I took a deep breath and answered the phone quietly, almost in a whisper.
“Hello.”
-Why are you answering the phone like that? Are you at a library?
“No, I’m at home. And you?”
-I’m at home too. Did your sibling get discharged?
“Yes, just a moment ago…”
-Hold on.
Then Jiwoo suddenly hung up. I wondered if something urgent had come up, but the phone rang again. It was a video call.
-You just said your sibling got discharged?
“……”
As soon as I answered without thinking, Jiwoo’s voice echoed loudly in the bathroom. But I wasn’t shocked because of his voice. It was because of his wet face reflected on the screen.
-So they’re okay now?
“Are you bathing right now?”
I asked hesitantly, hoping against hope, but Jiwoo nodded.
-Yeah, I’m in the bathtub right now.
“Why on earth are you answering the phone there?”
-Because you called me.
“Then let’s talk again later. After you’re done bathing.”
-Why? It’s fine to do it now. Oh, right. I couldn’t meet hyung. I suggested we meet but he kept making excuses and avoiding me. Now he won’t even answer his phone.
Maybe because he was in the bathroom, his voice echoed slightly, and every time he moved, the sound of water was noisy.
-Did he catch on that I was going to talk about you?
Every time he spoke while tilting his head as if puzzled, the screen gradually moved downward. Now I could almost see his chest under the nearly transparent water.
Why is he doing that? I fixed my gaze on a corner of the screen and said.
“That might be it.”
-This is the first time he’s avoided me this blatantly, it’s so frustrating. Did hyung feel this frustrated when I avoided him? Anyway, I feel bad.
“If you feel bad, drink some warm tea and try meditating or something.”
Not having anything to say, I answered carelessly, and Jiwoo chuckled. Then he suddenly raised his hand and wiggled his index finger in front of the camera.
-Seoun, put your hand here.
“My hand? Why my hand all of a sudden?”
-I want to hold hands but I can’t right now, so let’s pretend.
At that moment, an especially strong wind blew outside, rattling the closed small window. I was momentarily speechless, staring blankly at the naked Jiwoo on the screen before raising my hand.
Right now I’m working part-time. And I’ve already been paid in advance too.
“Like this?”
I deliberately pretended not to know and covered the camera with my index finger.
-No, then I can’t see you. Don’t cover it completely.
In the meantime, I relaxed my serious expression.
“Ah… like this?”
When I changed to a smiling expression and removed my hand, I could see Jiwoo holding up his hand and waiting quietly. I brought my index finger to his fingertip on the screen, as if communicating with an alien.
Jiwoo stayed still for a moment as if really communicating, then lowered his hand disappointedly.
-I don’t feel anything.
“Well, that makes sense.”
Did you have to try it to know? If he had felt something, that would have been a big problem in its own way.
-I guess it has to be the real thing after all.
I quickly lowered my hand and clenched and unclenched my fist to calm the goosebumps.
-Did you eat?
“Yes, I had something simple earlier. How about you?”
-I didn’t eat. What should I eat? You decide for me.
“How about samgyetang? It’s good for your health and if you eat something hearty, you’ll feel better too.”
Without much thought, I mentioned the first menu that came to mind. Not that I said just anything. For some reason, when I was having a hard time, samgyetang always gave me strength. It had been that way since I was young.
-Okay, I’ll eat that.
“Yes, then go have your meal. Chew thoroughly and eat slowly. And don’t drink alcohol.”
-Are you going to hang up?
“You should eat. I’m worried I might be bothering you… Hurry up and eat. If you skip meals, your muscles will decrease, you’ll lose weight, and you won’t grow taller.”
-I’m already fully grown.
“Anyway, enjoy your meal.”
Watching me desperately ramble on to hang up quickly, Jiwoo laughed. A water droplet hanging from the end of his hair rolled down his forehead.
-Just looking at you without eating seems to relieve my fatigue.
At the incomprehensible words, I tilted my head.
“Samgyetang? You have to eat it, what good does just looking at it do?”
-You’re really a miraculous fatigue recovery remedy.
What is he talking about? Seeing me bewildered, Jiwoo waved his hand.
-Don’t skip meals either and make sure to eat well. I’ll come see you right after seeing hyung. If you miss me, call me anytime.
“Yes, good luck. Thank you.”
I bowed my head and hung up. Looking at the pitch-black screen, the tension suddenly released all at once. Even though the bathroom had strong drafts and was almost as cold as outside, cold sweat had formed on my back.
I flapped my clothes and opened the locked door, going out to the living room. And I came face to face with Seogong, who was looking at me with suspicious eyes right in front of me.
“You scared me. What?”
“Who was it?”
“What?”
“Did you get a lover?”
“What are you talking about, move.”
I couldn’t push him in case Seogong fell over and got hurt, so I carefully moved aside and passed him. Seogong followed behind me, asking only difficult questions to answer.
“Why did you suddenly go into the bathroom to answer the phone? Your way of speaking was weird too.”
“Heo Seogong, please just rest. Don’t keep bustling around. What if your surgery site reopens or you get dumping syndrome or something? Didn’t you hear what the doctor said?”
I deliberately made a stern expression and spoke as if scolding him, but as expected, it didn’t work.
“Did you not hear that I’m supposed to keep walking and stretching? That’s how I’ll recover faster. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to take walks in front of the building, okay? Bring your lover too, hyung. Let’s take walks together, the three of us.”
“……”
Ah, I shouldn’t drag Seogong into this. I was too careless. Who knew there would be a video call? I should have gone outside to answer it. Besides, the video call was on speaker, so there was a high probability Seogong heard everything Jiwoo said.
It didn’t seem like he’d get involved in this just from hearing a voice, but still… No, wait a minute. If he heard the voice, doesn’t that mean he knows Jiwoo is a man too?
“……”
I looked at Seogong with wide eyes. I couldn’t help but be flustered seeing his playful eyes still full of thoughts of teasing me.
That’s all his reaction after hearing me have such a cringeworthy phone call with a man?
“Those clothes—didn’t hyung’s lover buy them for you? Right? Right?”
Not that he had to make a big fuss or anything, but… I couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad sign. I’m not even gay and I’ve never liked men, but should I be grateful to have such an open-minded, generous cousin…
“How long have you been dating?”
“It’s not like that. Stop it already.”
“What do you mean it’s not like that? So you’re not dating?”
With a somehow complicated feeling, I trudged to the kitchen. I was trying to finish the organizing I’d left undone when Seogong grumbled.
“Hyung, you always asked me if I had a girlfriend or not, and whenever I dated someone, you asked me annoying questions.”
“That’s because I’m your hyung. All hyungs are like that.”
“What are you saying, just tell me quickly. Ah, hurry!”
“Hey, don’t stomp your feet! Are you crazy?”
I carefully grabbed Seogong’s shoulders and led him to the room. Then I laid him down on the fluffy blankets piled several layers thick.
“You’re really going to be in big trouble at this rate. Please just rest, okay? Should I really give you sleeping pills or something?”
I sighed and covered him with the blanket when Seogong grabbed my wrist.
“Are you dating?”
At this point, I even thought it was strange. He might be curious, but was it enough to obsess over it this much? I wrinkled my brow and examined Seogong’s face.
Up until just now he’d been full of mischief, but now he only showed signs of anxiety.
“Why are you so curious about that?”
No matter how much he smiled brightly and acted playful, Seogong was still a kid who had just turned twenty. He’d been in and out of hospitals since much younger and had even undergone major surgery, and I suddenly felt a wave of guilt for not being considerate enough of his feelings.
“Are you curious because you’re worried that if I date someone, I won’t go to the hospital with you when you’re sick?”
I deliberately spoke playfully while ruffling his hair.
“Even if I get married tomorrow, that won’t happen, so don’t worry about unnecessary things.”
“……”
I naturally thought he’d yell that it wasn’t that at all, but Seogong was unexpectedly quiet. That made me feel even worse.
“It’s not that…”
Then Seogong muttered in a voice as soft as an ant crawling.
“Actually, it’s the opposite. I’m worried that because of me, hyung can’t hang out with someone you like freely and always has to be self-conscious at work…”
I wanted to sigh but didn’t let it out. I covered him with the blanket up to his neck and said.
“I just don’t tell you, but I do everything I need to do behind your back. I have some dignity as your hyung, so just pretend not to know about that stuff. That’s a younger sibling’s duty.”
At my words, a smile finally appeared on his worried face. I smiled along with him when Seogong said.
“By the way, hyung, you got a job at a company, right? Don’t overwork yourself there, make sure to go diligently.”
“A job?”
I froze at the out-of-the-blue comment.
“What are you talking about? What job all of a sudden?”
“Oh, did I not mention it? Someone who’s the president of hyung’s company came a few days ago.”
“……”
“He said someone he knows is also hospitalized there.”
For a moment, the back of my neck went cold.
