The Captain wiped the cold sweat beading on Luka’s forehead and answered.
“It’s not time yet.”
“You said Luka. Your name. You said it was the same as mine.”
At those words, the Captain wore the most difficult-to-describe expression of the entire conversation — something that looked almost overwhelmed.
“You remember.”
“…Is it a coincidence that we have the same name?”
“No. It’s not a coincidence.”
“Then… you coming to my planet wasn’t a coincidence either?”
“There’s nothing coincidental about any part of how you came to be on this ship.”
At that answer, the wariness in Luka that had eased slightly tightened back up. The man before him had just said with his own mouth that he’d saved him with a purpose in mind. He acted as though he would do anything for Luka — but he was clearly hiding something.
“What are you hiding?”
“I’m not hiding anything. If you want to know, I’ll tell you everything later.”
“I want to know now. Why do you keep evading?”
“I told you. It’s because of your health.”
“Ugh… talking to you is so frustrating. You keep going around in circles.”
“Just know that it means I’m being that careful with you.”
“…Annoying.”
“If you decide you want to live, and you show me the will to keep going by talking with people — I’ll tell you everything then. How about it?”
Luka tightened his grip on his left hand where the Captain held it. Perhaps it was because he was thinking back to the moment they first met — the face of his father, left behind on his destroyed home planet, surfaced in his mind.
A dull ache throbbed in one corner of his chest. But right now he didn’t have the strength left to bear even that longing. Just accepting the condition the man in front of him had laid out — that if Luka showed him a will to live, he’d answer all his questions — was already more than enough to handle.
Luka still found his own body, nothing more than a lump of flesh, horrifying. He’d wanted to die immediately rather than live the rest of his life in a body like this. He had. And yet…
“Who are you… to make promises about my life.”
His voice came out trembling. His body had been so utterly broken — maybe his mind had weakened just as much. Was that why he kept feeling like he might cry over things that shouldn’t matter. Watching Luka slowly lower his head, the Captain spoke warmly once more.
“Because that’s how much I want you to make the decision to survive on your own terms.”
“……”
“What — you don’t believe me?”
Luka fidgeted with the fingers of the hand still being held, then gave a small nod. They hadn’t known each other long. The level of attachment the Captain showed toward him made no sense.
The Captain smiled at Luka’s deeply guarded reaction. Then, without asking permission, he pressed his lips lightly to the back of his hand. Startled, Luka tried to pull his hand away.
“Wh — what are you doing…!”
But the Captain was faster to hold on. He looked at Luka, still not releasing their intertwined fingers.
“You don’t have to believe me. Hating me is fine too. Just — don’t say you want to die.”
Someone who closed the distance between himself and others with such easy fluency. That ease, rather than reassuring, left Luka more unsettled.
Does he do this with everyone? This can’t be just for me, can it?
He couldn’t get used to this kind of expression — one he’d never encountered before. He could only sit stiffly and stare at the smiling Captain.
“The day Kai’s prosthetics connect to your nerves, you’ll see — through this ship’s windows — a truth about the universe you’ve never seen before. Until then, can you trust me just a little and let me stay by your side?”
The man’s eyes shone like the sun. It was the same gaze that had swallowed the terror of the moment a planet collapsed and brought calm in its place. In this cold, silver-gray space, he was the only one who carried within him a glimpse of the planet Luka missed.
Warm sunlight. That was just another name for the tenderness that poured from his golden eyes.
…What am I to this person, for him to try this hard…? What does he plan to use me for after saving me?
Luka’s mind grew complicated again. An aching, faint headache came along with it, and deciding it was more than he could handle, he slowly closed his eyes.
His body still hurt as though it might break apart, and living was heavy. But today, the Captain’s gentle voice sounded louder than the agonized screams he kept crying out inside himself.
That it was alright to live a little longer. That surely he’d want to stay alive long enough to have his questions answered.
“…I’ll stop saying I want to die.”
That wasn’t the same as saying he would try to live. Only until his questions were answered. He’d decided to hold on just a little longer — only until then. At the hesitant answer, the Captain was genuinely, sincerely glad.
“Thank you, Luka.”
“……”
“You look very sleepy. It’s alright to sleep. I’ll keep watch. If it hurts, tell me.”
“……”
“Sleep well.”
A soft press of lips — and now he’d gone so far as to kiss his forehead. It was strange, yet it left a ticklish, fluttering feeling. This warmth that was forcibly keeping him alive was frightening and bewildering and uncomfortable. And yet, somewhere beneath all of that, he wanted to cling to it.
Luka didn’t let go of the hand they were holding. Using being held by him as an excuse, he quietly let himself feel the warmth. It was the first time those fingertips — which had only ever scratched at the bed railing — had been given over to someone else.
Once he’d opened up even a little, Luka found himself, without realizing it, looking forward to the hours when the Captain came by.
His body, still hidden beneath the sheets, was still too grotesque to face directly. Every night, he offered up a desperate prayer to God — please, just let me never open my eyes again. Of course, as always, that God did not grant Luka’s wish.
Damned god. To think I danced a sword dance for this.
He’d been a nonbeliever from the start, so it wasn’t as though a prayer to God would ever be answered. He caught himself thinking he’d like to personally strike down whatever god existed somewhere out there — and stopped.
Keeping the flame of vengeance burning would require staying alive with that same tenacity, and he didn’t want that. Either way, the desire to die soon remained unchanged.
Just… hold on until I’m dead. That’s all. No other reason.
But contradicting those cynical thoughts entirely — whenever the Captain came, there was no helping how glad he felt. When he talked with him, the barren wasteland of his mind found peace, even if only briefly.
“Luka, may I come in?”
He never once rushed. Whenever he opened the door and entered, he always brought a warm damp cloth carrying the faint forest scent Luka liked.
He knew how ashamed Luka was of showing his incomplete body to others. So even when pulling back the sheets, he kept his eyes fixed on Luka’s face. Instead of looking over the severed legs or the empty space below his shoulder with pitying eyes, he looked only at Luka himself — at Luka as a person.
“It seemed like you were getting a little cold at night, so I raised the internal temperature a bit. It’s not too warm, is it?”
“……”
“Is it warm?”
And he persisted in asking. As though hoping for even a single word — for Luka to share any thought or opinion of his own.
Luka moved his dry lips and answered.
“…No, it’s warm.”
When he got an answer, the Captain would smile brightly.
“Good. The planet you were on was dry and hot. It’d be hard to fully recreate your home planet’s temperature inside this ship, but I’ll do my best to get as close as I can.”
“……”
“Should I bring your food warmed up too?”
“……”
“If there’s anything you need, just say the word.”
He chattered pleasantly in his easy, agreeable voice without minding that Luka didn’t reply. While doing so, he carefully and thoroughly wiped between each of Luka’s intact left fingers with the cloth.
He was gentle too when tending to the areas where the catheter or medical devices were connected. Not a trace of disgust or pity showed in his touch. Care without sympathy, without compassion — and it was that, precisely, that was slowly dismantling the firm wall of Luka’s wariness.
He really is a strange person.
At some point, Luka had started becoming curious about the Captain himself.
He does strange things all the time.
One day he brought a single small flower. A yellow flower, full of life — the kind rarely seen inside a spaceship.
“What is this…?”
“There’s a greenhouse on the ship. It bloomed so prettily, I thought it would be nice to put it by your bedside.”
The Captain set down the flower vase and gently smoothed back Luka’s tangled hair. In a space made entirely of metal, those vivid petals were strangely out of place. But the smile on the Captain’s face as he offered the flower was unmistakably, undeniably warm.
Almost without meaning to, Luka lightly touched the thorn on the rose stem with his fingertip and asked.
“…Aren’t you busy? You probably shouldn’t come every day like this… You’re the Captain.”
Rather than answering the question, the Captain first took hold of his hand.
“Oh — Luka, you’ll hurt yourself. Don’t touch that.”
“Something this small won’t hurt me.”
“It will. Next time I’ll bring a rose without thorns.”
“……”
“That’s my answer to your question. There’s nothing more important on my ship than taking care of the most precious passenger aboard.”
Every time, Luka’s conviction only grew more certain.
He really is a strange person.
