***
“Eat, quickly.”
And I was finally able to face Kwon Yujin with food in front of us.
It felt strange. I seemed excited, and also felt fluttering. Because the child in my memory had never sat in front of such appetizing food like this.
“What about you?”
When I just sat blankly with food in front of me, only staring at Kwon Yujin, he asked.
“I’m not eating.”
“You want only me to eat?”
“Yeah.”
“What are you talking about?”
Kwon Yujin narrowed his brows as if he’d heard something strange.
“It’ll get cold at this rate. Eat quickly.”
“Are you joking?”
“I’m fine not eating.”
I was perfectly fine even if I starved for two days. Maybe it was because starving for long periods had become a habit since childhood. Not eating a meal or two had never caused any problems.
“Ha.”
He looked like he had a lot to say, but Kwon Yujin soon began eating. An irritated and fed-up expression. I could feel that he hated mixing words with me.
It didn’t matter. It was natural for Kwon Yujin to dislike me, and I just needed to watch him eat.
Unlike me who always ate hastily, Kwon Yujin, holding his utensils, began his meal slowly. He tasted a spoonful of soup and scooped up just one proper spoonful of rice to put in his mouth. He didn’t spill any side dishes or make any noise.
I observed this with satisfaction and then carefully examined Kwon Yujin’s pinky finger. It seemed to bend well. But looking closely, maybe not. Perhaps it was just my imagination, but that side seemed particularly slow in movement.
Besides, I remembered he used to have allergies too. Could he still not eat peanuts now like back then?
Watching Kwon Yujin’s meal made old memories keep popping up. I was also concerned whether there might be peanuts in the food he was eating now.
“If you have something to say, say it. Don’t stare at me so uncomfortably.”
Unable to bear my gaze observing him intently, Kwon Yujin vented his irritation. As if I’d been waiting for those words, I quickly asked.
“Can you still not eat peanuts?”
“I can. The allergy disappeared after I became an adult.”
“That’s a relief. …Then is your hand okay?”
He understood the meaning of my words at once.
“Yeah.”
“Does it not hurt? Any aftereffects?”
“It doesn’t hurt and there are no aftereffects.”
“None at all?”
“Well. It throbs around the area sometimes when it rains, that’s about it.”
“Can I touch it?”
Kwon Yujin, who had been answering right away all along, fell silent for a moment. He put down his utensils and stared at me intently.
“I can’t?”
“Yeah.”
“…I can’t?”
“I said no.”
Honestly, I thought he’d say yes. So I was flustered. Kwon Yujin calmly resumed eating. Now he didn’t seem to care whether I stared at him or not.
For the first few seconds, I was at a loss for words. Then gradually, I began to feel it was unfair, as if I’d been denied a right I should rightfully enjoy.
“I’m helping you right now.”
“What?”
“You want to break the imprinting on me, right?”
“So?”
“Then as much as I’m helping you, I should also receive something.”
“So you’re saying you want to touch my finger?”
“Yeah.”
“……”
Kwon Yujin, who had put down his utensils, picked up his water glass and took a sip. Then after a moment, finally persuaded by my words or not, he extended his arm without hiding his reluctant look.
Since I’d decided to only touch his pinky finger, I carefully reached out my hand.
His bone was no different from my finger joints. It wasn’t twisted anywhere nor was the length short. If I didn’t know, I wouldn’t have noticed at all that it had been broken before.
The nails, the shape of the finger joints—everything looked pretty to my eyes without a single rough spot. Moreover, unlike me who had calluses and scars here and there from hammering, planing, and demolition work at construction sites, it was very soft and smooth.
Such small details made me feel satisfied to an extent that was hard to describe in words.
As I fidgeted with it like handling glass, suddenly a ticklish sensation spread from the fingertips touching Kwon Yujin. I realized a beat late that it was because of pheromones.
I was very insensitive to other people’s pheromones, so this sensation was unfamiliar.
I’d looked my fill, so I should let go of his hand, but somehow I didn’t want to.
“Did you receive separate treatment for it?”
“It healed on its own. Because I was young.”
“Is it very inconvenient when it rains?”
I asked while belatedly letting go of his hand.
“No. Only occasionally when I’m in bad condition.”
“So there are aftereffects.”
“This much can’t be helped.”
“It doesn’t hurt though, right?”
“No.”
“I see.”
When I let go of the finger I’d been fiddling with for quite a while, Kwon Yujin began eating again.
The words “I’m sorry” were stuck like a thorn inside my throat, but in the end, they couldn’t come out of my mouth. Because I knew that mere words like that wouldn’t earn me forgiveness from Kwon Yujin.
***
It was the day to go to the hospital and get examined again.
The doctor recited my pheromone levels and asked what kind of activities we did when I met with Kwon Yujin over the past few weeks.
“We bought clothes.”
“And?”
“We also ate a meal.”
“Hmm. Could you tell me in more detail?”
“That’s all there is.”
“That’s all?”
“Yes.”
“…This is troublesome. With just that much, it’ll be difficult for the levels to stabilize.”
The doctor tapped the desk with her fingertips as if troubled.
That was something I was curious about too. Kwon Yujin’s pheromones were imbalanced because he’d been separated from his imprinted partner for a long time, and as a result, he felt severe rejection toward other people’s pheromones. But could it be resolved just by being in the same space for an hour or two?
Looking at the doctor’s expression, I could tell without even hearing Kwon Yujin’s test results. It probably hadn’t had much effect.
“Doctor. I want to help Kwon Yujin.”
At those words, the doctor’s head, which had been staring at the monitor, turned toward me.
“What should I do to properly treat the imprinting phenomenon? Should we increase the number of meetings?”
Changing clothes had been an ordeal, but if repeating such things hundreds of times would free Kwon Yujin from imprinting, I could do it as much as needed.
At my words, the doctor smiled slightly and nodded.
“That’s a good sign. Since Hyun Taeyoung-ssi’s will seems strong, I’ll tell you this—actually, the best way to stabilize pheromones is…”
The doctor stopped speaking. Just as I was about to ask why, she opened her mouth again.
“Frequent physical contact.”
Frequent physical contact. I mulled over those words.
From the doctor’s gaze carefully observing my reaction, I noticed that she’d gone through quite a long deliberation before bringing up these words. If she knew about the relationship between Kwon Yujin and me, she would also know that Dad and I were accomplices.
For a doctor to recommend frequent physical contact between a perpetrator and victim was inappropriate. It seemed that way from an outside perspective, and it sounded wrong to me too.
But what if that was the only way for Kwon Yujin to get better?
“How about sitting back-to-back with each other?”
I proposed what I thought was a reasonable method.
“Or doing sports together like basketball or soccer.”
This seemed like a plausible idea since there would be many physical collisions, and the pheromones naturally released would be considerable.
But the doctor didn’t seem to judge it that way.
“Perhaps it might have an effect in the long term. But compared to such everyday contact, what has definitely guaranteed short-term effects would be something more intimate…”
“Are you telling me to have sexual relations with Kwon Yujin?”
The doctor cleared her throat at my direct question.
“Um… Sexual activity would certainly be the most definite help. But what I was trying to say was contact like holding hands or hugging.”
Holding hands—didn’t we do that last time too? To be precise, it wasn’t hands but pinky fingers.
I did feel a strange sensation then, but that kind of thing seems to be definite help for Kwon Yujin. Simply spending time in the same space has no real effect.
Anyway, it was fortunate that we could see meaningful results with just hand-holding or hugging. Sleeping with Kwon Yujin was impossible. I was a perpetrator to him, after all.
“I understand. I think we can try that much.”
The doctor explained a few additional precautions related to imprinting. Since it was content I’d already heard before, I only responded by nodding.
“Ah, aren’t you going to receive dermatology treatment today either? Kwon Yujin-ssi did mention it in advance though.”
As the consultation was ending, the doctor brought up the dermatology topic as if suddenly remembering.
“It’s not necessary.”
I immediately declined the concerned suggestion. After obsessively checking whether my mask and hat were properly on, I stood up from my seat, and the doctor hastily added.
“Excuse me, Hyun Taeyoung-ssi.”
“Yes.”
“This may be overstepping, but do you happen to have anthropophobia?”
