Pujo hyung waved the envelope with the worm scrawl. And he also shook the envelope in his other hand.
“This is an A-section ticket my boyfriend gave me.”
“So you want me to pick one?”
Is there such an easy and generous lottery in the world? I quickly reached for the R-section, but hyung held the envelope and wouldn’t let go.
“Do you by any chance know Jed Park?”
“Jedoo Park?”
“He’s supposedly a pianist.”
“Don’t know him?”
“I guess not after all…”
I even Googled it but I’m not sure. He was wearing a hat that day…
Pujo hyung’s muttering appearance was very suspicious.
“What’s wrong?”
“This ticket.”
Hyung shook the R-section envelope.
“Someone gave it and left. Said it was a bribe.”
“For me?”
“The bribe is for me. What he left to pass on to you is that memo.”
“That’s phonetic writing, right? Not hieroglyphics…?”
I received the envelope, looked it over suspiciously, and handed it back.
“It’s suspicious, so I won’t take it.”
“Then what do I do?”
“Ah, wait a second.”
I briefly interrupted hyung and answered the phone. And as soon as I finished the short call, I hurriedly snatched the envelope.
“Hyung, I’ll greet you properly later! And pay! Right now there are cars stuck front and back in the alley and I need to move them.”
“Hey! What about this?”
“Keep it or throw it away.”
I said without regret and ran up the stairs. When I got in the car that was facing off with a truck, the truck slowly began reversing.
“Did you safely receive the goods?”
“That sounds kind of sexy and dangerous.”
I tapped his cheek with a smile like a mafia member smuggling drugs. The car happened to be filled with an ominous, solemn organ sound that was perfect for this roleplay. With the experience I’d accumulated over time, I confidently stepped forward and showed off my knowledge.
“This is a hymn, right? In foreign movies, this kind of music always plays in church scenes.”
“It’s probably because it’s a pipe organ.”
“Foreign countries have those in churches too.”
“Want to go together? How about taking this opportunity to make a passport and slowly travel through Europe? Six months or so.”
I’ll cover the costs. These words came out without hesitation. I shook my head.
“No matter how I think about it, you got ripped off because of that personality, not getting what your face is worth.”
“That sounds like a mix of compliment and insult.”
“Ugh… you should’ve met me sooner.”
I reached out and patted his cheek again.
“If you’d just bought me a few drinks, I would’ve given you proper life education for free.”
Kang Ikwon turned his head slightly and kissed the tips of my patting fingers.
“Even if I’d paid a more expensive price, it wouldn’t be a waste.”
“I would’ve taught you about how this scene works too.”
“I don’t need to know things like that.”
“So you wouldn’t fall into the hands of weird guys… and I would’ve set you up with a really good person.”
I don’t know why those words suddenly came out. Honestly, maybe I wanted to test him. Maybe I secretly hoped Kang Ikwon would say firmly like before, You’re the best man for me.
But Kang Ikwon’s lips stopped cold instead of tickling my fingertips with sweet words. After a brief silence, a chilly voice that had never been aimed at me before settled low.
“Introduce someone else?”
I was taken aback by the unexpected reaction, like cold water had been thrown on me.
“No, it was just something I said knowing it wouldn’t work out anyway.”
“The thought of you playing the role of that good man,”
Kang Ikwon stared straight ahead.
“Isn’t even an option?”
I lost my words and blankly stared at his sunken profile against the sunset backdrop. His gaze fixed across the road was cold and hard, unlike the soft sunset glow. It was clearly an unfamiliar expression, yet a sadly familiar feeling sank my heart as if I’d seen it before.
“Why are you getting angry…”
Kang Ikwon didn’t deny that he was angry. He didn’t even look at me.
The car entered a long tunnel. My ears were ringing from the amplified noise, but a voice that wasn’t even loud pierced through clearly.
“I’m glad I met this person early. I’m glad I met them properly, without trial and error.”
Kang Ikwon said quietly. It was a calm tone, but it didn’t feel peaceful.
“I feel stupid for hoping it would’ve been good if the past had been in that natural order.”
“It really was just a light comment. Don’t overinterpret it because I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Of course it wasn’t like you’re sick of me so go eat up some other guy and get lost.”
It was self-deprecating, but at the same time a snipe aimed at me. As if to prove it, cynicism filled Kang Ikwon’s tone.
“But it also wasn’t like you wanted to try something with me.”
“Kang Ikwon.”
“Because you never wanted that kind of thing in the first place.”
“Why are you suddenly overreacting?”
“It’s always like this.”
Kang Ikwon twisted his lips.
“You’re lacking and I’m excessive.”
At that sarcasm, my insides twisted along with it for a moment.
“If you’re going to mock someone, do it when they can understand and process it. Why are you suddenly slapping me?”
“Am I even capable of hurting you?”
“Hey.”
My mouth fell open. My head tingled with bewilderment resembling betrayal. I tried not to let my voice shake as I shot back quickly.
“You’re really mistaken—the one cheating right now is you. The person with their legs in two boats isn’t me, it’s you.”
“I—”
“No, you said what you wanted to say unilaterally, so now listen. Did I push you to cheat? Did I cling to your legs and beg?”
“Don’t bring up that person here, it really means nothing!”
“How does it mean nothing! You said you dated that long! You dated for three years and even your friend knows him!”
The name Jiho, which Park Seoyun had pronounced familiarly, came alive in my ears. The lukewarm bitterness I felt then was a sensation I never wanted to know.
“Will you do the same to me?”
The hurt that had been buried and had become closer to grievance exploded along with it. I glared at Kang Ikwon.
“Later when you go back to your lover, will you say that I meant nothing then too?”
“Don’t make such comparisons or speculations.”
Kang Ikwon ground his teeth.
“Because it will absolutely never happen.”
“Why are you so confident? What makes you so sure?”
“Did my sincerity not reach you at all to that extent?”
“Didn’t we have this conversation before? Sincerity—it’s not something you can see.”
At my cold words, Kang Ikwon’s face twisted painfully.
Even seeing that, I got angrier as if uncontrollable acceleration kicked in. His defensive attitude, as if he couldn’t stand even his lover’s story coming between us, seemed to stab me hard in reverse.
“You dated him that long and he means nothing? He’s nothing…? Did you think I’d be touched hearing that? Hey, then me—I’m even less.”
“Stop.”
“What are Kang Ikwon and I? What great relationship…? We’re just having a brief affair. A relationship that’s nothing but fucking because it’s not even worth shit.”
“Please,”
Kang Ikwon gripped the steering wheel as if to crush it. The complexion that was always healthy and calm had turned pale.
“Just… just shut that mouth for a moment.”
The last words came out almost like spitting. It was a tone that seemed to tear apart. But it seemed like it was Kang Ikwon’s soul that was torn to shreds and wounded, not me.
“…I,”
Kang Ikwon moved his lips like someone who didn’t know what to say and barely spat out.
“I.”
Instead of finishing his words, Kang Ikwon clamped his mouth shut. Unlike his straight-ahead gaze, his focus was dizzily circling somewhere invisible. Just like a child who’s lost both words and their way. Only then did I realize my words had been too harsh. What am I doing right now, this is just… venting.
Even under the sickening red light of the tunnel, Kang Ikwon’s hurt expression was starkly visible. The hand gripping the steering wheel had so much force that veins bulged. My chest ached sharply for a moment. I reflexively placed my hand over Kang Ikwon’s.
“Sorry, I went too far.”
“It’s not something to apologize for.”
Kang Ikwon said quietly.
“When hearts don’t follow at the same speed… you can’t call that a sin.”
It was such a desolate statement. A massive silence crushed us. At that moment, I thought that even an apology for insensitivity shouldn’t be insensitive. I gathered up the embarrassment that was very rare for me, that I didn’t even know I had, and opened my mouth.
“Why are you deciding my feelings on your own?”
“What do you mean?”
