Was it because we had so many similarities? Though our lives were worlds apart, I think I felt some strange sense of kinship with Lee Jiwoo.
Especially when I saw him drinking and acting crazy, it felt like some kind of barrier came down. It was so similar to how I looked during the hardest time in my life, and unfortunately, even the reason for our suffering was exactly the same.
“Maybe that’s why Lee Jiwoo wasn’t reachable. Even if he went overseas, it’s kind of strange not to answer calls for a whole week. It’s not like he went to some remote area untouched by civilization.”
But that was just simple sympathy, not a feeling deep enough to cloud my judgment. It was just a bit bitter, not enough to greatly affect me. Besides, it was absurd for me to have such feelings when I was in the position of deceiving Lee Jiwoo.
Who was I to pity whom? Nothing was more ridiculous than a perpetrator worrying about their victim. Worrying wouldn’t change the fact that I couldn’t voluntarily quit this job anyway.
I shouldn’t pretend to be good and throw a fit. I should just do what I’m supposed to do. And I’m not a good person anyway. If I were truly good, I wouldn’t have taken this job no matter how much they paid me.
“Mm…”
Hyungnim slowly tapped the table with his fingertips and let out a thoughtful sound. Seeing that made me feel strangely guilty. I’d been paid that much money but couldn’t even find out any secrets, and got caught in less than a month…
“I’m so sor—”
I hung my head and muttered miserably, but Hyungnim cut me off.
“Still, let’s keep going for now.”
“…What?”
At the unexpected words, I raised my head with wide eyes.
“I’ve sent all kinds of people from various professions who were supposedly the best at what they do, but this is the first time someone’s achieved results like you have.”
“M-me?”
“Yeah, you’ve had the best results. It hasn’t even been a month and you’ve gotten this close to that suspicious and guarded Lee Jiwoo. He even went all the way to Chile because of you.”
“……”
It might have been a compliment, but I didn’t particularly feel good about it. Though it wasn’t exactly bad either. I couldn’t quite react with a somewhat dazed expression.
“He absolutely hates flying. But the fact that he went means he definitely has an attachment to you.”
“…Attachment.”
Could he be thinking of me like a pet dog or cat…? I used to find comfort sometimes by petting stray cats when I was exhausted mentally and physically.
No matter how much Lee Jiwoo said he liked me and fawned over me, strangely I didn’t feel butterflies at all, so that was the only thought that came to mind. It wasn’t simply because I wasn’t gay. It was because I couldn’t feel love in Lee Jiwoo’s tone or actions.
He was just like an actor reading a script. And an amateur actor at that, who was fucking terrible at emotional acting.
“It’s certain he’s caught on to your identity, but the fact that he keeps meeting and contacting you can’t be explained unless it’s attachment. There’s nothing for him to gain from you.”
That’s what I’m saying. I’m in a position like cannon fodder on a battlefield, so I don’t know any classified information. There’s no way the perceptive Lee Jiwoo wouldn’t know that, so why doesn’t he cut me off?
“Unless you, Seoun, are hiding some other unusual circumstance from me too.”
I was seriously pondering it like Hyungnim since I didn’t understand either, when I was startled.
“Where would I have anything like that? I’m just an ordinary person.”
“Right. That’s why I chose you.”
He’s suspecting me? Could it be that the reason Hyungnim met Seogong and surveilled me was because of this? With Lee Jiwoo’s usual perceptiveness, he should have figured out my identity long ago, but he keeps hanging out with me?
“Don’t you have anything else to tell me?”
Hyungnim looked at me and asked. I thought I didn’t necessarily need to mention this, but the situation had become such that I had to. Especially since it was about his deceased parents, I guess I was unconsciously reluctant. But I shouldn’t give sympathy I can’t take responsibility for. Especially not in a situation like now where I’m being suspected.
I felt like I shouldn’t distinguish on my own what I should and shouldn’t say.
“Lee Jiwoo talked about you, hyungnim. He said you two aren’t on good terms.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, when I asked why you weren’t on good terms, he said… that you think he killed his parents… That you, hyungnim…”
I trailed off and forced the words out with difficulty. Looking at Hyungnim’s face, which somehow seemed to resemble Lee Jiwoo, I hurriedly added:
“It’s definitely a misunderstanding, but he said no matter what he says, you won’t believe him, hyungnim. He said he’s become completely like the boy who cried wolf because he lied frequently since he was young…”
That was, in a way, a defense disguised as fact. Though I hadn’t known Lee Jiwoo for long, he didn’t seem crazy enough to kill someone, especially not crazy enough to kill his parents. Nothing could be more cruel than the stigma of being a child who killed their parents following someone who was already grieving the loss of both parents.
“Jiwoo said that?”
“Yes?”
Then Hyungnim’s eyes widened in surprise.
“He really told you all sorts of things.”
“……”
“You two must have gotten really close.”
He was smiling, but his eyes were fierce. Maybe not as much as Lee Jiwoo’s, but thanks to eating other people’s food and reading their moods alone here and there since childhood, I was exceptionally good at recognizing that kind of expression.
“The boy who cried wolf…”
“……”
Hyungnim muttered to himself and clenched his teeth. Seeing his jaw bulge, I thought I’d rather not watch and lowered my gaze. Then I took a sip of the milk tea that had gone cold.
“Jiwoo did lie frequently since he was young. No, not just frequently—he basically lied every time he opened his mouth. But he didn’t even know that was wrong.”
“Ah…”
“You could say he didn’t know when he was young, but he’s twenty-two now and he’s still doing that.”
“……”
“I don’t believe him no matter what he says?”
At that question, I quickly raised my head. The meaning of that question was clear. I moved my lips in confusion.
“Words… I mean, something like excuses…”
Maybe because I was flustered, my words came out stuttering. Hyungnim’s eyes became much fiercer than before. It was a look close to contempt.
“He didn’t say a single word. I thought his mouth was sealed shut. I even took him to the hospital thinking he might have developed aphasia from shock, but there he was perfectly fine. He was babbling some nonsense to the doctor asking for candy from his pocket or something.”
“……”
“Isn’t that amazing? Anyone would have thought some aunt or uncle from another neighborhood they’d never seen had died. Not his own parents.”
Perhaps because of his anger, Hyungnim spoke faster and more than usual. But after taking several deep breaths, he quickly calmed down.
“Jiwoo must have really wanted to get close to you.”
The ice in the iced Americano he hadn’t touched once clinked and moved.
“Maybe he thought if he stirred up sympathy, you’d fall for it. Enough to even make excuses for him.”
There were thorns in his words. I was shocked enough to snap to attention.
It was true that I had felt sympathy for Lee Jiwoo when he came to me drunk on his parents’ death anniversary and told me those things. Could all of that have been some kind of trap Lee Jiwoo designed? I didn’t want to think he’d go that far, but once suspicion started, I couldn’t stop it.
I tried to say that I wasn’t making excuses for him, just telling him what happened at the time. But my mouth wouldn’t open easily. Maybe it was because he’d hit the nail on the head.
“What’s with your hair?”
Hyungnim buttoned up his suit jacket that he’d left open and stood up from his seat. It seemed like he was suddenly leaving, so I stood up as well.
“Ah, Lee Jiwoo asked me for some hair…”
I muttered awkwardly while touching my side hair. Since I’d just snipped it with scissors, it was layered unevenly. I’d forgotten to go to a salon.
“Hair?”
“Yes, he said that if he had a part of me, it would feel like we were together, but I don’t know the exact reason either.”
Perhaps it was unexpected, as Hyungnim’s expression became bewildered. I understood because I was incredibly flustered too when Lee Jiwoo first asked me for hair.
“Is he really a shaman?”
“I had those suspicions too. He also asked for hair with the roots attached, so I gave him that too.”
Displeasure appeared on his bewildered face. It is kind of creepy.
“There’s a family gathering next month. You come too.”
“A gathering?”
“He’s brought several of the people he was fooling around with before, so he’ll probably ask you to come with him first.”
He goes to family gatherings with the people he was fooling around with? And multiple people? Even hearing it, the sentence didn’t make sense.
