Kwon Wookyung pulled his cap brim down and lowered his head. The shell of his ear, caught in the light of the streetlamp, was red.
“How much did you drink?”
“Two sips? That barely counts as drinking.”
“You seem drunk.”
“Come on. Who gets drunk off that?”
“…You.”
Even if it was my first time drinking, I at least knew this wasn’t what being drunk felt like. There was no spinning in front of my eyes, no discomfort in my stomach. Just a tiny, tiny bit more floaty than usual?
“Hey now, you doubt the word of your elder?”
“Elder, my foot.”
“Come on, my birthday’s before yours. Almost four months apart — that’s a third of a year! I was probably walking and talking before you were.”
“Chattering away all day long. Some elder you are. You’re exactly the same as back in school.”
“Honestly. Are you saying you’ve had more adult experiences than me?”
I was about to keep arguing with Wookyung, who had the nerve to be older than me, when a yawn suddenly burst out of me. That yawn was the starting signal. Exhaustion I hadn’t felt until a moment ago came crashing down all at once.
Ah, today’s battery must be fully drained. I instinctively reached out and grabbed Wookyung in front of me.
“…Hey.”
My legs gave out slightly, but thankfully Wookyung caught on and steadied me.
“I’m fine. Just a little tired.”
It made sense that my body would tire out quickly after going out far from home and laughing and talking with friends. Still, I was glad I’d managed to hold it together well enough in front of everyone.
“Go inside.”
“Ugh, I want to keep hanging out….”
It was the same feeling I’d get as a kid, playing at the playground as the sun went down.
Even knowing I could come back and play the next day, I always hated when the day ended and I had to say goodbye to my friends.
“You lasted a long time. It’s almost eleven.”
It’s not like we can just meet up again tomorrow like it’s nothing.
When we say goodbye now, when will we all be able to get together like this again?
It felt like, just for a little while, time had turned back and I’d returned to the classroom where we laughed and talked.
My heart seized with deep reluctance.
I needed to go back in and say my goodbyes, but I didn’t want to say them — that kind of contradictory feeling washed over me. Because once I said goodbye… it would really feel like it.
“Yeah, I should go.”
I gave a small nod.
“…Why do you look like you’re about to cry this time?”
“Who’s crying?”
I cleared my throat and reflexively brushed the corners of my eyes. They were dry — not a trace of moisture.
I almost never cried, originally. Looking back through my memories, I could count the times on one hand. Even Wookyung probably had no memory of seeing me cry.
“I’m going home. What about you?”
“I’ll go with you. Besides your coat, did you leave anything else inside?”
“I don’t think so.”
But before Wookyung could go in to get his things, Hwang Hyunseo came outside, looking around. She was holding my coat and the bouquet.
“I was looking for you — out here without your coat.”
“Hyunseo, you’ve gotten nicer.”
I smiled and handed Wookyung back his coat I’d been wearing, then took mine and put it on.
“Everyone’s talking about where to go for round two.”
“I’m heading home now. I’m too sleepy, I can’t manage it.”
I was glad Hyunseo had come out.
Leaving without saying goodbye, I could deal with getting a few angry texts from the others — but doing that to Hyunseo would have been genuinely unforgivable. You can’t do that to someone who crossed the Pacific in a single day just to see you.
“Yeah, you’ve got ‘exhausted’ written all over your face. Get home quick. You’re not going alone, right?”
“I was going to walk him home.”
When Wookyung answered, Hyunseo shifted her gaze to him.
“Wookyung, hey. I didn’t even get a chance to talk to you — I was caught up with everyone else. Congrats on the film doing well.”
“Thanks.”
“Next time we meet, let’s actually have a proper conversation.”
“Sure.”
The exchange between the two was so brief it was almost dry. It had been the same back in school.
Hyunseo and I practiced together a lot, and Wookyung was always attached to my side, so the two of them inevitably ran into each other all the time — and yet nothing more than a passing familiarity had ever developed between them. With personalities as different as they were, not everyone could become close friends, so it couldn’t be helped.
“Hyunseo.”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for coming.”
This time I pulled her into a hug first. Hwang Hyunseo lightly patted my back, and when the hug ended, she pressed a kiss to my forehead. The fact that she’d do something this ticklish struck me as funny, and I laughed.
“Get home safe. I come back to Korea when I’m on break, so let’s meet again.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry I can’t see you to the airport.”
“I’m planning to party until dawn and then sleep deeply on the plane, so don’t worry.”
Wookyung hailed a taxi and helped me in first, then walked around to the door on the other side. Hyunseo watched until the moment we both got into the taxi, then waved.
After her waving figure shrank far enough that it was no longer visible through the window, I sent Haejun hyung a text saying I was on my way home. Before the message had even fully sent, a call came in.
“Yeah, hyung.”
— How are you getting here? Should I come get you?
The taxi was quiet enough that hyung’s voice came through clearly. From the taxi driver’s radio, turned down to barely a murmur, an out-of-season pop song played as a listener request. Every now and then a horn sounded from somewhere on the road.
“I got a taxi. I’ll be there soon, you don’t have to come out.”
— It’s quiet. Are you alone?
“Huh? Uh, yeah.”
I lied, glancing over at Wookyung. Even if hyung had admitted he was in the wrong last time, I had a feeling he’d be unhappy hearing that I was with Wookyung. Wookyung could clearly hear every word of the call and yet showed no reaction at all.
— Read me the taxi number.
“Alright, alright. Seoul 31 ga…….”
Until I hung up, Wookyung kept his gaze fixed on the window outside.
What is he thinking about?
Every time I watched Wookyung staring blankly at something far away, I’d wonder the same thing.
A few times I’d poked him and actually asked.
“Hey, what are you thinking about?”
I’d never gotten a proper answer.
But whenever Wookyung turned his head toward me, the precarious air that had made him look terribly lonely would lift — and I’d decided that was enough.
“Wookyung.”
“Yeah?”
Just like right now.
“Did you fight with my hyung?”
“No.”
“Then why is Haejun hyung acting like that?”
“…I did something that got on his nerves.”
“What was it? Is it something serious?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’d have reacted the same way if I were him.”
“Should I try to mediate?”
“Don’t bother. We’re not close enough for that kind of thing.”
Wookyung said only that much and went quiet. The taxi slowed to a stop at a traffic signal. The weekend night roads were packed with cars, and we kept going a little then stopping again. It looked like it would be a while before we got home. Every muscle in my body had gone limp, and I sank the top half of myself into the car seat.
I was tired enough to feel drowsy, but the taxi’s ride quality was poor and my stomach was rocking. At least the scent of flowers rising from the bouquet in my arms was soothing.
Peony, Moab rose, carnation, tulip, lisianthus, safflower, and this one looks like a rose but… I can’t tell the variety. True to being a bouquet Kim Minji picked, it was all in pink tones. The combination was elegant enough to pass as a wedding bouquet — you could tell real thought had gone into it.
I should take a photo. Fresh flowers fading was always a shame, so whenever I received them as a gift I made sure to photograph them. But the inside of the taxi was dark, and even with the flash on, the photos weren’t coming out the way I wanted.
Wookyung, perhaps having seen my reflection in the window, suddenly asked.
“You like it that much?”
“I do. It’s something I received on a day when good things happened.”
Thanks to performing in all sorts of recitals and competitions, I’d received every kind of bouquet there was. Even so, holding freshly bloomed flowers in my arms always made me happy every single time. My parents especially knew this preference of mine well, and on every occasion they gave me bouquets that carried meaning.
When I played Albrecht in Giselle, they gave me daisies and lilies.
When I played the Prince in Sleeping Beauty, pink roses.
When I played Basilio in Don Quixote, red roses and carnations……
They were large and extravagant, the kind of bouquets dancers at grand Russian theaters received — so much so that I couldn’t fit them all in my room and had to scatter them around the house.
“I wasn’t talking about the flowers.”
“Hm?”
“Kim Minji. Or is it Hwang Hyunseo?”
“What about them?”
“…….”
He drops the names of two people who aren’t here and leaves me puzzled, then goes quiet again.
“Are you playing twenty questions with me?”
“…….”
“Wookyung.”
“…….”
“Woo-kyuuung.”
Even dragging out his name didn’t do anything — he turned his head fully toward the window. His silhouette reflected in the glass only partially, so I couldn’t make out his expression, which was frustrating.
Good grief. I let my body slide all the way down and lay my head on Wookyung’s lap. Looking up at him from there, Wookyung stared back at me with flustered eyes.
“…What are you doing.”
“Oh, I can see your face.”
I already knew his features were beautiful from every angle, but even his nostrils looking this good from this angle… felt like cheating, honestly.
Wookyung squirmed like he was about to shake my head off his thigh.
“Hey, stay still.”
“Get off.”
“I’m dizzy. If I throw up, are you going to take responsibility?”
I tapped his waist to make him stop moving, since the jostling seemed to be making my stomach worse — and the movement stopped.
“You have no manners…… not an ounce of shame either.”
“What’s there to be ashamed about?”
I looked up at him uncomprehendingly, and he looked back down at my face with lowered eyes. That strange gaze passed over my skin — dense, slow, deliberate — until I felt like even my shallow breaths were being observed.
He wet his lower lip with his tongue, then turned his gaze away and let out a long exhale.
“You just sprawl yourself down anywhere, so casually.”
