My startled heart didn’t calm down easily. I threw my phone away and dove under the blanket. Have I finally gone crazy? I had never had any thoughts about such things in my entire life, so how could I think of it so suddenly?
Even the image that came to mind was very specific. The explicit position and delicate expressions. It was so well-refined that it was impressive I had imagined it in such a short time.
‘Was there some kind of pent-up desire inside me?’
I was suspicious enough to wonder that. Come to think of it, the thought process was extremely plausible.
- SS-class espers are turning into monsters.
- We don’t know how to return them to normal.
- If their numbers keep increasing, even Kim Haewon will find it difficult to handle.
- We need to raise Kim Haewon’s condition in a short time.
- With my two-handed guiding, there are limits even if I guide every single day.
- Then the remaining method is… 19♨
I pressed my forehead. No matter how plausible the thought process was, it was an absurd conclusion. Such a thing shouldn’t happen.
“Ugh!”
I slammed my face into the fluffy pillow bang bang. Cruelly, the heat in my face rose and wouldn’t go away. Even if I threw myself at him asking to do it, Kim Haewon wouldn’t do it. Didn’t he usually try not to receive guiding unless it was a pretty serious situation?
Come to think of it, the only times Kim Haewon had wanted guiding first were when he had lost consciousness or when his life was in danger. The rest of the time, I had led first, saying we should do it little by little.
“I guess since our relationship isn’t good, he might have resistance.”
I recalled the moments when Kim Haewon had forcibly cut off the guiding. When I tried to dig deeper than a certain point inside him, he pushed me away without caring that we would both suffer physical damage. Reflexively. Compared to ordinary espers who would pull in to enjoy the healing power given by guides a bit more, it was the complete opposite reaction.
Well, Kim Haewon didn’t seem like he would enjoy messy sexual relations like Nam Ihyeon. Just looking at his usual attitude showed that. Of course, Nam Ihyeon had made excuses that he didn’t do it with people who liked him, but how many could that be? He was the guy who, when guiding became urgent, asked me to take off my pants even though we hadn’t known each other long.
Even considering that, Kim Haewon’s behavior was somewhat excessive.
“Does he have mysophobia or something? Or does he dislike me because I’m a man?”
There had been no problem until now. I was also fine with guiding only with my hands. But if the situation changed a bit and I said I needed to do more than that, how would he react?
‘What does “more than that” mean? Hugging? K-kissing? Or…’
I slammed my face into the pillow again to make banging sounds. Rather than having such thoughts, I felt like just burying my face in this high-quality medical bedding pillow and dying.
“No, what! Do I even want to!”
I suddenly raised my head and shouted. No one had even asked, but I suddenly felt indignant.
I didn’t want to either. Kissing someone I don’t even like! O-other things too! This method was discarded. No. Temporarily shelved.
I decided to save it as a truly last resort. For now, I could try many other methods.
Finding a way to return espers who had become monsters was the top priority. If that was difficult, there was also the method of protecting SS-class espers who might become targets as much as possible with Kim Haewon to prevent them from becoming monsters.
In that context, Pamundong was very important. What information could be obtained there. Even if someone other than Suo Weiqian became the owner of Pamundong, they wouldn’t be able to wield as much power as before. There was a limit to how much the Chinese government could protect them. The other three of the four organizations would think the same.
The white-haired new hunter had emphasized that they needed to protect their share. The other organizations would be the same.
“They’ll want to take over Pamundong. Because then they’ll gain the upper hand. They won’t discriminate between means and methods.”
Thinking that way made my body shiver a bit. All four organizations were connected with illegal activities. Organizations that made people’s deaths the subject of transactions. Life was trivial to them. Morality and justice were the same. Rather, such human emotions were just useful tools to exploit.
Just like Suo Weiqian had used Jeong Sanghyeop or Ryu Heegang. It wouldn’t just be him. Others could use them plenty. It was a petty but universally effective method on anyone.
Perhaps the first attack in the multiple attacks on Ryu Heegang was the bond of master and disciple. I inferred that content that didn’t even appear in the novel.
He was the only SS-class esper where emotional agitation came before reason. They said Ryu Heegang had suffered every time even after directly capturing Suo Weiqian twice. Suo Weiqian had hooked that weakness of his like fishing. Just thinking about it was nauseating and despicable, but it was highly possible.
Recalling Suo Weiqian’s last moments made it even more so. He tried to hypnotize while struggling. He must have been confident that he wouldn’t be killed.
But conversely, that’s why Ryu Heegang might have left only the resolve to ‘kill Suo Weiqian’ even in a state where all reason had evaporated.
‘Ryu Heegang knew. That if he didn’t kill him, he would be used again. Even as a monster.’
His death was regrettable. Suo Weiqian was a figure who held the key to unravel the thread of the problem. It was as if he had swallowed the key and disappeared forever. Of course, given his personality, even if he had been alive, he absolutely wouldn’t have coughed it up willingly.
Knock knock.
While I was thinking alone for a while, someone knocked on the hospital room door. I was startled and quickly spoke.
“Wh-who is it!”
It was a much more flustered voice than usual. A very calm voice answered that voice.
“It’s Researcher Lim Seoyeon.”
It was a researcher working in the research building. She had been managing me continuously since the EM. I briefly said to come in. She approached me with a face plastered with fatigue as usual.
“I’m sorry to disturb your rest. I heard you’re deploying to Pamundong, so I stopped by to share research data and give guiding guidance.”
She said she was sorry, but it was a voice not sorry at all. I answered simply with “Yes.”
She immediately showed me data on a tablet PC and began talking about Kim Haewon’s condition.
“Since Guide Park Garam started guiding, the numbers have improved amazingly. But since he didn’t receive guiding for such a long period, they’re not such good numbers either.”
She pointed at the graph. Kim Haewon’s physical numbers were certainly not the worst, but they looked far from entering the normal range.
“An incident like the White Box last time must never happen again. You need to guide as frequently as possible to raise his condition as much as you can. Are you still not on good terms?”
“U-us? Ah, well… We’re neither bad nor good.”
“Still, it would be good to make frequent contact for work purposes. And please increase the guiding range.”
“Yes…”
I bit my lip tightly feeling like I was being scolded for no reason. Researcher Lim Seoyeon put away the tablet, then pushed up her glasses and spoke.
“Guide Park Garam is the only one who can handle Esper Kim Haewon. Since he doesn’t listen to researchers or higher-ups, I have no choice but to request this of Guide Park Garam. Please understand.”
“N-no. As a pair, of course I… should.”
“I’m glad you think that way. I’ll look forward to the next results.”
Researcher Lim Seoyeon smiled and left the hospital room. Look forward to the next results? What? What kind of amazing growth did she want? To do that…
The moment the door slammed shut, I recalled the last resort. That moment might come sooner than expected. To improve Kim Haewon’s condition. I was startled again by the lewd imagination filling my head and screamed.
“No way!”
No matter how urgent, I would protect my butt. No? It wasn’t just my butt I needed to protect. There were many other things to protect.
The line in the sand is kissing. Only up to kissing. No matter how bad the situation gets. I tried to prepare myself alone.
The word “kiss” was unfamiliar to me. I couldn’t even clearly remember when my last kiss was. Was it in high school? I had a memory of being stolen a peck by a classmate after washing my face on the playground back then.
That was my first kiss, but I was so flustered I just froze. I remembered the back of that person moving away, but I never knew who it was. Someone whose face and name I didn’t know had taken my first peck.
No. But that was a peck. Then does that mean I’ve never had a k-kiss?
I was startled by what I suddenly realized and covered my lips with both hands. That’s right. I really had no memory of kissing. I had been diligent in doing the work the Association assigned me, rolling around various sites. But since I had beaten up all the people who had made moves on me in that way from the beginning, there was no one nearby.
During my minor days when I only did radiation guiding, after meeting those who vulgarly teased me, I protected myself even more strongly. As a result, there were no gentle contacts.
Even with the male espers I was on good terms with, I just treated them like brothers. The female espers actually liked that I gave guiding equal to my ability with minimal contact.
‘During all those years, there wasn’t a single person who came at me asking to kiss?’
Actually, since my go-to comment as soon as I started guiding was ‘I only guide with my hands,’ it couldn’t be helped. However, the fact that I, now in my 30s, was a virgin with no kissing experience either was quite shocking. I faced the rather cruel reality and let out a sigh. For me like this to have to have my first kiss with Kim Haewon through guiding. It was trouble either way.
“I’m screwed.”
I turned my body toward the ceiling and thought. I felt like I had lived in this world innocently and purely for a whole 20 years. I thought “I protected it well!” but I also felt a bit wronged.
“Has Kim Haewon ever kissed?”
The curiosity that suddenly arose didn’t easily fade.
