It was really just bad timing. Unpleasant incidents kept piling up repeatedly, he got stepped on by some unlucky bastard, his already injured ankle got hurt again and was hurting like hell, and the broadcasting station people were subtly ignoring them for being nugus. Even Jion, who had been magnanimously tolerating and embracing everything with his thirty-something-year-old self up until now, had his mental state briefly collapse under this continuous string of oppression.
Moreover, Seonwoo Jin. Again, Seonwoo Jin. As expected, Seonwoo Jin. Right, a dog never stops shitting. How could you resist your nature when women approach you?
The moment the IAC schedule was set, Jion had been most worried about contact with female idols, and when that contact actually occurred, Jion exploded.
“Do you like all women? Why. Then why don’t you contact Sollin, and DM and follow back that girl who gave you her contact info too? Huh?”
“No, when did I ever do that……?”
“When? What about how you said even if you have a girlfriend, you’d still feel moved and happy if someone else liked you. How you said you’d feel good if anyone liked you. Those girls must be so happy. Meet them all in turns. Meet them all. That must be fun, exciting. Is your dopamine exploding?”
“Why is that story coming up here…… That was back then…… Just back then……”
When Jion’s pre-regression PTSD button was pressed and he unleashed a fierce attack, Seonwoo Jin, who hadn’t committed any crime yet, was flustered and couldn’t even speak properly. Even seeing Seonwoo Jin deflated and hanging his head didn’t calm Jion’s anger.
Why is he still so careless even after going through all that chaos from the scandal? Ah, it hadn’t happened yet this time. But in the end, Seonwoo Jin is still Seonwoo Jin. Look at this time too. Even though we all promised and were careful and did everything, he’s the only one exchanging contact info with girls and flirting.
Actually, when Jion was playing Kinball, it wasn’t only Seonwoo Jin who conversed with female idols. As part of social life, everyone appropriately exchanged conversations like, “Ah, yes, hello, good luck with filming, let’s cheer hard.” But in Jion’s eyes, he only saw Seonwoo Jin, and only the distance between Seonwoo Jin and the female idols seemed particularly close.
It would have been good if he had calmly thought once more about why this bothered him so much, but with the fight erupting without warning, Jion’s accelerator was pressed down hard.
While Seonwoo Jin, experiencing Jion’s rampage for the first time, was shocked and intimidated into silence, Jion got increasingly heated and snapped at him.
“We’re finally trying to do well together, but should we all fail because of you alone? You can just go film dramas and movies and act, and date women as much as you want, juggling two or three at once and having a blast, but for us, our lives end because of you. Even if being an idol is just something you have no attachment to, no greed for, just a brief game to you, for us it’s our life!”
Past wounds and future anxieties tangled together, making a mess of the present. Seonwoo Jin, helplessly beaten down by Jion’s attack as he rampaged alone in his impatience, couldn’t say anything and just stared blankly at Jion. When the expression of a fragile young child appeared on his pale face, Jion finally realized his mistake, but the words already spoken couldn’t be taken back.
“……Why are you being so mean to me……”
Tears suddenly poured from the eyes that had been staring at Jion without blinking. The single tear track that initially formed in a straight line soon overflowed greatly, making Seonwoo Jin look pitiful. Seong Jion had made him that way.
He should quickly say he’s sorry, that he went too far. He knew it in his head, but strangely his mouth wouldn’t open. While Jion was shocked and flustered by Seonwoo Jin’s tears, on the other hand a nasty feeling remained, making him think that Seonwoo Jin might be acting like it was unfair to him.
But even if that were the case, he could have just let himself be fooled once, but Jion couldn’t do that. The wounds from his pre-regression life that he thought had been healed by regression still remained vividly in Jion’s memory.
The shame of being a failed idol, the frustration of not achieving his dream, the jealousy toward Seonwoo Jin who succeeded alone. The sense of betrayal. All those negative emotions still remained like Jion’s shadow.
“……That’s……”
Just “I’m sorry, I went too far”—with just those words, Seonwoo Jin would have forgiven everything, cried his eyes out saying never to say such things again, and jumped into Jion’s arms. However, while Jion hesitated, holding onto his last bit of pride, things went wrong once again.
“What, are you guys fighting? Huh?”
The members who had been in the living room came running after hearing the shouting from the room. The members who didn’t know the full story had to judge this situation solely based on Seonwoo Jin sitting on Jion’s bed shedding tears and the verbal abuse from Jion that had been audible through the door earlier.
“……Woojin-ah. Let’s go out first and let Jion rest a bit.”
Ryu Geon quickly sorted out the situation like a leader. Hearing Ryu Geon’s words, Eungi quickly came inside, wiped Seonwoo Jin’s tears, and led him out of the room. And Jinyeong, receiving Ryu Geon’s eye signal, remained in the room with a reluctant expression.
“……”
“……”
The two awkwardly looked at each other before avoiding eye contact. Jinyeong shuffled over and sat on the edge of Seonwoo Jin’s bed.
“……Fuck. What’s with you guys.”
Looking for something appropriate to say in the awkward atmosphere, Jinyeong eventually grumbled sheepishly.
“I mean, why are you having a marital spat so dramatically that it makes the atmosphere weird?”
“No, it’s not like that……”
“Hearing it from outside, you were really scary……”
Jinyeong scrunched up his face comically, trying to lighten the mood. Even so, Jinyeong sharply pointed out Jion’s fault.
“What did Seonwoo Jin do so wrong to deserve that? Sollin sunbae, well, you filmed YouTube together once. An acquaintance sunbae greeted him first, so he greeted back. During Kinball, what, those girls? I don’t even know their names. Did those girls give Seonwoo Jin their numbers? But so what. It’s not like Seonwoo Jin asked for them.”
“……No, but……”
“But what. We all made a promise together, right. Not to get friendly with female celebrities or famous people, and to postpone dating a bit. But that’s also within reasonable limits. Look at Seonwoo Jin’s face yourself. Does he look like someone women wouldn’t approach?”
“Haah……”
Jion sighed while listening to Jinyeong’s words. Everything Jinyeong said was right. That’s right. But his feelings toward Seonwoo Jin couldn’t become that rational and calm.
“What did he do wrong? Well, okay. Let’s say he couldn’t refuse getting their contact info. But did he contact them? He didn’t. He won’t. Why are you being so sensitive?”
“……”
“Ugh…… I really don’t want to say this.”
Jinyeong let out a big sigh, then as if making a big decision, slapped his chest and asked.
“Tell me honestly right now. Are you two dating?”
Jion’s jaw dropped at his member’s open-minded thinking that he couldn’t have imagined.
“……What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You two honestly aren’t in a normal relationship, right? You stick together too much, you know? Your skinship is also a bit…… excessive.”
“Between members, what……”
“We don’t do shit like you guys do.”
Jinyeong quickly drew a line against Jion’s excuse. Even so, Jinyeong looked at Jion with a pathetic expression.
“Hearing you from outside earlier, it sounded like you were handling a cheating boyfriend. If you’re not even dating, grabbing him like that crosses the line.”
“……”
“If you two were secretly dating, I could take your side, you know? But if that’s not the case, then you crossed the line. You went too far.”
At Jinyeong’s calm voice, Jion covered his face with his hands. Receiving such a calm criticism from Jinyeong, whom he had continuously thought of as about ten years younger mentally, suddenly brought him to his senses and made him feel pathetic about himself.
“……Right. Woojin didn’t really do anything wrong.”
“Right. And honestly speaking, even if you were dating, grabbing him like that is over the line.”
“……But if Woojin has a dating scandal break out and that blocks our activities……”
“Jion-ah.”
When Jion, still not fully admitting his fault, tried to mention his pre-regression life like an excuse, Jinyeong grabbed Jion’s hand to calm him down and made eye contact.
“We’re a group. Of course we’ll take a hit if one person causes trouble. But did Seonwoo Jin drink and drive? Did he do drugs? Dating isn’t a crime.”
“……”
“If we fail over something like that, then that’s just the level we were at.”
At Jinyeong’s terrifyingly realistic assessment of reality, Jion snapped to attention. Right. In his pre-regression life, there was a reason why everyone found their own paths while he alone couldn’t let go of his lingering attachment and kept dabbling half-heartedly with one foot still in.
I was the only one who couldn’t accept that I was insufficient.
Because he couldn’t admit that it was a group that would have failed even without Seonwoo Jin’s dating blunder, because he didn’t want to acknowledge that he also bore responsibility for the group’s powerless disbandment. I was wasting my life blaming all the failures I experienced on Seonwoo Jin and hating him.
It was a realization that came far too late, but this time it came early. When Jion came to his senses after being struck by the club of self-reflection that Jinyeong suddenly swung, Jinyeong grinned and patted his shoulder.
“Let’s work hard so the group doesn’t fail even if Seonwoo Jin causes some trouble.”
