* * *
“You’re sticking close to Nanneokeo a lot these days.”
‘This isn’t jealousy……’
After [Clasped Hands], I’d become close with Nanneokeo without reserve. It must’ve been visible enough for Banye to notice too.
‘But why is he being sarcastic……? Ah, no, let’s not get my hopes up……’
I repeated it hard to myself so I wouldn’t misinterpret Banye’s words.
And I made excuses.
“I’ve been going to dungeons with Neokeo-ssi…… Hehe.”
“I told you to buffer for me. You said you’d help with the broadcast.”
“Huh? Ah, I have to do yours too. But if I’m too bad at it, I’ll be a burden…… So I’m trying to practice with Neokeo-ssi……”
“But why do you lock the door and play games these days?”
“Ah…… Di, did I?”
Actually, I’d been getting hypothetical romance advice from Nanneokeo here and there, so when playing games with Nanneokeo, I’d lock the door to prevent Banye from suddenly coming in.
I’d only done it exactly twice, but I didn’t expect to be called out on it immediately. Banye smiled at my clumsy attempt to redirect. Of course, he didn’t look very…… pleasant.
“Are you uncomfortable because I’m here?”
“N, no! That’s not it…… I won’t lock it from now on……”
In the end, I had no choice but to answer like that without being able to move.
Only then did Banye withdraw his somehow eerie smile. Just looking at this, it seemed like Banye was acting possessive toward me, but…….
‘No, I wish that were the case, but……’
But if you asked whether Banye liked me…… that was really unknowable.
Banye had never stared at me intently, and unlike me, he’d never once blushed while looking at me. More often than not, he’d sigh when I said something, and he didn’t laugh or listen well either.
At best, friends…… maybe?
‘Ha, fuck…… Should I just go crazy and ask if there was anyone he liked……?’
But according to Nanneokeo, once you start asking those kinds of questions, the other person gradually becomes burdened…… Above all, he said it wasn’t recommended because the chances of being found out were high.
So I couldn’t do this or that and just kept agonizing continuously.
* * *
“I, I’ll go grocery shopping.”
I followed along at the sound of Banye’s voice from outside. Banye was dressing lightly and preparing to go out.
“Should I go with you? It’ll be heavy.”
“Why would I make you carry heavy things? I’ll be back soon.”
Banye rejected my words and went out alone. I was a little disappointed because I wanted to go out together, but my heart hopelessly pounded again at the affection of telling me not to carry heavy things.
I reminded myself of Nanneokeo’s words again.
‘Friends. That’s a friend…… Friendship……’
I wanted to go together, so it was regrettable to send him alone. Right, if you like someone, don’t you want to be together even for one more moment?
The fact that Banye went out alone so nonchalantly like that was because we were clean friends without any other feelings.
“Hah……”
What’s the point of worrying needlessly? It’ll just be running in place anyway…….
Should I just make a confession attack? If I confess and get rejected, will Banye leave the house? If he leaves, where will he go to live……? Miscellaneous delusions continued in a row.
“Why isn’t he coming back?”
Then suddenly, I realized quite a bit of time had passed since Banye left.
I checked the clock. Looking at the time it usually took, it was time enough that he should’ve come back ages ago. Wondering if something had happened, I tried calling Banye, but he didn’t answer.
“Did something happen……”
Banye wasn’t a child, but having a track record(?) like the trash can incident, I was worried for no reason. Even though I paced and wandered near the entrance, I didn’t hear the sound of the elevator coming up.
“Should I go out?”
I immediately grabbed my clothes, put them on, and went outside.
He might already be on his way back from shopping, but anyway, the route to the nearby mart was obvious, so there was no way our paths would cross.
“Huh?”
Walking along the road like that, I discovered Banye on one side of an alley. Under the artificially lit lighting as the surroundings had grown dark, I could see Banye’s figure.
But Banye was talking with someone.
The other person was a man with a somewhat scary-looking impression. Banye continued the conversation with the man, facing him with an attitude quite unfamiliar to me.
He was half turned away so I couldn’t see well, but whenever the angle was right, the glimpses of his face I caught looked quite comfortable.
The other person was probably Banye’s friend.
Even though there was no particular reason for it, I somehow felt like I shouldn’t be caught, so I sneakily hid behind a car parked nearby.
But spying didn’t make me feel comfortable either. It would be nice if I could at least hear what they were talking about, but I couldn’t hear anything at all…….
In the end, unable to bear it, I tried calling Banye.
Then I saw Banye checking his smartphone in the distance. I carefully held my phone so no sound would come out if Banye answered.
“……”
However, it was a needless action. Banye glanced at the screen and just swiped with his finger, hanging up the call.
“Uh……”
I froze in shock.
Then, the friend standing with Banye said something while looking at Banye’s turned-off smartphone. And Banye…… answered something with a slight frown.
I couldn’t hear anything properly because of the distance, but judging by the atmosphere, it didn’t seem like he’d said anything particularly good.
Was he talking about me?
I wanted to deny it, but I clearly thought that must be it. I also had a premonition that it probably wasn’t anything good…….
“……”
Calling Banye once more, or approaching and talking to him…… Instead of choices that required courage, I chose to run away. I came back the way I came as if I’d never been there and entered the house.
My heart was pounding. I calmed my flushed face from excitement, changed my clothes back to what I was wearing before going out, and pretended nothing had happened.
After that, Banye returned home quite a while after I’d come in.
“I’m back.”
“……You’re late.”
I glanced at the clock and spoke as if nonchalant. Banye responded as if it was nothing.
“I smoked a cigarette before coming back.”
“I see……”
He didn’t smoke a cigarette, he chatted with a friend. The dissatisfied words only circled inside my throat.
I was disappointed in Banye for not telling me honestly. And soon, I realized I had no right to be disappointed.
Expecting anything in the first place just because Banye was a bit affectionate to me was a stupid thing to do. If that comfortable appearance I saw earlier was the face he showed when dealing with friends, then I wasn’t even a friend…… Someone he lives with. Right, that’s exactly the extent of our relationship.
“What’s wrong?”
“No, just…… I’m sleepy.”
“If you’re sleepy, go in and sleep. Don’t doze off outside uncomfortably.”
Banye’s advice was affectionate, but it didn’t sound confusing like before. The scene I saw a little while ago was clearly a shock, but it was good medicine for abandoning pointless attachment and expectations.
“Yeah…… I’ll sleep. Good night.”
I ran away to my room again, like I’d run away from the dark alley. And with my upset heart, I tossed and turned before giving up and falling asleep only at dawn.
* * *
The next day.
“……You’re up?”
“Yeah.”
I woke up and washed before Banye came to wake me, and sat at the dining table suppressing yawns.
Banye was about to enter my room without reserve, then belatedly discovered me sitting at the dining table and approached as if surprised.
I said to Banye in a small voice what I’d been thinking about all night.
“From now on, you don’t have to wake me up…… I can wake up on my own.”
“……”
Banye sat across from me at the dining table without a word. Then he seemed to be checking my mood a bit.
As if trying to gauge where my unusual attitude came from. Then he looked at me and spoke bluntly, as if spitting out the words.
“Looks like you didn’t sleep.”
‘How perceptive……’
I actually had tossed and turned, so I flinched, but still didn’t make excuses.
When I didn’t respond at all, Banye rested his chin and looked at me for a moment. Then he spoke to me as if warning.
“Hyung, you’re hiding something from me these days, aren’t you?”
“……! N, no?”
I shrank my shoulders sharply while saying no.
Banye looked at me expressionlessly. That very expressionlessness seemed like a precursor to something…… Banye looked at me once, then closed his eyes for a long time before opening them.
“Got it.”
And that was the end of it.
After that, Banye…… subtly started ignoring me.
Nanneokeo (난너커) – [Short form of Nanneomukeoeyeowo]
