Even after he left, the viscous weight of his lingering gaze seemed to remain.
Gi-hyeon perched on the chair in front of the easel. He was exhausted from everything — the party, the contract with Gwok Un — yet he still picked up his brush. The third confirmation was coming up soon, and if he was going to make the revisions Gwok Un had demanded, he needed to keep his hands moving diligently.
He started by wiping down the background. As the paint lifted and the surface of the canvas was revealed, he spread black across it. As the mottled canvas darkened to black, the clutter in his mind emptied out. Gi-hyeon changed brushes and began refining Gwok Un’s portrait.
He had no idea how long he’d been absorbed in his work — the moon had caught in the branches of a tree when the studio door flew open with a thunderous crash.
Having anticipated the commotion, Gi-hyeon calmly set down his brush and stood.
“You little bastard, how dare you——!”
Gi-hyeon stared in silence at the Butler, who had not a single shred of reason left in him. Their eyes met across the air, and the Butler lunged at Gi-hyeon.
Gi-hyeon stepped back and seized the Butler by the throat, slamming him into the worktable. The Butler’s body crashed against it, and art supplies rained down over his head. The Butler writhed between the worktable and the wall.
Gi-hyeon unhurriedly untied his apron and hung it on the easel.
A box cutter caught the eye of the Butler, who was twisting his body in agony. He kept a wary eye on Gi-hyeon as he tucked the blade into his back pocket, then lunged again.
Gi-hyeon dodged it just as easily this time and struck the Butler hard across the face. The Butler staggered from the direct hit to his nose, and Gi-hyeon pressed the momentum, swinging his fist without mercy. The Butler crumpled with a cry, and Gi-hyeon kicked him in the jaw. He roughly grabbed the Butler by the hair as he toppled backward.
Gi-hyeon stared into his bloodshot eyes and ground the words out, one by one.
“If you’d only come after me, it wouldn’t have come to this.”
“Heh… heh…”
“……!”
The Butler’s eyes gleamed with a wild, white light. Sensing danger, Gi-hyeon loosened his grip — but the Butler moved first, driving the box cutter down into his forearm. Gi-hyeon swallowed the scream that tore up his throat as the metal bit mercilessly into his flesh. The pain seared through him like burning, his temples throbbing, his molars grinding together on their own.
Looking at him like that, a rapture the Butler had never shown before surged across his face. The Butler yanked the box cutter out in one swift motion, and blood gushed forth.
A scream ripped from Gi-hyeon’s lips.
The Butler’s mouth curved up smoothly as he watched Gi-hyeon clutch at his spurting arm. Crouching down, the Butler seized Gi-hyeon by the jaw. He dragged the blade across the cheek twisted in agony, and blood surfaced. The Butler wiped the blood from his own nose and laughed, cruelly.
“At first I thought about slashing up that pretty face of yours.”
As the Butler lowered the box cutter and aimed it at his right hand, Gi-hyeon’s face went white as a sheet.
Gripped by madness, the Butler pinned Gi-hyeon’s right hand to the floor. The terror that his hand would be destroyed swept over his entire body.
Desperately, Gi-hyeon stretched his left arm toward the worktable. The fingertips that were just barely out of reach, the searing pain — it was enough to drive him mad. Gi-hyeon scraped frantically at the floor, pouring every ounce of strength into his fingertips.
The Butler kept his gaze fixed on Gi-hyeon’s right hand, tapping each finger with the blade.
“In the end, it was always this hand that was the problem. You and Gam Eun-hyeong both.”
“Hah— ah…… ugh——!”
“Do you know how furious it made me, every time you bastards with nothing going for you but your talent for painting acted so high and mighty? I’ve wanted to do this every single time. Sever every tendon, shatter every joint!! So you’d never be able to hold a brush again!!!”
The Butler looked almost giddy, like a child about to fulfill a long-cherished wish.
Gi-hyeon barely managed to pull the worktable handle toward him and grip it tightly.
“It’s lonely going alone, isn’t it? Let’s go together……!”
As the Butler readjusted his grip on the blade, Gi-hyeon shoved the worktable with every ounce of strength he had. Caught completely off guard by the resistance, the Butler was slammed into the wall.
Gi-hyeon barely managed to pull his trembling limbs upright. He pressed down on his convulsing arm and approached the Butler.
Gi-hyeon pressed his foot down steadily on the head that was squirming on the floor. The Butler, eyes filled with fear, trembled violently. Gi-hyeon put his full weight down and drove his head into the floor.
The Butler went limp, unconscious, and Gi-hyeon dragged him by the collar down to the first floor.
With every step he took, blood from his wrist and the Butler’s blood pooled heavily on the ground. The sound — unsettling, like dragging a heavy sack — drew the servants to peer over the staircase railing. The moment they saw the two of them, their gazes flooded with horror.
Gi-hyeon reached the living room, threw the Butler out through the front door, and closed it behind him. Only then did the tension leave him, and he breathed in labored, ragged gasps.
“Young Master…….”
The frightened servants crowded around Gwok Un, murmuring among themselves. They had hoped he would deal with the brutal scoundrel — but Gwok Un betrayed their expectations and turned away. As Gwok Un walked up the stairs, his slippers became stained with blood.
When Gwok Un disappeared, Gi-hyeon looked directly at the servants. Those who had always been full of envy and jealousy averted their eyes. There had been a time when that kind of spineless, self-serving abasement had disgusted him — but right now, he found himself grateful for it.
Gi-hyeon let out a cold, empty laugh and made his way to the studio.
Gi-hyeon found the painkillers and tipped a handful into his mouth. A wave of dizziness and nausea followed. Swallowing back the urge to retch, he sprayed hemostatic powder onto the wound. As the white powder seeped into the gap of the torn flesh, the bleeding gradually slowed.
Gi-hyeon pressed the wound tight with a bandage, then opened and closed his hand. He watched his hand move — throbbing, but without real impediment — and only then did he feel relief.
“Hurts like hell.”
The hand covering his face trembled finely. The terror of how close it had all come to ending clung to every corner of his body. He pressed his fingers into his forehead, knuckle by knuckle, applying pressure.
As he focused his consciousness down to his fingertips, trying to shake off the fear — the studio door opened.
“…….”
Do-gyeom and Gi-hyeon stood still, neither drawing closer nor moving away, simply staring at each other.
When did this distance become familiar to me.
As the flood of thoughts made him turn his head away, Do-gyeom carefully took a step forward. Sensing his presence, Gi-hyeon stared at Do-gyeom as if at a mirage.
Do-gyeom stood before Gi-hyeon and dropped to his knees. He stared at the blood-soaked bandage. Gradually, emotion filled what had been dry eyes.
Gi-hyeon smiled languidly and gently brushed the corner of his eye.
“Why are you crying.”
The eyes blinking rapidly, trying to hold back tears — they were endearing. Do-gyeom, who had opened and closed his mouth several times swallowing his tears, finally spoke.
“I’m sor—”
The tears he had been holding back spilled down all at once, and he closed his mouth again.
Gi-hyeon quietly wiped away the tears welling up from Do-gyeom.
“I’m sorry.”
His nose and eyes had gone completely red, as though the tears kept rising without end.
“I feel like…… I ruined everything.”
“No. Don’t think that way. Nothing is ruined — not you, not me.”
Do-gyeom wrapped the bandaged hand with trembling fingers. His careful hands, afraid of disturbing the wound, were just as gentle as before. A voice dissolved with tears, like a child’s, continued.
“If it weren’t for me, none of this would have happened, and you wouldn’t have gotten hurt……. I said terrible things to you, hurt you…… even after all that…….”
“…….”
“……I’m sorry, you kept reaching out to me…… and I shut you out just to make myself feel better. I’m sorry.”
Gi-hyeon stroked the painfully furrowed brow, as though Do-gyeom were remembering the days that had passed. How hard must this gentle person have worked to hate someone. He could almost picture it — forcing cruel words out, blaming himself, picking at wounds on purpose.
“I just wanted to blame everything on you. I wanted to forget every kind thing you ever did for me. Because that was easier. Simpler.”
“I told you to do that. I really am fine, so stop crying.”
“……I knew you weren’t that kind of person, I just— just…….”
“It must have been so hard for you to forgive me. Thank you. Just the fact that you came like this is enough, so don’t be sorry.”
At those gentle words, tears welled up in Do-gyeom’s eyes once more. His clear face was already drenched in tears before he knew it. The corners of his eyes, having shed tears endlessly, were swollen and raw.
After crying for a long while, Do-gyeom fumbled his way through more words.
“I……I feel like I’m nothing but a burden when I’m beside you, and yet…….”
“……?”
“……I still want to stay. Shamelessly…… I’m sorry.”
Do-gyeom’s tears and his heart seeped through the spaces between Gi-hyeon’s fingers.
Gi-hyeon’s eyes became those of a believer who had just witnessed the Holy Spirit. Lost for words, tracing Do-gyeom with his gaze, a pale mist gathered in Gi-hyeon’s eyes as well. He had never once imagined he would be given this person’s heart. In a miracle of a moment, his own heart swelled. But then the night he had held Gwok Un, and Do-gyeom’s wounded face, flickered before him. I’ve made so many mistakes — is having me beside you truly something I can give you. So much has already gone too far, so much has already been distorted…… but even so.
“Let’s start over.”
“…….”
“As if nothing happened. Back to before any of it began.”
If we cannot return to the moments I’ve longed for, then perhaps we can start from the very beginning.
“Eating together, talking, laughing…… let’s spend our days together, again.”
I want to wipe away everything I’ve painted, take out a blank canvas, and this time fill it with only the two of us.
“Please…….”
Gi-hyeon lifted the tear-streaked face. The gentle eyes he had loved and longed for turned toward him. How desperately he had wished to be allowed back into this closeness — Gi-hyeon’s chest surged and swelled. He carefully pressed his lips to the corner of Do-gyeom’s eye. He licked away the tears that clung like scars, so they would not leave the skin raw.
Do-gyeom, who had been gazing up at him with moist eyes, leaned his cheek in. In that surrender, as if entrusting everything — Gi-hyeon kissed him as though drawn by a spell. As the lips meeting his parted in acquiescence, a pleasure unlike anything he had ever known ran down his spine.
