Standing in an unfamiliar neighborhood, Haeyoung looked around examining the signs attached above the stores.
The sign with the name of the meat restaurant he’d heard over the phone wasn’t easily visible. Haeyoung, who briefly looked down at the map app on his phone, soon headed toward the inside of the alley.
It was when he was doubting his own memory, wondering if perhaps he had remembered the store name wrong. At the entrance of the alley, a sign with the name he’d heard over the phone came into view.
However, even after discovering the store, Haeyoung couldn’t readily move his feet. He just stood in front of the store for a moment without entering.
“…Ha.”
A breath that was either a sneer or a sigh was exhaled from his tightly closed mouth.
He had planned to return home immediately after the interview ended… Standing blankly, Haeyoung dry-washed his face. In his darkened vision, he recalled the faces that would welcome him when he returned, and at the same time also recalled the face of someone who would soon return home.
That someone would look for him first as soon as they returned home, and after meeting, instead of asking questions like how the interview went or if he did well, they would comfort him saying he worked hard. Then, under that affectionate gaze, it would be his turn to giggle and say he thought he did well.
That was the way he and Seonwoo had comforted and encouraged each other over the past few years. Haeyoung, who had planned to do so today as well, couldn’t follow the set order and was suddenly placed on an unexpected path.
Then, his phone in his hand vibrated again.
[Dad]
The word that appeared on the screen unmistakably indicated the person who had just called Haeyoung.
‘Like a ghost…’
Though he must have called because he hadn’t come for so long, for Haeyoung standing in front of the store, his body stiffened at the phone call that seemed to know he was hesitating. In the end, he pushed open the store door with a somewhat rigid face and entered inside.
The door bell attached to the door rang, announcing Haeyoung’s entry into the space. The phone that had been ringing noisily soon hung up, perhaps discovering he had entered. It was also then that a familiar voice reached his ear.
“Haeyoung…!”
A voice he could never fail to recognize called Haeyoung’s name. His father, whom he had deliberately not recalled due to his troubled mind even while coming. Belatedly recalling in his mind the face of his father whom he was meeting for the first time since high school, Haeyoung turned his head toward where the voice came from.
“…Dad.”
A small voice mixed with breath through his teeth flowed out. Haeyoung, who was at a loss for a moment, took a short breath to shake off the thoughts making his stomach churn. Then he soon raised his hand and waved it with an awkward smile.
Haeyoung, who approached the four-person table where he was sitting, pulled out the chair across from him. As he sat down, he instinctively scanned his father’s appearance with his eyes.
His father’s outward appearance was very neat compared to what he’d seen during high school. Though it was quite a long time ago so he didn’t remember it vividly still, Haeyoung remembered the worn windbreaker he had been wearing on the day he bought him meat.
And also the sight of him trying to place several crumpled bills he took out from his pocket into his hand.
‘Dad, I really don’t need money. So even if it’s not expensive, please… buy and wear warmer new clothes.’
The end of autumn, and the transitional season entering the beginning of winter, brings a cold that doesn’t match the ambiguity that period possesses. So Haeyoung couldn’t forget the face that worried about him while wearing just a thin windbreaker on a chilly night.
Of all places, the place where they met again after a long time was also a meat restaurant. Just like that last time they met.
Perhaps because of that, Haeyoung, upon facing his father, couldn’t help but first examine his clothing. Seeing him dressed in neater clothes than before, even a faint sense of relief came over him.
“Whose son are you to be this handsome? And you’re dressed up smartly in a suit too?”
Perhaps it was the same for him too, as his father, who examined his outfit, let out a hearty laugh and asked a question, making Haeyoung unconsciously raise the corners of his mouth.
“Ah, I came from an interview today.”
Haeyoung’s words answering the question cut off right there. At the awkwardly cut-off conversation, a quiet silence settled over the table.
However, for Haeyoung, it was unavoidable. If it had been his childhood self, or at least his self in his early twenties… Upon meeting his father, he might have shown off his neat suit that he was seeing for the first time and chattered about the interview he came from today.
Because there was definitely a time when his parents came to mind first when something praiseworthy happened. However, Haeyoung, who recalled them when he could never reach them even once during those times, forcibly swallowed a bitter smile.
“How have you been, son.”
At the question that suddenly came, Haeyoung, who had been taking out utensils from the utensil holder placed beside the table, raised his head. Then he slowly answered while neatly placing the utensils he took out in front of him.
“I’ve been… studying and doing practical training, doing this and that. How about you, Dad? Have you been well?”
“Yeah, I’ve been well too. Don’t worry.”
At Haeyoung’s question back, he smiled with a somehow sheepish face. It was definitely a smile that seemed to have fewer worries than before. Thanks to that, Haeyoung could shed at least a little of the guilt he had been holding in one corner of his heart all along.
“I’ve been well too.”
Haeyoung raised the corners of his mouth and deliberately smiled brightly.
The last time he contacted his father was when he heard from him that he had received money from Seonwoo. At that time, he was flustered and only vented resentment to his father before hanging up. As that incident was recalled again, Haeyoung’s smile quickly faded.
No, let’s not think about it. He ignored his churning insides and pushed away the feelings that grabbed his ankle trying to drag him down.
Anyway, it was true that he felt relief at the appearance that seemed to be doing really well. Even if that relief wasn’t entirely for his father alone.
“Three servings of seagull meat is out.”
Not long after Haeyoung sat down, raw meat piled high on a plate came out. His father must have ordered in advance.
To the staff member placing down several side dishes along with the meat, Haeyoung conveyed his greeting in a low voice. And he was just naturally reaching his hand toward the tongs that came with the meat.
There was a hand that grabbed the tongs before him. When Haeyoung, who had the tongs futilely snatched away, raised his head, his father gave a light warning to such Haeyoung saying he would grill so just eat.
“Dad, I’ll grill. Give me the tongs.”
At that, Haeyoung reached out his hand with a flustered face, but he just pretended not to hear and only picked up meat with the tongs and placed it on the grill.
The several pieces of meat that went up on the grill in an instant soon made sizzling sounds and cooked. Haeyoung, who was watching it, retrieved the hand he had been holding out as if defeated.
“This is all cooked. Eat quickly.”
He, who had been concentrating on grilling while holding the tongs, pushed the grilled meat toward Haeyoung’s side. Putting a piece of meat falling onto the plate into his mouth, Haeyoung tightly closed his mouth.
For some reason, he couldn’t tell what taste the meat chewing in his mouth was making as he chewed. While reflexively moving his jaw, Haeyoung fixed his gaze on the meat piling up in front of him.
Looking at the meat constantly being pushed forward, he recalled the memories of meeting his father during high school. Back then too, his father didn’t eat and pushed even his own portion entirely toward him.
At the intersection of past and present, Haeyoung somehow became a little sad and quite apologetic. It was an emotion close to guilt.
Even in the time he resented him, couldn’t he have looked back at least once more at the things he received? Instead of pouring out words he shouldn’t have said like that at the end, shouldn’t he have looked for more things he could do?
Haeyoung, who had been chewing meat not knowing what taste it was, finally picked up his chopsticks. And he moved the meat placed in front of him one by one onto his father’s plate.
“Dad, please eat some too.”
“Don’t worry about Dad. I need to feed my son first.”
He tried to block Haeyoung’s chopstick movements with the tongs as if telling him not to do that, but by then he had already moved several pieces of meat onto the plate.
Haeyoung wore a faint smile on his lips with an inwardly satisfied face. And he too pushed meat into his mouth again. The meat taste that hadn’t been felt until just now suddenly spread in his mouth.
Though it definitely wasn’t burnt, perhaps because the charcoal scent had permeated it, the meat somehow had a bitter taste similar to a burnt taste. However, if you chewed well, the juices hidden inside would also leak out.
As he concentrated on eating diligently, it seemed his noisy heart was gradually calming down.
As the store entered dinner time, customers gradually began to enter, and amid the noisy commotion, the two people quietly continued their meal. In between, at his father’s suggestion of perhaps having a drink, Haeyoung pondered then smiled and shook his head.
Of course, there were times when he dreamed of becoming an adult someday and having a drink with his father. But Haeyoung was already an adult who had easily drunk several crates worth of alcohol.
Moreover, he didn’t want to return home reeking of alcohol in the middle of filming. Even if not now, there would be another opportunity someday. With such thoughts, to Haeyoung who was inwardly consoling his regret, a low voice fell.
“Haeyoung-ah, because of Dad… you were very hurt, weren’t you?”
His father’s hoarse voice was trembling miserably.
The words slowly exhaled along with a piece of meat that came up on the plate made Haeyoung hesitate. For a moment, he who almost lost his grip on the chopsticks he was holding put firm strength in his hand.
The gaze looking down at the meat his father had put up for him was quite fierce. Because he was also putting strength in his eyes as much as the hand gripping the chopsticks. If he didn’t do that, it seemed like his welling emotions would touch his tear ducts. Haeyoung, who slightly bit his lips, shook his head wordlessly.
Shaking side to side, from the head swinging horizontally, it seemed resentment and such had already easily evaporated and disappeared.
