“Gasp!”
“At the steakhouse, Seongheon oppa said once you graduate, he’s going to catch you for real. I don’t know if he means he’ll catch you by the scruff of your neck or catch you like catching a chicken on Chobok, but since you even got caught stealing items, you need to keep your wits about you from now on.”
Seongheon hyung said he’s going to catch me? Back then he wouldn’t have known I stole the Goldmess egg either… Or maybe, because I didn’t answer his calls so much, he wanted revenge? What if he finds out about me fake-dating Dongmi too?
When I jumped in shock at Dongmi’s deduction, Dongwoo looked at me worriedly saying, “What do we do…” and Dongmi, her throat perhaps dry from talking, took a sip of plum drink before continuing.
“Daeyoung-ah. You’ve never kissed anyone, right?”
“Yeah…”
“That’s it. He knows you’re inexperienced and did it on purpose. Anyway, it’ll be your first kiss. Never let it show.”
First kiss…
When I touched the surface of my lips with my finger, the sensation of Seongheon hyung’s lips from that day came to mind.
Lips pressed a bit more closely than what I was touching now, the lingering scent of alcohol in hyung’s wet breath came to mind, and it felt like I’d time-looped back to that day.
Gulp.
As I recalled the situation from back then, I swallowed dry saliva.
“Ah, so that was the plan…”
As I fell into a panic state and just rubbed my lips with my hand, Dongmi threw out some words trying to give me hope at least.
“Most things that happen at drinking parties are just close to jokes, so don’t take it too much to heart either. That’s what the adult world is like. If you space out, you’ll get completely devoured, you know? If you give meaning to such pranks and get caught up in them, you’re the only one who loses. Be careful, since Dongwoo already got caught, I might get dragged in too.”
“Did hyung just test me? Or is there some other meaning…”
“Meaning, my ass. Seongheon oppa has probably done that kind of penalty over ten times, right?”
“Th-that many times…?”
“How naive. Tsk tsk.”
Even though her birthday is later than mine, Dongmi comforted and soothed me like a sister several years older.
“Daeyoung-ah, it’s awkward to call you out because of what you did. So just shake it off. First kiss, it’s no big deal.”
And Dongwoo, perhaps having nothing particular to comfort me with, encouraged me to make sure to get the pure gold key from Seongheon hyung, saying, “You don’t have to buy me a smartwatch.”
Anyway, perhaps because of the advice Dongmi gave, the thoughts that had been weighing heavily on me lightened a bit. Right, let’s shake it off. Thinking that, I finished the remaining plum drink and gave Dongmi a word of praise.
“Dongmi-ya, you’re like a real dating expert. Have you dated a lot?”
“No. I’m also a love virgin?”
“Huh?”
Dongwoo, hearing this for the first time too, glared at Dongmi with eyes full of betrayal. Wait. Then does that mean all three of us are love virgins? What kind of conversation did love virgins just have?
Dongmi played innocent while drinking the remaining plum drink.
“I thought you weren’t a love virgin since Dongmi always made fun of me for being one!”
“Me too. She’s my sister, but she gives me chills.”
“Don’t both of you overreact. Do you have to taste whether it’s shit or soybean paste to know? You can tell without doing it. If we’re done eating, let’s go. I’m tired from drinking.”
And so we ate up all the last meat and got up from our seats.
Originally when Dongwoo and I were going to eat together, we expected 50,000 won, but it actually came to 180,000 won including the alcohol. Just as we were wondering how to split it, Dongwoo took out a card from his wallet and paid.
“I’ll pay. I used the 200,000 won I got from hyung all by myself.”
“If you insist… Thanks for the meal, friend.”
“Thanks for the meal, oppa.”
Dongwoo grumbled while paying that Dongmi only calls him oppa at times like this. Perhaps because everyone drank, our footsteps walking to the bus stop were slow.
“Hurry up and get your driver’s licenses, both of you.”
Dongmi gave us homework and headed to the bus stop with Dongwoo.
Even when putting on shoes at the pork belly restaurant I felt dizzy, but thanks to the night breeze, the drunkenness cleared up a lot. Maybe because it was winter, the heat of alcohol that had risen to my face cooled rapidly like entering a freezer. Still, cold wind came in through my nape, so I zipped up my padding all the way to my neck and walked quickly to the bus stop.
Seongheon hyung gave me his wallet to buy dinner, but I didn’t spend a single penny. I never intended to spend it in the first place… I was just a bit annoyed that hyung took my first kiss so carelessly.
Not knowing my circumstances, doing such a thing just to test me. Sitting alone at the bus stop, I scattered sighs into the air like pale smoke when suddenly I was overcome with grief.
But that was only for a moment—I remembered Seongheon hyung’s right hand in a cast today and my heart ached. My heart was like racehorses on a track, racing with various emotions.
Hyung who was annoying in the game, hyung who took my first kiss as he pleased, hyung who backstabbed me while knowing everything, hyung who teased me since childhood, and also hyung who gave me his wallet to eat even though he was injured, etc…
As if various feelings were competing, they jostled back and forth, but what ultimately took the lead was good feelings toward Seongheon hyung. So the small feelings that followed couldn’t overtake this time either and were left behind.
Perhaps I’ll never be able to hate Seongheon hyung.
Thinking that way, the hurt feelings I had after hearing Dongmi’s words earlier eased considerably. I was defending hyung myself, thinking that Seongheon hyung wouldn’t have done such a thing in the first place if I hadn’t stolen the item.
While waiting for the last bus like that, I heard the voice of the butcher shop owner at the market entrance.
“Clearance sale, clearance sale! Grade 1 Korean beef bones clearance! Only five sets, 50 percent sale!”
As soon as I heard that sound, I instinctively got up from my seat.
Even though the bus to my house was approaching the stop, I crossed the street and headed to the butcher shop. It was a moment when I realized why people get brave when drunk.
* * *
“Seongheon-ah, you need to say your last goodbye to Mom.”
That day the weather was very good. It was such a fresh day that my eyes hurt from the bright, beating sunlight.
In contrast, inside the hospital room it was so silent you couldn’t even hear breathing, and only the cicada sounds coming from outside made my ears dizzy.
Whirr—. Whirr—. Whirr—.
The machine sound attached to Mom’s side sounded like that too.
Mom, whose condition had rapidly deteriorated, had so many medical devices attached to her hands and arms that she couldn’t even hold Seongheon’s hand. Even now, she quietly kept her eyes closed, not knowing that Seongheon had come to her side.
“Mom.”
“……”
“Mo… m?”
How should one give a last goodbye?
He turned his head to look at Dad. Dad, whose eyes were already full of tears with even the whites turned red, only cried silently without looking at him. Not just Dad, but everyone here was sinking together, only looking at Mom sleeping quietly.
“Mom, Mom…”
“……”
Seongheon approached and carefully held Mom’s fingers. Mom’s hand was stiff and cold, as if all the blood had drained out. He couldn’t feel at all the warmth of her embrace when she’d say “Seongheon-ah” and hold him warmly in her arms.
Six months ago, even while being hospitalized, Mom had promised with a pinky swear that she’d be discharged soon and go to the water park with him. Seongheon tightly held that pinky they’d linked and pleaded.
“Mom, you promised… Mom. You said you’d… go with me. You promised.”
“……”
“Mom. Mom… Look at me.”
Dad told him to say his last goodbye, but what should he say to Mom who doesn’t answer back? If he could hear an answer, he’d have more to say, but right now it feels like standing in a dark cave talking to himself—he doesn’t know what to say.
Jongheon hyung was also next to him, holding Mom’s other hand with his head bowed. Everyone said they came to say their last goodbye, but Seongheon was the only one actually talking to Mom.
“Mom…”
“Seongheon-ah, tell Mom you love her.”
Dad pushed his back to get closer to Mom.
Mom’s unfamiliar face looked down below his chest. With no color in her lips, her mouth full of tubes, he carefully brought his face to Mom’s chest that barely rose and fell.
There was so little movement he wondered if she was really breathing. Mom’s heart, which usually beat strongly, made no sound at all as if it had stopped long ago.
Only then did it hit him.
That Mom was really going far away.
“Mom, I love you. Mom… so don’t go. Mom… don’t go. Sniff… Mom. Don’t… go.”
When he was lying on Mom’s chest sobbing, Dad grabbed Seongheon’s shoulder and stood him up again.
“Seongheon-ah, if you do that, Mom can’t leave comfortably. Tell her… sniff, to go to a good place. Tell her to go comfortably, son.”
“Dad! Where does Dad want Mom to go? Why! Sob, why… why are you sending Mom away!”
Seongheon grabbed Dad’s clothes tightly, crumpling them, and screamed. Ignoring Dad’s tears falling on his face, he escaped reality by only venting his overwhelming emotions.
Young Seongheon found it hard to accept this heavy reality. He couldn’t empathize with Jongheon hyung standing on the other side saying, “Go to a good place. I’ll take good care of Seongheon.”
Held in Dad’s arms, he didn’t even look toward Mom. But Dad pulled Seongheon from his embrace and took him back to Mom’s side.
“Seongheon-ah, promise Mom. That you’ll get along well with Dad and hyung. So don’t worry. That you’ll definitely meet again later…”
Seongheon roughly wiped his swollen eyes and stood before Mom again. Though it was a difficult situation for 10-year-old Seongheon to accept, he carefully linked his finger to Mom’s pinky as Dad said.
“Mom, Mom, I… I’ll do well. I’ll be fine without Mom. Mom… see you later. Definitely, later… promise, sob…”
Huh?
At that moment, Mom’s pinky squeezed Seongheon’s finger tightly. Before he could be happy that Mom had moved, a different machine sound filled the hospital room.
