I don’t know what state of mind I was in when I got home. Since calling a taxi was a lie, I just kept running until I reached the main road and finally caught a taxi.
Seogong must be at the landlady’s house—fortunately no one was home, only warmth filled the place. I hastily took off my clothes and entered the bathroom to wash my face with cold water.
My vision spun as if I were drunk and I was out of breath. I stared blankly at the water violently swaying in the basin, then stood up with my hands on my knees.
And with hands I hadn’t even dried, I took out my phone. It was to send a text to Lee Jiwoo’s number that I’d just saved.
▶I arrived homec2
I wrote the text then deleted it again.
“……”
▶I just got home! Today’s samgyetang was so delicious, thank you! Call me if you’re bored >< Pop!c2
“……”
No… wasn’t “pop” a bit much? Ugh, fuck… After agonizing, I eventually deleted the “pop” at the end and sent it.
I thought I might have been too over-the-top, but I had no choice. Because if Lee Jiwoo loses interest in me like this, it’s game over. After all, sleeping with him right away without any preparation like that…
“Aaagh!”
Suddenly I got goosebumps all over my body when I recalled last night’s events. It was a similar feeling to when you sober up from being blackout drunk and memories of the drunken things you did come flooding back like a panorama.
I rushed out of the bathroom and threw myself onto the blanket crumpled in the corner of the room. Then after punching it, I sat up abruptly.
“The search terms… They were kind of weird…”
I sat cross-legged on the living room floor muttering to myself, then just lay down because my back was stiff. I used the blanket as a pillow, looked at the ceiling, and took a deep breath.
Could those search terms I saw on Lee Jiwoo’s phone earlier have been a dream? Like a hallucination… And even looking at the payment history, only the price of one bowl of samgyetang was shown, so why did he say he ate? Or did Lee Jiwoo just eat something else at home by himself, not samgyetang?
“No, he specifically went out to buy only mine? And searched for good samgyetang restaurants too? That’s also weird…”
The search about microwaving lubricant and stuff like that seems like it was because I was cold… He even personally bought samgyetang and heated it up, and if he searched for weird things like that, it doesn’t seem like he dislikes me…
“But why is his behavior…”
Then I suddenly became suspicious.
Until Lee Jiwoo couldn’t kiss, I didn’t feel anything particularly strange. In the first place, someone who sleeps around with anyone wouldn’t form a deep relationship with a specific person.
You know those people, right? Those peculiar, eccentric people who have sex but don’t kiss. Anyway, I just thought it was something like that.
But Lee Jiwoo couldn’t just do kissing. Sex too… So honestly, he fucking sucked at sex too. Separate from the fact that I felt strangely good, how should I say this.
I felt good and felt excessive pleasure and ejaculated several times, but the way he touched me and the fumbling…
“Ha, fuck.”
As I went over what happened then, reviewing it one by one, I suddenly felt reality hit me. Why the hell am I analyzing this? But even if I don’t want to, I have to.
“That bastard, really…”
Because it seemed like Lee Jiwoo lied to me. I don’t know why, but no matter how much I think about it, Lee Jiwoo was too clumsy to be a sex machine.
Or am I like this because this is my first time with gay sex? Do all gay guys do it like this? Is this normal? Touching me hesitantly as if shy, getting startled, not being able to distinguish well between what I like and what hurts…
“Ah… Ah, fuck! Aaagh!”
The image of Lee Jiwoo looking down at me with wet eyes right in front of my face came back vividly. That face with the low moans seeping through the red lips that were all swollen and glossy with saliva, and how he squeezed his eyes shut and raised his head when ejaculating.
To lose the memory, I banged my head into the blanket hard for a while before calming down.
First, let’s think calmly again.
“Let’s set aside the samgyetang first.”
Whether he bought one bowl or two bowls, that’s not what’s important. What I need to focus on most right now is whether Lee Jiwoo still feels interest in me.
At first, I thought there’s no way he’d heat up samgyetang for someone he dislikes. But from another perspective, maybe that was like a last supper.
If he took care of me like that because he liked me, Lee Jiwoo’s expression couldn’t have been that cold. It definitely wasn’t that usual indifferent feeling of not caring either way.
Plus, he talked significantly less. He didn’t even try to stop me when I said I was leaving. He even asked first when I was going to leave. And when I woke up, he wasn’t beside me.
“……”
Being uncertain, just in case, I searched on my phone like Lee Jiwoo did. I searched the internet changing the search terms this way and that, and finally found a post with a case similar to mine.
My boyfriend gets up from bed right after having sex. Then he plays games on his phone or smokes while turning on the computer—what should I do? I want to lie down together, cuddle, and talk, but there’s none of that at allㅠㅠ Should I tell my boyfriend I feel hurt?
“They’re calling this a question. Ah, so frustrating.”
As expected, all the comments said similar things to what I thought. Telling them to break up quickly, that the boyfriend doesn’t seem to like them, that even from a guy’s perspective that’s absolutely not love—only negative stories.
It was natural. Because even I could see that was a fucking asshole.
“Ha…”
My head throbbed. Of course, Lee Jiwoo didn’t act to that extent, but still, roughly similar…
“……”
After agonizing, I posted on the same site.
Yesterday I started dating my boyfriend and we slept together right away. The next day when I woke up, my boyfriend had eaten alone while I was sleeping and was on his phone in the yard. I did wake up a bit late. But also when I woke up, he did heat up the samgyetang he bought while I was sleeping. But he talked less than usual and his expression seemed strangely bad—what does this mean? He did wash the dishes himself, but suddenly wouldn’t talk to me, read a book, then asked when I was going home. When I said I’d go now, he didn’t try to stop me.
I wrote in detail as much as I could remember, rambling without structure. As soon as I posted, the view count went up and comments started appearing.
Comment They’re calling this a question.
“……”
The words I had just said appeared as a comment. Below that were similar contents too.
Comments After only one day of dating? Wow… This is why you shouldn’t sleep together right after dating Hey, let me tell you accurately from a guy’s perspective. A guy will never act confusing to a girl he likes, trust me Above comment ㄹㅇ. It’s not like months or years have passed, if you dated yesterday, right now should be when dopamine is exploding, but in just one day? Hmm.. But if he bought food and even heated it up, doesn’t that mean he still likes them? They said the boyfriend did the dishes too. Above comment is hilarious, is having food prepared for you that touching?ㅋㅋㅋ If it were me, I could never date a guy like that
As expected, most of the comments were what I had anticipated. In between were some defending comments saying maybe he was just too hungry, but they were a minority.
I thought maybe I was being sensitive because I’d been through too much, but that wasn’t it. Plus, writing on the forum definitely helped organize my thoughts.
After this sexual encounter, a change occurred in Lee Jiwoo’s feelings. I don’t know if it’s for better or worse.
“……”
After reading a few more comments, I went to the gallery. There, the fruits of my hard work from last night remained intact. Despite such an urgent situation, there wasn’t a single photo with unfocused shots.
“But at least I got this, so it’s fortunate. Even if problems arise between us, at least I have something to give Hyungnim. Compared to what I received, it’s practically getting it for free, but still, I did my best. Yeah.”
Muttering to myself like a crazy person, I desperately rationalized to myself.
Then, as if possessed, I checked the forum comments again.
Comments Do you have any weird sexual preferences? If not, it’s incomprehensible Isn’t it just sexual incompatibility? Honestly, if you’re going to keep seeing each other, this is really important…
“Ha…”
I sighed again.
Should I have been more proactive since I had to do it anyway? No, but it wasn’t just me fumbling around, Lee Jiwoo was the same.
Or could it be that Lee Jiwoo has only met partners who always lead? Maybe he’s not actually a sex machine but just has a preference for receiving service.
Of course, I didn’t really get that vibe when we did it. Is that why?
“This bastard still hasn’t replied.”
I threw the phone I was holding onto the blanket.
