Chapter 20 ended with our conversation finishing and us making plans to have a meal together. It naturally connected with what had happened to me today.
What happens to me in the serialization is subtly different from what actually happens. But that made me feel even more unsettled. Because I had actually heard what Kim Haewon wanted to say in his heart: “I wanted to say that.”
I pulled at my hair. I couldn’t grasp how to interpret it.
“Damn BL!”
The only thing to curse was this genre called BL. If this had been the fantasy novels I usually read, I could have dismissed it as simple friendship. As camaraderie or that sort of feeling. But it was confusing because the genre was clearly written as “Boy’s Love.”
The feelings of Garam and Haewon in the novel were clear. The problem was the real me and Kim Haewon. We didn’t speak or think exactly as described in the novel. So we couldn’t know each other’s thoughts precisely.
What kind of feelings Kim Haewon had for me, what kind of feelings I had for Kim Haewon. It was natural that I didn’t know his feelings, but the real problem now was that I didn’t know my own feelings either.
‘Why don’t I know?’
Was it because I’d read 20 chapters of this novel? My feelings toward Kim Haewon were confused. I was clearly denying it, saying no way, that couldn’t be, as I followed along with the novel. But sometimes I was curious about whether he’d kissed someone or not, or what he thought about relationships with men. It was really just pure curiosity.
But that purity kept getting buried in excuses. Wouldn’t it be okay to at least kiss because of this and that? I set my own Maginot line by myself. I stopped thinking any further. It felt like I shouldn’t think anymore. Unlike my confused state, the readers’ reactions were quite heated.
**Reader1:** They say babies are born even in war…. I feel so foolish for doubting how love could be achieved in this situation…my foolish self..my crying self
⤷ ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
⤷ ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋin warㅋㅋㅋㅋare you crazy
⤷ But why are you crying? Did you also catch Nam Ihyeon? (Reader1 trembling while holding crashed stocks)
**Reader2:** Hey!!!!!!!!! Ihyeon comforted him first!!!!!!!!!!But why is he going to Haewon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (lion’s roar)
**Reader3:** I bet my 1n years of walking the BL path on a bed scene appearing within 3 chapters.
⤷ What’s a bed scene. Really, if eyes roll…….
⤷ The bed goes shake shake, what else
⤷ So blatantly obviousㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
**Reader4:** Author-nim. I like triangles too. They say triangles are the most perfect thing in the world.
⤷ Right. Does it have to be 1 to 1? We’re descendants of Joseon which had polygamy.
⤷ ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
They were uninhibited with their lewd talk. As soon as they saw any hint of a love line, they clamored to quickly see the bed scene and what came after. Among them, some were divided into Nam Ihyeon supporters and Kim Haewon supporters and fought, and there were also people who supported both. But one thing was clear—they all looked very excited.
“It’s not about them, right?”
I, the person involved, was just distressed. What was the author thinking, writing this genre to distress me like this? They should just write fantasy novels like they used to.
“The bed goes shake shake…… How could they say such a thing……”
I could immediately understand what that meant. Even though there wasn’t a single lewd word. I put down my phone and sighed. I was already worried about how I should face Kim Haewon tomorrow.
* * *
While worrying about how to look at Kim Haewon, I dozed off. It was another dream. Now it felt less like I was tired and more like I was being forcibly summoned. The abandoned hospital was dark, like a space where daylight never came. What replaced the dim lighting was bright moonlight.
‘Wait, did they build the hospital in the place on Earth closest to the moon? Why is the moon so big?’
I stood by the window and looked at the moon. It really was pretty. But thinking about how just catching that with your hands created poison and gates made my heart heavy. Rather than creepy, it was a sad feeling. It wouldn’t be the girl’s will.
That little girl seemed to have no will of her own. Even when smiling, there was something empty about her. She felt exactly like a rag doll. An old doll where the stuffing inside had flattened from age, and the outer fabric had pilled or gotten dirty. Who was using her to play with dolls like this? Whoever it was would be the most merciless person toward life.
I recalled the low voice without form. The atrocious, heinous old man who had enraged Suo Weiqian. The one with the girl was probably the leader. Suo Weiqian’s executives had said so too.
What would the leader look like? I couldn’t see his form, but the thick voice that seemed to come from a heavy body was impressive. That said, it didn’t sound like a very old person’s voice. Suo Weiqian was older if anyone was. Or were they the same age?
I wondered why only I couldn’t see his appearance. I thought for a while in front of the moonlight, then wandered around the abandoned hospital. There were few people in the hospital rooms today too. I was thinking of trying a different floor when I heard a voice. It was Korean.
“Leader, please eliminate Pamundong. We must make it so they can never operate again, or it will interfere with the greater cause.”
I approached closer to where the sound came from. The white-haired bird hunter was bowing his head, wearing a suit with dark gray stripes.
‘That person can speak Korean? He looks completely foreign?’
No one was sitting in the large leather chair, but the paper on the armrest was crumpled as if pressed by a person’s forearm. Judging by the crumpling, it was a heavy arm.
“Is it Pamundong that interferes with the greater cause? Or VENT?”
“Leader!”
“Abandon your vain hopes. I have no intention of granting that wish. Leave Pamundong alone.”
“……”
“If they’re going to self-destruct, they’ll self-destruct, and if they’re going to survive on their own, they’ll survive. We must let them decide their own fate.”
The leader’s words were very cryptic. The man with his head bowed was biting his lips. His expression showed great wounded pride. His eyes were red. I bent down to examine the man’s face. The man couldn’t see me, so it didn’t matter if I did this.
‘At least he’s not crying.’
I straightened up. The man greeted the leader and left the room, and before I knew it, Will Taylor was waiting outside. These people were VENT. Then there was a high possibility that Haewon knew Will Taylor’s identity.
‘Is the bird hunter Haewon’s father? He was that kind of foreigner?’
Well, Kim Haewon’s appearance was so exotic that it wouldn’t be strange if he was mixed race. Especially those blue eyes were hard to see as Korean.
This dream was quite fruitful. I was taking away a lot. I examined the room where the leader remained alone. No one was visible. It was close to just an empty room. I watched the curtains fluttering in the wind for a moment, then left the room. I couldn’t tell whether the leader was still staying there or had left.
When I’d walked quite a way from there, the girl was in a corner room. The young child was humming a song and swinging her feet from atop a high bed. It was a room brightly lit by moonlight. I looked around the desolate, large hospital room that didn’t even have a single doll.
But the girl seemed to have no complaints. That’s what her back looked like. She still seemed empty somehow. The girl stopped moving her legs and suddenly opened her mouth while looking in my direction.
“Do you pity me too?”
I was startled by those words and turned around. There was no one behind me. I was slightly creeped out and opened my mouth, but no sound came out.
“Everyone just says I’m pitiful.”
The girl’s voice was cheerful. Even though there was no one to listen. The girl reached her hand toward the moonlight. This time, nothing pooled in her palm. It seemed like she was deliberately doing that.
An ordinary, small hand. I quietly watched that hand.
“Will you save me?”
The girl turned her head to look at me again. The moment our faces were about to meet, wind blew. She disappeared in an instant. As if someone had taken her away. Only the traces of where the girl had been sitting remained on the old bed.
I just blinked my eyes in fear and looked around. I couldn’t see anything. I slowly stepped into the room where the girl had been. There was nothing in the room either. Below the large window, Will Taylor and the white-haired man were having a conversation. Even though they spoke in very low voices, I could hear them well. It seemed to be because it was a dream.
{We absolutely can’t let the ring the leader gave to Suo Weiqian fall into the hands of those association bastards. Let’s strike first.}
{Solo action is dangerous. We’ll be punished like Pamundong.}
{We have to use people secretly. MK will probably move that way too. Kuhne has already been and gone. We can’t be the only idiots getting screwed!}
The white-haired man got in the car angrily. Will Taylor silently looked up at the hospital room where I was. His and my gazes crossed. But I could read it. The anxiety blooming in Will Taylor’s gaze.
Then he looked at me as if he’d discovered something. Our eyes met precisely. Without hesitation, Will Taylor pulled a gun from his jacket and shot at me.
