I didn’t know when it had started, but for quite a while I had been clinging to what was in front of me as though it were a lifeline. It was long like a body pillow — perfect for wrapping your arms around and throwing a leg over — but not quite as soft, which made it feel a bit like a bamboo bolster. Either way, both were good for deep sleep and ideal to hold while dozing off.
I buried myself completely against whatever it was — body pillow or bamboo bolster — and drew in a breath, and the thought I’m finally alive rose up on its own. I didn’t know why, but the moment I pressed myself against it, every symptom that had been tormenting me simply vanished. If someone told me I’d have to pay an enormous sum of money to keep it, I would have gladly paid. I kept singing its praises in my head as I instinctively pressed myself closer to whatever was letting me breathe so easily.
Had my pain gone away because it had done its job? Not exactly. Not only had the physical symptoms — the persistent headaches and nausea — cleared up, but even the mental ones, the anxiety and the anger, had been healed. And the feeling of holding this thing was, how to put it — like standing under relentless summer sun without a single patch of shade, and then stepping in front of a cool air conditioner and letting cold air hit your face. It was also like the contentment of lying under a warm blanket on a heated floor in the dead of winter while snow poured down outside and the ground was frozen solid.
It made him melt, turning his whole self soft and pliable. In short — it felt insanely good. So good he didn’t want to let go. This sense of fulfillment wasn’t one that grew more satisfied over time — instead, like a thirst that never dried up, it made him want more, and more.
“Mmh…… so good……”
Not even knowing what it was, he wrapped his arms around the thing that was making him so desperate, clinging and rubbing his face against it and wheedling. What on earth could it be? A doll? A bamboo bolster? A pillow?
After holding it like that for a long while, sharing warmth, he felt his consciousness gradually surfacing from wherever it had sunk.
“Do you like it?”
“Yeah…… this is really so good……”
“Good.”
“Mmhh…… so come closer……”
He tightened his grip on what he was holding — and then whatever was in his arms wrapped around his upper arm and waist in return. Finally, close enough to feel satisfied. And it wasn’t the cool air conditioner breeze in summer or the warm heated floor in the dead of winter — it was a scent. A magical scent that kept pulling him in.
“Want more?”
Wait, what is this exactly? Warm, soft, yet firm. Perfectly sized to fit in his arms — and it’s talking.
“Give me more…… hurry up…… more……”
No reason to refuse if it’s offering more. Hand it over. Now!
He nuzzled his nose against what he was holding, whining — and ecstasy washed over his entire body. Is this what drugs feel like? One moment it seemed to be helping him come to his senses, and the next it was sending him spiraling into bliss — and involuntary moans spilled out at the scent. And then he realized: no matter how many tons of this scent were poured over him, he would never be satisfied.
He desperately rubbed his forehead against it, pressed his body flush against it, and stayed like that. How long had it been? Then, out of nowhere, braised short ribs floated through his hazy consciousness. Tender, glossy braised short ribs glistening with sauce! Completely out of nowhere — and yet the sight of them was too impressive to ignore. The hunger he’d forgotten suddenly surged the moment he became aware of it, and his mouth fell open on its own.
He bit down on it hard in one go. He went to take a big, wide bite — and he felt immediately deceived by the appearance. This is way too tough compared to how it looked! Pure rubber, this thing. Completely the opposite of the melt-in-your-mouth texture he’d imagined. Under normal circumstances he would’ve spit it out immediately, but his hunger wasn’t going anywhere, so he kept his teeth around it. He chewed and chewed with remarkable persistence, drool practically running down the side of his mouth — but in the end, he could not taste the meat.
“Looks like our Gangi is hungry…… I suppose it’s time to wake up.”
Wow, the braised short ribs are talking…… and on top of that, they’re calling someone as cool as me ‘baby’…… unbelievable.
That was the moment he became capable of something called thought. Like someone had grabbed him by the collar and yanked — his consciousness shot up through the surface.
“Ugh!”
His entire body jolted sharply, and his eyes flew open — only for the sudden flood of light to startle him all over again before he could even adjust.
“Agh!”
A well-defined forehead leading into a high, straight nose, sharp eyes, lips with a perfectly masculine thickness. Features that seemed understated and yet caught the eye with their brilliance. There couldn’t be two faces this striking in the whole world. This is blindingly good-looking!
“Did our Gangi wake up because he was hungry?”
Then this means…… unless I’m still dreaming…… this is definitely not my boyfriend — but my ex-boyfriend!
He finally tore his eyes away from the man’s face and looked around — it was a hospital. Right, I collapsed. The hospital room where the man had once been lying felt both familiar and strange. The absurdly spacious room was reminiscent of a hotel suite. The one difference from before…… was that there was no one else here but the man and himself.
The man gently stroked his forehead and cheek as he blinked in a daze — with an almost precious kind of care. Was I imagining it, or was he paying extra attention to the spot that had gotten a small cut a month ago? He reflexively hunched his neck to pull away from that ticklish touch — and his gaze landed on the man’s neck. It seemed what he’d bitten just now was not braised short ribs after all. The distinct teeth marks visible on the man’s neck made him flush with embarrassment, and he raised his voice louder than necessary to cover it.
“Wh— why are you here?!”
Embarrassingly, even as he demanded an answer, he was tucked squarely in this man’s arms with his face buried in his chest. And it was none other than himself who had wrapped his arms around the man’s neck and was holding on tight.
The man must have noticed his ears going red — yet rather than teasing him, he looked down at him with something like concern.
“Do you remember collapsing, Gangi? Why didn’t you say anything? We had a promise — if you felt even the slightest bit unwell, you’d tell me first. Remember?”
His drooping eyes, as his hands rubbed his waist, conveyed how upset he was that he’d lost so much weight. And for some reason, seeing that made him feel upset too.
“Well……”
“You should have said you were hurting and asked for help.”
“No, but……”
“I taught you to come to me first. Right?”
“That’s because——!”
Because we broke up!
He’d nearly been fooled for a moment by the man’s gentle tone. He pushed away the firm arm wrapped around his shoulder, pried off the hand that was still kneading his waist, and pulled himself free. He was startled by the pang of reluctance he felt in that brief instant, and he moved back further — and fixed the man with a hard stare.
“Is that something you can even say to me?!”
Has this man gone and sold his conscience to another country? Why would I come to you when we’ve already broken up? You should stop worrying about someone like me and go on dates with your fiancée — why are you even here!
A torrent of furious words aimed at the man flooded his head, but he couldn’t get them out. Not least because they weren’t entirely true.
“You were in a lot of pain, weren’t you?”
We’ve clearly broken up…… and I’m even the one who ended it…… and yet a single word of concern from him made the anger dissolve and his eyes fill with tears. He’d talked himself into ignoring him countless times, but in the end the dam — which had never been very sturdy — crumbled.
He bit his lip and gave a small, quiet nod — and the man guided him back and tucked him into his arms. Just for a moment, it’s fine, isn’t it? Just one minute…… no, five minutes, ah, really just ten minutes……
“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have left you alone…… I was looking for the fastest way, and this is how it turned out.”
Does he mean that my being sick is because we broke up? The words didn’t quite piece themselves together, and a question mark floated up in his head — but he didn’t want to leave the man’s arms, so he stayed still and let himself be held. But that modest wish of his was shattered three minutes later when the man pressed the nurse call button.
“You’re awake!”
The doctor came in — apparently having rushed over, as he hadn’t managed to straighten his hair, and he pushed his glasses back up from where they’d slipped below the bridge of his nose. The middle-aged man seemed uncomfortable about something, pressing the back of his hand over his nose, then smiled awkwardly and approached.
“As I expected. I suppose it’s because it’s an Extreme Dominant Alpha pheromone — the recovery speed is remarkable.”
The doctor examined him here and there, saying things he didn’t understand — and he suddenly became aware of what state he must be in and felt mortified. This is so embarrassing…… He pushed against the man’s firm chest, trying to separate himself — but for some reason, the man didn’t budge at all. It was as if an iron seatbelt had been locked around him. He seemed to be the only one who was self-conscious about clinging together like some cringe-worthy couple.
“Let go of me……!”
“Hmm?”
He whispered quietly into the man’s ear — and the man played deaf and looked away. He definitely heard that! After pushing and pinching him several times without getting so much as a change in expression, he gave up entirely and surrendered — and instead asked the doctor the thing he’d been most curious about.
“Um…… am I very sick? Am I going to die?”
The doctor looked startled by his question, and fear surged up from somewhere deep in his gut.
“I was really, really unwell. I felt like I was going to throw up, my head hurt. I’d feel cold and then suddenly hot and…… my muscles ached, and then——”
He was rattling it off at a rapid-fire pace when the doctor smiled gently and cut him off.
“Ah, please calm down. It’s not a fatal illness, so don’t worry. It’s simply that you’ve presented as an omega.”
“Ah — yes, yes. So I’ve presented as an omega…… what?”
