“Ah fuck, this isn’t what I came here for.”
Go Un muttered to himself while looking down at an angle.
He cleared his throat with a couple of coughs and met his eyes clearly. He lowered his voice.
“I’m not a hypocrite.”
At this point, there was no intimidation whatsoever.
“What do you mean you’re not? You are a hypocrite.”
Seo Juhan stated the facts plainly.
“Then why did you just pretend not to know and only listen when I was going on about going to college and all that?”
“What did I pretend not to know?”
A subtly negative hue rose in his black eyes. He seemed quite displeased.
“You said you’re not going to college. You’re not going because you don’t need to go.”
“…”
“I’m going to inherit my dad’s business, so I don’t need a degree like that. You should have said that.”
Go Un’s lips twisted. The black waves grew darker and darker.
“If I’d known, I also wouldn’t have eaten nothing but trans fat every day…”
“Ssaem is the same, being two-faced.”
His voice was cold, as if a chill was flowing.
“…What?”
His eyes, seemingly devoid of emotion, were like an empty universe. Seo Juhan pretended not to notice that ominous energy.
“Since you’ve seen everything, are you eating and dumping me?”
It was a fishy smile where his eyes weren’t smiling at all.
“Hey, that was you first…”
Remembering the night of betrayal, Seo Juhan scrunched up his face. It was the day the downpour had fallen.
“It’s true, isn’t it? You thought I was some poor bastard and fussed over me, but now that I’m not, you’re throwing me away.”
“When did I—”
“You’re saying the rich kid should figure things out on his own now?”
His speech had thrown manners and propriety out the window, but somehow it also sounded disheartened.
“Isn’t that right? What’s the difference? What does my dad being rich have to do with me?”
“…”
“What do I have to do with a bastard who doesn’t even come home because he’s running around with women?”
“…”
“‘It’s all going to be yours anyway, so what are you worried about?’ I wonder if that’ll even work out. He’s spread his seed around so many places. Even on the day I smashed his car, he was having some weird party at a hotel. He didn’t even blink, you know? He didn’t even come to the hospital.”
Go Un seemed to have a lot bottled up as he poured out his grievances in succession. It wasn’t something freshly formed but accumulated bit by bit—some kind of result.
“That damn household doesn’t have a single proper person in it. Even if I look like a lunatic to ssaem, if you ask the kids, they say I’m the most normal one.”
Seo Juhan swept over his gloomily wavering eyes and protruding lips in turn.
Despite his mountain-like bulk, he was exactly like a wounded hedgehog. With all his sharp spines raised.
“But money is nice, you know. What the hell is that thing anyway that mom sticks around even being treated like that—I thought about it. So I tried to spend it all and get rid of it. But now that it’s gone, she says she can’t live either.”
Go Un gnawed on the flesh inside his cheek. Then he spat out rapid-fire.
“I know I did wrong too. Yeah, I know I did wrong, so I’m living like I’m dead now, aren’t I? You don’t know how much I’m shitting myself every day, do you? Like ssaem said, I’m a blockhead, so I need things explained a hundred times to understand.”
Seo Juhan captured in his eyes every bit of emotion Go Un was pouring out like excrement. His light brown eyes reflected everything transparently.
“So, I mean…”
In the end, Go Un avoided Juhan’s eyes and let out a deep sigh. With the hand holding the form, he supported his lower back, and with the other hand, he roughly swept his bangs. Unable to find words, he huffed and stomped his foot once with a thud.
His hulking frame that seemed capable of smashing anything looked confused and overwhelmed today.
“Fuck, you think someone like me lives without any thoughts? Honestly, people like ssaem are more annoying than those who obviously kiss ass.”
Go Un reproached him with eyes burned jet-black. Those unfathomably dark eyes looked like they hadn’t fully ripened.
Creak.
Just then, the sound of a door opening could be heard in the distance.
Seo Juhan glanced over those broad shoulders. Teachers who shared the same staff room were just coming in after eating lunch.
Go Un also sneaked a glance behind and made a dismayed expression. He clicked his tongue, then set down the personal information consent form he was holding on the table. Then he stepped back as if to leave now.
“Hey, wait a sec.”
Seo Juhan called out to stop him. Go Un clearly must have heard but turned his back.
“I said wait.”
Seo Juhan grabbed the hem of Go Un’s shirt.
Go Un just stood there and looked down at an angle at his caught side. Then he slowly raised his gaze along the slender wrist and pale arm. Finally reaching the clear face. Eyes that were suspicious yet also expecting something.
Seo Juhan felt that face was strangely pitiful. So he brushed his hand off the shirt and opened his mouth quietly.
“Let’s have a counseling session. Come here.”
He casually jerked his chin toward his desk and walked first.
From behind, he could hear the shuffling sound of slippers dragging.
The kid he’d expected to stubbornly resist saying he didn’t need it surprisingly followed easily. He came along readily, as if he’d wanted to be caught from the beginning.
Seo Juhan walked with long strides through the partitions to his spot, holding his tumbler. He greeted the teachers who’d just entered as he passed them.
He set down his tumbler with a thunk next to the mouse on his desk. He plopped down in the cushioned chair and spun around toward the kid. He pointed at the folding metal chair.
“Sit here for a sec, ah… You haven’t eaten lunch yet, right?”
Seo Juhan asked as if just remembering.
“…It’s fine if I eat late.”
Go Un leaned against the desk and answered sulkily.
Well, he’ll eat first thing when he goes anyway.
The afterimage from the cafeteria came to mind and made him queasy, but Seo Juhan brushed it off for now.
“Right… then…”
Seo Juhan trailed off.
He’d grabbed him impulsively, but now he had no idea how to continue the conversation. His head throbbed from the fatigue that had rushed in, so he pressed firmly on his temples.
Go Un wasn’t in a particularly neat posture, but he waited silently for Juhan.
Seo Juhan felt like he’d just waste time if he only thought about it, so he just opened his mouth recklessly.
“Then tell me in your own words. Why aren’t you going to college?”
Go Un closed his lips and swept the inside of his mouth with his tongue. His cheek bulged out. His lowered eyes blinked while directed at the edge of the desk.
The staff room, permeated with white noise, was generally quiet.
The Speech and Writing Teacher glanced at them while brushing his teeth and walked by. The teachers who’d come in earlier were also doing their own work, handling tasks or sipping coffee. Probably because there was a student present, they seemed to have reduced unnecessary small talk.
His light-colored lips slowly opened.
“It’s not like I’m going to get a job somewhere.”
Go Un also seemed somewhat embarrassed to reveal his inner thoughts.
“I don’t even know what I’d really learn at college…”
Go Un cleared his throat and wiped under his nose while glancing down at Seo Juhan. Then when their eyes met, he awkwardly looked away.
After that, his words cut off. He just sniffled for no reason.
This is… seems pretty hopeless.
Seo Juhan realized it. This kid was way too young. Still, he tried hard to suppress his pitiful expression and chose his words.
“Ah, but.”
Go Un started as if that wasn’t the end.
“Right now, well, it’s not that I’m definitely not going… I’m thinking about it.”
“What?”
At Juhan’s lukewarm question, Go Un rolled his eyes and said quickly.
“I said I’m thinking about it.”
“…I… see.”
Seo Juhan leaned back against the backrest with a deflated face.
What the… if that’s the case, why didn’t you say so earlier? Or maybe he just wanted to vent his thoughts somewhere.
Seo Juhan put his arm on the armrest and crossed his legs. Lazily creaking the chair left and right, he said as if talking to himself.
“Then there’ll be career counseling after finals are over, so look into where you want to go.”
“…Yes.”
Go Un nodded obediently. He seemed lost in some kind of contemplation, though what exactly was unclear.
Seo Juhan lightly spun his chair while looking up at the softly relaxed bare face.
He cools down as quickly as he heats up…
He flared up quickly and cooled down just as fast. He was just like a little kid. He couldn’t understand at all how he’d managed to hide this personality and live.
—Pee-po pee-po.
Suddenly, the siren sound Go Un had made with his mouth came to mind.
Pfft. About to burst out laughing, Seo Juhan quickly raised his hand to cover his mouth.
Ahem. He cleared his voice and waved his hand dismissively.
“You must be hungry. Go on.”
