In my opinion, Banye doesn’t seem to think of me as a best friend.
Moreover, even if Banye thought of me as a best friend, wouldn’t that be a problem…… If he found out that I was conscious of Banye in a weird way, Banye’s attitude would change in an instant.
I changed the subject, saying let’s head out to the dungeon. But I couldn’t concentrate well, and that day I made mistake after mistake. If Nanneokeo hadn’t warned me several times, I would’ve died twice as much.
After barely managing two runs and letting out a sigh, Nanneokeo smiled faintly.
“Why are you sighing like that? Anyone can make mistakes.”
“No, it’s just……”
It wasn’t that I was upset about dying, but something else was bothering me. I sneakily cracked the door open slightly and checked on Banye. Banye seemed to still be in his room.
Worried my words might be heard, I looked around and carefully brought up the thought that had been circling in my head all along.
“……Um, Neokeo-ssi.”
“Yes.”
“This is about a friend of mine……”
“Yes. What about your friend?”
Perhaps because Nanneokeo’s voice sounded quite gentle? I felt a bit reassured and opened my mouth hesitantly.
“My friend has a friend he’s gotten particularly close with lately, you know? But, lately…… he said he’s become conscious of that friend……”
“……Your friend?”
“Yes, he’s become conscious of romantic feelings……”
My words trailed off more and more. Even my own mind took damage from saying those words. Is this really long-distance love season 2? This really doesn’t make sense.
“What should my friend do?”
“……Ah, your friend. Hmm.”
Nanneokeo, who seemed a bit flustered, answered carefully.
“From the other person’s perspective, it would probably be…… a bit burdensome, wouldn’t it? If they’ve only gotten particularly close recently, it would still be friendship anyway…… If it’s suddenly romantic feelings…… Hmm. The other side might try to keep their distance.”
“Ah, I suppose so.”
“Yes. It’s unfortunate for your friend, but……”
Nanneokeo said gently, as if consoling.
“If the other person doesn’t like them, it would be better to sort out their feelings.”
“I think so too. My friend…… should sort out their feelings.”
I was actually glad that Nanneokeo spoke firmly. While there was a very slight regret, the feeling of relief was much stronger.
Just then, I sensed someone’s presence outside. Startled, I said, “I, I have to go,” and turned off the mic. As soon as I did, the door burst open.
The person who entered the room was naturally Banye.
Banye, who strode over, stared intently at the monitor screen I’d hastily minimized, then frowned.
Instead of reflexively making excuses, I glared at Banye.
“Without even knocking……”
“I knocked.”
“……You did?”
“You had your headset on, so you probably didn’t hear.”
“……”
I’d been paying enough attention to surrounding sounds, but there was no knocking sound. ……No, I must have not heard it, right?
“But, why?”
“I’m going out. I said I was staying out overnight.”
“……Ah, yeah.”
“You must be happy I’m staying out overnight?”
Banye asked mischievously, bringing up the joke that failed earlier. I was about to say no, but got flustered worrying my feelings might be exposed, so I just shook my head.
“Well, it’s your decision…… There’s nothing good or bad about it.”
“……I see.”
Banye didn’t frown like before, but left the room expressionlessly like someone who wasn’t pleased about anything either.
I got up from my chair and followed after Banye. Then I waved one hand at Banye, who was putting on his shoes at the entrance.
“Have a good time.”
“……I’ll be back.”
Banye looked somewhat subdued, but fortunately didn’t look too bad when leaving.
I stood in place for a long while even after Banye left, then trudged and turned around.
“……”
My feet stopped in front of Banye’s room, from the same feeling as being regretful about Nanneokeo’s words. Even though I knew the room’s owner had already left, I carefully opened the door slightly, worried I might get caught.
Banye’s room, with Banye’s traces left everywhere.
Even though some time had passed since I’d been staying here, I felt a sense of distance in this room that could be emptied quickly even if he suddenly left.
This must be exactly the distance between Banye and me.
Nanneokeo’s words are right. Whatever these feelings are, let’s not worry about them. It wouldn’t work out well in the first place…… and even if it did, that would be a problem. I can’t even imagine Banye liking me.
Thinking of Banye saying he likes me actually gave me goosebumps. Rather, I could easily imagine things becoming strained between Banye and me after that…….
“……”
Just thinking about it made me feel slightly miserable.
Breaking up with Kwon Dajeong was so hard, and moreover, Banye and I have met face-to-face. The blow would be much greater.
No matter how much of an idiot I am, I’m not stupid enough to repeat the same mistake twice.
Let’s give up.
Separately from my firm conclusion, my mood became gloomy for no reason. In the end, even though it was still early, I lay face-down on the bed and spent my time.
* * *
It wasn’t until the surroundings grew dim and my stomach growled that I got up.
“There’s nothing to eat……”
We’d finished the stew cleanly at lunch and even finished the dishes, so there was no leftover food. What should I eat? After briefly pondering, I took out the familiar instant rice and 3-minute curry.
“……”
As I ate, my expression became bad, like Banye’s when he first came to my place and ate curry. Even though it was food I always ate well, it strangely had no taste.
In the end, I put down my spoon without even eating half. I wasn’t even full yet, but it felt like I’d get indigestion if I ate more.
Just as I was wondering whether to throw this away or not.
♪♬♩―.
Suddenly, a ringtone sounded from my smartphone.
Thinking it was spam, I checked, and surprisingly, the person calling was Banye. I stared at my smartphone quietly, then startled by a thought that suddenly occurred to me, I answered the phone.
[Hello.]
“Ba, Banye!”
[Is something wrong?]
“Is something wrong?!”
Banye and I asked almost simultaneously.
What came to my mind was…… the scene I saw last time of him kicking the trash can on the day Banye first worked his part-time job.
Since Banye has a temper that flares up, I wondered if something had happened outside…….
[What would be wrong with me?]
“No, I wondered if you’d caused some trouble……”
[Me?]
Hearing Banye’s voice snorting as if it was absurd, I finally felt relieved. At the same time, I tried to calm my heart that was pounding and making a fuss on its own.
“As long as nothing’s wrong…… You suddenly called, so I wondered if something was up.”
[I just called to see how you were doing.]
I glanced at the clock.
Eight o’clock in the evening. Not much time had passed since Banye left, too short an interval to be asking after someone. Instead of pointing this out, I answered, “Uh-huh.”
“What about you? Are you with your friends now?”
[Ah, yes. Is it noisy?]
“Not to the point of being noisy……”
I’d been hearing noisy chatter beyond Banye’s voice all along. Though it was gradually getting quieter.
Banye spoke again after the noise subsided a bit.
[I just came out.]
“Uh…… yeah.”
Banye was silent for a moment. I heard the sound of him inhaling and exhaling, as if smoking a cigarette.
The faint smell of cigarettes from Banye reflexively came to mind. My insides tickled strangely, so I couldn’t say anything and just fidgeted with my fingers for no reason.
[Did you eat dinner?]
“I’m eating now……”
I looked down distressedly at the curry and rice I’d only picked at.
[What are you eating?]
“Curry?”
[Eat properly.]
Banye said as if scolding. Far from eating properly, it seemed I’d leave more than half.
I laughed awkwardly.
“I’ll eat well tomorrow. What are you eating?”
[Me? Just…… I’m eating meat. Everyone goes crazy for meat……]
Does Banye like meat too? He must. Should I order some meat next time and grill it?
“Eat a lot.”
[Okay.]
The sound of exhaling again. Then I heard someone calling “Hwang Hyunjung!” Banye clicked his tongue and said goodbye to me.
[Well, I’ll hang up for now.]
“Uh-huh.”
[Rest well.]
“Yeah, you too have fun…… playing.”
[Okay.]
The call, whose purpose I couldn’t fathom at all, ended.
As soon as the call ended, my tense body went slack. He got angry today, yet I don’t know why he’s acting so affectionate. If he knew what I was thinking while looking at him, he absolutely couldn’t act that way.
“Hah……”
A sigh came out naturally.
Banye told me to eat well, but I still had no appetite.
I roughly finished the remaining food. After washing up, thinking there’d be no one home, I brought my blanket and lay on the sofa for the first time in a while.
I turned on the TV and tried to feel the freedom of being alone…… but it wasn’t fun at all, so I fell asleep quickly.
* * *
“Hyung.”
I was startled awake by the sound of someone calling me. As soon as I did, Banye’s face appeared right in front of my nose, so I recoiled in shock.
Banye frowned seeing me like that.
“Why are you so surprised?”
“No, just…… wha, what time is it now?”
“Ten in the morning.”
I wondered if I’d slept until late afternoon, but it was still morning. I thought he’d come back later.
Banye removed the crumpled blanket from on top of me.
“Go wash up and come out.”
“Uh, uh-huh……”
Pushed along, I went into the bathroom, washed up roughly and came out to find a delicious smell wafting from outside. When I checked what it was, it seemed Banye had brought takeout food.
“What is it?”
“I was having hangover soup and thought of you, so I asked them to pack it. Come eat.”
“……”
I wish he wouldn’t act so affectionate.
“I’ll eat well……”
I ate the breakfast Banye prepared while reminding myself not to have pointless delusions. Yesterday the food had no taste, but today it was amazingly delicious.
