It was only natural. After dropping a line that cool and walking out like that — how could I possibly turn around and go back to that house?
It was the man’s house, so it was right that I was the one to leave. I had no intention of so much as looking at his face for the time being.
“My place?”
Gamja’s face went startled and he scrambled to his feet — only for his legs to give out beneath him, dropping him right back down, and he kept pestering me with the same question.
“You mean my place, hyung?”
“What. You don’t want to?”
I tilted my head to the side and fixed him with a sharp look, and Gamja trembled.
“It’s just, it’s messy, and cramped, and um…… there’s no bed either—”
“Mm. I’m a former street sleeper, so don’t worry about it. Street origins. That kind of thing. You know?”
“Then you’d be better off actually on the str— mmph!”
Bulgom clamped a hand over Gamja’s mouth as he cried out in dismay. Mangchi, watching from the side, jumped in hastily.
“Hyung, wouldn’t it be too dull with just the two of you?”
“Is there some reason I need to have an enjoyable night alone with Gamja?”
“No! You should not be enjoying yourself! Absolutely not!”
The awkward smile on his face collapsed into the exact same expression Gamja was wearing. The kind of expression like he’d seen a ghost — completely drained of color.
“We could book you a separate room——”
And now Bulgom was chiming in too. Ah, honestly. Who asked for a five-star hotel room? I said I’m going to Gamja’s place. I was exhausted beyond belief, and these guys keeping me on my feet were getting on my last nerve, so I threw a headlock around Gamja’s neck — tonight’s host, for better or worse.
“Liars and traitors sure have a lot to say. How long do I have to stand here listening to the most ridiculous excuses. Hm?”
“Ow! P-please let go!”
“Oh, suddenly shy, are we?”
He couldn’t bring himself to actually hit me, so he just kept trying to push me off — and I tightened the headlock.
“Gack — I’m seriously, guh — dying!”
“Dying how. By my hand? Want to properly choke to death?”
Hyung is tired, you idiots — let me lie down somewhere already. I had no energy left, no strength left, to keep wrangling with them.
Someone must be badmouthing me — my ears started itching, so I released the headlock, stuck my pinky in my ear, and headed for the car. I climbed into the driver’s seat, started the engine, rolled down the window, and hooked my left arm over the door frame. Then I called out to the guys still making a fuss in the empty lot.
“Five! Four! Three—”
It’s not like anything catastrophic would happen if they were a few seconds late — but seeing them come sprinting toward me like their lives depended on it, a small laugh slipped out before I could stop it.
No, but seriously — where are you going to find a boss as easygoing and good-natured as me? I’m generously letting it slide that my subordinates played me for a fool, and I’m even letting them keep breathing. I’m not asking them to cough up hundreds of millions of won, not asking to break any arms or legs. Just asking to sleep in the same place for one night — and they’re shaking like this. Baffling.
They piled in and slammed the car doors shut in no time flat, talking over each other loudly. Something about how on a day like today it was absolutely essential to all be together, and under no circumstances could the two of us sleep alone. That was roughly what I gathered, more or less — I was only half-listening so it wasn’t entirely clear.
***
“Fill the glass already, come on—”
I shook my glass impatiently, my words already starting to slur at the edges.
“Drink up, hyung!”
I glanced past Gamja, who was looking sharp as a pin, and swept my eyes around the room.
The apartment was exactly as he’d described. A studio so small you could take in the whole place the moment you opened the front door. Slip off your shoes, pass through what was generously called a compact kitchen, take a few steps, and that was that. With four men including me crammed inside, it felt tight and suffocating, so I pulled the curtains open — only to find the wall of the building next door pressed right up against the window, and pulled them shut again. I consoled him by pointing out that at least it wasn’t a semi-basement.
“Ungrateful little— Where are you going to find a boss as easygoing as me. Right?”
It had now been about three hours since we’d pushed the blanket that had been laid out in the middle of the studio to the corner and cracked open the drinks. Not a single table in sight — empty bottles and torn snack bags were scattered all over the floor.
“Yes, yes. Absolutely right, we agree—”
I grinned at the guys applauding and vigorously agreeing with me in equally slurred voices.
“Aaah— so because I was so easygoing you thought you could just lie to me whenever you felt like it, huh, you little—”
“We’ve committed a grave offense, hyung!”
“You can beat us to death and we’d have nothing to say for ourselves!”
“Please just spare our lives!”
I downed a shot of soju while watching them act like they were about to slam their foreheads into the floor.
“You little idiots, at least get your stories straight. Do you want to die or do you want to live?”
I set the empty shot glass down on the floor, and it was immediately filled to the brim.
“You all must have found me pretty entertaining all this time.”
Singing my boyfriend’s praises until I was blue in the face, then turning around and cursing Director Kang in the very next breath. I must have looked like a lunatic, flipping back and forth on the same person like flipping a pancake. The memory of my past self surfaced and I found it so absurd I couldn’t help but let out a hollow, rueful laugh.
“No, hyung!”
Sing it in three-part harmony while you’re at it.
“Hey, do you not know my tastes by now? Pour it to the right level, damn—”
Even when I picked fights over nothing and snapped at them, they just kept saying yes yes sorry sorry, trying not to get on my nerves.
Mangchi, kneeling with perfect posture — almost excessively polite — focused entirely on pouring the drink to exactly the right level, and I watched him. And my face crumpled.
Because — when you’ve deceived someone and gotten caught, isn’t it normal to act exactly like that? To read the other person’s mood and apologize. That’s just how it’s supposed to go.
My boyfriend hadn’t shown even a trace of that.
Even with everything exposed, the same unhurried ease as always. That expression — smiling like it was nothing.
“What?! ‘I can’t wait long’?!”
You should be on your hands and knees begging me to just give you one chance, whenever I’m ready—!
How could he deceive me so completely for three whole years? I genuinely had no idea…… not a single clue……
How many times had I trashed Director Kang in front of Jaeho? Turns out all that wasn’t talking behind someone’s back — I’d been saying it straight to his face. Insane…… Was it possible that all this time, the reason my operation couldn’t grow beyond that shabby little office, the reason I could never expand my reach, was because of this big mouth of mine? Both the professional side and the personal side were nothing short of a complete disaster.
Why on earth did that man bother getting involved with me, knowing everything about me?
The anger surged for a moment and I tried to blame him — but the answer was obvious. Why else? Why would a man who was the boss of the Gangho faction bother dating a nobody like me for three whole years? The memory of nineteen-year-old me pestering him relentlessly until he agreed to go out with me surfaced, and I knocked back drink after drink.
This is all karma. My own karma — for chasing after a man just because of his face.
Ha. Damn. Why is the soju tasting so sweet tonight of all nights.
“Hyung. When you’re dating someone, it’s only natural to put your best face forward and act sweeter than you really are. Everyone’s an angel in front of their partner. That goes for me and these guys too.”
“That’s right! Even if he knew your real personality, he’d love you just the same as he does now!”
“Don’t you worry!”
Bulgom shouted it loud enough to rattle the walls of the tiny room and poured another drink, declaring it a consolation round.
“You little— lower your voices!”
They were being so loud I genuinely worried about disturbing the neighbors, so I slapped each of them across the mouth to bring them in line. Well — that was the official reason. Truthfully, the hitting just made me feel slightly better. I watched them sitting there with puffed-up expressions of discontent after each getting a smack and told them to stop slacking and pour the drinks.
They seemed to have thoroughly misread the reason behind my scrunched expression, the ongoing sighs, and the glass that never stayed full.
“And what’s that supposed to mean. What’s wrong with my personality. My good personality is a fact that Jaeho — no, Director Kang — knows full well, and so do all of you.”
I had told my boyfriend that I’d gone straight into a company right after graduating high school. Just as the man himself had said — it wasn’t technically a lie. Around that time I’d suddenly found myself responsible for running an office on my own, and because I had no idea what I was doing and fumbled through it, my pay was exactly at the entry-level rate. I had just enough pride to show up in a suit, commuting faithfully every day. Even though I hadn’t known how to knot a tie.
“The only thing I lied about was my job!”
I said it sharply, and everyone started coughing and spluttering like they’d inhaled their drinks wrong.
“Ahem — w-well, doesn’t that make it even, then?”
“Right. You each hid one thing from the other, so isn’t it……. Eek!”
I gave the guys talking nonsense a cold look and quietly reached for the soju bottle, and their mouths snapped shut.
“Fine. Yeah! I lied too, I did! Who’s saying I didn’t? But that was — ah, because I loved him! I did it because I loved him. So what! What do you want me to do. At least I wasn’t deceiving him the way he was.”
Young, no proper job, throwing punches every other day. No parents to speak of, and no money either. What did I have going for me other than this face and a decent personality? But Director Kang is different. What could he possibly be lacking that he’d need to lie? What could he possibly be lacking that he’d play dumb and let my lie slide while deceiving me right back!
I’d just smacked their mouths for being loud, and yet here I was, voice raised — but the self-justifying monologue went on for quite some time without stopping.
“Hyung. Here — open wide. The salty snacks are absolutely perfect with the drinks.”
Gamja, unable to take it anymore, stuffed a snack into my mouth.
“Of course, hyung! The lie you told is only this— big. Can’t even be compared to Director Kang’s.”
Bulgom talked me up from the front, keeping me appeased.
“Our hyung — your shoulders are in terrible shape, probably from all the stress.”
Mangchi appeared out of nowhere from behind and started kneading my shoulders. It wasn’t unpleasant, so I chewed the snack quietly and let him.
Wouldn’t it be nice if my boyfriend were this obedient? Ah, well — in bed, the fact that things don’t go my way is actually what I li— Ah! Seriously.
“Damn. I don’t even know my own feelings anymore.”
Whether I was angry that he’d known about my lie and played dumb while deceiving me in return. Or whether his complete lack of remorse was what was souring my mood.
Or else…… whether I was so mortified by my own lie that the anger was just landing on him. Either way — the point is, I’m angry.
“The reason you all kept your mouths shut even knowing everything — that was because of Director Kang, wasn’t it.”
I let them off the hook and watched their heads, which had been gradually lifting, sink straight back down — and a sigh escaped me. Because mouths that normally ran off without a care had not a single word to offer.
The silence was confirmation enough. Whatever means he’d used, it was clear Kang Jaeho had made sure they kept quiet. The Director Kang of legend — cutting off a few lives wouldn’t be a difficult matter for him.
Leave it. Forget it.
Even I had no idea where to begin asking. I could have grilled them endlessly — why did you hide it, when did you find out, how did you know, is there anything else I don’t know. I could have cursed them out viciously — you rotten bastards, you traitors, drop dead. But in front of them sitting there with their heads bowed and their mouths sealed like convicts, it was all useless.
“You’re all dead. Don’t even think about stopping at a reasonable amount tonight.”
I shoved a fistful of salty snacks into my mouth and cracked open a new bottle of soju at speed. I’d made the decision: instead of drowning them in the sea, I’d drown them in drink.
I poured alcohol down their throats without pause and made them chug straight from the bottle. Any time one of them tried to quietly back away claiming they couldn’t drink any more, I’d poke at their nerves until their face flushed red, then shove another glass of soju in front of them. Eventually they were all dry-heaving at the mere smell of it.
How much had we drunk? The floor was packed so densely with empty bottles there was nowhere left to step. I’d long since passed my own limit as well, glass by glass. Maybe it was because I hadn’t drunk in a while, but the alcohol seemed to be hitting harder and faster than usual.
“Huhh— you’re not supposed to do this to me, you little shits—”
I grabbed one of them by the collar, grievances overflowing.
“Damn — how the hell is dating this, hic, hard—!”
Furious at having a relationship ruined overnight, I gripped a soju bottle in my left hand, slammed my right fist into the floor over and over, and sobbed.
“Mmh—”
Apparently I’d drifted off at some point. The lights were off — I had no idea when that had happened — and the room was pitch black. I forced my heavy eyelids open and found us all tangled together and passed out among the bottles. There was a strangely soft feeling underneath me — and looking down, I saw my legs were propped up on Mangchi’s stomach.
The floor was hard beneath my shoulders and shoulder blades, but it wasn’t altogether bad. I lay there just blinking in the same position. Lying flat, the ceiling seemed to spin, and so did I. I was tired enough that even the loud snoring around me sounded like a lullaby.
And then, in spite of myself, I missed it terribly.
The bed — wide and soft enough to roll across several times over. The open, unobstructed view of the city and the Han River. The full spread of a proper meal waiting when I came home after work, the house kept spotlessly clean. And more than anything, the boyfriend who had always been there in that house to welcome me home.
The past version of me who had greedily assumed he’d get to enjoy all of that forever seemed pitiable now. If there were a time machine, I’d go back and slap that old self across the face — wake up, and fast. Drowsy and drunk, I was drifting through these impractical imaginings and was just about to close my eyes again when—
Ding-dong— Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-dong—
What’s a doorbell doing ringing at this hour— and just as that thought crossed my mind:
Bang bang bang! Bang bang bang!
The sound of someone hammering at the front door like they were trying to break it down jolted everyone awake.
