“I’m sorry. For not trusting you…”
“…”
“I liked you all so much… I was scared.”
Eorin-i hugged me tightly. The few remaining tears soaked Eorin-i’s collar before they could roll down my cheeks.
“Sorry for pressing you.”
“No…”
“But don’t ever take medicine again. Today when I saw you collapse…”
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
“I knew you weren’t feeling well, but I couldn’t do anything… I’m sorry. I…”
“Don’t apologize, Eorin-ah.”
I rubbed my face against Eorin-i’s shoulder. The vanilla scent was surprisingly reassuring.
“I only have things to be grateful to you for.”
Eorin-i silently patted my back.
“Why did you suddenly start taking medicine?”
“Um… well.”
“Chiwon-ah, you promised to tell me everything. Okay?”
I hesitated about whether I should tell him about Kim Jaeui. Still, he was a relative, and I didn’t know what kind of relationship the two had, so would it be okay to talk about this? But because Eorin-i pressed me, I opened my mouth.
“Kim Jaeui…”
“Yeah.”
“On my birthday, when I went to buy headphones, I ran into him. Kim Jaeui… But I guess he noticed then that I was an omega. A few days later, as I was going home, Kim Jaeui followed me and told me he knew I was an omega. He said he asked his father. That the place I live is an omega orphanage…”
“So?”
“I was worried Kim Jaeui might tell you. Kim Jaeui said that. If he figured it out, why wouldn’t you. So I got scared and…”
When I said it out loud, it felt like it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t even a big enough deal to be summarized in a few words, but why was I so scared back then?
Maybe it was because now I had something to hold onto. I looked down at Eorin-i’s hand holding mine. While I was talking, Eorin-i had been holding my hand so it wouldn’t tremble.
“Kim Jaeui… said that.”
Eorin-i sighed.
“When did you figure it out?”
I suddenly became curious. How did he figure it out when I’d kept it so tightly shut?
“…”
“Hm?”
“I don’t want to say.”
“Huh, why…?”
“It’s a secret.”
Eorin-i turned his head. Feeling bewildered, I just blinked my eyes, when Eorin-i looked at his phone and pulled my hand slightly.
“But you know.”
“Yeah.”
“Right now, Junsu and Woojin are saying they want to come here.”
“…!”
“Do you want to meet them?”
“…They must be angry, right?”
“Of course.”
“I’m going to get scolded, right…?”
“Of course. I haven’t even finished scolding you yet.”
You need to get scolded big time. At Eorin-i’s words, I lowered my head.
“Still, I want to meet them… I miss them.”
“Okay.”
Eorin-i smirked. It seemed like the first time I’d seen a smiling face all day today. Feeling relieved, I smiled along, but then Eorin-i suddenly made a scary expression asking where I thought I was going trying to get away with a smile. I got thoroughly scolded by Eorin-i in that spot until Junsu and Woojin arrived.
I thought I’d have to wait a while, but Junsu and Woojin came faster than expected. It was fortunate for me, who thought I’d get scolded all night. I was secretly relieved without Eorin-i knowing. The contact Eorin-i received earlier seemed to be not that they would come here, but that they were already on their way.
As soon as they entered the vacant lot, the two who rushed toward me with a scary momentum suddenly started crying. Because of the previous incident, I looked at Junsu just in case, and Junsu was really crying too. I didn’t know what to do with the guilt that rushed over me.
“You… you…!”
“I’m sorry…”
“Waaaah. Chiwon-ah. Don’t do that, really. How much did I, waaah.”
“I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
“You need to be scolded. We, how shocked we were, you…”
“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Never.”
I got up and rushed at Junsu and Woojin.
“Where do you think you’re being cute? You need to be scolded more! You really did wrong!”
“Waaaah. You were really bad.”
Even while saying that, the two hugged me tightly.
“I’m glad I became friends with you guys. I like you so much. I like you the most in the world.”
“I like you too.”
“Jung Woojin, we promised not to give in so quickly!”
“Ah, right…”
“Kim Eorin, you too, aren’t you coming here? You need to be scolded too. Coming alone without telling us? Bad bastard.”
“Ah… sorry. I couldn’t see my surroundings.”
“Look at this bastard apologizing. It’s too light!”
“Right. That’s too much! I wanted to see Chiwon too!”
“Sorry. Really sorry.”
“Me too, I’m sorry.”
“Tsk. Kindergarten, you know you can’t sleep until you explain everything.”
I smiled. I felt like I could talk about it well now. I had cried my heart out earlier, and most of all, I had something to believe in. I curled my fingers as if to grasp the vanilla scent touching my palm. Then Eorin-i really did hold my hand slightly.
While listening to my story, Junsu and Woojin cried and got angry on my behalf as if it were their own matter. Throughout the story, Eorin-i’s hand didn’t let me go. It was much more reassuring that Eorin-i was holding me than that I was holding on.
“I’m a Beta so I can’t really imagine what pheromones are like, but I still know that what happened to you was very unreasonable. People shouldn’t be ridiculed for what they’re born with.”
“Right. And Chiwon-ah, I’m worried you might actually get hurt if I say this to you… but actually, when I heard earlier that your pheromone is a wood scent, I thought it was cool. It seems to suit you really well… I’m sorry if you didn’t like hearing that.”
My friends told me that the middle school Kindergarten inside me didn’t have to hide inside anymore. Being an omega type was one of the very big parts that made me who I am, and I finally made up my mind to face my complete self. Being an omega wasn’t something to hide.
Having people on my side was an amazing thing. Having courage felt surprisingly easy. No matter how much I said thank you, it wouldn’t be enough.
The kids went home with faces red from crying, saying let’s see each other tomorrow. I waved back at them too. However, the next day, I couldn’t go to school.
Less than a day after collapsing, I cried until I was exhausted and was out late at night, so as soon as I returned to the orphanage, I had a fever and had to lie down. The teachers, worried whether it was okay to give cold medicine to me who had collapsed from taking medicine, called the pheromone center and recited the medicine name and ingredients. After receiving confirmation that it was okay, I took flu medicine and fever reducers, slept chaotically, and when I woke up it was already afternoon. After sending a message to my friends saying I was feeling a bit better now, I left my room because I wanted to drink water.
“Hyung-ah.”
Dohyeong, who must have been passing by the door, called my name. Because I still had flu symptoms and couldn’t hug him, I adjusted my mask. There were many children in the orphanage, so if even one person caught a cold, it was common for the entire orphanage to suffer from a cold.
“Dohyeong-ah, hyung is sick right now so you can’t come close. It’ll spread.”
“Hyung-ah…”
Dohyeong looked up at me with a tearful face.
“Are you very sick?”
“No, I’m okay. I’ve gotten much better.”
“Not the cold.”
“Hm?”
“Hyung-ah, yesterday you were in a lot of pain.”
“Ah…”
It seemed Dohyeong also saw me getting scolded by the teachers yesterday. At that time, I was too overwhelmed to even think about reassuring the younger kids. It must have been the first time the younger kids saw the teachers scold me like that. I squatted down to match Dohyeong’s eye level and smiled. My face would be all covered by the mask, but the smile should be visible.
“Thank you for worrying, Dohyeong-ah. Hyung is okay now.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
“Really truly?”
Suddenly from behind, Chanhyeong appeared. Chanhyeong was now fourteen years old, the oldest sibling below me. He manifested as a dominant omega right after I manifested, and was the child who had been at the orphanage with me the longest. Somehow, though he was only fourteen, he was almost the same height as me. When Chanhyeong reached the age to go to middle school, I made all sorts of excuses to persuade the teachers to let Chanhyeong go to a school other than Hanseong Middle School. So now Chanhyeong wasn’t taking the orphanage car but was taking the bus to a middle school on the completely opposite side from Hanseong Middle School.
“Ah, Chanhyeong-ah…”
“…Hyung… I heard everything.”
Did “heard” mean about the medicine? Thinking I’d shown him a lot of unseemly things, I lowered my head.
“Sorry. You were worried.”
“…Of course I was. You collapsed!”
“That… um. Sorry. For being your hyung… I won’t do it again.”
“Do you know how hard it was for me to comfort the crying kids?”
“Sorry…”
“I wanted to cry too, but I was the oldest among them so I couldn’t…”
Chanhyeong suddenly started choking up. Suddenly I thought that tears had been pouring from all directions since yesterday.
“Hyung-ah, I’m sorry…”
It was Chanhyeong, who hadn’t called me hyung-ah since he turned eleven.
“I think we left hyung alone with the excuse that we’re younger siblings and you’re the older brother. When it became my turn not to cry because I had to comfort the younger kids, I understood. I only realized that yesterday…”
“No, Chanhyeong-ah. It’s not like that.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll do it properly. I’ll do well, hyung-ah.”
When Chanhyeong rushed at me, Dohyeong also clung to my leg. I smiled.
“I’m happy that you’re my younger siblings. I’m happy to have so many good younger siblings like this. Really.”
“Hyung-ah.”
“I worried you a lot. I’m sorry. But if we keep doing this, the cold will spread, kids.”
“It won’t spread!”
“Won’t spread!”
“You stay away. You’re a baby! I’m sturdy so I’m okay, but you’re a baby so you can’t.”
“Dohyeong’s not a baby! Dohyeong grew a lot and teacher said so!”
Dohyeong and Chanhyeong bickered. I burst out laughing watching them. I remembered that I’d gone outside to drink water only after I went back into my room.
After eating dinner, I sat in front of my desk and opened the drawer. It was the drawer that contained the suppressants. I picked up the pill bottle thinking I’d put it away in the back. But from inside, along with the rattling sound of pills colliding, there was a subtly dull sound.
“…?”
Wondering if there was something inside, I opened the pill bottle. Inside was a piece of paper. The strange sound seemed to be the sound of pills hitting the paper. I opened the note.
[If you ever open the lid again, come find me first that time.]
