a normal situation, right?”
Leaving everything else aside, the fact that your friend is gay isn’t a very normal situation to begin with.
I raised my hand and stopped Kang Ikwon from stepping forward as if to protect me. Then I looked down at Moon Jaeyoung’s eyes, which hadn’t lost their annoying smile, and asked point-blank.
“What are you so curious about?”
“Just. When you meet a friend’s lover, everyone asks this kind of thing, the two people’s love story.”
“Moon Jaeyoung.”
Kang Ikwon said in a low, fast voice.
“[While I’m being patient, fucking shut up.]”
I don’t know English, but I know “fuck” and “shut up.” However, Moon Jaeyoung wasn’t intimidated at all.
“You don’t understand my deep feelings…”
“Ignore him.”
Kang Ikwon, realizing there was no winning against a crazy bastard, picked up his coat. He gently wrapped around my waist as if to hurry me, but instead of budging, I removed Kang Ikwon’s hand and pushed it behind me. Though he’s much stronger than me, his body was pushed back without resistance, obediently moving away from my fingertips. I looked straight into Moon Jaeyoung’s eyes.
“I fucked him.”
“—Huh?”
“You’re curious, right? Our fucking love story.”
I looked around at the three idiots with their mouths open and said once more.
“I said I fucked him.”
I swallowed him whole without leaving a bone as a New Year’s celebration.
Neither Kang Ikwon nor the rest said anything. Instead of their impression of our love story, a more suffocating silence than when I first entered flowed. The smile disappeared from Moon Jaeyoung’s eyes for the first time. I thought I’d feel satisfied, but my insides are boiling. I didn’t wait for the frozen atmosphere to thaw and whirled around. I sensed Kang Ikwon immediately following, but when I raised my hand, he stopped abruptly like a well-trained dog.
“I’m going out to smoke a cigarette.”
Don’t follow me. I added that firmly in advance and turned the handle. The moment I opened the door, tremendous laughter burst out from inside.
“Hiiiek. He fu-fucked Kang Ikwon.”
Kang Ikwon got fucked! Uheeek.
I ignored it and closed the door. Beyond the closing door came a thwack, the sound of something breaking, but I didn’t look back.
I put a cigarette in my mouth, then quickly spat it out and scanned the ceiling. A fire alarm and two—count them, two—CCTV cameras. I clicked my tongue and headed for the elevator, then discovered an emergency exit door in the corner. I pushed it just in case, and an exterior emergency staircase appeared, something you rarely see in buildings like this. It’s a much better spot than the street or parking lot.
The wind cleared my head a little. They say flowers are already blooming and falling in the south, but Seoul’s daytime is dark and acrid like it’s going to rain. I crouched on the landing and tried to light my lighter, but it was acting up again. Fuck, these days even the ones sold at corner stores are one-touch, so why did I pay money for this as if I’m living some movie. I stared at my finger dented along the wheel, then threw it forcefully down the stairs as if venting my anger. Ting. Ting! Tangerang. When the noisy metallic sounds and the transparent lighter body disappeared, the compressed irritation seemed to be swept away with it and became calm. Instead, I became a bit depressed.
If I said I had no desire to make a good impression on Kang Ikwon’s friends, that would honestly be a lie. I know it’s a servile and shameless idea. Since Kang Ikwon kept saying he wanted to introduce me, I guess I had some expectations too.
No matter how much I try to think of it as male loyalty. If they’re old friends too, they must clearly know what Jiho or whatever the hell is doing and going around doing, but they still only want to take that side? Humanly speaking, shouldn’t they understand Kang Ikwon…
My mouth tastes bitter even though I haven’t lit my cigarette. I’m a man too, how could I not know that psychology? Fundamentally, morality doesn’t play a big role in male friendship. When trouble arises within a group, they inevitably take the side of the stronger person. From that atmosphere, it means Kang Ikwon isn’t only the weak one with his lover. When I recalled that unpleasant air of gently appeasing me while blatantly excluding Kang Ikwon, I got heated again. From lover to friends, he’s evenly unlucky with people.
“It’s because you’re too nice.”
When I said it aloud, my anger rose another level. My voice gradually got louder.
“Being clueless, just smiling even when friends ignore you. Only watching my reactions.”
I sighed while spinning the cigarette, still pristine white and clean.
“Gentle-ass Kang Ikwon.”
“—Who the hell are you talking about right now?”
The spinning cigarette dropped with a thud onto the top of my foot. Startled, I tilted my head back, but only the steel plate that was the floor of the upper level blocked my view. As I looked around in all directions with wary eyes, tong tong, a sound rang out clearly from above my head as if indicating a location. Then, like before, a voice tinged with an absurd sense of amusement came over.
“I absolutely can’t let that pass.”
“…Who is it?”
No answer came. Instead, after a moment, something that appeared to be a cigarette with a blinking light fell downward. Tung. Tung. Tung. The cheerful sound of footsteps on the stairs rang out. The footsteps passed over my head and gradually got closer. German sneakers and dark blue jeans dangling at the ankles even in weather that’s still chilly, bare ankles without even socks appeared first. Unlike the pants, a puffy khaki jumper. A glimpse of a black Kenzo sweatshirt. And then, and then.
“Did you already forget my voice?”
I came face to face with a face half-hidden by large sunglasses. I stared at him blankly with my mouth open. Compared to his personality, his lips—absurdly innocent and unnecessarily fresh for his age—wriggled and curved.
The man who approached close enough for his breath to touch my cheek suddenly lowered his glasses. The lenses that had reflected my face like a mirror disappeared, and I was reflected again in bright brown eyes. Smaller, with an even more stupid expression.
“J.”
I groaned.
“Jin.”
